Walmart Shoplifing Complaint

November 6, 2006 2:48 PM

my3cents.com is an addictive read. It's for people to air their grief about various retail stores (Walmart is the clear favorite). This particular complaint is a riot.
posted by DougieZero1982 (66 comments total)

Alas, we do not know if he tossed the wrapper on the floor or threw it away in the trash.

Without that, the story is ruined!
posted by rough ashlar at 2:54 PM on November 6, 2006

I really don't have sympathy for the dude who got busted shoplifting because he, well, shoplifted. Good on Wal Mart on that one.
posted by xmutex at 2:57 PM on November 6, 2006

There oughta be a law against shoplifting.
posted by ericost at 3:03 PM on November 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

i think it's a woman, and michelle only shoplifted to show how stingy walmart is! plus, they don't even know what portobello mushrooms are! and they wouldn't even "revolk" her one year ban!
posted by snofoam at 3:04 PM on November 6, 2006

She continues the defense of her shoplifting in the comments if you scroll down. That's good TV right there.
posted by CRM114 at 3:04 PM on November 6, 2006

slim - like I said I am not one to steal, I only did it to prove a point, my son was arrested earlier for stealing pokemon cards and I wanted to show the world how they treat honest customers.

Haha. Sorry, missed the boat on this one. Genius.
posted by xmutex at 3:11 PM on November 6, 2006

The comments are definitely the best part:

ginnee: This is the best "humor" site I've found in ages!!! I love it!

Michelle Connery: ginnie- Do you think what those idiotic nazi security guards did was funny, first they prey on a nine year old, next they will result to drowning infants because a teenagerd mother does not want their family to know they were pregnant.

Touché!

Michelle Connery: That is if they are offered more money for drowning infants.

Double touché!
posted by snofoam at 3:12 PM on November 6, 2006

Here's another gem.
posted by CRM114 at 3:13 PM on November 6, 2006

It's hard for me to take seriously a complainer who styles himself "Always Right".

His potential doctor was rude to him. Now he'd "like it noted to as many professionals as possible. I'd like it noted in publications, consumer reports, optometric and ophthalmologic organizations across the country. I want this man and his staff where he belongs. Out of business."

What a whiner. Go to a different doctor.
posted by mistermoore at 3:17 PM on November 6, 2006

it's the true hallmark of the interwebs that a semi-literate moron can place her comments in front of potentially millions of other people.
all praise the interwebs! :)
But do read her ridiculous defense of her actions in the comments...moronic comedy gold.

that said, this site could prove useful, if you have the patience to sort through the noise and find real, common complaints re: particular services/suppliers/locations/etc. If you can't get through the noise, it's just a lot of kvetching.

(now I'm off to contemplate lodging my complaint about CanadaPost, suffered just this afternoon!!)
posted by I, Credulous at 3:18 PM on November 6, 2006

the internets have written a sequel to confederacy of dunces.
posted by snofoam at 3:27 PM on November 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Dear lord, there's a lot of stupid in that shoplifting thread. Theft is theft. If you're a starving transient on your last dime, then I might have some sympathy for you (albeit not for stealing a candy bar; try stealing bread or fruit or something), but not a presumably middle-class person who "just wanted to prove a point".
posted by Target Practice at 3:37 PM on November 6, 2006

That Michelle Connery bit... that has to be a troll, right?

Doesn't it?

Please?

/shudders at the thought of it being real...
posted by John Smallberries at 3:41 PM on November 6, 2006

Target Practice, stealing a candy bar is probably 10x easier than stealing bread.
posted by Firas at 3:47 PM on November 6, 2006

Holy God. I could actually feel my forebrain convulse. Sometimes I forget that ditch diggers use the Internet too. May I never disparage Metafilter again.

I may be an elitist, but at least I can write a coherent sentence.
posted by quite unimportant at 3:57 PM on November 6, 2006

People actually care enough about their fast food that they bother to complain about it? When they're clearly in the wrong? And smart as a bag of rocks? I'm astounded.
posted by lekvar at 4:14 PM on November 6, 2006

More from Michelle Connery.

I went to your store, the same one that gets uptight over 68 cents, well I let my nine year old son look around in the toy section.

He did not have money with him and he wanted some Pokemon cards. He took some without paying. He was with a friend and was teaching the friend how he can steal because he has done it before and they let him off.

And in comments:

--the other boy whom my son was with was not arrested and he is ten years old. He is older than my son. They just gave him a warning. My son was discriminated against. My son the younger boy of the two was discriminated against. Their excuse this was his second time and the other boy's first time.

Of course, we shouldn't feel too superior: we have our own shoplifting community. Never underestimate people's ability to rationalize their actions.
posted by russilwvong at 4:15 PM on November 6, 2006

Bread and Circuses
posted by Simplicissimus at 4:18 PM on November 6, 2006

First they went after the ditchdiggers, and I was silent. Then they came for the plumbers, and I didn’t speak up. Next they went for the master woodworkers, and I kept my mouth shut. After that the elitists took out all the IT guys....

When they finally got around to me... wait a minute, they got around to me in the second sentence.
posted by Huplescat at 4:19 PM on November 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

People actually care enough about their fast food that they bother to complain about it? When they're clearly in the wrong? And smart as a bag of rocks? I'm astounded.

Some people care enough to call 911.
posted by anjamu at 4:20 PM on November 6, 2006

I was using this community weblog Metafilter, usually I use much better commnity weblogs but I was in a hurry so I just had to use Metafilter. ANYWAY they were totally rude and I was being nice AND THEN I GOT A PISSING ELEPHANT. So I post a link to my own website saying how stupid they are to make a point how stupid they are and then they BANNED ME! And then I didn't get my five bucks back!

I'm telling all my family and friends not to use Metafilter and I might go to the press because they don't know how to treat their customers!
posted by Serial Killer Slumber Party at 4:32 PM on November 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

russilwvong writes "More from Michelle Connery."

It's hilarious how that story is titled "Security arrests innocent nine year old and treats him like a criminal.", but starts off plainly stating that he stole something from the store.
posted by clevershark at 4:32 PM on November 6, 2006

The education of sales staff is obviously improving in Amerika:

Your search - portobello - did not match any documents.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:05 PM on November 6, 2006

It's hilarious how that story is titled "Security arrests innocent nine year old and treats him like a criminal.", but starts off plainly stating that he stole something from the store.

On two separate occasions.
posted by winston at 5:10 PM on November 6, 2006

I call bullshit on candybar lady and her candybar story.
posted by found missing at 5:21 PM on November 6, 2006

Ceiling CCT is watching you misappropriate.
posted by rob511 at 5:34 PM on November 6, 2006 [2 favorites]

winston opines "On two separate occasions."

And then she went back to the same store to steal, but just in order to have herself arrested to prove a point.

And she wants to be un-banned from the store. And she wants the store to give her a gift certificate to tempt her to shop there again.

"Michelle Connery" is a dingbat.
posted by clevershark at 5:38 PM on November 6, 2006

Ceiling CCT is watching you misappropriate.
posted by rob511 at 5:34 PM PST

How do you get that installed in the halls of Congress?
posted by rough ashlar at 5:40 PM on November 6, 2006

there are sites like this all over the internet; rip-off report is another prominent one.

unfortunately most of these sites are all populated with stories by the most ignorant, illiterate and/or gullible people imaginable.

so many people think they're entitled to anything, and when a business does not share that line of thinking, they get on sites like these and share their sob stories about how they couldn't return broken merchandise three years after the fact, or how they deserve to get merchandise at 99% off market value because someone put a hundred-dollar item in a spot typically reserved for 99-cent bleach.

i used to think sites like these were amusing, but after a lengthy stint in retail, these stories just make me depressed.
posted by Ziggy Zaga at 5:47 PM on November 6, 2006

I call bullshit on candybar lady and her candybar story.

Seconded. I saw a Colbert thing where he pointed out that Walmart had changed their internal policies to stop calling in the cops for shoplifting attempts on items worth less than $20 (it was previously $5). She says, 'it was a matter over 68 cents and i have a criminal record over 68 cents'. Criminal record over 68 cents? You have to go to great lengths to get that I'd say.
posted by Firas at 5:50 PM on November 6, 2006

I gotta say, poor kid for having a complete non-parent! How does she deal with his teachers when they call with disciplinary issues?
posted by Firas at 5:53 PM on November 6, 2006

firas: Criminal record over 68 cents? You have to go to great lengths to get that I'd say.

not necessarily.
posted by Ziggy Zaga at 6:02 PM on November 6, 2006

Ziggy Zaga, that doesn't seem to have resulted in a criminal record (ie. with the gov't).
posted by Firas at 6:07 PM on November 6, 2006

I looked up the company I work for, and the only complaint was about pornography. it's amazing the lengths some people will go to covering up porn. I used to find our bargain section completely reorganized---with tame 'great sex!' titles hidden, art books rearranged so their covers weren't visible, and other shit they didn't like fed into crevices and crammed under displays---by customers! some people wanted offensive titles put on the bottom shelf so they didn't have to see them at eye-level, and others wanted them on the top shelf so their kids didn't get an eyeful of what? oh, just the word 'sex.' and as these doting parents are carefully destroying the order in one area, their little angels are tearing the plastic wrap off Penthouse a few sections over and taking them en masse to the bathrooms to wank on and giggle over. get a brain, morans.
yeah, so I just got home from a long day of retail...
posted by carsonb at 6:09 PM on November 6, 2006

Ha ha, I looked up the company you worked for, too. I thought complaints would be more juicy than that.
posted by redsparkler at 6:45 PM on November 6, 2006

Oh, gawd.

Another venue for spoiled, entitled consumer princes and princesses to harass minimum-wage retail workers.

Reading that site reminded me of the Dog Poop Girl incident over in Korea.
posted by jason's_planet at 7:10 PM on November 6, 2006

I am the last one to defend Wal-Mart but this woman is a thief, plain and simple. There's really no defense for consuming something that you haven't paid for. And there is no sliding scale for petty theft, you either stole it and are a criminal, or you did not and are not.

But I am totally writing some complaints against my former company, just not from my home or work computer.
posted by fenriq at 7:22 PM on November 6, 2006

carsonb, me too ! Though I worked for them long ago. I was so glad to be female and thus not obligated to pick up the wanked-on mags in the men's room.

Here's my favorite review of another bookstore:


If their attitudes and customer service are any indication, a more appropriate name for them would be Satan's Supply!!
posted by emjaybee at 7:26 PM on November 6, 2006

Of course, we shouldn't feel too superior: we have our own shoplifting community. Never underestimate people's ability to rationalize their actions.

See also.
posted by bpm140 at 7:59 PM on November 6, 2006

Gawd, that Wal-mart candybar woman deserves the Akbar jpeg.
posted by klangklangston at 8:06 PM on November 6, 2006

quite unimportant, you may be an elitist, but I hope that genuinely was sarcasm. Most ditch diggers (or insert other favoured lower-class blue collar workers as appropriate) I've had the pleasure of working with have the opposite problem - an excess of humility and a too-overdeveloped sense of right and wrong for their own good.

The worst offenders I've encountered in the "I'm the customer, I'm always right, and I'm entitled to whatever I want!" stakes are generally from the comfortable suburban middle class. There's just no pleasing some of them, even when you bend heaven and earth to acquiesce to their inflated sense of self-entitlement. You exist to serve, so serve them you damn well will!

Every time I read these sorts of posts, I really hope the highlighted examples are trolls - because the alternative is just too frightening and depressing. Unfortunately, I know from experience they're not...
posted by Pinback at 8:25 PM on November 6, 2006

MetaFilter: Bullshit candybar.
posted by loquacious at 8:27 PM on November 6, 2006

We need a ban on Teenage Sex in Ohio!
posted by luckypozzo at 8:48 PM on November 6, 2006

Did you find this review helpful?
Very Helpful -- A Little Helpful

When did this review stop beating its wife?
posted by dreamsign at 9:03 PM on November 6, 2006

Indeed, two more options are needed -- "not helpful" and "a complete bloody waste of time". Perhaps they could also add a "the reviewer is a complete nutter" option.

I wonder if you can use the web site to write a review about the same web site... that would be so meta...
posted by clevershark at 9:24 PM on November 6, 2006

I work as an IT repair person. Thankfully I no longer have to deal with consumer equipment because it was an utterly soul destroying experience. The entitlement mentality that seems to be so prevalent these days is frightening, as is the stupidity that so often seems to accompany it.

My worst experience, which naturally led to a complaint to my boss, was the woman who insisted that I put back all the photos she had on her computer; the photos which had been on the hard disk that had just failed and hadn't been backed up. Naturally I was the biggest prick in the world because I refused to make the photos reappear. No amount of explanation would placate her, she was convinced that I was simply being heartless.
posted by bangalla at 10:37 PM on November 6, 2006

Can someone explain the 3 cents bit? I've been trying to figure out what the hell the deal is with the name of the site. Like 2 cents but a little more?
posted by fenriq at 10:57 PM on November 6, 2006

awspie (07/06/2006)
sljj2k using company time and equipment ot play on my3cents is company worst nite mare. why you not condone zork

awspie (07/06/2006)
i mint condamn

Best spelling correction ever.
posted by Bugbread at 11:39 PM on November 6, 2006

Pinback, I feel for you: I toiled in various retail jobs for all of my 20s and early 30s, and gave me this insight:

People may not like the word "slavery" anymore, but they sure do like to have themselves some slaves. Even if only for the duration of their visit to a store.
posted by I, Credulous at 11:41 PM on November 6, 2006

I MEAN A 2.00 ICE TEA AND 2.00 FOR A RINKY DINKY LIL CUP OF SODA FOR 2 YOUNG BOYS.......GIMME A BREAK!!! WHAT A RIP OFF!!!!! WELL I WILL RETURN WITH KIDS AT MY SIDE AND PERHAPS A FEW MORE KIDS TO DRINK ALL THEIR SODA AND NOTHING ELSE! BOTTOMLESS GLASSES, OF SODA + BOYS = GAS AND PLENTY OF LAUGHS.....
REVENGE IS SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO TAPE THIS ONE...........
HE HE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
WHY GET MAD, GET EVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, yeah, that'll be fun to watch. "Local man takes revenge on pizza shop charging $2 for soda by bringing a small squad of children to drink $1.50 of soda each, going home, farting, and complaining about stomachaches".
posted by Bugbread at 11:45 PM on November 6, 2006

What's the betting that Michelle Connery is a fat Christian?
posted by Joeforking at 11:52 PM on November 6, 2006

The PirateWithParrot character from the comments (and yes, I mean all the comments) is a serious douchebag!
posted by Pollomacho at 1:07 AM on November 7, 2006

Don't get me wrong, I, Credulous - I haven't had the pleasure of working retail (and God willing, I won't). I've just been fairly lucky in that I've had jobs in which I've worked for, with, and alongside all sorts of people - from the ditchdiggers right up to the CEOs.

And I learnt that neither of those two extremes are the worst when it comes to having a monstrous sense of entitlement. The ones most likely to act this way have 3.2 kids, a mortgage, and drive a late model SUV or "family" car.

The ones that just don't understand - well, you can at least try to explain things to them, and live in hope that when they get home and calm down some of it will sink in and they'll realise just how unreasonable they were. But, for every one of those, there's another who ... well, I really don't understand how anyone could grow up and develop a functional adult life with their apparent attitude, so I prefer not to dwell on it. Particularly not on the bits where they find a mate, breed, and produce more hellspawn...

(Hint: if you come up to me after I've been working 22 hours straight trying to keep things working through floods and power failures, and demand that I help carry your shopping to your car because I'm a 'public servant' - well, I'm going to think you're a prick whatever your station in life ;-)
posted by Pinback at 4:51 AM on November 7, 2006

bugbread, I get the impression that they do 'bottomless soda' for kids - so $1.50 each for all the soda they can drink, and then they can burp and be sick in the store.
posted by jacalata at 6:12 AM on November 7, 2006

"...well, you can at least try to explain things to them, and live in hope that when they get home and calm down some of it will sink in and they'll realise just how unreasonable they were."
Amen to that.
posted by I, Credulous at 6:56 AM on November 7, 2006

When I worked in retail, we had the 10 Retail Commandments. Number 1: The customer is seldom right.
posted by KevinKarl at 7:25 AM on November 7, 2006

Michelle was an obvious troll. I'm fairly certain pizza boy was trolling too. Then again, if I'm wrong, my deepest fears are being confirmed... I'm too frightened to continue reading that site.
posted by Fezboy! at 7:39 AM on November 7, 2006

bugbread, I think he was going to have the kids burp themselves silly in the restaurant. Because lord knows that's gonna teach Pizzeria Uno not to charge people for their drinks! (urk...)
posted by etoile at 8:36 AM on November 7, 2006

If she's scared, I'm double-scared. Scroll down to find what must surely be the same Michelle Connery's role. Here's a clue: Iraq.
posted by imperium at 8:42 AM on November 7, 2006

"The mayo and mustard and whatever else ejaculated all over the place made the whole sandwich fall apart; discusting."

Probably one of the best things I have ever read on the internet.
posted by thekilgore at 8:59 AM on November 7, 2006

"i used to think sites like these were amusing, but after a lengthy stint in retail, these stories just make me depressed."

Same. I'll even add that while it's amusingly trollish, I've personally dealt with people with just as warped a sense of logic and personal infalliability (if not worse) than the candy bar lady.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:03 AM on November 7, 2006

See also.
posted by mkultra at 11:18 AM on November 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Oh man, reading that comment thread on the candybar complaint was hard. I felt like my mind was imploding ... or something. I can't even begin to explain the revulsion.
posted by ddf at 11:30 AM on November 7, 2006

Every time I go, I et hit on by homosexual deviants!
posted by longsleeves at 2:33 PM on November 7, 2006

(g)
posted by longsleeves at 2:34 PM on November 7, 2006

I hadn't considered burping when he mentioned kids with gas.

(And the $1.50 comment was in regards to him believing that he could somehow stick it to the Man financially, by just having kids order bottomless $2 sodas, not realizing that syrup and carbonated water are so cheap that, even if you didn't order pizza, but just cup after cup of soda, you could probably only drink about $1.50 of syrup and water before they'd have to bring in an ambulance, meaning they'd still make a 50 cent profit off you).
posted by Bugbread at 4:23 PM on November 7, 2006