Comments on: Death ray, fiddlesticks--it doesn't even slow them down.

Death ray, fiddlesticks--it doesn't even slow them down.

weapons-grade pandemonium — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 23:55:42 -0800

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 23:56:49 -0800

The pictures change every time you refresh.

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:06:33 -0800

Though the feature isn't in Google yet, some of the neatest stuff done with the patent databse are visualizations of webs of patent citations. Really pretty pictures are here. You can read some serious articles on the subject here and here.

By: martinrebas

martinrebas — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:09:41 -0800

The first one I got was Device for cooling infant's brain. Awesome!

By: Kwantsar

Kwantsar — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:13:44 -0800

That's pretty cool. Did I miss the "display patents in chronological order" function, or did they somehow not build this useful feature even though it would probably take very little manpower to add?

By: Steven C. Den Beste

Steven C. Den Beste — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:23:42 -0800

They've got my four. (1 2 3 4)

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:30:37 -0800

They've got jessamyn's two.

By: sexyrobot

sexyrobot — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 00:37:43 -0800

Wow. About time. I've read a few articles in my life on 'behind the scenes at the patent office' and it sounds like a nightmare. Its a classic example of the many body problem where each patent in the system has to be compared to every other patent in its general field to make sure it isn't a duplicate. You hear stories about how they had to reinforce the desks as they kept collapsing under the weight of 16ft high stacks of patent applications. you hear about patent applications sticking out of every desk drawer, shelf, filing cabinet, closet, corner, crevice, and cranny. you hear about piles of applications to the ceiling lining every hallway. I've heard it compared to Terry Gilliam's 'Brazil', "only more so." And millions of applications keep pouring in every year. I hope this helps those poor suckers. Now we just need home fabricating engines that can read schematics and our domestic supply of ornamental toy skunks and disposable floating flashlights is ensured!

By: Skeptic

Skeptic — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:15:50 -0800

Meh. I expected better from Google, to be honest. To start with, they apparently only cover US Patents, which makes it similar to the USPTO's own patent search engine, only with a better interface. It's probably derived from it, too. The European Patent Office's Espacenet website is far superior, if only because it has a worldwide coverage. And, sexyrobot, patent offices were like that some ten years ago. In the meantime, they've developed their own internal search tools, which are rather more powerful than these free Internet services (but that they can't make available to the public because they'd be competing with commercial services like Derwent).

By: sexyrobot

sexyrobot — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:28:02 -0800

well thank god for that...can i still keep my home fabricating engine?

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:33:59 -0800

Megatron, muh'fuckaz. Also, Monkey Doll!

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:37:40 -0800

Oh, I almost forgot about Penn Jillette's stimulating hot tub. Yeah. How could I forget that?

By: GavinR

GavinR — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:45:04 -0800

Futuristic Toy Weapon Shark Protector Suit Toupee

By: cenoxo

cenoxo — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 01:45:43 -0800

Nice! It appears to convert USPTO's TIFF patent images into PNGs, thus avoiding the necessity of additional browser plugins. The main page pictures may refresh through a smaller set: I saw the Device for Cooling an Infant's Brain and several others go by repeatedly.

By: vac2003

vac2003 — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 02:06:44 -0800

There will be those who, as always, will find something to criticize/condemn/complain about any new service or offering. That's how they get their rocks off. Pity them. But gee, this thing called Google just keeps getting better and better. I wish I had had the money/foresight/courage/luck to buy shares at the time of their IPO. And who amongst us Metafites doesn't think the same thing? Go Google!

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 03:25:25 -0800

> similar to the USPTO's own patent search engine, only with a better interface Remember how when Google first appeared and we all poked at it a little bit and we were all going, 'well, it's nice, but it's just like AltaVista only with a better interface,' and we went back to using AltaVista and forgot all about Google? Yeah.

By: ancientgower

ancientgower — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 05:17:32 -0800

I can't figure out the underwear patent. Somehow the cross-hatching represents "shiny opaque fabric" and "matte translucent fabric," which sounds kinky enough, but it just looks like the designer codified the various possible stains. Ewwww.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:23:52 -0800

This one will always hold a special place in my heart: Method of exercising a cat Especially since (a) it references a patent for "Semiconductor laser weapon trainer and target designator for live fire", and (b) it is referenced by "Method and apparatus for automatically exercising a curious animal", which is simply the existing "invention" but put on a swivel pole. Completely disregarding whether the original "method of exercising" deserves a patent, yeah, this "advance" deserves a patent. Sure...

By: smackfu

smackfu — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:28:34 -0800

When this was originally posted, most of the images were showing hideous "no image" gifs that were blown up from 20x20. Seems like that's fixed, but that was a pretty glaring ugliness.

By: dmd

dmd — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:43:42 -0800

Wow. My grandfather had dozens. (Although he was probably just the assignee for underlings for a lot of them.)

By: rlk

rlk — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 06:56:59 -0800

ChicagoFilter: Portable toilet.

By: marxchivist

marxchivist — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:15:28 -0800

The Flying Car. I really need one of these.

By: parmanparman

parmanparman — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:25:04 -0800

Finally, the patent for the interweb!

By: parmanparman

parmanparman — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:31:17 -0800

And, the original Zippo Lighter patent. This is so cool. Wonder if I can find the manufacturing technique for Jelly Bellies.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:32:23 -0800

I wish I had had the money/foresight/courage/luck to buy shares at the time of their IPO. And who amongst us Metafites doesn't think the same thing? Go Google! The ones who did? I certainly would have if I'd had an investment account at the time. *sigh*

By: squasha

squasha — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:50:42 -0800

Some damned entertaining combinations in those first five images. Someone is probably already out there trying to read them like tarot cards. Google Patent Search Oracle, anyone?

By: twsf

twsf — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 07:58:04 -0800

Maybe Google has a hidden agenda: this makes it even easier to see exactly how the current patent system is completely FUBAR. I mean c'mon, as noted above, a patent for getting your cat to chase a laser pointer?!? I can hear the squad cars screeching to a halt in front of the ASPCA this moment, and every cat owner in American will be headed to jail for unpaid royalties...

By: DesbaratsDays

DesbaratsDays — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 08:25:58 -0800

Fortunately, my laser pointer uses VISIBLE light, while the patent is for a 'beam of invisible light'.

By: Joe Invisible

Joe Invisible — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 08:32:20 -0800

I don't think this will give different results than searching on the USPTO site, but it *is* a much nicer interface. At the PTO site, you need to use their funny operators and syntax, but Google, is well, Google-style. An example, say you want to search for patents invented by Smith, owned by Jonesco, and issued in 2000, but don't use the word "resistor": PTO: in/smith AND an/Jonesco AND isd/1/1/2000->12/31/2000 ANDNOT spec/resistor Google: use the advanced page and put the right words in the right fields. Eliminates the learning curve, and free! I expect I'll be using this regularly.

By: Joe Invisible

Joe Invisible — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 08:52:03 -0800

To those who think the PTO issues patents too freely, consider that the laser-pointer-cat-exerciser was issued more than ten years ago. The climate is now much more hostile to applicants, probably because of the public reaction to the cat exerciser, the crustless PB&J, the method of swinging on a swing, and others. If you have the time and inclination, you can check out the thread starting here, or cut to the chase in this post. Also, the Supreme Court is expected to rule on the standard for determining whether an invention is obvious early next year. The conventional wisdom is that the new standard will make it more difficult for inventors to get patents. Tons on KSR v. Teleflex here.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 09:09:54 -0800

Crustless PB&J.

By: OverlappingElvis

OverlappingElvis — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 09:23:44 -0800

It's patents like this one that proves to me that having way too much time on one's hands is by no means a new phenomenon.

By: gyc

gyc — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 09:43:27 -0800

It would be even nicer if Google also allowed one to search published patent applications.

By: signal

signal — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 10:19:34 -0800

Flying Machine.

By: signal

signal — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 10:28:38 -0800

One thing that's odd is how much the drawings on the modern applications suck, it's as if they're intentionally done in an old-school patent-application-style.

By: b1tr0t

b1tr0t — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 11:01:15 -0800

Filing date: December 7, 1912 Issue date: November 23, 1915 It must have been depressing to be the inventor of the improved Buggy Whip.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 11:55:13 -0800

Is the title of this post a Charles Adams reference? I know I've read that somewhere.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 12:14:37 -0800

Joe Invisible, I actually do agree that (minus the business-process patents) the PTO has gotten better, however -- sure, the initial cat-exercise patent is from 10 years ago, but the one building off it (whose link I munged in my other post), consists of a laser pointer attached to a rotating fan, and was issued in 2004. So methinks they still have some issues to work out...

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 13:00:26 -0800

I have no idea what happened with the link to Penn Jillette's ... stimulating hot tub. I have paid the suitable price for my lack of link checking.

By: soyjoy

soyjoy — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 13:49:09 -0800

I don't think this will give different results than searching on the USPTO site, but it *is* a much nicer interface. Exactly - the same way Google keeps doing, as with mapping - not a substantial improvement in overall function, just a neater, quicker, more user-friendly way of achieving that function. I had started searching the USPTO database (my son has an invention that I can hardly believe hasn't already been patented) and got frustrated and put off the project until I had more patience. Now I feel I can tackle this and get more efficient results, so I'll be using it, all right. Thanks, WGP.

By: purple_frogs

purple_frogs — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 14:23:08 -0800

At my company, we're not allowed to do any patent searches on our own, since we expose the company to greater liability in case we accidentally turn up something that the company is infringing, or something like that. Only the legal team is allowed to search for patents. So it seems like it's better not to know whether something is patented, if you're likely to use it or make it in the future. Can anyone explain this? Will Googling an idea you have expose you to liability? I wonder whether not knowing about a patent will be a good legal excuse anymore, now that Google has made it so easy to find them.

By: billb

billb — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 15:39:13 -0800

Hey... IT SEARCHES THE TEXT OF OLD TIFF-IMAGE PATENTS! Cool! It's OCR-ing all the pre-1990s stuff. You can actually search on Nikola Tesla's text content. But it does make OCR-ish errors. Thinks that "Q" is "G" and vice versa. Replaces badly printed "R" with "E." Here's a nice perpetual-motion machine from 1871 The Cook Device http://www.google.com/patents?vid=USPAT119825

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 16:15:21 -0800

> At my company, we're not allowed to do any patent searches on our own ... Can anyone explain this? It's for the same reason professional writers stick their fingers in their ears and sing, "LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I CAN'T HEEEAAAR YOU," after you tell them that you've got a really neat idea for a story. That writer is instantly vulnerable to accusations of creative theft. Your employer is open to lawsuit by any patent owner if they have evidence that you are selling something they came up with first. The easy, plausible defense ('I never met the person,' 'I never heard that idea,' 'I never saw the patent') has just become expensive, messy, and very time consuming. Intellectual property liability is a cruel mistress.

By: caddis

caddis — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 17:15:59 -0800

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

By: rbellon

rbellon — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:29:35 -0800

Two words: monkey astronaut

By: jewzilla

jewzilla — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 19:57:24 -0800

This is actual correspondance I had with the inventor of the Method of Exercising a Cat: Date: Mon, 08 Jan 2001 08:59:12 -0500 From: Kevin Amiss To: George Nachman Subject: Re: Negotiation That standard fee is $20,000. Thank you, Kevin Amiss. George Nachman wrote: > Kevin, > > This is regarding your patent, US05443036. I would like to talk to you to > negotiate an agreement wherein I could exercise my cat with a laser > pointer. I would be willing to pay a reasonable flat rate for a one-year > license. Please let me know what your conditions are, and I'm sure we can > work something out. > > Thanks, > George

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 20:11:27 -0800

Hilarious, jewzilla. Back to the old ball o' yarn for you, I guess. Yes, brundlefly, the title is a reference to a Charles Addams cartoon that appeared in the New Yorker on May 16, 1953.

By: caddis

caddis — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 08:38:34 -0800

Dolls formed in the likeness of the Lord Jesus with a movable head and extremities

By: signal

signal — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 10:25:45 -0800

jewzilla: that patent alone is sufficient grounds for nuling the US patent office from orbit.

By: hypocritical ross

hypocritical ross — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 21:01:07 -0800

Synth dorks, rejoice. Oh - and anyone with a case of the farts, too (be sure to check out Figure 1 - pretty much the best picture on the entire internet ever).