Comments on: What good were eyes to me? Nothing I could see could bring me joy.

What good were eyes to me? Nothing I could see could bring me joy.

Tenuki — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:07:04 -0800

Fooled By Cybermum "Like millions of teenagers, Ben Atkins spends hours on social networking websites. So he was delighted when he met his perfect girl online, she shared his love of philosophy and bass guitars, and thought he was wonderful ... But the lovely Cheshakitten was actually Ben's mother, Anne, posing as a teenager to find out more about this internet phenomenon."

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:09:08 -0800

Metafilter: It's your mother.

By: basicchannel

basicchannel — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:10:35 -0800

... gouges eyes out.

By: craven_morhead

craven_morhead — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:16:34 -0800

Ouch. oedipuspwn3d

By: loquacious

loquacious — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:16:50 -0800

Ok. That's just a bit weird. *backs slowly away from the internet*

By: liquorice

liquorice — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:16:53 -0800

That's horrifying.

By: The Power Nap

The Power Nap — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:18:22 -0800

That's Hawt!

By: jkaczor

jkaczor — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:19:12 -0800

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:20:16 -0800

Oh my god. And how the hell did the Daily Mail come to do a story on it?! That poor, poor kid.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:20:49 -0800

It started with a bet. I can never resist a challenge and this one, posed by a mischievous friend, was a humdinger: could I befriend one of my own children on one of those 'social networking' websites for teenagers without being caught out? Could I make a convincing youngster and engage my son in online conversations? Jesus. Hate to break it to you, Ben, but your mom's a dick. I said I would do it only if it was a bit of fun - an amusing jape rather than a sinister deceit to uncover any dark secrets. And the sociological implications held some appeal. A *total* dick.

By: Hildegarde

Hildegarde — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:22:29 -0800

....oh my. Well, someone's going to be in therapy for a while.

By: SmileyChewtrain

SmileyChewtrain — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:23:29 -0800

Wait, did she actually use the word "jape"? Man, I totally thought Philip K. Dick made that one up.

By: Tenuki

Tenuki — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:24:16 -0800

And how the hell did the Daily Mail come to do a story on it?! The Daily Mail story was written by his mother, just to make his shame total and public.

By: SteelyDuran

SteelyDuran — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:26:17 -0800

Thou shalt not jape!

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:26:40 -0800

The mother did this on purpose, on a bit, with help from one of her older sons. The internet is no longer my friend.

By: anthill

anthill — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:27:30 -0800

lol pwn3d, indeed. This is much worse than realizing that your parents are the ones answering your Santa Claus letters. :)

By: SBMike

SBMike — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:28:25 -0800

This just made me appreciate my mother (and the fact that she never did anything remotely like this) that much more. I think I'll give her a call tonight.

By: Hildegarde

Hildegarde — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:29:23 -0800

She's so proud of her son for being a poser, too. I still feel sorry for him, though.

By: Cyrano

Cyrano — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:29:33 -0800

Awkwaaard...

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:29:36 -0800

Sorry, tenuki, I was stuck on the kid's bebo page and missed your main link. That she wrote the story herself is just... well, let's just say her son isn't the only one who needs therapy...

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:31:00 -0800

"In my technologically simplistic ethic, time spent on a computer is equivalent to squandering one's youth in a drug-soaked brothel..."

By: liquorice

liquorice — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:31:42 -0800

Ohmy...he probably got off over thoughts of her.

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:33:32 -0800

liquorice -- yeah. Hey, Wht RU wearing? Wanna have cybersex? teeheehee

By: jam_pony

jam_pony — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:33:39 -0800

Let me be the second to say eeeeew. Reminds me of the classic My Internet love is a corpse-hoarding granny.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:34:00 -0800

ew.

By: CynicalKnight

CynicalKnight — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:34:19 -0800

"Where are these frightful young people the media bemoans, youngsters who can barely spell their own names and are obsessed with sex? They're all on Bebo. It's very depressing. These are tomorrow's voters. No wonder the country's in a mess." "she admits that while at university she was 'quite happy' with the idea of homosexuality, until someone took her through the Bible passage by passage" It's like a cardboard Hollywood caricature of a nosey sneaky uptight bitch

By: Mental Wimp

Mental Wimp — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:34:24 -0800

My sister-in-law sent her son an email inquiring as to his preference for dinner that evening. His email response: "This is so gay. Never email me again."

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:36:46 -0800

From the last link in the FPP -- "Christian author, broadcaster and vicar's wife Anne Atkins..."

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:38:47 -0800

Anne, posing as a teenager to find out more about this internet phenomenon She should have called Mark Foley or Ted Haggard. They could have told her about hitting on teenage boys and where to procure male hustlers and meth.

By: rhymer

rhymer — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:41:05 -0800

Oh - Anne Atkins. That explains everything. She's fricking nuts.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:41:32 -0800

In in your internets, fucking up your head for years to come.

By: Second Account For Making Jokey Comments

Second Account For Making Jokey Comments — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:52:55 -0800

I love philosophy and bass guitars. God you're so hot. Wanna fuck? OK! But first, clean your room and then come to the dinner table because you're food is getting cold. Ermm... mum? Oh yeah, then I'll totally do you.

By: Second Account For Making Jokey Comments

Second Account For Making Jokey Comments — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 15:54:35 -0800

That last comment of mine works better when I use square brackets instead of the pointy ones. Here it is again, as God intended. [Cheshakitten] I love philosophy and bass guitars. [Bennyboy] God you're so hot. Wanna fuck? [Cheshakitten] OK! But first, clean your room and then come to the dinner table because you're food is getting cold. [Bennyboy] Ermm... mum? [Cheshakitten] Oh yeah, then I'll totally do you.

By: weretable and the undead chairs

weretable and the undead chairs — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:02:49 -0800

Poor kid. Life in prison is going to suck too, once they find out he killed his own mother.

By: The Power Nap

The Power Nap — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:04:28 -0800

I guess I can't be mad at mom for making the Red Lobster employees sing me happy birthday anymore. P.S. I look sinister wearing a foam lobster on my head.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:10:02 -0800

Of course, if my mother was as completely retarded as this, I'd probably be in therapy already. I mean, she managed to prove that on the internet, you can pretend to be someone else? Maybe for her next trick, she will demonstrate that it really is possible to lose money to Nigerian scammers.

By: hal9k

hal9k — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:10:03 -0800

We've traced the IP! Get out! She's on your WiFi network!

By: imperium

imperium — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:18:18 -0800

In case you're wondering where she's coming from, she regards notorious Holocaust-denier David Irving as a significant historian. Unsurprisingly, she's also not down with teh gays. It's the Daily Mail, after all, not known for its liberalism. Although where it is written in The Big Book Of Being A Rightwing God-Bothering Wingnut that it's OK to flirt with your own children anonymously, Satan only knows.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:18:39 -0800

What a bitch. Also: Unfortunately, the site has real teenagers on it. And that was quite a shock. Where are these frightful young people the media bemoans, youngsters who can barely spell their own names and are obsessed with sex? They're all on Bebo. It's very depressing. These are tomorrow's voters. No wonder the country's in a mess. Erm, strictly speaking the country's in a mess because of today's voters. You know... like you, you sociopath.

By: effugas

effugas — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:24:47 -0800

Mom?!?!!?

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:31:50 -0800

So, thinking of Alex's advice on spelling, I replied: 'I don't think Aristotle wd agree with ur definition of tragic. where's the pity, where's the terror, where's the fatal floor?' No, Alex said, that was the wrong combination of clever and stupid, but it worked. Heh. Erm, strictly speaking the country's in a mess because of today's voters. You know... like you, you sociopath. Again, heh.

By: -harlequin-

-harlequin- — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:38:34 -0800

Soylent green is youuuur moooom! Oh dear.

By: fenriq

fenriq — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:47:23 -0800

The real question is whether she put out?

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:48:25 -0800

It reminds me of this much more creepy story in salon where a woman pretends to be an online predator in order to scare his kid off viewing porn online. And then writes about it in salon... By the way searching salon for things like "mother teen porn" and so forth will get you some pretty strange results...

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:50:36 -0800

You just knew there was going to be something relevant on Bash.org... [1][2]

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:54:15 -0800

"it was an intriguing idea, a little like a scenario from a Shakespeare comedy in which a character disguises himself to try to discover his lady's true character" More like Hamlet in Gertrude's bedroom. (or maybe Coriolanus...)

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:58:37 -0800

I also like the fact that the kid's older brother helped mom to fool little Bennie. That is one fucked up family.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:00:45 -0800

hal9k for teh win.

By: haveanicesummer

haveanicesummer — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:11:19 -0800

I hope the girl I met online and have subsequently dated for a year doesn't turn out to be MY mom. Awwwwwkkkkwardddddd.

By: eustacescrubb

eustacescrubb — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:14:18 -0800

Wow. That is so totally fucked up, I don't even have words for it. And I don't mean that the kid's mom posed as an internet teenager. I mean that the kid thinks Anselm is profound.

By: caddis

caddis — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:15:36 -0800

On the Internet, no one knows you're a ~~dog~~ mom.

By: caddis

caddis — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:20:00 -0800

by the way, what's up with the font on that page? ouch, my eyes hurt.

By: niles

niles — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:21:03 -0800

Man Dates Gal On Internet For Six Months -- And It Turns Out She's His Mother!

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:24:36 -0800

"she admits that while at university she was 'quite happy' with the idea of homosexuality, until someone took her... passage by passage." Well, sure, that would mess anyone up. Selective editing? Moi?

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:31:27 -0800

Creepy, but it could be worse...

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:39:28 -0800

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH Where are these frightful young people the media bemoans, youngsters who can barely spell their own names and are obsessed with sex? They're all on Bebo. YOU ARE ALSO ON BEBO YOU ARE ON BEBO, SEDUCING YOUR GOD DAMNED SON AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

By: fluffycreature

fluffycreature — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:50:02 -0800

I would give Ol' mom a real introduction to cyberlife with a little identity theft. Post her SS#, a couple credit card numbers, birth date, cell phone number, maiden name....that would about do it. Welcome to the cyberworld mommy. Not sure what she was thinking, but I would be pissed/embarrassed/shocked. Unfortunately, thinking like a teenager I would believe there was something wrong with me instead. Hopefully the kid shakes it off and gets away from this dysfunction as soon as possible.

By: Listener

Listener — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:54:34 -0800

jack_mo - but the guy in the story didn't think it was so bad he was flirting with his mom: "The truth is, I got to see a side of my mom I'd never seen before. I'm grateful for that." Coincidence they are from France? Some stereotypes die hard. Or not at all. I'm laughing. Hey, at least they are adults, not like the original story.

By: wandering steve

wandering steve — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:03:12 -0800

Huh. I'd always bemoaned the fact that Wisconsin is devoid of drug-soaked brothels. Little did I know...

By: Azaadistani

Azaadistani — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:10:13 -0800

My theory is that given her publicly-proclaimed homophobia and her Bible thumping, she was afraid her son might be gay because he was reading too much philosophy and writes well ... sounding a little light in the loafers ... so she tried to try and figure out whether he might respond to a girl who is effectively a middle-aged woman (and his mother) ... and like any mother who is desperate to believe her son of questionable sexuality is straight, was so delighted he showed up at the pub and was 'in love' with this girl he had never seen, that she simply had to inform the world!

By: SBMike

SBMike — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:15:11 -0800

Hey, that's a good theory.

By: 999

999 — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:33:31 -0800

I must relate this story, as it seems most appropriate: A few years back a friend knew this guy he was in orchestra with, who would come to his house just to use the web under whatever pretense he could come up with. He used to go on Yahoo/Lycos Dating and Chat to try and get laid. I was round too one day, chilling, watching TV with my mate. He was making the tea and took a cup up to this guy, conveniently noticing his username and the chatroom he was inhabiting at the time. We quickly registered a new account on the living room pc, nerdlover69 I think we used as the handle, and proceeded to join said chatroom. After slowly building up a rapport, he invited us into a private chat. Of course, we accepted. Forty five minutes later, a crowd of 4 or 5 people in muffled hysterics had built up in the living room. The chat was getting somewhat steamy, but also rather ridiculous. We had painted the picture that we were a 35-year old bored housewife from somewhere in the US (don't recall sorry), and were getting quite excited at his suggestive talk. This was all too much too bear so we decided to try and bring it to a close, mentioning that our husband would be home at any minute and we would rather not be caught indulging in such steamy chat. He seemed a little hesitant to stop the action there, so we suggested that we swap emails. Of course this was the perfect opportunity. He told us his, and my friends address, which was only too well known to the chap upstairs, was typed back. Enter was pressed. I have never heard "You bastards!" yelled with such feeling before, and I doubt I ever will again...

By: Listener

Listener — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 18:40:04 -0800

Hah, that's better than mine. I always picked nonfeminine nicks because otherwise I would get hit on out of the blue, hard. It was gross. Then I was on some gay bbs for some reason -- gay and lesbian, I should say. Some guy started talking to me. What did I look like? I guess he liked more feminine guys...and he assumed... and... it was creepy. I could have stopped it earlier, but I thought there might be some polite way out. Sometimes there is no polite way out. Oh, and about the French? Not slamming anyone there. Could just as well say, "Any surprise the guy was European, not North American?"

By: mwhybark

mwhybark — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:14:07 -0800

the horror... the horror...

By: danb

danb — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:19:45 -0800

Without exception, this is the greatest story of all time.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:42:33 -0800

Metafilter: Without exception, the greatest story of all time.

By: Falconetti

Falconetti — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 19:59:59 -0800

Move on over Serge Gainbourg...it's Lemon Incest Web 2.0. Gross.

By: graventy

graventy — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:15:28 -0800

She didn't 'fool' her son into falling for her. She stalked him. Exchanging 10 or so messages on a social site is nothing. Show me the AIM logs! The e-mails! The text messages! I wouldn't be so damned proud of the kid, if I were her. He agreed to meet a stranger in a pub. Seems pretty reckless to me.

By: [expletive deleted]

[expletive deleted] — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:17:31 -0800

The Daily Mail strikes again! I wasn't the least bit shocked when I learned it embraced fascism in the 30s.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:43:00 -0800

aww eww ewww eww ewww eww *barf*. Thanks internets, it's been real.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:44:58 -0800

Never have I been so proud my mom hasn't been on the Internet.

By: rob511

rob511 — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 20:45:29 -0800

Got milf?

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:15:41 -0800

Child abuse. Send the bitch to prison.

By: haveanicesummer

haveanicesummer — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:27:21 -0800

From now on I'm responding to all emails from females with "This is so gay. Never email me again." You know, in case it's my mom.

By: subaruwrx

subaruwrx — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:51:03 -0800

Ah brundlefly, your subtle jabs of irony are the sole brightspot in this otherwise aphotic wedge of urban Americana called MeFi.

By: hoborg

hoborg — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 23:39:10 -0800

HA HA HA HA! This is so awesome. The only one of our children who is a teenager is 18-year-old Ben; the others are older or younger. I am older than I once was, and younger than I'll be. That's not unusual.

By: moonbiter

moonbiter — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:26:14 -0800

I put on my robe and wizard hat ...

By: divabat

divabat — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:37:14 -0800

...oh EW.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:43:27 -0800

EEEEeeeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!!

By: dash_slot-

dash_slot- — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 00:51:57 -0800

Falconetti & Listener (clearly not a reader...) Why do you think they are french? Did you miss the bit where she writes for the daily mail (does that sound french?) Did you miss the bit where the family live in Oxford? Have you just assumed that they were french from your own prejudices?

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 01:18:00 -0800

[Cheshakitten] I love philosophy and bass guitars. [Bennyboy] Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 01:20:40 -0800

Argh, moonbiter beat me to it!

By: Listener

Listener — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 01:23:53 -0800

dashslot, I was referring to this other article linked by jack_mo above.

By: ninebelow

ninebelow — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 02:35:18 -0800

He agreed to meet a stranger in a pub. Oh noes!

By: unrepentanthippie

unrepentanthippie — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 04:37:05 -0800

makes sound of cat attempting to yack up a hairball

By: alloneword

alloneword — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 05:55:57 -0800

Anne Fucking Atkins!

By: bashos_frog

bashos_frog — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:30:15 -0800

"Christian author, broadcaster and vicar's wife..." Need I say more?

By: beth

beth — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:37:46 -0800

Wow, this is freaky. When encountering young asshats online sometimes I tell them "I could be your mom". So this has strange echoes for me, though in a different sense.

By: Falconetti

Falconetti — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:55:54 -0800

dash-slot, you petit morveaux Did you miss the bit where it was a joke about someone famous for incest? Instead of being a shrill ass, try not assuming the worst about someone on the scantest of evidence. I was deciding whether to reference Gainbourg or Jerry Lee Lewis and went with Gainsbourg because I like his music better, not because he was French.

By: alloneword

alloneword — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 07:33:12 -0800

Further investigation reveals that her son is a Wykehamist. the human race is safe. No one from that school ever bred successfully with a member of our species.

By: sonofslim

sonofslim — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:24:05 -0800

so this is why online dating sucks?

By: adipocere

adipocere — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:28:46 -0800

*picture of a fluffy kitten with a Photoshopped smile, standing on a keyboard* IM IN UR BEBO, CHATTING UP MY SON

By: Uther Bentrazor

Uther Bentrazor — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:30:15 -0800

I'd hit it.

By: tehloki

tehloki — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 09:09:28 -0800

Thanks. Now everytime I post a Mefi comment, I'll worry about having an internet fight with my mom.

By: iamck

iamck — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 11:49:20 -0800

But, more than that, I'd seen a wonderful side to my son and got to know him in a way I'd never have thought possible... However, she still hasn´t discovered how he is in the sack...

By: dash_slot-

dash_slot- — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 15:19:52 -0800

Listener: thanks for the clarification. Falconetti: Hehehe. You snotty little brat. We found no English translation for 'morveaux' in our French to English Dictionary. However, I'd like to point out that Serge (BTW, most of us were talking about someone else entirely, so it's not surprising a bear of little brain like me mistook your reference for the Atkins family) made a record called Lemon Incest; do you therefore accuse him of committing the abominable offence of schtupping his own flesh & blood? Also - if you take such grand offence (" a shrill ass", indeed) from my rather polite jab, I hope you don't get involved in a true Mefi mudfight. Vraiment.

By: Falconetti

Falconetti — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 16:19:02 -0800

Nope, don't accuse him of actual incest, just using using the association to make a joke. And the song is very disturbing liek this article. The best part is, the joke wasn't remotely funny and didn't quite make sense, so it doesn't really deserve such exegesis.. You caught me at a bad time, apologies for the escalation.

By: dash_slot-

dash_slot- — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 17:11:44 -0800

Oh, hope things are better now. No harm, no foul.

By: Duug

Duug — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 11:12:36 -0800

Hmm...judging by the *hordes* of young girls who now appear to be besieging young Ben's Bebo page with sympathetic comments, I would suggest that nasty mum has actually been stung, rather than vice versa. It is quite possible, is it not, that young Alex warned young Ben quietly, and Ben realised that his mother would write about this or broadcast it somewhere, and therefore his 5 minutes would be assured. What better way to reach out to sympathetic girls everywhere? Win-Win.