He drinks a whiskey drink, he drinks a vodka drink...

October 12, 2006 10:30 AM

How Not To Get Drunk is a newish blog that takes a quasi-scientific approach to the fine art of imbibing without embarassment. Maybe Ben Affleck (YouTube) should take some lessons.
posted by beaucoupkevin (60 comments total)

How Not To Get Drunk

I'll clear a place next to Sex Without Orgasm! in the Museum Of Stupid Ideas.
posted by jonmc at 10:32 AM on October 12, 2006 [1 favorite]

And I misspelled "embarrassment," as usual. Mea culpa.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 10:34 AM on October 12, 2006

holy crap, I've never seen that Ben Affleck video before. That's nuts, he's totally fucking drunk.
posted by mathowie at 10:35 AM on October 12, 2006

Theoretical reasons for result: Sober people boring. Never drinking again bleak.

Preach on, brother!
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:38 AM on October 12, 2006

Ben Affleck is the Pepe Le Pew of our generation.
posted by craniac at 10:40 AM on October 12, 2006

holy crap, I've never seen that Ben Affleck video before. That's nuts, he's totally fucking drunk.

Well said.
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:42 AM on October 12, 2006

Next, how to smoke up without getting high.

This guy is pretty lame.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:43 AM on October 12, 2006

Yes, the high-rolling movie star who doesn't care about being intoxicated during an interview should obviously be taking lessons from a deranged psycopath who catalogues his free time in the most inane fashion and posts it to the internet as if anyone, anywhere would give a shit.

He doesn't hold form enough for this to work, and even when he does its conceptual failures outshine his best efforts.
posted by prostyle at 10:45 AM on October 12, 2006

Arthur: What's so unpleasant about being drunk?
Ford: Ask a glass of water.
posted by Cookiebastard at 10:51 AM on October 12, 2006

I think some folks are missing the point: he enjoys drinking and being intoxicated, but not to the point where he's yarfing in the corner and waking up the next morning in Mexico with a scar from organ removal. As a...er...fan of alcohol, I appreciate some of the rigorous testing he's done.

Apparently, it's not rigorous enough for Prostyle, though. :(
posted by beaucoupkevin at 10:52 AM on October 12, 2006

"Sober people boring."

I'd claim the opposite. There's nothing more boring than an alcohol fueled conversation. Drink if you enjoy it, (I do occasionally) but don't delude yourself into thinking that you have anything witty or insightful to say when you're putting your brain cells down for a nap.
posted by 2sheets at 10:57 AM on October 12, 2006

from link: "Since simply slamming shots will result in hospitalization..."

I don't know who exactly this guide is for, but whoever they are, they're very different from I seem to be.
posted by koeselitz at 10:59 AM on October 12, 2006

I'm not sure why the simple concept of moderation requires so many crazy-ass experiments; is the guy not able to figure out how drunk he is just by feel?
posted by Greg Nog at 11:02 AM on October 12, 2006

2sheets,

Christopher Hitchens is on the line for you. He sounds angry.
posted by mr.curmudgeon at 11:04 AM on October 12, 2006

I enjoyed reading that.
posted by Prospero at 11:09 AM on October 12, 2006

How Not To Get Drunk

I'll clear a place next to Sex Without Orgasm! in the Museum Of Stupid Ideas.

So that's why you get drunk so quickly.
posted by liam at 11:14 AM on October 12, 2006

There's nothing more boring than an alcohol fueled conversation.

Pffft! Boring for sober onlookers, perhaps, but certainly not for participants.

On an unrelated note, is the title from that Chumbawumba song?
posted by matthewr at 11:15 AM on October 12, 2006

Could there be two better mefi handles for the above exchange than 2sheets and mr.curmudgeon?
posted by kosem at 11:18 AM on October 12, 2006

That Affleck boy is so affectionate!
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:19 AM on October 12, 2006

On an unrelated note, is the title from that Chumbawumba song?

As close as I could manage. I may have mixed up my drink order with that one.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 11:20 AM on October 12, 2006

Affleck seems like on X to me not drunk.
posted by Mr_Zero at 11:22 AM on October 12, 2006

Also, what a strange concept! Drinking is not simply something you do to get drunk. Drunk is something you sometimes get when you have too much to drink. For me, anyway. This whole 5/11 slam yr shot drink yr water but don't piss until yr bursting thing is pretty damned silly.

A killjoy way to enjoy one of life's great pleasures.
posted by kosem at 11:23 AM on October 12, 2006

Affleck is rolling balls and still swinging like a pimp. Damn.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 11:24 AM on October 12, 2006

I don't drink to get drunk. I drinkish to get drunkish.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:28 AM on October 12, 2006

Wait, blacking out is bad? I've been doing it all wrong?! I found this amusing, actually, and enjoyed the drunk/hangover scales more than many others I've seen.

I have to go with mr_crash_davis as well; alcohol-fueled conversations have made the world go 'round for millenia: in vino veritas, as they say. I have another saying as well: "Never trust anyone who doesn't drink." Exceptions made only for those wisely in AA or similar situation.

Affleck = rolling.
posted by CaptApollo at 11:28 AM on October 12, 2006

2sheets: There's nothing more boring than an alcohol fueled conversation. Drink if you enjoy it, (I do occasionally) but don't delude yourself into thinking that you have anything witty or insightful to say when you're putting your brain cells down for a nap.

mr.curmudgeon: Christopher Hitchens is on the line for you. He sounds angry.

That would be Christopher "Q.E.D." Hitchens, yes?
posted by hincandenza at 11:30 AM on October 12, 2006

Drinking is not simply something you do to get drunk.

Hmm. I can't decide if there's a world of meaning inside "simply" or if I need counselling.

Affleck = rolling.

Rolling = beaming?
posted by yerfatma at 11:38 AM on October 12, 2006

I think the Affleck video is hilarious. If you're rich and good looking and people will enjoy being fondled and caressed by you while they "interview" you, why not?

Don't hate the playa, hate that you ain't allowed to play.

And don't come the feminist with me either -- that woman is a whore very minute of the day, and her job and livelihood is predicated on Affleck and others of his ilk whoring themselves out to her every second of the broadcast, which in my mind is much more degrading than some drunk pawing at you.
posted by illovich at 11:42 AM on October 12, 2006

What I meant really is this: the guy is drinking his drinks in such an order and with such medical precision, so clinically that it doesn't sound fun. The enjoyment of the beverages and the process of drinking them seem not to matter at all.
posted by kosem at 11:45 AM on October 12, 2006

I think the interview was a viral video promoting his movie.
posted by spacediver at 11:52 AM on October 12, 2006

Yeah, as far as celebrity sots go, at least Afflect looks like he'd be kinda fun before getting really, really annoying. Unlike, say, this guy.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:52 AM on October 12, 2006

Complete sobriety overrated.

Seconded!

I like the blog, but relying on someone else's experience for judging how much is too much and so on, without experimentation yourself, is a doomed path. What if they're Jewish, what if they're of Spanish-speaking background and thus cultural lightweights, what if they're Russian and thus cultural heavyweights, etc.

Coming to terms with your drinking is like coming to terms with what birth control works best for you, but the crazy mood-and-personality-altering aspect to it can be experienced by both sexes, which warms my egalitarian heart.
posted by Aidan Kehoe at 11:53 AM on October 12, 2006

ok i'm kinda late on this but maybe i can shed a light.
Anne-Marie Losique (very known in Quebec) and Ben Affleck have had this thing going
where everytime she would interview him it would get well..
more and more intimate and crazy and just plain surreal.
i've seen really wacky moments between both in other interviews.
so.. i haven't check this whole interview on YouTube but i think he's probably not drunk.
just playing a very wacky fool.
posted by zenzizi at 11:54 AM on October 12, 2006

the guy is drinking his drinks in such an order and with such medical precision, so clinically that it doesn't sound fun

Exactly. If you drink like this -- and look at drinking this way -- you probably have a problem with alcohol. (Assuming he's not just having a bit of fun in the "ha-ha, drinking and science!" sort of way.)
posted by uncleozzy at 11:56 AM on October 12, 2006

Um, I don't think the problem with Ben is drinking related. I know E babbles when I see em, that boy is rolling.
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 12:06 PM on October 12, 2006

SHE doesn't seem to have any problem with how drunk he is... damn. wish that worked for me.
posted by Doorstop at 12:10 PM on October 12, 2006

Exactly. If you drink like this -- and look at drinking this way -- you probably have a problem with alcohol. (Assuming he's not just having a bit of fun in the "ha-ha, drinking and science!" sort of way.)

Judging from the bit about going to the Mets game I would say the latter.
posted by Sandor Clegane at 12:24 PM on October 12, 2006

Judging from the bit about going to the Mets game I would say the latter.

Having actually read a bit beyond the first few paragraphs, I'm inclined to agree. The further down the page you get (and, admittedly, I barely even skimmed), the more obvious it becomes.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:30 PM on October 12, 2006

I have never seriously wanted to be rich, famous and good looking until seeing this video.

If that makes me shallow, then so be it.
posted by craniac at 12:33 PM on October 12, 2006

(speaking of shallow - Losique also played the role of Paris Hilton in her own local adaptation of The Simple Life (which rather sucked))
posted by zenzizi at 12:36 PM on October 12, 2006

To be fair to Affleck she really SHOULD be "exposing more rack."

SHE doesn't seem to have any problem with how drunk he is... damn. wish that worked for me.

Of course she doesn't. She's French Canadian. Helps that he is rich and somewhat cute.
posted by tkchrist at 1:12 PM on October 12, 2006

Why would someone want to drink without getting drunk? Apparently, alcohol consumption is correlated with increased income, most likely because of a relationship between social drinking and "social capital" (pdf). Just a guess, but getting drunk off your ass every time you go out might lower one's "social capital".
posted by Nquire at 1:47 PM on October 12, 2006

Affleck may have been a little buzzed but I didn't think it was that much - he sounded quite lucid when he wanted to. I think he was just flirting heavily with someone who enjoyed it.

Though I thought he was a bit of a dick as it progressed...and she's not exactly a woman of much self-esteem to giggle her way through what he said and did.
posted by django_z at 2:09 PM on October 12, 2006

And don't come the feminist with me either -- that woman is a whore very minute of the day, and her job and livelihood is predicated on Affleck and others of his ilk whoring themselves out to her every second of the broadcast, which in my mind is much more degrading than some drunk pawing at you.

But isn't being a "whore" by its very nature predicated upon preexisting social structures that reward that behavior? And is Affleck really whoring himself out? Doesn't that imply that he is engaging with someone of greater status out of necessity? I think they are both promoting themselves, but by virtue of their own hotness maybe there is a more primal subtext at play.
posted by craniac at 2:18 PM on October 12, 2006

"Why would someone want to drink without getting drunk? Apparently, alcohol consumption is correlated with increased income, most likely because of a relationship between social drinking and "social capital" (pdf). Just a guess, but getting drunk off your ass every time you go out might lower one's "social capital"."

That study's been debunked pretty seriously. In that, y'know, those with more money may have more time and bread for drinking, rather than those who drink more make more bread.
posted by klangklangston at 2:36 PM on October 12, 2006

I have no problem with this post apart from the title. That fucking song drives me fucking insane! It's awful. Furthermore the blond guy from the band trod on my foot once on a Picadilly Line train at Hammersmith. He apologised, but seeing as Chumbawamba had already released said "song", that hardly sufficed...
posted by ob at 2:44 PM on October 12, 2006

Well, it's good to know your limits but this guy has a very unhealthy attitude towards alcohol. The smart money says alky in six months.
posted by nixerman at 2:46 PM on October 12, 2006

I'll clear a place next to Sex Without Orgasm! - jonmc

Haven't you heard about Tantric sex?
posted by porpoise at 2:51 PM on October 12, 2006

Well, it's good to know your limits but this guy has a very unhealthy attitude towards alcohol. The smart money says alky in six months.
posted by nixerman at 11:46 PM CET on October 12 [+] [!]

The guy has an interested attitude to alcohol. On behalf of the HL-Mencken-perspective Middle Americans out there (one of which I'm not, but for whom I have much respect,) I would beg that you hold back on the judgement as to whether his life choices are destructive or not.
posted by Aidan Kehoe at 2:55 PM on October 12, 2006

Since Cookiebastard broke the Douglas Adams barrier:

[The] shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right.

"Freedom," he said aloud.

Trillian came on to the bridge at that point and said several enthusiastic things on the subject of freedom.

"I can't cope with it," he said darkly, and sent a third drink down to see why the second hadn't yet reported on the condition of the first. He looked uncertainly at both of her and preferred the one on the right.

He poured a drink down... with the plan that it would head the previous one off at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second to pull itself together. Then all three would go off in search of the first, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a sing as well.

He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that, so he sent down a fifth to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support.

"You're drinking too much," said Trillian.

His heads collided trying to sort out the four of her he could now see into a whole position. He gave up and looked at the navigation screen and was astonished to see a quite phenomenal number of stars.

"Excitement and adventure and really wild things," he muttered.

"Look," she said in a sympathetic tone of voice, and sat down near him, "it's quite understandable that you're going to feel a little aimless for a bit."

He boggled at her. He had never seen anyone sit on their own lap before.

"Wow," he said. He had another drink.

posted by Urban Hermit at 3:30 PM on October 12, 2006

imbibing without embarassment

No problem in Japan, where you can get as snockered as you want, say incredibly stupid things, fall on your face and puke on your best friend's shoes, all with absolutely no embarassment!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:33 PM on October 12, 2006

klangklangston: That study's been debunked pretty seriously. In that, y'know, those with more money may have more time and bread for drinking, rather than those who drink more make more bread.

Yeah, you're absolutely correct. Correlation doesn't mean causation. Yet, social networking does improve the ability to find better-paying employment, and social drinking is a good way to network. Puking on someone's shoes, isn't (unless you're in Japan, apparently). With that said, that this guy can't figure out how slowly he needs to drink to keep from getting plastered is a bad sign.
posted by Nquire at 3:39 PM on October 12, 2006

Is she drunk, or just really starstruck? Because I'm having a hard time believing that anyone can find Ben Affleck that cute and endearing and sexy.
posted by graventy at 4:26 PM on October 12, 2006

I'm in love.
posted by pudders at 6:25 PM on October 12, 2006

I'll clear a place next to Sex Without Orgasm! - jonmc

Haven't you heard about Tantric sex?

Seriously. Sex without orgasm can be fantastic, well, depending on your orgasm style. I should say sex without ejaculation is fantastic.

Wait, blacking out is bad?

Yes it is. I've done some stuff and not remembered it, with bad results. It's no fun waking up with a cop in your face.

It's not ridiculous to learn how to get drunk without getting wasted, but this doesn't seem like the way.

Considering starting to smoke.

Most likely much healthier, if he's talking about marijuana.

And hard liquor is good for lingering colds, at least for me.

Lastly, it's "he takes a whiskey drink, etc." It's a shame that's the song Chumbawumba is best known for. /pedant
posted by mrgrimm at 8:14 PM on October 12, 2006

Tubthumping, for a chuckle. I'll skip all the power/drunk metaphors.
posted by toma at 10:35 PM on October 12, 2006

Hrm. I wonder if that "interview" was before or after his stint in rehab.
posted by deborah at 11:17 PM on October 12, 2006

That study's been debunked pretty seriously. In that, y'know, those with more money may have more time and bread for drinking, rather than those who drink more make more bread.

Huh? there was a 5000 dollar between the earnings of abstainers and drinkers who work full time
posted by Rubbstone at 12:16 AM on October 13, 2006

Now surely if we want youtube of drunkasselebrities we want this
posted by criticalbill at 10:53 AM on October 13, 2006

Seriously. Sex without orgasm can be fantastic, well, depending on your orgasm style. I should say sex without ejaculation is fantastic.

Orgasm without ejaculation = tantric = good
Sex without orgasm = whiskey dick = bad
posted by psmealey at 5:59 AM on October 14, 2006