Man injured by launching firework from his bottom

November 9, 2006 9:01 AM

Last Sunday was the 5th November. Often called Bonfire Night in the UK. That's the evening Brits build a bonfire and set off fireworks. Why? To celebrate the foilng of the dastardly Gun Powder Plot of 1605. Some people also drink alcohol. Maybe this soldier did before he launched a firework from his bottom. He's not well. A nomination for Darwin for 2006? Anyone got any other nominations for aforesaid award?
posted by Mister Bijou (36 comments total)

People will never learn.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:05 AM on November 9, 2006

Yep, that's some wacky news right there.
posted by jonson at 9:07 AM on November 9, 2006

The man, whose injuries include a scorched colon, is still in hospital.

ouch
posted by pyramid termite at 9:08 AM on November 9, 2006

I nominate you, Mister Bijou, and this minor news item undeserving of a column-inch in a dead-tree paper, let alone in the blue. Good luck!
posted by Plutor at 9:09 AM on November 9, 2006

1. Light fuse
2. Get away
3. Failing that, at least unclench.
posted by hal9k at 9:17 AM on November 9, 2006

I would not call this undeserving.. I, for one (being an American), have never heard of the Gunpowder Plot. I thought it was quite interesting.
posted by triolus at 9:19 AM on November 9, 2006

the Sunderland man - a soldier who has just returned from Iraq - was not so lucky.
posted by dead_ at 9:20 AM on November 9, 2006

3. Failing that, at least unclench.

Couldn't this be even more destructive to the soft stuff on the inside, potentially?
posted by dead_ at 9:21 AM on November 9, 2006

triolus : I, for one (being an American), have never heard of the Gunpowder Plot. I thought it was quite interesting.

Haven't seen V for Vendetta yet, huh? (Admits that where I first heard of it.)
posted by quin at 9:23 AM on November 9, 2006

One assumes he was not in the Royal Artillery.
But aspired to be.
posted by Rumple at 9:23 AM on November 9, 2006

> Haven't seen V for Vendetta yet, huh?

I heard Alan Moore took his name off the script specifically because of the scene where Natalie Portman blows up Parliament with fireworks from her butt.
posted by sonofslim at 9:28 AM on November 9, 2006 [1 favorite]

The man, whose injuries include a scorched colon, is still in hospital.

I live to read sentences like that. It reads like one of those Onion filler sentences.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:32 AM on November 9, 2006

A spokesman for the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) said: "It's so unfortunate that someone is now paying the price for the misuse of fireworks.

I'm pretty sure that is England English for the Scottish expression "Fecking Ijit".

Perhaps he confused the I in IED with improvisational?
posted by srboisvert at 9:34 AM on November 9, 2006

a scorched colon
posted by fire&wings at 9:46 AM on November 9, 2006

I can't wait for the PSA about shoving fireworks in your butt. And, strangely, I have zero sympathy for the idiot.
posted by fenriq at 9:48 AM on November 9, 2006

srboisvert : Perhaps he confused the I in IED with improvisational?

Or insertable.
posted by quin at 9:49 AM on November 9, 2006

> Scottish expression "Fecking Ijit"

That would be an Irish expression, you fecking iijit.
posted by catchmurray at 9:51 AM on November 9, 2006

They should have an award for hamfisted attempts to jump start irrelevant conversation.
posted by Falconetti at 9:56 AM on November 9, 2006

Rectum? Damn near killed him.
posted by azlondon at 10:11 AM on November 9, 2006

Often called Bonfire Night in the UK.

Also Guy Fawkes day.
posted by three blind mice at 11:44 AM on November 9, 2006

Faint of Butt: "People will never learn."

Well, you should know, I guess.
posted by koeselitz at 11:51 AM on November 9, 2006

I blame Eddie Murphy:

Well step aside my friend
I been doing it for years
I say, sit on down, open your eyes
And open up your ears
Say, put a tree in your butt
Put a, a bumblebee in your butt
Put a clock in your butt
Put a big rock in your butt
Say, put some fleas in your butt
Say, start to sneeze in your butt
Say, put a tin can in your butt
Put a little tiny man in your butt
Say, put a light in your butt
Say, make it bright in your butt
Say, put a TV in your butt
Say, put me in your butt
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 12:02 PM on November 9, 2006

Some people also drink alcohol. Maybe this soldier did before he launched a firework from his bottom.

I don't think that's the sort of thing people do while sober.
posted by clevershark at 12:02 PM on November 9, 2006

At least it's not as bad as Mr. Hands.
posted by clevershark at 12:13 PM on November 9, 2006

Speaking of Mr. Hands...
posted by homunculus at 12:22 PM on November 9, 2006

From the same article, I feel sorrier for the partridge. Some people need locking up for a long, long time ...
posted by kaemaril at 12:38 PM on November 9, 2006

The Darwin Awards were better when you had to actually die to win one. Or are this guy's nuts seared off, thus removing him from the gene pool?
posted by Eideteker at 1:22 PM on November 9, 2006

Gentlemen, Gentlemen rest your sphincters.
posted by Gungho at 1:26 PM on November 9, 2006

Metro News has the video online.
posted by raygirvan at 1:53 PM on November 9, 2006

Gentlemen, Gentlemen rest your sphincters.

Nice try, but I'm not falling for that one again.
posted by bookish at 2:37 PM on November 9, 2006

Actually this is a bit OT, but Wikipedia's admins want to take the entry for Kenneth Pinyan (a.k.a. Mr. Hands) offline.

That's just not right. There's a funny poster that states "it could be that the purpose of your life was to serve as a warning to others" -- and I think that if that saying ever applied to anyone, it definitely applies to Mr. Hands. Besides, as far as I'm concerned Wikipedia exists so that people can find out about Mr. Hands without having to watch the video.

Fortunately Wikipedia users can do something about it.
posted by clevershark at 5:51 PM on November 9, 2006

First Goatse, now Mr. Hands? When did the Taliban take over the internets?
posted by homunculus at 6:56 PM on November 9, 2006

As soon as I read the FPP I thought to myself - ok, that will be a Geordie then. Delving into the link, I find its actually a Mackem that's done it, and I feel stragely vindicated that I at least got within a couple of miles.
posted by Sk4n at 7:21 PM on November 9, 2006

A gun powder plot did someone say?


BATAM, Indonesia -- Indonesian troops found detonators and 63 tons of explosive powder on a Chinese ship
posted by rough ashlar at 11:18 PM on November 9, 2006

I read this on the BBC site yesterday, and almost fpp'd it. A bit of research uncovered another idiot up in Scotland who'd blown his hand off, and numerous people who'd been injured by fireworks being thrown through their windows.

I was most impressed, however, to find a whole bunch of stats about firework injuries - and strangely enough there's no category for "badly burned whilst launching firework from backside" :)
posted by Chunder at 2:29 AM on November 10, 2006

ok, that will be a Geordie then. Delving into the link, I find its actually a Mackem that's done it

The whole episode has a Viz flavour to it: a cross between Nobby's Piles (excruciating anal accidents) and Johnny Fartpants (who did, in one story, produce a firework display from his bottom).
posted by raygirvan at 4:03 AM on November 11, 2006