World's Least Likely Invention
October 26, 2006 9:28 AM Subscribe
From Hammacher Schlemmer, "America's Longest Running Catalog", comes the most unlikely invention of this holiday season: the Computerless Email Printer. It dials up to the Internet, downloads and prints emails, all without one of those pesky computers. If only someone could have invented this in, say, 1843.
$149.99 + $9.95 a month.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:44 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by blue_beetle at 9:44 AM on October 26, 2006
I can imagine someone wanting one of these devices, saying, "I wish my grandchildren could send me 'E-mail' letters, but those computer machines are just so intimidating!" I cannot, however, imagine this person being capable of changing the ink cartridges.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:44 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:44 AM on October 26, 2006
Also, I tired to keep the FPP to the point, but they have a similar device for iPods: copy CD directly to your iPod without a computer. Again, I'm not really sure who it appeals to - technophobic gadget lovers?
posted by GuyZero at 9:46 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by GuyZero at 9:46 AM on October 26, 2006
This is just what I need for my paperless computerless office!
posted by peeedro at 10:04 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by peeedro at 10:04 AM on October 26, 2006
I can see the appeal. A lot of people I've met are confused or intimidated by computers. Computers are complicated, expensive, and have no obvious purpose. At the same time, people have long been comfortable with single purpose devices. I don't know anyone who's confused or intimidated by their television or wristwatch. So I can see the devices these guys are making appealing to people who want the benefits of technology without having to get a grip on general purpose computers.
That said, I really hope that anyone who buys the email printer has a damn good spam filter.
posted by benign at 10:06 AM on October 26, 2006
That said, I really hope that anyone who buys the email printer has a damn good spam filter.
posted by benign at 10:06 AM on October 26, 2006
I don't know anyone who's confused or intimidated by their television or wristwatch.
You've never met my grandmother.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:10 AM on October 26, 2006
You've never met my grandmother.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:10 AM on October 26, 2006
Can anyone explain to me how one (or, more likely, one's parents or grandparents) replies to an email with this new-fangled device. I imagine frustrated old-timers shoving hand-written notes back into the output slot, hoping it'll scan them and fax them to the original sender's internets.
posted by imperium at 10:11 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by imperium at 10:11 AM on October 26, 2006
Guh. What a waste. They could have done the same thing with a touch screen flat panel in a box and a simple embedded interface with big huge buttons. One that included a print button to send to a matched printer. It'd be easier than dialing a phone.
posted by loquacious at 10:15 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by loquacious at 10:15 AM on October 26, 2006
Can anyone explain to me how one (or, more likely, one's parents or grandparents) replies to an email with this new-fangled device.
Well, obviously you'd drop them in the toaster (one page per slot) and push down the send lever.
posted by hal9k at 10:16 AM on October 26, 2006
Well, obviously you'd drop them in the toaster (one page per slot) and push down the send lever.
posted by hal9k at 10:16 AM on October 26, 2006
Oh man, I never even thought of the spam problems. Grandma is going to have some naked ladies printed out every morning, and ink ain't cheap.
posted by revgeorge at 10:17 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by revgeorge at 10:17 AM on October 26, 2006
I can imagine someone wanting one of these devices, saying, "I wish my grandchildren could send me 'E-mail' letters, but those computer machines are just so intimidating!" I cannot, however, imagine this person being capable of changing the ink cartridges.
That was exactly my first thought. I'd get one for my grandmother, except I don't think she could handle cartridge changes--not an insignificant chore (and expense) if the idea takes off and all her family starts sending emails and photos regularly.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:20 AM on October 26, 2006
That was exactly my first thought. I'd get one for my grandmother, except I don't think she could handle cartridge changes--not an insignificant chore (and expense) if the idea takes off and all her family starts sending emails and photos regularly.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 10:20 AM on October 26, 2006
If they're smart, there's a way to plug it in to a PC, run a piece of firmware that allows only certain addresses to send mail, and then unplug and drop on Granny's end table.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 10:29 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by beaucoupkevin at 10:29 AM on October 26, 2006
Screw this, I want Zoltar to give me my messsages.
posted by lumpenprole at 10:36 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by lumpenprole at 10:36 AM on October 26, 2006
Well, dare I say it - I think this is a pretty good idea that I think should catch on (the monthly subscription deal has to go though, also, it looks bad).
I can think of lots of applications where it would be useful - not just grandmothers, but offices too.
posted by Flashman at 10:39 AM on October 26, 2006
I can think of lots of applications where it would be useful - not just grandmothers, but offices too.
posted by Flashman at 10:39 AM on October 26, 2006
I could think of a few applications, too, Flashman, but they're all better carried out with, say, an Outlook filter that sends specific emails to the printer.
posted by stopgap at 10:40 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by stopgap at 10:40 AM on October 26, 2006
Folks, you are seriously underestimating your grandparents. Everyone in that generation has changed typewriter ribbons. If you're young, you may never have done that, but trust me... it's pretty involved. Takes quite awhile to figure out exactly how to thread the stupid thing, and you get your fingers all dirty to boot.
Anyone that can change a typewriter ribbon can change ink cartridges, and in fact will like it a lot better. No inky fingers!
If you present it that way, they'll get it right in one try.
posted by Malor at 10:50 AM on October 26, 2006 [1 favorite]
Anyone that can change a typewriter ribbon can change ink cartridges, and in fact will like it a lot better. No inky fingers!
If you present it that way, they'll get it right in one try.
posted by Malor at 10:50 AM on October 26, 2006 [1 favorite]
True story, related:
I'm on a plane to Paris and there's an older guy sitting next to me, in his 60's or 70's. As the plane hits cruising altitude, he pulls out from his briefcase about 900 pages of microsoft outlook emails (you can tell from that distinctive large bold face name at the top). The name at the top of the emails is a woman's name, though, and all the pages have the same name.
From the dates on the emails, they go back months. It's also apparent that this guy works at the IMF, probably in some Subcommittee on the Appropriation of Clips and Fasteners Excluding Staples, or something. He's the archetype of a faceless government bureaucrat.
As he reads each email, he makes a slight tear at the top of the sheet, stuffs it into the seat pocket in front of him, licks his finger, and very deliberately, almost resignedly, turns the corner of the next sheet and begins to read.
So it's obvious the guy had his assistant or some intern print out all his emails from the last few months, and he read them, for the first time and all at once, on the plane. He left them in the seat pocket when we got out.
Sitting on that plane watching him, I had a Tyler Durden, please-let-this-plane-crash-and-save-us-all-from-ourselves moment.
This device looks like it's perfect for him. AS to how to respond to an email with it, it's obvious that he'd call in his secretary, dictate a letter, which would get typed at the typing pool, and go out the next day. He'd keep the carbons in his sent folder.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:52 AM on October 26, 2006 [1 favorite]
I'm on a plane to Paris and there's an older guy sitting next to me, in his 60's or 70's. As the plane hits cruising altitude, he pulls out from his briefcase about 900 pages of microsoft outlook emails (you can tell from that distinctive large bold face name at the top). The name at the top of the emails is a woman's name, though, and all the pages have the same name.
From the dates on the emails, they go back months. It's also apparent that this guy works at the IMF, probably in some Subcommittee on the Appropriation of Clips and Fasteners Excluding Staples, or something. He's the archetype of a faceless government bureaucrat.
As he reads each email, he makes a slight tear at the top of the sheet, stuffs it into the seat pocket in front of him, licks his finger, and very deliberately, almost resignedly, turns the corner of the next sheet and begins to read.
So it's obvious the guy had his assistant or some intern print out all his emails from the last few months, and he read them, for the first time and all at once, on the plane. He left them in the seat pocket when we got out.
Sitting on that plane watching him, I had a Tyler Durden, please-let-this-plane-crash-and-save-us-all-from-ourselves moment.
This device looks like it's perfect for him. AS to how to respond to an email with it, it's obvious that he'd call in his secretary, dictate a letter, which would get typed at the typing pool, and go out the next day. He'd keep the carbons in his sent folder.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:52 AM on October 26, 2006 [1 favorite]
I have one of those, its called a fax machine.
posted by tomas316
If you give me the number for this wonderful machine, I could send you some wonderful travel deals and mortgage offers. You could save BIG!
posted by ninjew at 10:55 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by tomas316
If you give me the number for this wonderful machine, I could send you some wonderful travel deals and mortgage offers. You could save BIG!
posted by ninjew at 10:55 AM on October 26, 2006
I used to work in phone customer service for Hammacher Schlemmer. An enlightening experience that was. Taught me that the practicality of a given object will have absolutely no bearing on its commercial popularity. In fact, when directed toward a receptive audience, a higher price might even make something sell even more.
Today's Worthless Secret: They've likely moved on to another vendor, but back in the early 90s, the New York City catalog curiosity shop ran all of their mail and phone orders out of a warehouse facility in Rossville, Georgia (just outside of Chattanooga, Tennessee).
Their most popular item then? The Genuine Turkish Bathrobe "from the Denizli region of Turkey." We sold metric tons of them, his-and-her pairs at a time.
Most interesting phonecall? One of my co-workers took an order from John Travolta, but I had only two phone encounters with pseudo-celebrities.
The first was an order for four of their 3-Dimensional Chess Sets -- a glass and metal contraption that split a standard board into quarters on different levels. The orderer wasn't important, but the destination was. The chess sets were destined to the Star Trek: The Next Generation lot at Paramount. Props for the Enterprise.
The second call was from a woman living in Los Angeles. I forget what she ordered, but when asked for her name, she said "Mrs James Cameron." The James Cameron, I asked. Yes. I'm guessing that I had Linda Hamilton on the line, but maybe it wasn't.
posted by grabbingsand at 10:57 AM on October 26, 2006 [2 favorites]
Today's Worthless Secret: They've likely moved on to another vendor, but back in the early 90s, the New York City catalog curiosity shop ran all of their mail and phone orders out of a warehouse facility in Rossville, Georgia (just outside of Chattanooga, Tennessee).
Their most popular item then? The Genuine Turkish Bathrobe "from the Denizli region of Turkey." We sold metric tons of them, his-and-her pairs at a time.
Most interesting phonecall? One of my co-workers took an order from John Travolta, but I had only two phone encounters with pseudo-celebrities.
The first was an order for four of their 3-Dimensional Chess Sets -- a glass and metal contraption that split a standard board into quarters on different levels. The orderer wasn't important, but the destination was. The chess sets were destined to the Star Trek: The Next Generation lot at Paramount. Props for the Enterprise.
The second call was from a woman living in Los Angeles. I forget what she ordered, but when asked for her name, she said "Mrs James Cameron." The James Cameron, I asked. Yes. I'm guessing that I had Linda Hamilton on the line, but maybe it wasn't.
posted by grabbingsand at 10:57 AM on October 26, 2006 [2 favorites]
I actually think the USB turntable is pretty nifty, even if the functionality can be duplicated with "normal" hardware and software. At least this way grandma can get her Engelbert Humperdink 45s into iTunes.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:01 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by uncleozzy at 11:01 AM on October 26, 2006
Automatic Squirrel-Ejecting Bird Feeder
posted by jefbla at 1:51 PM EST on October 26
We got this season's catalogue in the mail yesterday (prompting the post). After school, once the kids got their hands on it, my wife played a game where she made up new H-S catalogue items, sending the kids into gales of laughter.
"Hand-Cranked Hot-Dog-Bug-Toasting Remote-Controlled-Train with Barometer"
"Genuine Turkish Squirrel-Ejecting 7' Aluminium Illuminated CD-to-Printer Converter"
It's a pretty fun game.
posted by GuyZero at 11:04 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by jefbla at 1:51 PM EST on October 26
We got this season's catalogue in the mail yesterday (prompting the post). After school, once the kids got their hands on it, my wife played a game where she made up new H-S catalogue items, sending the kids into gales of laughter.
"Hand-Cranked Hot-Dog-Bug-Toasting Remote-Controlled-Train with Barometer"
"Genuine Turkish Squirrel-Ejecting 7' Aluminium Illuminated CD-to-Printer Converter"
It's a pretty fun game.
posted by GuyZero at 11:04 AM on October 26, 2006
imperium: Can anyone explain to me how one (or, more likely, one's parents or grandparents) replies to an email with this new-fangled device. I imagine frustrated old-timers shoving hand-written notes back into the output slot, hoping it'll scan them and fax them to the original sender's internets.
Ok, I think you meant it in jest, but seems like a damn good idea to me. A kinda long-hand email machine! Kinda-faxy, true, well call it an Email/Longhand Gateway! Actually, that almost seems kinda cool. Not such a great idea for a high-traffic mailing list though.
posted by Bovine Love at 11:11 AM on October 26, 2006
Ok, I think you meant it in jest, but seems like a damn good idea to me. A kinda long-hand email machine! Kinda-faxy, true, well call it an Email/Longhand Gateway! Actually, that almost seems kinda cool. Not such a great idea for a high-traffic mailing list though.
posted by Bovine Love at 11:11 AM on October 26, 2006
I don't know anyone who's confused or intimidated by their television...
You're kidding right? My mom has had a broken VCR attached to her TV for years and years now because the tuner on it still works and it has the only remote that she can understand. Heck between the digital cable box, DVR, DVD player and 5.1 receiver that we have at home, sometimes I get confused and intimidated. And I'm an engineer.
posted by octothorpe at 11:15 AM on October 26, 2006
You're kidding right? My mom has had a broken VCR attached to her TV for years and years now because the tuner on it still works and it has the only remote that she can understand. Heck between the digital cable box, DVR, DVD player and 5.1 receiver that we have at home, sometimes I get confused and intimidated. And I'm an engineer.
posted by octothorpe at 11:15 AM on October 26, 2006
Folks, you are seriously underestimating your grandparents. Everyone in that generation has changed typewriter ribbons.
Wrong. I gave up trying to teach my grandmother how to use a computer after this exchange:
"Now press the Return key."
"Where's that?"
"The same place as it is on a typewriter... you've used a typewriter before, right?"
"No."
Some old people are just technophobes, and were technophobes even when they were young people.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:44 AM on October 26, 2006
Wrong. I gave up trying to teach my grandmother how to use a computer after this exchange:
"Now press the Return key."
"Where's that?"
"The same place as it is on a typewriter... you've used a typewriter before, right?"
"No."
Some old people are just technophobes, and were technophobes even when they were young people.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:44 AM on October 26, 2006
Actually this is may be better for the almost dead market: The long pen devised by Margaret Atwood
posted by econous at 11:49 AM on October 26, 2006
posted by econous at 11:49 AM on October 26, 2006
Until less than a year ago, I had a library director who printed out every single e-mail she got, including the spam. She then filed the print outs. One of the first things her successor did was to recycle all of them.
She also always clicked on the attachments, especially when the e-mail was unreadable. She hoped, she told us, that the attachment would include the translation.
We spent a lot of time cleaning spyware and viruses off her computer.
She was very, very sweet, and a good library director, but, man, computers were not her strong point.
She probably would have liked this.
posted by QIbHom at 12:00 PM on October 26, 2006 [1 favorite]
She also always clicked on the attachments, especially when the e-mail was unreadable. She hoped, she told us, that the attachment would include the translation.
We spent a lot of time cleaning spyware and viruses off her computer.
She was very, very sweet, and a good library director, but, man, computers were not her strong point.
She probably would have liked this.
posted by QIbHom at 12:00 PM on October 26, 2006 [1 favorite]
I don't understand the point. If you have a regular printer, ...
...
Sure, it might require a bit more setup ...
See? You do understand the point. Additionally the printer does not require an ISP (though does require its own service, but it is 'hardwired'), does spam filtering, does not require a print server, does not require any kind of external modem. It is fully self-contained with 2 plus (phone/power), and enrolment is a phone call. This is vastly simpler. Now y'all can scoff at it, but I can see quite a few people that might go for it.
posted by Bovine Love at 12:37 PM on October 26, 2006
...
Sure, it might require a bit more setup ...
See? You do understand the point. Additionally the printer does not require an ISP (though does require its own service, but it is 'hardwired'), does spam filtering, does not require a print server, does not require any kind of external modem. It is fully self-contained with 2 plus (phone/power), and enrolment is a phone call. This is vastly simpler. Now y'all can scoff at it, but I can see quite a few people that might go for it.
posted by Bovine Love at 12:37 PM on October 26, 2006
Odinsdream, you have no idea how much your comment sounds like we geeks, back in the 80s, at the introduction of the fax machine. 'Why would anyone want that? Why wouldn't you just send a file with a modem? What a stupid idea."
Don't know if you realize it, but what you just said is fantastically complex to someone who doesn't know computers.
I'm not saying this particular idea is a good one... I actually agree with you that it's pretty much useless. But I have been egregiously wrong in the past...and I am not the target market. :)
posted by Malor at 12:44 PM on October 26, 2006
Don't know if you realize it, but what you just said is fantastically complex to someone who doesn't know computers.
I'm not saying this particular idea is a good one... I actually agree with you that it's pretty much useless. But I have been egregiously wrong in the past...and I am not the target market. :)
posted by Malor at 12:44 PM on October 26, 2006
I've wanted exactly this for my father. He loves to read and write letters, and has several people who he corresponds with regularly via fax. But he refuses to get on the Internet or get e-mail.
I've gotten in the habit of sending him faxes, but it would be nice to be able to cc him on e-mails that I am sending to my siblings. It would also be great to be able to send him photos of his grandson. Right now I have to print and mail those to him, which is a pain and doesn't get done as often as I'd like.
posted by alms at 2:19 PM on October 26, 2006
I've gotten in the habit of sending him faxes, but it would be nice to be able to cc him on e-mails that I am sending to my siblings. It would also be great to be able to send him photos of his grandson. Right now I have to print and mail those to him, which is a pain and doesn't get done as often as I'd like.
posted by alms at 2:19 PM on October 26, 2006
This reminds me of My Social Letterbox (via waxy.org), which seemed fun and sort of fabulously retro to me.
Be no use to my grandmother though, if she couldn't reply.
posted by szechuan at 2:36 PM on October 26, 2006
Be no use to my grandmother though, if she couldn't reply.
posted by szechuan at 2:36 PM on October 26, 2006
I work in a sales office and you would not believe the number of individuals that are still printing emails. * shakes head in disbelief*
posted by winks007 at 2:50 PM on October 26, 2006
posted by winks007 at 2:50 PM on October 26, 2006
I could see using this for a specific email account - ie, students send the prof their completed assignments to that address, orders to a small company go to the email address that gets printed, etc.
That said, it seems kinda dumb.
posted by selfmedicating at 4:14 PM on October 26, 2006
That said, it seems kinda dumb.
posted by selfmedicating at 4:14 PM on October 26, 2006
Hmmm....I wonder if "How would I build Zoltar?" be a valid askmetafilter question....
It's gotta be cheaper than laying out 9 grand.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:25 PM on October 26, 2006
It's gotta be cheaper than laying out 9 grand.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:25 PM on October 26, 2006
(also I wanna be Big)
posted by Smedleyman at 4:25 PM on October 26, 2006
posted by Smedleyman at 4:25 PM on October 26, 2006
But Malor, fax machines are stupid.
posted by oxford blue at 5:15 PM on October 26, 2006
posted by oxford blue at 5:15 PM on October 26, 2006
I work in accounting, and we print or copy pretty much everything that comes in, partly because that's easier than backing things up reliably online (although I do that too), but also because emails contain critical client information that needs to be in their file anyway.
If this let you scan in documents and send it to family, or compose email on a thin client device, I'd buy it for my Grandmother in a heartbeat. It's almost impossible to secure her computer against virii and misclicks without building some kind of VM system for her.
Wasn't it an animatronic female fortune teller in Big, not Zoltar?
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:39 PM on October 26, 2006
If this let you scan in documents and send it to family, or compose email on a thin client device, I'd buy it for my Grandmother in a heartbeat. It's almost impossible to secure her computer against virii and misclicks without building some kind of VM system for her.
Wasn't it an animatronic female fortune teller in Big, not Zoltar?
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:39 PM on October 26, 2006
Oh, let me elaborate. Some kind of VM system that LOOKS LIKE AOL!
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:39 PM on October 26, 2006
posted by BrotherCaine at 5:39 PM on October 26, 2006
Pastabagel, it sounds to me like you were sitting next to a corporate lawyer or corporate bigwig and he was going through someone else's email to determine if there was anything worth saving. The ones he tore were not important and thus, though he would have normally shredded them, since he didn't really care about them, he left them.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:48 PM on October 26, 2006
posted by Pollomacho at 10:48 PM on October 26, 2006
"Odinsdream, you have no idea how much your comment sounds like we geeks, back in the 80s, at the introduction of the fax machine. 'Why would anyone want that? Why wouldn't you just send a file with a modem? What a stupid idea."
http://www.hffax.de/html/hauptteil_faxhistory.htm
Um, you realize that fax technology has been around for about 150 years, and has been in widespread usage since the fifties... See the "mojo wire" for instance...
posted by stenseng at 9:54 AM on October 27, 2006
http://www.hffax.de/html/hauptteil_faxhistory.htm
Um, you realize that fax technology has been around for about 150 years, and has been in widespread usage since the fifties... See the "mojo wire" for instance...
posted by stenseng at 9:54 AM on October 27, 2006
Ah, but why not just get your dear manservent to transcribe the emails with a crowquill, so you might read them at your leasure.
posted by juliarothbort at 10:38 AM on October 27, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by juliarothbort at 10:38 AM on October 27, 2006 [1 favorite]
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Also, it allegedly has spam filtering. Still, I picture coming home to a large pile of emails starting with "I AM MRS. SESE-SEKO WIDOW OF LATE PRESIDENT MOBUTU SESE-SEKO OF ZAIRE".
posted by GuyZero at 9:34 AM on October 26, 2006