Ask A Man?

October 20, 2006 3:51 AM

Ask A Man?"You have come to the right place for love, relationship and dating advice. Ask a man will provide you with the love, relationship and dating answers you seek. Our staff of amazing men have agreed to break the "man code" and tell you the absolute truth about what your man is really saying to you." For example: "Men want respect. In a man's world, men are nothing without respect. In a relationship, a man needs to know his woman respects him. "
posted by feelinglistless (43 comments total)

Found via a job advert in The Stage.
posted by feelinglistless at 3:52 AM on October 20, 2006

Respek, aaaaight ? I tell you so my friend, load of bullshito fragranto y bonito, but bulshito !

Where are the white woman I deserve at ? Where are foxy black panters at ? Can they travel inside a bus to me ? ! Respek my huge MANCODE !
posted by elpapacito at 3:56 AM on October 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

Sorry I couldn't get past the horrible music playing on their frontpage.
posted by afu at 3:58 AM on October 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

Afu: Oh crap I had my speakers switched off. Is that Evanescence? It is Evanescence. Hmm.
posted by feelinglistless at 4:06 AM on October 20, 2006

Men want respect.

A blow job is nice too.
posted by three blind mice at 4:11 AM on October 20, 2006

A blow job is nice too.

And steak. We like steak.
posted by felix betachat at 4:19 AM on October 20, 2006

I like cuddling.
posted by Captaintripps at 4:31 AM on October 20, 2006

mmmmm...... steak with a blowjob for dessert. The way to any mans heart (unless he's a vegetarian, in which case he is probably too weak for that blow job. Lose far too many nutrients.)
posted by twistedonion at 4:36 AM on October 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

Blow jobs are for wimps.
posted by liquorice at 4:48 AM on October 20, 2006

Sex and beer.

Any questions?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 4:50 AM on October 20, 2006

Just look at me and smile a little. Be a friend. Give me a reason to pamper you a little bit. Let me make you feel pretty, and special, and safe. Remind me from time to time that I said I don't want to take you for granted or hurt you.

Everything else -- beer, steak, sex, etc. -- will happen the way it's supposed to happen.

This "mancode" thing? It's got to be BS.
posted by pax digita at 5:11 AM on October 20, 2006

And steak. We like steak.

Steak is nice, but I can make a steak myself.
posted by three blind mice at 5:11 AM on October 20, 2006

Blow jobs are nice, but I can... nevermind.

March 14th [NSFW] is only 5 months away!
posted by hal9k at 5:17 AM on October 20, 2006

Worst. Gender. Ever.
posted by Flashman at 5:17 AM on October 20, 2006

Eat your steak while you young... you won't be enjoying anything near you dumbass colon or prostate after 50, since it be filled up with all kind o' nasty undigested meat and cancer and crap.

Playas don't eat beef, they got beef.
posted by ewkpates at 5:55 AM on October 20, 2006

nasty undigested meat

You know that's utter BS, right? Nothing stays in your digestive tract for more than a couple of days.

Just sayin'
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:20 AM on October 20, 2006

I like steak, followed by a blowjob, and then I like to shoot something, then eat roofing nails.
posted by jonmc at 6:25 AM on October 20, 2006

ewkpates is always good for a little crazy offtopic diatribe to spice things up.

MetaFilter: filled up with all kind o' nasty undigested meat and cancer and crap.

Unfortunately that was more entertaining than the actual website, which is just kind of sad.
posted by prostyle at 6:28 AM on October 20, 2006

It was a joke dude, have a carrot, you'll feel a million dollars.
posted by twistedonion at 6:29 AM on October 20, 2006

Meat is for pussies.
posted by hydrophonic at 6:30 AM on October 20, 2006

Pussy is for meaties.
posted by spicynuts at 6:40 AM on October 20, 2006

Carrots are for ... nevermind.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:55 AM on October 20, 2006

Carrots are for asses. Sticks, too.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:19 AM on October 20, 2006

It was a joke dude, have a carrot, you'll feel a million dollars.



Now I feel like a rodent.
posted by Cyrano at 7:37 AM on October 20, 2006 [1 favorite]

That's quite a mouthful for such a little critter
posted by twistedonion at 7:49 AM on October 20, 2006

ewkpates: good for something.
posted by ewkpates at 8:23 AM on October 20, 2006

Nothing stays in your digestive tract for more than a couple of days.

I have a black-pepper loving friend and at his colonic the nurse said "My god, look at all that pepper!"
posted by StickyCarpet at 8:31 AM on October 20, 2006

Did you miss the 'more than a COUPLE of days' part?
posted by spicynuts at 8:34 AM on October 20, 2006

Q: My boyfriend is cheating on me! What should I do?
A: He's a creep who's using you for sex. Dump him.

Q: My boyfriend makes dates but often never shows! What should I do?
A: He's a creep who's using you for sex. Dump him.

Q:My boyfriend never calls me, then shows up late at night to sleep over. What shoud I do?
A: He's a creep who's using you for sex. Dump him.

Q: My boyfriend is always embarrased to show he's with me in public, but when we're alone he's all over me! What should I do?
A: He's a creep who's using you for sex. Dump him.

Q:My boyfreind won't get a job, and keeps borrowing money from me! What should I do?
A: He's a creep who's using you for sex. Dump him.



Well, that was easy. I'll take that paycheque now.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:38 AM on October 20, 2006

unless he's a vegetarian, in which case he is probably too weak for that blow job

Love those old PETA (pdf) ads about the very subject. Too funny.

Longtime veg-head here, but modesty compels me to neither confirm or deny the truth of it.
posted by elendil71 at 9:31 AM on October 20, 2006

God that web site is craptastic. Bad design, no content and no way to turn off the music.
posted by daHIFI at 10:07 AM on October 20, 2006

Blow jobs are for wimps.

Sooooo. What's fer real men? Rimjobs?

I thought THAT'S what vegetables like corn was for?







HEY! I'm talkin ROUGHAGE people. Not insertion.
Buncha sicko's.
posted by tkchrist at 10:07 AM on October 20, 2006

Nothing stays in your digestive tract for more than a couple of days.

According to the Dual Action Cleanse infomercial, John Wayne died with forty pounds of fecal build-up inside of him. If only Dual Action Cleanse had been available to him, the Duke might still be alive today. Are you telling me the Dual Action Cleanse infomercial lied? Because I can't even think of a more credible source.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 10:56 AM on October 20, 2006

This has been the mother of all derails. Or the mother of all "thread poopings" if you will.
posted by delmoi at 11:25 AM on October 20, 2006

I always suspected John Wayne was full of shit.

sorry, too easy...
posted by LordSludge at 12:23 PM on October 20, 2006

CynicalKnight please don't give our secrets.
posted by Veritron at 2:28 PM on October 20, 2006

CynicalKnight please don't give away our secrets.
posted by Veritron at 2:28 PM on October 20, 2006

don't give away our secrets away.
posted by liquorice at 3:19 PM on October 20, 2006

Sorry dudes. Amazing man, sworn to break the man code. Gotta do it.
posted by CynicalKnight at 4:14 PM on October 20, 2006

Do you spend hours talking with your friends trying to uncover the "hidden meaning" in everything your man says?

THERE IS NO HIDDEN MEANING! HE'S A GUY, YOU NIMROD!

Now give me my check.
posted by jason's_planet at 5:06 PM on October 20, 2006

I like to shoot something, then eat roofing nails.

Chewing your nails is kinda skanky. And Cyrano is my new tubehero.
posted by Sparx at 9:47 PM on October 20, 2006

I spend hours talking with my friends trying to uncover the "hidden meaning" in everything my man says. What is he trying to say to me?

All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.

I seem to only ever date losers and deadbeats. Any advice?

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

Why does my man make me so unhappy all the time, even though he says he loves me?

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness, I grant you that. Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world.

My man never opens up & speaks to me. Why is he so silent?

Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.

He is quite aloof & introverted. What is going on?

It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories, his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the worst, and so grow gently old down all the unchanging days, and die one day like any other day, only shorter.

What kind of advice is this? Do you even know what you are talking about?

Where I am, I don't know, I'll never know, in the silence you don't know, you must go on, I can't go on, I'll go on.

(Samuel Beckett does a cameo stint, answering questions on Ask a Man)
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:38 PM on October 20, 2006

"John Wayne died with forty pounds of fecal build-up inside of him."

That's why they called him "The Duke." (from Jackass)
posted by BeerFilter at 9:08 AM on October 23, 2006