The evidence is pretty clear cut. I think they're really gonna nail this guy... posted by stenseng at 3:44 PM on December 4, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]
However, I do think some extensive cross examination will be in order. posted by stenseng at 3:46 PM on December 4, 2006
I've got a feeling that the charges against the perp may be laid to rest, but will rise again. posted by baggers at 3:53 PM on December 4, 2006
"It's a sad day for hell..." posted by sklero at 3:54 PM on December 4, 2006
I hope they pull in those strange people at the scene. I don't exactly know why they're standing over the chalk lines and holding a lasso, but that seems like suspicious behavior if I ever saw it.
I'm sure that, at the funeral, it will be reveal that the police found Jesus. And put him in prison... in their HEARTS. posted by koeselitz at 3:54 PM on December 4, 2006
*listens to megadeth sadly* posted by koeselitz at 3:55 PM on December 4, 2006
The perp has been seen hanging around the church....
Hanging around... get it? On the cross on the wall?....
Oh, forget it... posted by MythMaker at 3:57 PM on December 4, 2006
so, now what are they going to blame human wickedness and an imperfect world upon? posted by pyramid termite at 4:05 PM on December 4, 2006
It might actually be a happy day for hell now. Hell might be the new heaven, without a brutal god hating tyrant running the place. Democracy might break out. Wait, what are we talking about? posted by found missing at 4:17 PM on December 4, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]
the funeral service is on my birthday! posted by andywolf at 4:24 PM on December 4, 2006
i love, love, love the idea of "rebuking" the devil. posted by facetious at 4:28 PM on December 4, 2006
stenseng : The evidence is pretty clear cut. I think they're really gonna nail this guy...
Oooh, I'd tell you that your so going to Hell for this one, but what with the devil dead, Hell will probably end up being a pretty nice place to live. What with the view of the lake of fire and all, I bet property values triple in the next couple of years.
Actually, I've been looking for a place down South, maybe now is the time to buy. posted by quin at 4:33 PM on December 4, 2006
Satan was only the start. This guy is going on a spree. Worse than that sniper case a couple years back. Did you hear how he did Satan? Lazers. Guy has fucking lazers! Used to work at an industrial plant, is what I heard. Now he's just going around the country burning holes right through people. Bam.
We got to stop him, cuz if we don't, he's, he's gonna—that's right:
LAZER US. posted by cortex at 4:38 PM on December 4, 2006
I've been looking for a place down South, maybe now is the time to buy.
Damn right! You heard the preacher: "Jesus is Lord over the Delta!"
Like they always used to say, "the South's gonna rise again"! posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:39 PM on December 4, 2006
I don't know, I'm uncomfortable with the fact that Jesus felt he could take the law into his own hands and just slay someone. I mean, do we want that kind of society? posted by hojoki at 4:47 PM on December 4, 2006
Satan Who? posted by jonmc at 4:48 PM on December 4, 2006
OH, CRAP ... i just checked my record collection ... AND ALL MY BLACK SABBATH LPS have been mysteriously changed to LAWRENCE WELK RECORDS!!
"Satan's next of kin, his brother Willard in Cincinnati, has said that, while he doesn't know precisely what he'll do with all the souls he's inherited, he's thinking of donating them to his favorite charity, the Republican Party, as he's heard they'd been in great need this election year. He would also like anyone who's in contact with Robert Johnson to please help them get in touch, as he's willing to trade back, as Willard has always wanted to play the guitar." posted by koeselitz at 5:25 PM on December 4, 2006
Luke 7:14 - And Jesus said unto the multitude, I shall findeth the real killer. Now watch this drive. posted by Pollomacho at 5:43 PM on December 4, 2006
If this video were on You Tube there'd be hell to pay. posted by DieHipsterDie at 5:51 PM on December 4, 2006
This is hilariously cute in its naivete. I especially like how the sheriff expects crime rates to go down, now that Satan is dead. posted by Slarty Bartfast at 6:02 PM on December 4, 2006
Police are seeking a Jewish mob in connection with the killing.
Oh, now Jesus is dead. posted by four panels at 6:44 PM on December 4, 2006
I noticed they re-used a goodly proportion of those 'witnesses', by dressing them in over-sized woman's wear. For instance, both Pheobie Noble and Betty Watkins were played by Milton Gaston. And I believe the the phat lady with the noose, who was loitering at the beginning of the VT was played by the pastor. I'm sorry to ruin it for everyone, the only conclusion is that this is some kind of hoax. We shall have to wait for snopes of course. But I rest quite comfortably with my conclusion. Diabolus est Alive. posted by econous at 7:00 PM on December 4, 2006
The Gospel of Jesus: If I did it. posted by papakwanz at 7:14 PM on December 4, 2006
A distraught Saddam Hussein could not be immediately reached for comment.
"Jesus? Nice guy, kinda kept to himself most of the time, said hi if you saw him in the laundry room. 'Course, he ran with a bad crowd, hos, thugs, tax collectors, y'know?"
"Heard he had some tough times growing up, a lot of moving around, controversy when his mom got knocked up. His step dad did the best he could, but you know how it is sometimes when when the baby's daddy is a bigwig and you're just a Nazarene carpenter, it's tough, right?" posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:49 PM on December 4, 2006 [3 favorites has favorites]
My favorite part is the Sherriff's "acting." It's stilted and wooden in a way that reminds me of this bit from Buffy; the last minute, that is; the Oedipus play. posted by sparkletone at 12:45 AM on December 5, 2006
The video reminds me the leperchaun in the tree. No, it's not for THAT reason but rather the people in it and such.
Also, if they got rid of Satan, who in Christianity is responsible for evil, they would thus get rid of evil. If they got rid of evil, they would thus get rid of free will and God gave man free will. So wouldn't killing Satan be a bad idea for these people? posted by champthom at 4:36 PM on December 5, 2006
White chalk + outline of the devil = White Devil? I don't want to draw any leading conclusions, but I think the answer is clear. posted by Eideteker at 7:49 PM on December 5, 2006
God gave man free will
This is the New Hope Baptist Church, the Free Will Baptist Church is down the block, next to the Four Square Gospel Church. posted by Pollomacho at 8:48 PM on December 5, 2006
Hm. My penis disappeared. posted by tehloki at 11:05 PM on December 5, 2006
This is the New Hope Baptist Church...
Meh, the Empire Strikes Baptist Church is way better.
Psst! Mary Magdalene is his sister, and you'll never believe who his dad is! posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:36 PM on December 5, 2006
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posted by ericb at 3:13 PM on December 4, 2006