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November 22, 2006 4:03 PM   Subscribe

How excellent is your animal? Animal Reviews may hold the answer. Light-hearted smileyness. via pharyngula of all places
posted by Sparx (30 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
What, no gerbil reviews?!
posted by afx237vi at 4:09 PM on November 22, 2006


My pets are all excellent. And I find it funny that two of dog reviews (rat terrier and dingo) happen to be the very dogs that I have to feed every night (ok, my Cattle Dog is only part dingo, but it counts)

And the other dog listed is the one my mom has. Weird.
posted by quin at 4:38 PM on November 22, 2006


Duck

Notable Variations: See below.
Habitat: Wherever there is joy.

Ducks are the greatest birds in the world.


I find myself agreeing with this site more and more.
posted by quin at 4:43 PM on November 22, 2006


Even though he disses my pet (rabbit), that's a funny site. The bit on slugs is quite good.

Best animal in the world? Gibbons (youtube w/NSFW audio)
posted by Bookhouse at 4:47 PM on November 22, 2006 [1 favorite]


this is cute!

Octupus: Octopi are what are known as Cephalopods, a science word meaning that they are constructed entirely out of squish, with no bones whatsoever. Sensational! Yet, unlike their clearly unmotivated cousins the clam and the spinach, they have managed to get themselves hold of tentacles. And not just two or three 'bitty' tentacles either, but eight great big ones sticking out of their drippy bodies, whipping out to grab fish and diver's air tanks. The only deterrent at first sight is the octopus’ overwhelmingly cold demeanour, which is at once both silent and calculating, and radiates an aura of eerie menace.

Overall, a very good show, with minor points taken off for personality.

Behaviour:
No one-trick Pete, the octopus is not only cleverly designed, but is actually cleverly clever. Possessing a vast brainal cavity, they are well known for being able so solve complex (for a fish) logic problems like opening jars and memorizing colour patterns. ...

posted by amberglow at 4:49 PM on November 22, 2006


(pretend i spelled octopus right, ok?)
posted by amberglow at 4:50 PM on November 22, 2006


Bee vs. Wasp makes some very cogent points. Amazing that the Cosa Nostra-like dolphin lobby hasn't shut the site down yet.
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:55 PM on November 22, 2006


Very funny stuff, although I'm distressed that they gave Dobermans just 2.3 out of 10. The Dobermans I've known, including the one I lived with for more than five years, easily rated an 8. Except for the one that tried to bite me in the face, but that one had issues.

At least they're smart enough to know that big dogs are better than little ones, though.
posted by diddlegnome at 5:08 PM on November 22, 2006


The highest rated dog is cat? Give me a break!
posted by absalom at 5:32 PM on November 22, 2006


"Why is it that some cats love being picked up and carried, whilst others hate it like nothing else on earth?"

Word. Oh, the stories these scars could tell...
posted by Cyrano at 5:43 PM on November 22, 2006


absalom : The highest rated dog is cat? Give me a break!

I don't know, I've got four cats and two dogs and that rings pretty true.

Especially Siamese cats. They are basically skinny dogs with better balance. (Mine will come when I call her and play fetch, which is actually more than I can say about my rat terrier whose only trick is to jump 4 feet straight up. Even when we don't want him to.)
posted by quin at 5:50 PM on November 22, 2006


and the Otter could drop the 'e' and be web2.0 compliant!

Ottr
posted by YoBananaBoy at 5:50 PM on November 22, 2006


Oh my. Best of the Web. Wow.* Someone must speak up for the wee dogs, though. Excellent site. Would read again.

* BOW Wow
posted by cairnish at 6:05 PM on November 22, 2006


Ducks are everywhere. This means that everyone, rich or poor, gets to enjoy them. Even better - ducks look totally different when you go on holiday. The variation in down colour and style is simply mind boggling, and very rarely fails to impress.

Wherever you decide to go on holiday, there's still another type of duck you can look forward to meeting when you get there.


The question beckons, can it be truely said that "everyone, rich or poor" get to enjoy ducks if the types of ducks that associate with the rich areas of the world, and the types of ducks that associate with the poor areas of the world, are "totally different" - so much so to be described as "another type of duck"?
posted by jaymzjulian at 6:30 PM on November 22, 2006


Penguins (youtube) make fine pets.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 6:31 PM on November 22, 2006


Penguins are leftist propagandists.
posted by homunculus at 7:00 PM on November 22, 2006


Best animal in the world? Gibbons (youtube w/NSFW audio)

Some tigers would disagree.
posted by homunculus at 7:10 PM on November 22, 2006


Holy hell MSN, I remember seeing that on some animal show years ago. I kept meaning to look for it on the web (and predictably, kept forgetting).

Thanks for finding something you didn't even know I was looking for.

Penguins and ducks in the same thread. If we can get some crow love in here, we will have hit my birdie trifecta.
posted by quin at 7:13 PM on November 22, 2006


The question beckons, can it be truely said that "everyone, rich or poor" get to enjoy ducks if the types of ducks that associate with the rich areas of the world, and the types of ducks that associate with the poor areas of the world, are "totally different" - so much so to be described as "another type of duck"?

Why, of course people of every economic stratrum get equal duck opportunity, to separate but equal ducks. . . .

Oh. Wait.
posted by FelliniBlank at 7:14 PM on November 22, 2006


Make that "stratum," please. "Stratrum" is what the kid in The Shining ate for breakfast, or something.
posted by FelliniBlank at 7:16 PM on November 22, 2006


Homunculus --

That just turned the "gibbons rule" statement from opinion to fact.
posted by Bookhouse at 7:44 PM on November 22, 2006


Okay, anybody that owns a slug for a pet has to have some kind of weird personality disorder.
posted by tehloki at 7:54 PM on November 22, 2006


Oh, and owninga Penguin is asking for it, too.
posted by tehloki at 8:00 PM on November 22, 2006


The rabbit review is SPOT on. They are vicious, smelly, and generally unpleasant little monsters. They are much more suitable to look at from a safe distance, or better yet in pictures. We had one we naively got our child and it was about the unfriendliest furry creature I've ever seen. They actually *growl* like dogs, it's amazing. And they are absolutely fearless. They would bite your head off if they could jump that high.
posted by cj_ at 8:50 PM on November 22, 2006


#cj_: The rabbit review is SPOT on. They are vicious, smelly, and generally unpleasant little monsters.

I depends upon the bunny. We had a nice sweet one. The only problem with him was he had a fetish for human feet wearing socks - you had to keep your shoes on or expect some bunny love.
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 9:04 PM on November 22, 2006


Bookhouse: I couldn't agree more.

That is also why the episode of Star Trek TNG where Picard was slowly turning into a lemur would have led to his eventual domination of every other species on the ship, had they only allowed the transformation to proceed. Stupid Data.
posted by homunculus at 9:16 PM on November 22, 2006


the unfriendliest furry creature I've ever seen

Only when provoked (youtube).
posted by FelliniBlank at 9:21 PM on November 22, 2006


FelliniBlank, awesome.

I have used to have mixed feelings about bunnies. On the whole I thought they were cute, but not really 'my thing'.

Then I house sat for a couple of friends of mine, they had this giant rabbit named Basil who lived a cageless existance. They explained that one of my duties was to come over daily and vacuum up the bunny poo. He was pretty good about always going on the spare bathroom floor so I didn't think much of it. They warned me, however, that Basil really liked the vacuum cleaner and if I turned it on when he was about, he would swarm around my feet. When I inquired as to this odd behavior it was explained to me that Basil's preferred method for getting rid of hair when he was shedding was to go prone and let someone use the vacuum to give him a good scrubbing.

So that is how I spent a couple of weeks in college. Vacuuming a bunny. And the only people that believe this story are those that I brought with me to witness this bizarre abomination first hand.

Now I have a rabbit of my own (Actually the Wife's, but Mefi doesn't care about details...) I've realized that in a house full of pets, I have two that I actually like unconditionally. The rabbit, and the chameleon. Neither make a sound, both like being fed; and thus view my hand as the bringer of life, and the bunny is the only creature in the whole house that will chase down my Siamese cat, purely for the purpose of teaching her a lesson.

[Yes, the strange physics that surround my house dictate that the terrier and the cattle dog are subservient to the small white cat, yet the rabbit flummoxes her awesome powers and makes her fearful and weak. Don't even get me started on the birds, they are smarter than all of us.]
posted by quin at 9:48 PM on November 22, 2006


Oh, and owning a Penguin is asking for it, too.
Frankly I think it's rather uniquely wholesome... a boy and his penguin! A penguin and his boy!
posted by Wolfdog at 8:45 AM on November 23, 2006


Bunnies being cute

to counter all the bunny-hate.
posted by tehloki at 1:55 PM on November 23, 2006


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