VP's daughter to be unwed mom.

December 6, 2006 4:58 PM

Mary Cheney's got a bun in the oven. Complete with lukewarm response from Dick & Lynne. Lynne discussed previously.
posted by tula (74 comments total)

"The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of their sixth grandchild," spokesman Lea Anne McBride said last night.

I wouldn't describe that as lukewarm.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:04 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Yeah, someone's got an agenda here, and it's not Dick & Lynne. Try to post stuff that isn't all over the news, and if you must post such stuff, try to do it without extra added BUSH SUX AMIRITE???
posted by languagehat at 5:05 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

I didn't know that Mary Cheney and her girlfriend considered themselves "married." I'm sure this pleases James Dobson to no end.

And languagehat, please go away.
posted by bardic at 5:09 PM on December 6, 2006

"I wouldn't describe that as lukewarm."

Yes, that boilerplate statement from a spokesperson brought a tear to my eye.
posted by 2sheets at 5:12 PM on December 6, 2006

Is it OK to abort a gay baby?
posted by papakwanz at 5:13 PM on December 6, 2006

TownHall blogger Kevin McCullough on hearing the news of the pregnancy of Mary Cheney ("who engages in lesbianism"):

"1. How did the exclusive sexual union of these two women bring about this conception?

2. What does it mean, from a biological nature to realize that a man WAS in fact necessary for this conception to take place?

3. What does it mean to the supposed 'intimacy' that 'two people share' which was intended by the Creator to be a function that creates life, to be forced to include a third party?

4. Doesn't it make a rather strong statement that biologically speaking, the sexual union these two women share - is in fact, scientifically speaking - inadequate?

5. Is it healthy for a society to celebrate inadequate sexual unions that lead to everything except what it was designed to be?

6. Knowing from scientific data that children excel best when given the full and natural parental structure of one mother and one father, is it moral to bring a child into such a scenario - purposefully, simply to stroke one's own desire to have a child - sort of like a new handbag, or pair of shoes?"

Answers:

1. Turkey-baster. No inclusive or exclusive sexual union with a man is really necessary for conception to take place. Just visit a fertility clinic like other straight and gay couples.

2. As we learn in Health Sciences and Biology 101 (and from Mom and Dad's "Birds and the Bees" discussion), sperm is needed to fertilize an egg.

3. Have Ted Haggard answer that question.

4. Have Ted Haggard's wife tell you about inadequate sexual unions.

5. I think Jim Bakker could respond to that.

6. Ask Vice President and Mrs. Cheney how they feel about you comparing their unborn grandchild being compared to a Fendi bag or pair of Gucci loafers.
posted by ericb at 5:16 PM on December 6, 2006

"Lukewarm," my ass. Dick should've been pres. World'd be a better place.
posted by koeselitz at 5:20 PM on December 6, 2006

I just hope that, boy or girl, they name it 'Lon.'
posted by jonmc at 5:21 PM on December 6, 2006 [3 favorites]

Maybe she got the sperm from an aging Republican star like William F. Buckley, kinda like Melissa Ethridge requesting baby-batter from David Crosby.

Eww.
posted by bardic at 5:23 PM on December 6, 2006

And languagehat, please go away.

bardic, we're on swell terms as you said. If you'd like it to stay that way, lay off my friend.
posted by jonmc at 5:23 PM on December 6, 2006

jonmc FTW
posted by 2sheets at 5:23 PM on December 6, 2006

kinda like Melissa Ethridge requesting baby-batter from David Crosby.

That one, I have to admit kind of baffled me, too. Crosby's a very talented dude, but who thinks, "given a world full of choices, I'd like the father of my child to be an overweight dopefiend who looks like Yosemite Sam with a hangover." I mean, Melissa's pals with Bruce Springsteen, why didn't she use him?
posted by jonmc at 5:25 PM on December 6, 2006

Sure thing Sheriff.

(Honestly, go back and re-read what you just typed.)
posted by bardic at 5:26 PM on December 6, 2006

"Cheney and Poe live in Virginia, which pretty much offers them no legal rights because of the hateful laws it has passed in the last two years:

'Those laws may vitiate any legal agreement between the two, period, about anything. The law ensures that Mary's partner has no legal rights whatsoever in their child, or in what happens to Mary (or vice versa), such as if one partner has to go the hospital, the other can't visit. The law may even nullify any wills that Mary and Heather write regarding each other, and it may make it impossible for gay people to go to court to resolve any difference about anything - the courts can't recognize gay unions, so they can't make any decisions that would imply recognition (custody, hospital visitation, wills, etc.) It's beyond ironic that Virginia's new law, one of the most hateful, bigoted laws on the books, is now targeting the vice president's own daughter and soon-to-be new grandchild.'"
posted by ericb at 5:26 PM on December 6, 2006

I wonder if Dick Cheney would agree that Child Services should take the child and place it in the care of a heterosexual couple?
posted by mullingitover at 5:28 PM on December 6, 2006

Associated Press: Groups Mixed on Mary Cheney's Pregnancy

Times Online: Christian Outrage at Cheney's Lesbian Pregnancy
posted by ericb at 5:28 PM on December 6, 2006

Who's the father? Or are we going to go with Immaculate Conception on this one?

It is the right time of year for that kind of announcement.
posted by quin at 5:29 PM on December 6, 2006

This comment expresses my outrage.
posted by Cyrano at 5:29 PM on December 6, 2006

Wonkette: Online Poll -- Which member of the Bush Family impregnated Mary Cheney?
posted by ericb at 5:33 PM on December 6, 2006

Jeez languagehat, maybe try decaf. It's just a funny a funny news item, no?
posted by tula at 5:33 PM on December 6, 2006

Mary Cheney's got a bun in the oven. Complete with lukewarm response from Dick & Lynne. Lynne discussed previously.


bardic, we're on swell terms as you said. If you'd like it to stay that way, lay off my friend.

/furrows brow

/groans while massaging temples

/open mouths

/pauses

/closes mouth

/leaves, shaking head slowly.
posted by The God Complex at 5:35 PM on December 6, 2006

Who's the father?

I'm thinking either the guy who played the father on Seventh Heaven or Kid Rock.
posted by jonmc at 5:35 PM on December 6, 2006

not twice funny, just once.
posted by tula at 5:36 PM on December 6, 2006

So Mary Cheney won't come out in full support of gays to have full rights over kids they have through sperm donorship or adoption. Not so much of a problem for her, because she and her family are loaded, and if anything happens to her the child will be provided for.

The rest of the gay world/suckers who were incapable of being born to rich parents? Meh -- let Child Services step in. Only rich gays deserve to be considered "real" parents.

The very definition of cowardice. Who the hell bought and read her book, anways?
posted by bardic at 5:36 PM on December 6, 2006

Congratulations to the happy couple.
posted by jam_pony at 5:36 PM on December 6, 2006

Perfect for Dick Cheney -- a shotgun wedding in his family!

"Our crack team of Cheney Compound Spies never sleeps. Hot on the heels of the Mary Cheney pregnancy announcement, one Op saw evidence of mysterious rituals at the Vice Presidential Lair:

Saw a huge white tent on the grounds of Naval Obsrv this morning. WIll Mary be a December bride? Will it be a shotgun wedding?"

A shotgun gay marriage — precisely what the religious right has been warning us of for years!

The Cheneys have thus far refused to disclose the identity of the biological father, so we’ll have to assume it’s either some sort of terrifying Michael J. Fox-mandated cloning experiment, or an immaculate conception.^*

posted by ericb at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

koeselitz writes "Dick should've been pres. World'd be a better place."

You're not terribly smart if you think he isn't.

It's pretty telling that the White House political machine has pretty much gone to shit the moment Dick lost his chief of staff.
posted by clevershark at 5:38 PM on December 6, 2006

alright, overreaction. I've grown to respect bardic, butl-hat's an old buddy and I've seen them clash twice today (and I was just listening to old Raven records), so I went into Buford Pusser mode. apologies.
posted by jonmc at 5:38 PM on December 6, 2006

ericb writes "Cheney and Poe live in Virginia, which pretty much offers them no legal rights because of the hateful laws it has passed in the last two years..."

It shouldn't be much of a problem for them, though. They're rich and well-connected.
posted by mr_roboto at 5:41 PM on December 6, 2006

"The true test of a first rate mind is the ability to hold two contradictory ideas at the same time."
F. Scott Fitzgerald

One thing about these fundamalist religious fascists is that they have no problem saying one thing, while doing entirely another.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 5:42 PM on December 6, 2006

Jeez languagehat, maybe try decaf. It's just a funny a funny news item, no?
posted by tula

So now a funny news item equals best of the web? Gotcha.
posted by justgary at 5:44 PM on December 6, 2006

so I went into Buford Pusser mode. apologies.

Don't apologize to us. Apologize to our Reptaloid Masters.
posted by The God Complex at 5:48 PM on December 6, 2006

Apologize to our Reptaloid Masters.

Too late. I shot and then chicken-fried them. The next thread up made me do it.
posted by jonmc at 5:49 PM on December 6, 2006

Mary "gay Republican" Cheney

Mary "vegan abortion" Cheney

Mary "Jewish Nazi" Cheney

Mary "I'm so fucking rich fuck you" Cheney
posted by four panels at 5:59 PM on December 6, 2006

Poor Bastard.
posted by R. Mutt at 6:05 PM on December 6, 2006

"Who the hell bought and read her book, anways?"

Well, not too many people. One of the high points of my summer was learning that my first book -- a knitting book, for heaven's sake -- had outsold hers.

http://www.advocate.com/news_detail.asp?id=32039
posted by bitter-girl.com at 6:33 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Apologize to our Reptaloid Masters.

i'm sure you meant 'Rectaloid Masters'.
posted by quonsar at 6:36 PM on December 6, 2006

So now a funny news item equals best of the web? Gotcha.

Actually I thought at the very least it was nice news, kinda funny, but I also think there are interesting implications when social policy runs smack into real life. I'm not alone in this apparently.
posted by tula at 6:39 PM on December 6, 2006

when social policy runs smack into real life.

there's social policy and there's real life. rarely does the twain ever meet.
posted by jonmc at 6:43 PM on December 6, 2006

quin: "Who's the father? Or are we going to go with Immaculate Conception on this one?"

That would be virgin birth, not immaculate conception. The two doctrines are about significantly different things. Mary was immaculately conceived, but she had a human father. BTW, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception is this Friday, December 8. I guess the feast of the virgin birth is Christmas.
posted by peeping_Thomist at 6:43 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Sings: Cheney's got a bun...
posted by SPrintF at 7:07 PM on December 6, 2006

The true test of a first rate mind is the ability to hold two contradictory ideas at the same time."

Or not.
posted by Brian B. at 7:13 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Are Congressional Wars Coming? Since Cheney Has Already Said He'll Ignore the Democratic Congress, It Seems Likely
posted by homunculus at 7:14 PM on December 6, 2006

Poor Bastard.

Nah, Rich Bastard.
posted by ericb at 7:16 PM on December 6, 2006

koeselitz writes "Dick should've been pres. World'd be a better place."

*Stares dumbfounded at koeselitz for 1 hour*

PareidoliaticBoy writes "One thing about these fundamalist religious fascists is that they have no problem saying one thing, while doing entirely another."

Problem is (Dick) Cheney isn't a religious fundamentalist. I don't think he gives a flying two-fisted lesbian sperm-donor fuck about religion. He's a scheming, conniving, power-hungry, Machaevellian opportunist, and he knows what gets votes.

Anyway, best wishes to the kid. I hope that he/she/it doesn't inherit any scumbag genes from Grampa Dick (or hypocrite genes from Mama).
posted by papakwanz at 7:21 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

but she had a human father.

Unless the child was fathered by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
posted by homunculus at 7:23 PM on December 6, 2006

FB- is the father.
posted by delmoi at 7:25 PM on December 6, 2006

Problem is (Dick) Cheney isn't a religious fundamentalist. I don't think he gives a flying two-fisted lesbian sperm-donor fuck about religion. He's a scheming, conniving, power-hungry, Machaevellian opportunist, and he knows what gets votes.

We Have A Winner!
posted by jonmc at 7:26 PM on December 6, 2006

Jeez languagehat, maybe try decaf. It's just a funny a funny news item, no?

And funny news items are what metafilter's all about.
posted by namespan at 7:32 PM on December 6, 2006

SPrintF for the win.
posted by sharpener at 7:36 PM on December 6, 2006

"Aw, she's got her mommy's smile! And Grampy Dickie's dead, souless eyes!"
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:49 PM on December 6, 2006

What the hell is this "for the win" shit and why am I suddenly seeing it all over the internet?
posted by cmonkey at 7:51 PM on December 6, 2006

after the jump-
cmonkey for the win!
posted by squidfartz at 8:04 PM on December 6, 2006

OK, seriously, FTW is so 2006.

(What, too soon?)
posted by andreaazure at 8:34 PM on December 6, 2006

you know how some people shouldn't breed? this is one of those cases.

her wealth, privilege, and connections will make their lives immeasurably easier than every other gay and lesbian couple in Virginia, who have absolutely no rights as couples or as families--they're not even allowed to have legal agreements that approximate anything straight couples get automatically. Her silence all during the 2000 and 2004 campaigns helped her father and Bush hurt all the rest of us.
posted by amberglow at 9:33 PM on December 6, 2006

OK, seriously, FTW is so 2006. (What, too soon?)

Yep -- wait for FTW's demise a mintue after 11:59 p.m., December 31, 2006.
posted by ericb at 9:33 PM on December 6, 2006

We Have A Winner!

*tearing up*

Oh gosh, I just don't even know what to say. I've got so many people to thank, where to start...

*orchestra starts up*

Oh no, buddy! You gave Julia Roberts her time, now it's my time to shine!
posted by papakwanz at 9:33 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Every time I think of this my blood almost boils, and then I suddenly shake my head and proceed through the world, wiser in regards to its hopelessness.
posted by hermitosis at 9:39 PM on December 6, 2006

and the Cheney family's outrage over Kerry and Edwards just mentioning Mary's sexual orientation in 04 when it was the GOP who she was working for that made it an issue rings even more false now that this was publicly announced.

Mary Cheney calls John Kerry a "son of a bitch" for using gays for political gain, but not a word about George Bush or dear old dad doing the same ...Sitting in the studio audience when Edwards mentioned her sexual orientation, Cheney said she looked at the vice-presidential candidate and mouthed the words"Go F*** Yourself' a phrase her father had earlier employed against Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy. ...
posted by amberglow at 9:40 PM on December 6, 2006

So can all her fellow homosexuals call that child of an Uncle Tom their cousin?
posted by phearlez at 9:58 PM on December 6, 2006

Actually I thought at the very least it was nice news, kinda funny, but I also think there are interesting implications when social policy runs smack into real life. I'm not alone in this apparently.
posted by tula

You thought wrong. This thread could have 200 comments and it would still be crappy. The only thing that makes it crappier is the way you posted your crappy link. There's nothing in the link that makes it worthwhile. It's a couple of bland paragraphs, which is why the only comments you see are either jokey ones or agenda driven drivel by the same members that wait for these chances to push their lame links upon the masses. You've been here long enough to know this is a crappy link, so I'll guess you simply don't care or can't quite grasp what metafilter is about. Regardless, I'm guessing matt/jess are either asleep or tired of hitting the delete button. This is easily the lamest thread of the day. Congrats compadre, that's an impressive feat.
posted by justgary at 10:22 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Wow. Just, wow. And I stand by my post.
posted by tula at 10:44 PM on December 6, 2006

I blame John Kerry for this
posted by any major dude at 10:47 PM on December 6, 2006

I blame hot lesbo action.
posted by bardic at 11:42 PM on December 6, 2006

This bun in the oven.. can it be chicken-fried?
posted by ninjew at 11:49 PM on December 6, 2006

Someone needs to justchill.
posted by Optamystic at 1:58 AM on December 7, 2006

i'm sure you meant 'Rectaloid Masters'.

He didn't. He meant Reptiloid.

For explanation, please watch the two "Exploratory Committee" videos available here.
posted by sparkletone at 2:16 AM on December 7, 2006

Andrew Sullivan on Mary Cheney.

He actually has a lot more sympathy for her than I do.
posted by bardic at 6:30 AM on December 7, 2006

Andrew Sullivan on Mary Cheney.

You think that's how this happened?
posted by phearlez at 9:57 AM on December 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

justgary, feel free to try again by choosing one of each.

A. You thought wrong.
B. You misunderstood the assignment.
C. You have a right to your opinion.

A. This thread could have 200 comments and it would still be crappy.
B. This thread could have 200 comments, and it would still be entirely your fault.
C. I will read up to 200 comments only.

A. The only thing that makes it crappier is the way you posted your crappy link.
B. The only thing that works is the link.
C. You forgot to post your crappie link.

A. There's nothing in the link that makes it worthwhile.
B. There’s so much information here that it needs harpooning.
C. The links don't have enough gossip for my standards.

A. It's a couple of bland paragraphs, which is why the only comments you see are either jokey ones or agenda driven drivel by the same members that wait for these chances to push their lame links upon the masses.
B. Agenda driven drivellers heap dry humor on the masses by pushing lame links onto the members menu.
C. No comment.

A. You've been here long enough to know this is a crappy link, so I'll guess you simply don't care or can't quite grasp what metafilter is about.
B. You will never be one of us.
C. So you think you are one of us?

A. Regardless, I'm guessing matt/jess are either asleep or tired of hitting the delete button.
B. This admins are too lenient in their torpor.
C. The admins obviously agree with me.

A. This is easily the lamest thread of the day.
B. This is hardly the thread of the day.
C. This is not the only thread today.

A. Congrats compadre, that's an impressive feat.
B. In other words, sucking is usually bad.
C. I look forward to reading something else.
posted by Brian B. at 11:14 AM on December 7, 2006

Andrew Sullivan on Mary Cheney.

You think that's how this happened?

Well, he is a barebacker, but he's also a power bottom (which would make him pregnant then) ; >
posted by amberglow at 2:32 PM on December 7, 2006

Im in ur useless thread
Commenting about ur useless thread
posted by tehloki at 10:50 PM on December 7, 2006

What Mary Cheney should expect while she's expecting
posted by homunculus at 10:55 PM on December 7, 2006

"just like my dad"
posted by amberglow at 6:09 PM on December 8, 2006