Yikes.

December 5, 2006 4:13 PM

There is irrefutable proof here that relates to 9/11, judicial and prosecutal corruption, corruption in the FBI, police corruption. I am firmly convinced that the members of the evil shadow government identified on this page, and their microwaving agents have come into being to bring to this world their ruler, SATAN and that the world is in its "end times" . I believe that these evil agents of SATAN are responsible for past acts which are in part described on this page. However I do believe that people can survive these times if they are prepared.
posted by boo_radley (58 comments total)

I must conclude there is a 1:1 correlation between the ability to design and code a html page so it doesn't look like utter dreck and how sharp you are vis a vis the other knives in the drawer.
posted by maxwelton at 4:19 PM on December 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

What is it about crazy people that makes them so eggregiously abuse laying out text with eye-busting uses of ALL CAPS, the color red, and underlining things?
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:20 PM on December 5, 2006

I see maxwelton and me reached the same conclusion simulateneously.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:20 PM on December 5, 2006

This affects everyone... by crashing their browser!!!!! (OK, well, mine anyway.)
posted by The Deej at 4:24 PM on December 5, 2006

I think the reason they use such terrible coding is that they are certain they are right and don't understand why others don't believe them. They must assume it is a function of not yelling or formatting loud enough.
posted by Ironmouth at 4:25 PM on December 5, 2006

Look, just because the text (nevermind images) of this web page is just shy of 160KB doesn't mean he's insane.
posted by boo_radley at 4:26 PM on December 5, 2006

Hell, I agree with him. We really ought to get this guy STAN.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:31 PM on December 5, 2006

You're right, boo. There's plenty of other evedence, so why just pick on his typography skills?
posted by lekvar at 4:34 PM on December 5, 2006

I wonder what his sister thinks about all of this.
posted by owhydididoit at 4:39 PM on December 5, 2006

Now normally, the end of the world would be the perfect time to say, “I told you so,” but for once, nobody saw it coming. For one thing, the Rapture came on a Friday afternoon, which seems unnecessarily cruel. Surely a merciful God would end the world on a Monday. And after I worked overtime all week to get The Presentation done! Of course the real insult was finding out my idiot boss got called up. What makes that self-righteous prick so special? Now there’ll be no living with him.

Which, I suppose now that I think about it, won’t really be a problem after all.

Heh! That just brought the first smile of the week.

So what’s the protocol here, anyway? Do we get to bugger off early for the end of the world? It’s been four days, already, and no announcement from management on how this affects our PTO policies. Figures. The extension for HR is 666.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:42 PM on December 5, 2006 [4 favorites]

I wonder if he's friends with This guy? They both think the world's coming to an end, AND they apparently took the same teach youself HTML class! (snicker)
posted by BillsR100 at 4:45 PM on December 5, 2006

I don't know what this guy's end of days scenario is but the most popular one has all of the saved ones being lifted up bodily at the same time without their clothes or false teeth, hairpieces or plastic boobs.

What interests me most is does anyone have any suggestions where the best seats might be to watch the show. Because I want one.
posted by donfactor at 4:52 PM on December 5, 2006

that shit crashed my firefox jerk! my ff hasn't crashed since, like a long time ago/never. i had 14 very, very precious windows open, and now i'll have to go into my history to find out all the great pron i had been browsing. thanks.
posted by localhuman at 4:54 PM on December 5, 2006

Wow. David Berkowitz, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Janet Reno.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:55 PM on December 5, 2006

Wll he has convinced me. What do I do now?
posted by Postroad at 5:13 PM on December 5, 2006

Wait, what? I couldn't even make out what he was talking about under that tinfoil hat. Pedophiles? Satan? Spray-on solar cells? Sounds like a fantastic tale, if only I could piece it together.

Talk about burying the lede!
posted by EatTheWeak at 5:14 PM on December 5, 2006

TimeCube was so five years ago.
posted by noble_rot at 5:15 PM on December 5, 2006

Oh, right and microwave weapons. Hot shit, this is franchise material!
posted by EatTheWeak at 5:17 PM on December 5, 2006

but since time is cubical that makes it so happening and now!
posted by Artw at 5:23 PM on December 5, 2006

I wish my car ran on crazy.
posted by chairface at 5:29 PM on December 5, 2006

Ironmouth: "I think the reason they use such terrible coding is that they are certain they are right and don't understand why others don't believe them.."

Sadly, it's a classic sign of psychopathology. (Wish I could remember where I read about this...) I remember back in the 70's and 80's when crazy people on streetcorners would hand out leaflets explaining their conspiracy theories, the leaflets were always formatted with words covering every single square inch of paper, in much the same way as their spoken words were very compressed and flowed too rapidly to make much sense. Nowadays I guess such people set up websites, but apparently they have the same kinds of problems adjusting their message to the new format.

I remember back when this guy was spending his whole (fairly substantial) inheritance to publicize his theory that Stephen King murdered John Lennon. He drove around the country in a van filled with these batshitinsane pamphlets. I'm glad to see that now he has a website. I hope it's cut down his costs a little.
posted by peeping_Thomist at 5:34 PM on December 5, 2006

I think the reason they use such terrible coding is that they are certain they are right and don't understand why others don't believe them. They must assume it is a function of not yelling or formatting loud enough.

Mmm. Can somebody perhaps have a go at designing and coding a Web 2.0 crank theory site?

It could include nice round gradients with flames lapping at the bottom, ALL CAPS but in a sans-serif, pastel font, and an Ajax live search of conspiracies with a full user-contributed taxonomy. And it could be called it Nuttr.
posted by randomination at 5:35 PM on December 5, 2006 [2 favorites]

Can someone teach me how to format louder?
posted by fenriq at 5:41 PM on December 5, 2006

Wow, I hope this guy owns lots of stock in Alcoa, the tinfoil company.
posted by caddis at 5:42 PM on December 5, 2006

Also, the site is nicely summed by this gem, "To me photovoltaics is a gift from God."
posted by fenriq at 5:42 PM on December 5, 2006

WHEN EVERY LINE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THEN NONE OF THEM ARE IMPORTANT!
posted by The Deej at 5:55 PM on December 5, 2006

And it could be called it Nuttr.

Not WACKipedia?
posted by spitbull at 6:11 PM on December 5, 2006

Not to feed the loonies or anything, but his references to the government "microwaving" people's heads is very close to truth. See for example, this Wired article on the U.S. military's new millimeter-wave weapons. Apparently they're now certified for use in Iraq.
posted by jam_pony at 6:23 PM on December 5, 2006

Erp, correction. The idea that mysterious persons are covertly harming oneself is a classic symptom of mental conditions. What I meant was only that there are weapons approximately answering the description of microwaving people. The targets are presumably other than this guy and the effects are different that he describes.
posted by jam_pony at 6:29 PM on December 5, 2006

This guy should definitely switch to decaf.
posted by clevershark at 6:33 PM on December 5, 2006

Learn how they are now hiring sociopaths to microwave citizens

well, you didn't think that normal people would be willing to do that for a living, did you?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:39 PM on December 5, 2006

I think the guy is right on some points, but just writing letters and calling people doesnt mean you will make a change. And getting fucked over in court is pretty common for all men, hes taking it personally.

BTW, I'm seeing lots of news and pictures on microwave weapons, how they are non-leathal, but hurt like hell. Great for torture as its not classified as torture by the Government.

I wont how long it will be before they use it in the US, I expect to see it used in prisons, then WTO protests.
posted by IronWolve at 7:26 PM on December 5, 2006

I, for one, buy all of this. Disturbingly similar events have occurred in my life, such as when a self proclaimed closet fag in the Black Tuna Gang destroyed all of my efforts at developing photovoltaics and demonstrating their heavenly powers at junior high school science fairs (needless to say, I was also assaulted with microwaves). As he reminds us, Jesus Christ also went through comparable ordeals with the closet fag romans. EVIL!

I may be misunderstanding something. Nonetheless, I went ahead and subscribed to the newsletter. I suspect it is written with several colors of crayon on a stapled together stack of waffle house napkins, and that I will find two or three in my mailbox every day.
posted by gordie at 7:27 PM on December 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

Finally someone has the guts to reveal the hidden connections between 9/11, Satan, Photovoltaics, JFK, Cuba, Hitler, federal judges, high energy weapons, Utilitarianism, Key Biscayne Police, cold fusion, particle beams, Janet Reno, the Catholic Church, the CIA, and Jane Curtan.

How could we not see this before?

WHO ARE THE HIDDEN ONES?

ARE WE BLIND??

WE MUST WARN THE OTHERS!

We need IMG tags! We need BLINKtags! Why is Metafilter censoring us? WE CAN NOT WARN the others without PROPER HTML TAGS!!!
posted by StarForce5 at 7:35 PM on December 5, 2006

i have a black tuna. in my closet fag pants.
posted by quonsar at 7:43 PM on December 5, 2006

I must conclude there is a 1:1 correlation between the ability to design and code a html page so it doesn't look like utter dreck and how sharp you are vis a vis the other knives in the drawer.

I so way beat you to it, dude.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:49 PM on December 5, 2006

I have to admit that I didn't read that whole page. I'm sorry, everyone.
posted by I Am Not a Lobster at 8:13 PM on December 5, 2006

"that shit crashed my firefox jerk! my ff hasn't crashed since, like a long time ago/never. i had 14 very, very precious windows open, and now i'll have to go into my history to find out all the great pron i had been browsing. thanks."

Upgrade to 2.0, restore tabs rocks.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:41 PM on December 5, 2006

I'm an asshole, I guess, since I didn't even allow the whole page to load.

I am ashamed of myself.
posted by cgc373 at 8:41 PM on December 5, 2006

I can't wait until crazy discovers Web 2.0.

It'll be interactive!
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:41 PM on December 5, 2006

Sorry man, I'm not buying it. Everyone knows SATAN is dead.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:44 PM on December 5, 2006

This scum dares to dis Jane Curtan?! She's the incarnation of Mary Magdylene! Woe be unto him, he shall wish he'd never been born! Microwaves are too good for him.

On bad days, I have the fear that the nutters are too close to the truth. Even broken clocks are right, twice a day. Surely it is the case that somewhere, some nutter is 85% right in his ravings.
posted by Goofyy at 9:22 PM on December 5, 2006

MrMoonPie, I now must conclude, as usual, I am late to the party vis a vis the vis a vis.
posted by maxwelton at 9:28 PM on December 5, 2006

Please don't post whacked-out shit like this; It almost makes me want to trust the government.
posted by tehloki at 9:29 PM on December 5, 2006

What interests me most is does anyone have any suggestions where the best seats might be to watch the show.

Right inside one of those megachurches. Watch the look on the minister's face as a dozen or so (out of several thousand) people disappear, and everyone realizes the minister is still there.
posted by arcticwoman at 9:30 PM on December 5, 2006 [1 favorite]

:)
posted by caddis at 10:13 PM on December 5, 2006

Right inside one of those megachurches. Watch the look on the minister's face as a dozen or so (out of several thousand) people disappear, and everyone realizes the minister is still there.

Realization 1: The minister didn't get raptured.
Realization 2: I didn't get raptured.
Realization 3: That asshole who lives across the street got raptured.
Realization 4: Who can I sue for this?
posted by aeschenkarnos at 10:15 PM on December 5, 2006

Lucky me, the judge and my lawyer didn't get raptured either.
posted by caddis at 10:19 PM on December 5, 2006

Don't worry. All of this will be taken care of by President-maybe-to-be, John K. Hodgman.

The Reptiloids are displeased with our current "leadership." And so:

"So tonight, on behalf of my Reptiloid masters, I am announcing that I will very seriously consider running for President, maybe." -- John K. Hodgman.

Go back to bed, Citizens. All of this will be taken care of soon.
posted by sparkletone at 1:43 AM on December 6, 2006

Sadly, it's a classic sign of psychopathology. (Wish I could remember where I read about this...)

This is absolutely right. peeping_Thomist, you may have read about this in PSY 101 Introduction to Psychology. It's often seen in schizophrenia (you might also remember Louis Wain's Fractal Cats, which are a similar manifestation of this).
posted by moonbiter at 5:50 AM on December 6, 2006

Oops, make that peeping_Thomist.
posted by moonbiter at 5:51 AM on December 6, 2006

Janet Reno who in my opinion is the most corrupt and incompetent government official I have ever had contact with.

At least he's somewhat right about Janet Reno. I always thought she was in league with Satan, but the MOST corrupt and incompetent? He must not have been paying attention for the last six years.

I've had a sneaking suspicion for a long time that there is a government agency somewhere that churns out these bad conspiracy websites. What better way to hide the REAL nefarious shit that actually gets pulled than to bury the truth in an avalanche of bad HTML?

Everybody that works there used to make up stuff to feed the USSR back in the good old days, but since the Soviet demise, they have been re-assigned.

So now, somewhere deep in the bowels of a gray, nondescript building in D.C there are a bunch of oldsters reading this very thread and giving each other high-fives for another job well done.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 6:06 AM on December 6, 2006

I'm pleased to see that Steve Lightfoot, the crazy guy who claims Stephen King murdered John Lennon, is using his website for more than just publishing his pamphlets on the net. He is also using the website to organize. Specifically, to organize a "Find Your Spine" rally this Friday in Santa Rosa.

I like that over time he has grown kind of philosophical about it all: "Now is your chance to prove to yourselves and your kids you're not political wimps after all. That you do take a stand.
Or not.
It's up to all of you, not me."
posted by peeping_Thomist at 6:42 AM on December 6, 2006

I love that guy. He actually makes a compelling, if totally balmy, case on the Stephen King subject.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:03 AM on December 6, 2006

Can I join the Black Tuna Gang?
posted by parmanparman at 8:38 AM on December 6, 2006

Sorry, you need more street cred. Can I recommend some online pharmaceuticals?
posted by tehloki at 9:56 AM on December 6, 2006

If Firefox always crashes on pages like this -- well, if that isn't a bug but a feature, I don't know what is.
posted by davejay at 10:54 AM on December 6, 2006

He had me at.
The effect of mass low level microwaving is to create a nation of Zombies.
posted by andywolf at 5:32 PM on December 7, 2006