Comments on: I was only ACTING!!!

I was only ACTING!!!

KevinSkomsvold — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:38:47 -0800

Good Day Mr. Kubrick! In 1984 Stanley Kubrick placed an ad in Variety requesting audition tapes from unknown actors for his next movie, "Full Metal Jacket." This is allegedly one of those tapes.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:45:14 -0800

Inexplicably this fine, fine actor has not become a household name.

By: effugas

effugas — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:49:15 -0800

It is 2006. That would Brian Atene 42 years old. Suppose he had kids in his mid twenties -- they'd be teenagers now. Now suppose one of their friends found this tape at the Atene residence. It'd be on YouTube, right, about...now.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:53:17 -0800

I don't buy the backstory for a second. It obviously seems to be a put-on. Funny nonetheless.

By: matkline

matkline — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:57:07 -0800

This is meant to be enjoyed over and over again. I will spend many hours learning to speak just as Mr. Atene does in his introduction...many hours.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 22:58:33 -0800

By: Powerful Religious Baby

Powerful Religious Baby — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:03:55 -0800

I would like to urge the citizens of Metafilter, in whose collected pool of intellectual energies swim tiny stallions of nostril-flared mental horsepower, to go forth and find this man so that I can immediately lower myself with sexy abjectness onto the studded jewels and solid gold of his flesh scepter and draw forth a lordly infant from therein. Many thank-yous in advance.

By: Opposite George

Opposite George — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:04:00 -0800

Inexplicably this fine, fine actor has not become a household name. Twenty years ain't enough.

By: bunglin jones

bunglin jones — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:08:17 -0800

Inexplicably this fine, fine actor has not become a household name. I think he became an Analrapist.

By: grumdrig

grumdrig — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:16:25 -0800

He made my neck sore. Sit up straight!

By: premiumpolar

premiumpolar — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:30:53 -0800

D'YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHIN'!? I scared. I scared. I love (warning: self link) overacting.

By: bardic

bardic — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:33:54 -0800

Am I a total cinematic noob for thinking that that's Crispin Glover?

By: MiG

MiG — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:40:55 -0800

One of the Google results for "Brian Atene" is this grade 7 yearbook page. Could be him -- would be around the right age for grade 7? Come on, somebody has to track this guy down!

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 23:41:11 -0800

There's a thin line between indulgence and genius. He is nowhere near that line.

By: django_z

django_z — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 00:00:04 -0800

Very enjoyable...but not a real audition tape. Even if it was from 1984 the guy is just having a good time spoofing the process, that seems kinda obvious. Reminds me of the faked Star Trek auditions on SNL.

By: bardic

bardic — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 00:05:43 -0800

Star Wars phillistine!

By: maryh

maryh — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 00:06:13 -0800

I have no proof at all, but I'm sure this is a hoax. A brilliant, glorious hoax, the kind of thing that's much funnier as a hoax than it could ever be if it were real. Whoever this guy really is, he's a genius. Jeeeeeeen-ee-US! (and the 7th grade bicentennial portrait is a perfect touch)

By: maryh

maryh — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 00:30:14 -0800

(btw, can anyone tell when MiG's yearbook link was posted? If it was really recently, that might add some weight to my theory....)

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 00:56:21 -0800

Our boy?

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:18:26 -0800

since I'm paying a great deal to say whatever I like to Stanley Kubrick, one of the greatest directors of all time (although not as good as Micheal Kurtez who directed The Sea Hawk) Curtiz directed Casablanca, Yankee Doodle Dandy, King Creole, the Charge of the Light Brigade and many other classics of Hollywood, yet the kid picks The Sea Hawk to namedrop. Not that Errol Flynn sliding down a sail with knives isn't cool...

By: Talanvor

Talanvor — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:25:27 -0800

I love the whining about 2010, that's just awesome right there, by itself.

By: Paragon

Paragon — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:58:32 -0800

Of course it's a hoax of some stripe; it'd be impressive if this fine gentleman was a Trekkie three years before the original series debuted.

By: Paragon

Paragon — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 02:00:11 -0800

Er, sorry, stupid. That'd be his birthdate, not the date. I'm going to go put myself out of my misery now.

By: sgt.serenity

sgt.serenity — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 02:18:57 -0800

immediately lower myself with sexy abjectness onto the studded jewels and solid gold of his flesh scepter and draw forth a lordly infant from therein. This is the woman for me.

By: antifuse

antifuse — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 03:24:37 -0800

This is astounding. I hope to god that he was taking the piss.

By: RokkitNite

RokkitNite — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 03:47:43 -0800

The man is a God. If it's a hoax, it's one of the most amazing feats of composure ever witnessed since the 1974 assassination attempt on Park Chung Hee where his wife gets shot and killed and he calmly finishes his speech. How does he keep a straight face?

By: Joeforking

Joeforking — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 04:00:47 -0800

Reminds me of Josh Hartnett as would-be actor cop in Hollywood Homicide.

By: Ironmouth

Ironmouth — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 04:54:45 -0800

Absolutely needs to be on Inside the Actor's Studio. Preferably with Wil Ferrel

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 06:55:59 -0800

Most people seem to think it's a hoax but I'd hate to see the truth get in the way of a good story.

By: spicynuts

spicynuts — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 07:04:12 -0800

Am I the only one who is 100% positive he is taking the piss? That was my assumption from the minute he started with that accent.

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 07:20:40 -0800

I remember when Kubrick placed that ad. I was in college, in a theatre program, and this guy I knew sent in a tape. He sent it from his parents' house. Then, he got hired by some summer-stock company and left home for three months. When he got back, he asked his mom if anything interesting had happened while he was gone. She said, "Well about a month ago, some guy named Stanley something called and said he liked your tape and wanted to talk to you. I wrote his number down somewhere, but I can't find it. I'm sure he'll call back if it's important."

By: StarForce5

StarForce5 — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 07:26:19 -0800

Lee Emery, who got the part of drill Sargent Hartman, was orginally just a technical advisor, he sent a tape to Kubrick demonstrating to proper drill instruction demeanor: he shouted obsceneties at a video camera for about 10 minutes without pausing or blinking while having tennis balls thrown at him. Kubrick was so impressed he gave him the part. That's the tape I always wanted to see.

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 07:49:25 -0800

I don't know about the fpp video being a hoax, but some of these stories in the comments sure sounds like hoaxes!

By: sgt.serenity

sgt.serenity — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 07:50:24 -0800

Lee Ermey in Spanish

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:05:43 -0800

That there is Eye-talian, not Spanish.

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:07:10 -0800

Voting hoax. I doubt that back in '84 the term trekkie was common enough to be used in a video and expect the other person to have any idea of what it means. Maybe Im off on that but 'the director of seahawk?' The Errol Flynn movie. Hoax or a outside artist/smartass who just wanted to torture ol' stan for the time it takes him to pop-in the tape, reach over, and frantically hit eject.

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:44:30 -0800

I doubt that back in '84 the term Trekkie was common enough to be used in a video and expect the other person to have any idea of what it means. Wrong! Trekkie was common when I was a kid, in the 70s. There were "Keep on Trekking" shirts and bumper stickers (parodies of "Keep on Trucking"). The video probably is a hoax, but I'm positive that from the mid-70s on, most people who were aware of pop culture would have recognized the word "Trekkie."

By: sgt.serenity

sgt.serenity — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:56:28 -0800

That there is Eye-talian, not Spanish. are you contradicting me, Private Xenophobe ?

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 08:58:28 -0800

...my favourite colour is green. That did him in, right there.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 09:00:41 -0800

My 1984 college roommate described himself as a "Trekkie," FWIW.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 09:10:58 -0800

That tape is a prime demonstration that it's far from easy for an American to adopt a realistic-sounding British accent. It's like those guys working tech support in Bangalore who pretend to be "Sean in Milwaukee".

By: kalimotxero

kalimotxero — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:07:48 -0800

This here is Lee Ermey in Spanish

By: kalimotxero

kalimotxero — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:13:58 -0800

Y más de Lee Ermey en Español

By: jefbla

jefbla — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:22:26 -0800

I think Pollomacho may be on to something. The photos for John Louis Fischer look very similar to young Brian Artene. And they share the same birthdate....

By: schmedeman

schmedeman — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:15:45 -0800

Hmmm. Hard to say.

By: Turtles all the way down

Turtles all the way down — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:19:20 -0800

Okay, I hesitate, because I always get sucked in by these things, but put me down on the "not a hoax; just an acting student with a monumental ego" side. I think someone found the tape and grafted the more restrained performance of the "The Outsiders" bit at the end.

By: dios

dios — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 11:59:23 -0800

Heh. Real or not. That was awesome. I'd like to see the Christopher Walken rendition of this guy's performance. Because Walken makes everything bester.

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:48:25 -0800

C'mon; there's no way this is serious. His favorite color? The Spock fingers? The fucking accent? No one has used that accent seriously for at least 40 years. I don't know if I'd call it a "hoax" but it's definitely a joke, and a pretty funny joke at that.

By: The God Complex

The God Complex — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:31:42 -0800

Loved it. I don't care if it was real or not--it's funny either way.

By: Turtles all the way down

Turtles all the way down — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 16:01:26 -0800

In keeping with the last two comments, and some previous ones, let me state my position in a different way--there's no way it's a joke, because nobody's that good.

By: Toecutter

Toecutter — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 19:35:21 -0800

I'm pretty sure he's real and lives in southeastern Pennsylvania. No mention of him in the websites of the community theaters in his neck of the woods though. His birthdate, phone number and address are -- if it's the same Brian Atene -- online. God bless 'm. [Full disclosure: I got this info. from Ancestry.com -- it lists a Brian Atene with a birthdate of August 1, 1963, while our video thespian's placard gives a birthdate of August 16, 1963. That's close enough in my book for a hit -- transcription errors from the original documents into the geneology database aren't unheard of.]

By: sycophant

sycophant — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 02:00:52 -0800

The video looks legit in some ways... When he moves his hand around when he gets into his monologue it demonstrates flaring that occurs with tube-based cameras but would not occur with modern CCD cameras. So either 1) it's legit from the time, 2) the makers got an old (working!) tube camera or 3) the spent a really long time faking that small detail. However the static at the end, before it cuts into the TV or movie or whatever - that is not what really happens with that sort of thing - but it could quite easily have been added as a 'post' effect.

By: eegphalanges

eegphalanges — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 02:04:17 -0800

Well, here is at 43.

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 10:32:36 -0800

Huh. Has a good sense of humor about it all, I guess!

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 10:59:12 -0800

Recently a friend asked me why I never persued my dream of being an actor. I see this and I see my answer within it. the painful truth is I once did, but fell short of sending an expensive videotape to Stanley Kubrick. This is predominantly because I was never wealthy enough to afford such an expense. Imagine the terror the world would had to have faced, had I managed to accumulate disposable income. Once I came to my senses and realized the world would be better off without my artistic arrogance, in order to save humanity from the horror of exposing them to my acting talent, I dutifully drowned that monstrous aspiration with vodka and hops, and continue to do so periodically to this very day. At my height of capability as a comedic, character actor some twenty years ago, I could not have held a candle to the indubitous Mister Brian Atene. This guy is definitely a better actor than myself, and has aged more gracefully. Fortunately again for humanity, no footage of my efforts some decades ago has survived. You will never find my youthful face on YouTube, nor will you see me twenty some odd years later making fun of myself. Mankind is safe from my youthful exuberance and hubris. And I am a Trekkie. Nanu... nanu...

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 12:30:53 -0800

This guy makes Brian Atene look like DeNiro.

By: Turtles all the way down

Turtles all the way down — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 18:21:28 -0800

And...Mr Kubrick responds.

By: Rhomboid

Rhomboid — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 13:01:21 -0800

Wow, his followup/comeback video is even better. Now with 200% more overacting goodness.