The Wii is not a clover vase.
December 6, 2006 10:59 AM   Subscribe

If you've seen the Japanese safety manual for the Wii, you might have thought it was a bit excessive. But it really isn't, if you consider how many safety warnings they left out. Via core77.
posted by hydrophonic (27 comments total)

 
SO CUTE!
posted by rxrfrx at 11:14 AM on December 6, 2006


I can't smoke around my Wii, nor can it ever sleep?

What's that got to do with safety?
posted by triolus at 11:15 AM on December 6, 2006


So much for my Wii marriage.
posted by drezdn at 11:20 AM on December 6, 2006


I don't understand.

Does this mean I shouldn't throw it away or does it mean I shouldn't send it out to be dry cleaned?
posted by IronLizard at 11:22 AM on December 6, 2006


Awesome.
posted by EatTheWeak at 11:24 AM on December 6, 2006


Pants shoving explained.
posted by elkelk at 11:38 AM on December 6, 2006


Serious question... no pacemakers? My roomate is going to be bummed. Can anyone confirm that this is in the American manual?
posted by nathancaswell at 11:39 AM on December 6, 2006


Let me be the first to say: Wiimote. Do not apply directly to the forehead.
posted by tehloki at 11:46 AM on December 6, 2006


Wii Have a Problem.
posted by reklaw at 11:56 AM on December 6, 2006


These people who are smashing things with Wiimotes? Dolts.
posted by boo_radley at 12:01 PM on December 6, 2006


I still don't understand all the retards chucking their wiimotes across the room.
posted by stenseng at 12:04 PM on December 6, 2006


I like this one.
posted by brundlefly at 12:05 PM on December 6, 2006


Serious question... no pacemakers? My roomate is going to be bummed. Can anyone confirm that this is in the American manual?

$20 says they just put it in there in case somebody's pacemaker stops while they're playing: "we had it in the manual!"
posted by The God Complex at 12:37 PM on December 6, 2006


I still don't understand all the retards chucking their wiimotes across the room.

My first reaction was similar, but then I thought about it, and decided it's a ringing endorsement for the level of immersion afforded by the controller.

First, while "bowling" the controller: if you're really bowling, you let go of the ball when you reach the bottom of the swing. It's the natural thing to do. If you're immersed in the game, it's the thing that you'll likely do;

Second, while "serving" (tennis) the controller: if you're really playing tennis, the power in your serve is as important as your control. It's the natural thing to try to hit it as hard as possible; of course, it's also fun. If you're immersed in the game, or just enjoying it, it's the thing that you'll likely do;

Third, the wrist strap: the one on the DS is equally thin (and by "the one" I mean the portion connected to the unit), but it's sufficient to prevent the DS from dropping if you let it go -- ie it can resist gravity's unceasing grasp. Using such a flimsy connection on a device that's *intended* to be at the end of an arm making grandiose gestures is not very bright.

So yeah, you probably should scale back the enthusiasm, but at the same time, the controller itself encourages that level of enthusiasm, and is also ill-prepared for it.
posted by davejay at 12:37 PM on December 6, 2006


Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball
Subject: Wii

(kids)
It's Happy!
It's Fun!
It's Wii!

(announcer)
Yes, it's Wii,
the toy sensation
that's sweeping the nation.
Only 14.95 at participating stores!

Get one Today

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to Wii.

Caution: Wii may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Wii contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture
should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Wii on concrete.

Discontinue use of Wii if any of the following occurs:

* Itching

* Vertigo

* Dizziness

* Tingling in extremities

* Loss of balance or coordination

* Slurred speech

* Temporary blindness

* Profuse Sweating

or

* Heart palpitations

If Wii begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter
and cover head.

Wii may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Wii should be returned to its special container
and kept under refrigeration.

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Wii, Wacky Products
Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Wii include an unknown glowing substance which
fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Wii has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is
also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Wii.

Wii comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Wii! Accept no substitutes!
posted by Gungho at 12:41 PM on December 6, 2006


Nintendo should commission Ikea to name each of these warning pages, e.g. UNIBØØB.
posted by rob511 at 12:47 PM on December 6, 2006


IronLizard, that image actually says that you shouldn't dispose of the Wii by putting it with the burnable garbage. Yes, people still burn garbage in Japan.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:45 PM on December 6, 2006


I think burnable is only one of like fifteen types of garbage in japan. I believe they do quite a lot of recycling too. In america the last garbage incinerator I saw was down south in the eighties but I rather doubt that they are all gone even today.
posted by subtle_squid at 3:17 PM on December 6, 2006


Don't talk about Wii in buildings.

Don't play Wii in Toronto or Seattle.
posted by Leather McWhip at 5:01 PM on December 6, 2006


Wiietnam?
posted by CrayDrygu at 5:43 PM on December 6, 2006


It's hard to make out because of the quality of the scan, but I think the "Toronto and Seattle" one says, "If it starts to storm, immediately stop using your Wii". The building in the picture is probably supposed to be Tokyo Tower.

The "don't talk about Wii in buildings" one says, "be sure to use your Wii in appropriate places." I think the implication is that the building is a workplace...
posted by vorfeed at 5:58 PM on December 6, 2006


Ha! Do not tuck in your Wii. It is claustrophobic and will have an anxiety attack.

I absolutely love how active this system is making everyone. And it's people who stereotypically aren't good at physical activity, forgetting when you hurl an object, it keeps going. And I adore the rise of Wii elbow: "Exercise? What is this excercise of which you speak?"
posted by Jilder at 6:13 PM on December 6, 2006


The Wii will eat your lucky four-leaf clover. This can only break your heart.
posted by arto at 8:37 PM on December 6, 2006


beaten to the punch by the friggin' post title. all hail me, for i am master of the obvious.
posted by arto at 8:38 PM on December 6, 2006


I got a Wii today and supplemented the wiimote strap string with some 50 pound fishing line.
posted by Chuckly at 11:25 PM on December 6, 2006


Faint of Butt : "Yes, people still burn garbage in Japan."

Well, to be fair, it's not exactly like we're brimming with extra land for landfills.

nathancaswell : "Serious question... no pacemakers?"

Serious answer: The Japanese text next to it says, basically "If you have a pacemaker, do not bring the Wiimote within 22 cm of it". Which, of course, is a safety margin, so it's not like 21 cm will cause harm, but 2 cm is probably a bad idea.
posted by Bugbread at 3:12 AM on December 7, 2006


Thanks, FB
posted by IronLizard at 6:47 AM on December 7, 2006


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