Have a Merry Chestwax Christmas
November 9, 2006 11:47 AM   Subscribe

Why, God, Why? We've never seen a holiday cash-in too bizarre to love. This season, please to enjoy A Very Idol Christmas.
posted by EatTheWeak (38 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
For a minute I thought you meant American Idol. Phew.
posted by jonmc at 11:55 AM on November 9, 2006


Oh oh oh caroling with myself.
Sweat. Sweat.
posted by peeedro at 11:56 AM on November 9, 2006


It's a, nice day for a white christmas.
posted by Flashman at 11:58 AM on November 9, 2006 [1 favorite]


Our puritan founding fathers had the right idea on this one.

Ban it!
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:58 AM on November 9, 2006


He should have covered the Yobs version of 12 Days of Christmas
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:09 PM on November 9, 2006


I dunno, if you check out the videos on "his" MySpace page, it's clear that's he's approaching this with some degree of hipster irony. So, it could be worse.
posted by mkultra at 12:14 PM on November 9, 2006


This is one of the plot lines from Love Actually.
posted by chunking express at 12:17 PM on November 9, 2006


A festive assault on the eyes and ears, if there ever was one.
posted by SteveInMaine at 12:18 PM on November 9, 2006


I too am relieved that this wasn't American Idol.
posted by owenkun at 12:20 PM on November 9, 2006


In the midnight hour, she cried, "Snow! Snow! Snow!"
posted by luminous phenomena at 12:21 PM on November 9, 2006


We've never seen a holiday cash-in too bizarre to love.


Oh yes we have.


(And I like that bowie/crosby thing.)
posted by lumpenprole at 12:23 PM on November 9, 2006


Ice without a face
posted by hal9k at 12:48 PM on November 9, 2006


t's clear that's he's approaching this with some degree of hipster irony.

No kidding, "Christmas Love" is basically "Kids, time for bed. 'Santa' is coming tonight with a 'package' for mommy."
posted by arcticwoman at 12:53 PM on November 9, 2006


In a similar vein, there's Bootsy Collins' Christmas Is 4 Ever, which I will certainly be adding to the lineup this year. Just listen to some of the samples. I'm not sure if it's the best or the worst thing I've ever heard, but it's...something.

Those in the know will tell you that the true holiday trainwreck is, was, and forever will be Eazy-E's "Merry Muthaphuckin' Xmas".
posted by Vervain at 12:53 PM on November 9, 2006


oh come on MMXmas was HILARIOUS though!
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 12:55 PM on November 9, 2006


EVERY CHILD MUST BE MADE AWARE
EVERY CHILD MUST BE MADE TO CARE
posted by koeselitz at 12:55 PM on November 9, 2006


(It's been way too long since I saw that Bowie/Crosby thing.)
posted by koeselitz at 12:56 PM on November 9, 2006


Those in the know will tell you that the true holiday trainwreck is, was, and forever will be Eazy-E's "Merry Muthaphuckin' Xmas".

That would make a great old-clip split-screen mashup with Nat King Cole.
posted by hal9k at 12:57 PM on November 9, 2006


And you tell me over, and over, and over again my friend, you don't believe we're on the eve of Christmas.
posted by arcticwoman at 12:58 PM on November 9, 2006


I think it's kind of interesting that Christmas follows so closely on the heels of the midterm election, because the two events are rather closely tied in my mind - the death of Christ, coupled with the election of men who made me kill Jesus with my own two hands.

It's around this time of year that the fundamentalists and evangelists redouble their efforts to recruit you, to ask you if you've found Jesus. Yes, I did find Jesus, one day. He was curled up on the wet, muddy floor of a cave, looking like nothing more than some wounded animal who had made a retreat from the world outside to die somewhere anonymous that might not be intruded upon by the shrill hate evoked in His name. His eyes rose from the ground and floated upwards to meet mine, and in them I saw his shame, guilt and rage at what His children had done since his last time on Earth. Those eyes reflected what he had seen; the mechanised murder of our wars, the greed of our rulers, the casual rape of our Mother Earth and all the trees torn down so that our grotesque buildings might spring up atop the mutilated soil.

I'd always been told that Jesus' voice was light: song and beauty. But when he spoke to me, it was filled with gravel and dust, words hanging in the air and dripping with pain.

"Please," he said, "please, my son. Won't you kill me? I've seen what you've done with the gifts I bequeathed you on that cross, and I want to go home. For me, my son, please, please do it."

And for this act, I blame the government, I blame the corporations, and I blame the people seeking to earn sheafs of paper by standing on his scarred, bleeding, aching back.
posted by kfx at 12:59 PM on November 9, 2006 [1 favorite]


So... uh... this is the liner notes?
posted by hal9k at 1:05 PM on November 9, 2006


I've decked out all the halls...one hundred punks yule!
posted by malocchio at 1:10 PM on November 9, 2006


Last night a little elf came dancin' to my door
posted by squeak at 1:18 PM on November 9, 2006


kfx, I'm afraid Phillip Pullman beat you to that idea, and rather more eloquently. Plus with less crazy
posted by gurple at 1:30 PM on November 9, 2006


So? He wants you to pay for his book. I give out the crazy for free.
posted by kfx at 1:42 PM on November 9, 2006


Those . . . snowflakes. Those mesmerizing falling snowflakes. Alas for Billy! That and the rendering of White Christmas may have put the final white blanket of death on the secret Billy Idol crush I have had since 1980.
posted by mygothlaundry at 2:04 PM on November 9, 2006


The background when I view is a Photobucket bandwidth exceeded image.

That makes it even more sad. Or funny. AND funny?
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 2:24 PM on November 9, 2006


Background on the MYSpace that is.
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 2:25 PM on November 9, 2006


The north pole's rocking out tonight
To yuletide festivity
When two elves choose to risk a sleighride
On a cruise with Santa's booty
And the reindeer hooves fly fast for glory
Another dumb Christmas eve
Having fun
with Santa's list
'til Kris Kringle's knife flicks
a Christmas deadly tonight

posted by malocchio at 2:30 PM on November 9, 2006


I would say the Twisted Sister Christmas album is worse, but, actually, it's pretty good for what it is.
posted by dw at 3:00 PM on November 9, 2006


Bill Nighy already did this in Love Actually, although there it was to comic effect.
posted by MythMaker at 3:06 PM on November 9, 2006


It's a nice day for a White Christmas!
posted by JWright at 3:56 PM on November 9, 2006


Now don't you give me all that jive
'Bout things you wrote before I was alive
'Cause this ain't 1823,
Ain't even 1970.
...
We were all in the mood so we had a little food, and a joke, and a smoke, and a little bit of wine,
When I thought I heard a hoof on the top of the roof.
Could it be? It wasn't me, I was feeling super fine.
...
He was roly, he was poly, and I said "Holy Moly!
"You got a lot of whiskers on your chinny chin chin!"
He allowed, he was proud of the hairy little crowd
On the point of the place where the skin should've been.

BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER
posted by mistermoore at 5:17 PM on November 9, 2006


But is Steve Stevens involved??
posted by ktoad at 5:57 PM on November 9, 2006


The end is nigh.
posted by deborah at 7:23 PM on November 9, 2006


kfx, I am the first to admit that there's a very good chance I misunderstood your comment above, but it seems to me that you think christmas is the christian festival to celebrate Christ's death:

I think it's kind of interesting that Christmas follows so closely on the heels of the midterm election, because the two events are rather closely tied in my mind - the death of Christ

It's not. Christmas commemorates the birth of the man with the floating eyeballs (that rose through the air) (to be met by his gravel-filled voice which was hanging in the same air, one presumes) who asked you to kill him while the two of you were in a cave. Or something.
You're one kooky cat.
posted by bunglin jones at 8:01 PM on November 9, 2006


spartacusroosevelt said: The background when I view is a Photobucket bandwidth exceeded image...That makes it even more sad. Or funny. AND funny?

I thought the same thing. Billy Idol has a photobucket account for his MySpace background? Sad AND funny!
posted by nevafeva at 8:53 PM on November 9, 2006


Dancin' with my elf
posted by coevals at 7:22 PM on November 11, 2006


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