Harry Potter and the what?

December 21, 2006 7:40 AM

So you say you want to know the name of the new Harry Potter book?
posted by barjo (220 comments total)

it's no 'goblet of fire'
posted by muthecow at 7:46 AM on December 21, 2006

Last time I checked, I wasn't 12 years old, so that's a no...
posted by afx237vi at 7:48 AM on December 21, 2006

**hears pin drop**
posted by spock at 7:49 AM on December 21, 2006

Those books are ok. Nothing special. Haven't read the sixth one.

Hmmm...dick in a box?
posted by Diskeater at 7:50 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Slithermouth kills Bumblerod on page 324!
posted by Falconetti at 7:50 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I thought for sure this one would be Harry Potter and the Pederastic Politician, but nooooo.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:50 AM on December 21, 2006

No, I don't remember saying that.
posted by HuronBob at 7:52 AM on December 21, 2006

"Attack of the Clones"? Is she serious?
posted by cortex at 7:52 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Played-Out Franchise?
posted by Thorzdad at 7:52 AM on December 21, 2006

So dick in a box is way better than Harry Potter...


riiiiight...
posted by dig_duggler at 7:53 AM on December 21, 2006

Fancr xvyyf Qhzoyrqber!
posted by The White Hat at 7:53 AM on December 21, 2006

Your favorite book sucks.
posted by pdb at 7:53 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Assless Chaps seems like a strange choice.
posted by ND¢ at 7:56 AM on December 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

Healthy Gallows?
posted by m0nm0n at 7:56 AM on December 21, 2006

best FPP of 2006!!
posted by yonation at 7:57 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the I'm Richer Than the Bleedin' Queen so I could Call it Harry Potter and the 560 Pages of The Word Fart Cut and Pasted Over and Over and Who Cares Anyway Someone Bring Me Another Bottle of Laphroaig and a Tube of Anchovy Paste Something About Wizards and Chalices and Jesus Christ This is Luke Warm Patricio You Stupid Shit I'm Going to Have You Deported.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:57 AM on December 21, 2006 [11 favorites]

Hmm...I thought it was kinda cool. Rowling's work isn't great literature by most metrics, but I've found the books enjoyable. I bet she has a greater MeFi constituency than MeFites will cop to.

Best of the web? Feh. It's my Friday today, it's a Flash game, so yall haters can Suck. It.
posted by everichon at 7:59 AM on December 21, 2006

whaled tallyhos?

hostly headwall?

lethally shadow?

deathly shallow?
posted by damn dirty ape at 8:01 AM on December 21, 2006

Actually they are very decent young adult books I think, but the temptation was too strong.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:02 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the all-night kegger
posted by pyramid termite at 8:03 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Half Black Chick
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:07 AM on December 21, 2006

I've enjoyed the first six, and I'm looking forward to the seventh, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:08 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Unwanted Pregnancy

Harry Potter and the Back Acne

Harry Potter and the Boone's Farm Vomit

Harry Potter and the Hairy Palms
posted by pardonyou? at 8:08 AM on December 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

Not a fan of the books myself, but I am looking forward to the news broadcasters interviews with the creepy middle-aged men that have slept outside a bookshop for a week so that they can buy the latest instalment at midnight on the day it's released.
posted by veedubya at 8:10 AM on December 21, 2006

Rowling's work isn't great literature by most metrics, but I've found the books enjoyable.

See, I think that's the thing about the backlash- it's not that Harry Potter isn't good, it's just that it's not anywhere near as spectacular as the entire goddamn planet seems to make it out as. J.K. Rowling turned being an author into being a rock star. She's a good writer, but I think people subconsciouly draw the line at making her the richest person in England.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:10 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter goes looking for his balls.
posted by oddman at 8:10 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Perplexing Theorem ? JK is not even trying anymore.
posted by Mister_A at 8:15 AM on December 21, 2006

I've been listing 'harry potter and the dark oriface' as my fave book for some time. ....i still like my title better
posted by das_2099 at 8:19 AM on December 21, 2006

er
s/oriface/orifice
posted by das_2099 at 8:19 AM on December 21, 2006

Interesting name "deathly hallows". Hallow means holy or revered, the root of Halloween. So it sounds like this may be en route to being a Halloween movie.

Actually, I like the JK Rowling site and the treasure hunt to open the pages. It seems like an interest in British old fashioned wizards and magic, with the Lord of the Ring and Harry Potter movies/books, have been big these last few years. Neither are my cup of tea but this post made me curious, so I Googled a bit to find out more about the lure of the Harry Potter phenom. I prefer the Star Wars, Spiderman and X Men movies for my blockbuster mythology.
posted by nickyskye at 8:20 AM on December 21, 2006

Hate all you want haters, right here is one happy girl! You rock, barjo!
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:21 AM on December 21, 2006

Yay!
posted by padraigin at 8:22 AM on December 21, 2006

I checked my dictionary (blows dust) and found out that 'hallow' means "The parts of the hare given to hounds as a reward or encouragement after a successful chase."

What with the other part, I can only presume Harry Potter's gone mad and is poisoning dogs. Or is uncovering a plot to poison dogs.

Bit of a let-down, really.
posted by cobaltnine at 8:24 AM on December 21, 2006

That was actually fun, clicking on the presents and things.
posted by Mister_A at 8:25 AM on December 21, 2006

it's not anywhere near as spectacular as the entire goddamn planet seems to make it out as

Yeah, that's true. I think it's partly that the series hooked a lot of adults in a way that most kid-lit does not, and that it's also hooked a lot of kids, AND that the books--initially, anyway--were held out as some kind of sign that the novel and reading weren't dead among the under-35 demo.
posted by everichon at 8:25 AM on December 21, 2006

What, a practitioner of a certain art form is rocketed to celebrity status, when her skills and output aren't of the very best quality? Say it ain't so!
posted by dvdgee at 8:26 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Things You Have to do to Get By in Prison

Harry Potter and the It Was All Only A Dream

Hal Pot and the Intellectuals of Cambodia

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pizza

Harry Potter and the Bizarro Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Website of Jokes
posted by kolophon at 8:26 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter's Spotted Dick
posted by spicynuts at 8:27 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Leaky Chamberpot of Bilious Secretions
posted by loquacious at 8:27 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

The thing is, I'm pretty much totally okay with the richest (non-royal) woman in England being a writer. Becoming a millionaire by writing books about the magic of friendship and also dragons is, at least in my mind, a lot more commendable than becoming a millionaire through inheritance or massive layoffs or most of the usual means. I've never read any of the books, but a fair amount of people seem to enjoy them, they get a whole lot of kids reading, and the movies are pretty good. Oh, and Wizard People, Dear Reader would never have existed were it not for H.P.!
posted by 235w103 at 8:31 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I don't really care overly what it's called. I'm definitely looking forward to reading it though. These books aren't high literature, but they're entertaining as hell.
posted by antifuse at 8:35 AM on December 21, 2006

Knocking Harry Potter as shallow literature is easy. Putting out a series of books that has masses of kids lining up, eager to plow through 600+ pages, isn't so easy, and isn't something that "literature" seems to be able to achieve. Rowing has done reading a great service.
posted by dws at 8:36 AM on December 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out too.
posted by gomichild at 8:40 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Harry Potter is in Ur Hogwartz, Killin All Ur Dudez.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:43 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Despairing Realization That It Was All Just An Escapist Fantasy
posted by cortex at 8:44 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Inevitable Meme.
posted by Mister_A at 8:45 AM on December 21, 2006

Looks like I'm in the minority here, but after a couple of unsuccessful tries I got sucked into the series and found it good. Spectacular even, and every bit deserving of it's reputation. It starts off a bit shaky, but the writing improves, and the world grows in complexity and verisimilitude, as do the characters as the story progresses.

As everichon noted, it appeals to adults as well as children, because of the very adult world that one catches frequent glimpses of through the eyes of the juvenile protagonists. This is a crucial quality for great children's entertainment, that parents and children can share the experience and be equally entertained. The only other example I can think of that succeeds this well in the fantasy genre is The Hobbit, and that is exalted company.
posted by Manjusri at 8:46 AM on December 21, 2006

Brokeback Castlewort
posted by fluffycreature at 8:50 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and The Ring.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:50 AM on December 21, 2006

Oh, thanks for ruining that! Next thing you know someone will be telling me Santa isn't real.
posted by thekilgore at 8:51 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Fruity Beaver.

Woocha!
posted by Mister_A at 8:54 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the forthright, plainspoken fed chairman
harry potter and the tv anchorwoman who saved herself for marriage
harry potter and the secure, reliable systems from microsoft
posted by bruce at 8:58 AM on December 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

Harry Potter and the Rusty Trombone?
posted by gcbv at 8:58 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Supremes
posted by gcbv at 9:00 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

As long as Herminone appears naked or making out with one of the other characters, I do not care about the book's title.
posted by dov3 at 9:04 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Last Train to Clarksville
posted by Mister_A at 9:06 AM on December 21, 2006

I still fear that the novel and reading are dead among the under-35 demo. I am pulling this notion out of my ass, but my ass has Spidey-Senses, and they are tingling.

Oooohkay. Nuff coffee for me this morning.
posted by everichon at 9:06 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Not Getting Around To Finishing Gravity's Rainbow
posted by cortex at 9:08 AM on December 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

'Just Harry Potter'
posted by NationalKato at 9:11 AM on December 21, 2006

This is the last one, right? She promised, right?

I see for her three distinct possibilities after Harry Potter:

1. Begin a new franchise, try to catch lightening in a bottle twice.

2. Use her status as the idle wealthy to try to become a "serious" author and gain literary cred.

3. Enjoy her bajillion dollars buying a sex-mansion in Aruba and making the local 18-24 male population her concubines.

I hope it's the 3rd one, for all our sakes.

As for title, I'm torn between Harry Potter and the Essence of Obsession or Harry Potter and the Last Desperate Grab
posted by Ynoxas at 9:13 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Relentless Snark
posted by gompa at 9:13 AM on December 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

J.K. Rowling turned being an author into being a rock star.

As a writer (albeit slightly less successful than Rowling), I say good for her.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:13 AM on December 21, 2006

As a proud Potter enthusiast, I'm honestly disappointed at the half-heartedness of this mockery. I'm quite fond of having my ass handed to me, but this stuff just plain isn't funny. It's an easy target, people, don't let me down. So far, the only laugh goes to gcbv's glorious Harry Potter and the Supremes.

No, wait, I take that back. ND¢ gets props for the assless chaps reference. Two laughs. Let's see some hustle, kids.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 9:14 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the compassionate conservative
posted by bruce at 9:15 AM on December 21, 2006

Ynoxas, Rowling has said in interviews that she hopes to release her next novel under a pseudonym to see if people would actually care about the book if her reputation didn't back it. I hope she follows through on that one.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 9:16 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Spidey-Senses in everichon's Ass.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:16 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Walker, Texas Ranger: In which Harry is a post-apocalyptic hunter-gatherer who speaks a barely penetrable future dialect. He discovers a Punch puppet in the Texas mud and learns to use it to dispense rough--but fair--justice to the encroaching Agriculturalists.
posted by everichon at 9:17 AM on December 21, 2006

HICST! - That's an interesting experiment, I wish her luck with it, though her proposed title for the pseudonymous work, Harry Potter and the Fragmented Demographic, should be reconsidered.
posted by Mister_A at 9:19 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter Rips Off Your Fanfic and Gets Turned into a Girl that Totally Gets it On with Ron and Hermione (and also Snape)

A bold choice for a bold era.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:23 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the apprenticeship in extreme chartered accountancy
posted by pyramid termite at 9:27 AM on December 21, 2006

I've always been fond of Harry Potter and the Profitable Sequel.
posted by Foosnark at 9:27 AM on December 21, 2006

I'm just appalled that on Wikipedia, there is a fully detailed, painstakingly cross-referenced entry describing one episode of an unremarkable cartoon situation comedy.
posted by wfc123 at 9:27 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up In Harry Potter Craze
posted by Flunkie at 9:27 AM on December 21, 2006

Deconstructing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Eve of Destruction of Jared-Syn Eater(s) of the Dead Pool of Radiance in the Gulag Archipelago 2: Electric Boogaloo.

God damn am I looking forward to this book.
posted by cog_nate at 9:27 AM on December 21, 2006

I've read all of them, as has my whole family.
People who knock them mostly haven't read them, so who gives a flying fuck what they think?
posted by signal at 9:28 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the four hour erection
posted by bruce at 9:29 AM on December 21, 2006

I suspect that the title is to do with Godric's Hollow.
posted by frecklefaerie at 9:29 AM on December 21, 2006

I'm going to go on record and predict that the date of the release will be announced in January, and that the book will be released on July 20th, 2007.
posted by drezdn at 9:32 AM on December 21, 2006

Hollow != Hallow, frecklefaerie.
posted by phatkitten at 9:32 AM on December 21, 2006

Hi signal. Some of us who are making up joke names for the book actually like the Harry Potter and the Arcane-Sounding Nouns series.
posted by Mister_A at 9:34 AM on December 21, 2006

I am a semi-creepy middle-aged men who will be buying his copy from Amazon so as not to need to go to the bookstore at ungodly hours of the night. Plus it is usually cheaper.

For a look into how crazed/devoted some of the fans of the book are, check out Mugglenet.

For a look at some surprisingly good (although unfinished) slash fiction (Harry/Snape), try Midnight Blue's Mirror of Maybe. (Warning: Very adult situations)

For other children's books that are also surprisingly good, try the Artemis Fowl series. There's even a relatively new one out. Nothing to do with assless chaps though...
posted by BeReasonable at 9:34 AM on December 21, 2006

Rowling has said in interviews that she hopes to release her next novel under a pseudonym

Ah, the Richard Bachman technique. Also the Duchamps urinal technique. Take your pick. Works better if you don't tell anyone you're planning on doing it, though.
posted by nanojath at 9:35 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the go fuck yourself.

Yeah, I'm not trying.

I don't think that reading is dead for the under 35 demographic (as I am 30 and an English graduate student, and many of my 18-22 yr old students love reading), but I will say that I don't know how much Rowling's books encourage people to go out and read "great literature." I don't often agree with Harold Bloom, but he wrote an article a few years back slamming Rowling among others because the only thing she prepares kids to read is adult versions of Harry Potter. I have a feeling that's probably somewhat true... the most intellectually challenging work some of these kids may ever read is The DaVinci Code, but who knows, maybe some of them do actually get interested in literature.

Of course, I wonder how many kids do actually read the books. Part of the popularity of the Harry Potter series is, I'm sure, just being a part of it. How many kids buy the books so that they can tell their friends, "yeah, I have the new one too!" I would bet a respectable minority don't finish or even try to finish all of them.
posted by papakwanz at 9:35 AM on December 21, 2006

Now--more than ever--it's time for a cumberbund.
Featuring Harry Potter.
posted by hovercraft at 9:36 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Meets Jar-Jar Binks
posted by papakwanz at 9:38 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Rips Off Your Fanfic and Gets Turned into a Girl that Totally Gets it On with Ron and Hermione (and also Snape)
I think Harry Potter and the Ménage à Trois would be bit more catchy. A sidenote I have to admit that I am adult reading Harry Potter although I am reading it in Spanish.
posted by roguewraith at 9:39 AM on December 21, 2006

As someone who hasn't read Harry Potter, and occassional reads literature, Harold Bloom can suck it. It's not like Harry Potter is keeping them from discovering literature or anything, and there's a chance it just might help them discover it.
posted by drezdn at 9:41 AM on December 21, 2006

Now that the kids are far enough into puberty, there needs to be a touching PG-13ish sort of juvenile almost-sex scene -- Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley stopping their bickering long enough to notice each other and sneak off for a make-out session under a staircase. Rowling could probably get that across pretty well while managing not to freak out younger kids or worried adults.
posted by pax digita at 9:41 AM on December 21, 2006

And under the movie series naming convention, doesn't Harry need to go to either Africa or Moscow in the seventh book?
posted by drezdn at 9:41 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and Yo Momma
posted by hojoki at 9:45 AM on December 21, 2006

It's difficult to see how anyone can laugh/snark at Harry Potter fans in a world that contains furries.
posted by jfuller at 9:46 AM on December 21, 2006

frecklefaerie, since hallows can mean a devotion or veneration, I think the title more likely has to do with the morbid activities Harry must perform to destroy the horcruxes. (Like, getting sucked off by Harold Bloom.)
posted by cog_nate at 9:48 AM on December 21, 2006

People who knock them mostly haven't read them, so who gives a flying fuck what they think?

And people who have read them and still knock them are worse than Hitler, so their opinions don't matter either!

And people who may or may not have read them and who make up fake titles in a thread riffing on the pop culture meme that is the "Harry Potter and [noun phrase]" title structure without necessarily actually knocking the books at all are mostly known sex offenders.

Harry Potter and the Overzealous Use of Italics?
posted by cortex at 9:53 AM on December 21, 2006

I don't understand the fuss, since everybody knows 'J.K. Rowling' is one of Stephen King's pseudonyms.
posted by ardgedee at 9:54 AM on December 21, 2006

It's difficult to see how anyone can laugh/snark at Harry Potter fans in a world that contains furries.

You, sir, are just the market that Harry Potter Gets Yiffie was written for!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:57 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter 7: Harry Potterer
posted by Partial Law at 9:58 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

I don't understand the fuss, since everybody knows 'J.K. Rowling' is one of Stephen King's pseudonyms.

Harry stood very still, across the room from the killer, trying to read the man's
    mind
expression...
posted by cortex at 9:59 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Yiffie's the name of Hermione's cat, right?
posted by cog_nate at 10:00 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Biscuit of Doom

Harry Potter and the Carburetor of Despair

Harry Potter and the Ghastly Proboscis

Harry Potter and the Noun Phrase Sex Offenders
posted by sfenders at 10:01 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the Stuffing of Ten Pounds of Shit into a Five Pound Bag
See also: Harry Potter and the Increasingly Unwieldy Title Construction

PS cortex is funny
posted by Mister_A at 10:01 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the 600 page recap capped by 100 pages of plot

Prediction: This book will be 700 pages long, as every book must contain all the books written before.
posted by efbrazil at 10:03 AM on December 21, 2006

OOh! Harry Potter and the 58-Game Hitting Streak.

OK I'm done now.
posted by Mister_A at 10:03 AM on December 21, 2006

Don't make fun of me because I'm illiterate. :( Acutally, I call myself "semi-literate" because I can read, but college taught me to read fast and I miss things.

At any rate, I'm happy that the title is announced. Hopefully this means that the book will be out this summer.
posted by frecklefaerie at 10:03 AM on December 21, 2006

Not really.
posted by Master Baiter at 10:03 AM on December 21, 2006

Getting sucked off by Harold Bloom, eh?

Harry Potter and the Aura of the Elite?

Harry Potter and the Heavy Boneless Hand?


yes Bloom can suck it 99 times out of 100.
posted by papakwanz at 10:07 AM on December 21, 2006

Wow, thanks so much for posting this! I love Harry Potter, and I'm so excited to know the title of the next book, eeee!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:10 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the Methane-Powered Talking Car
posted by hojoki at 10:13 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter sliding deeper, and deeper, into a slowly narrowing, lightless hole in the ground.
posted by JBennett at 10:17 AM on December 21, 2006

he wrote an article a few years back slamming Rowling among others because the only thing she prepares kids to read is adult versions of Harry Potter.

Yes! How dare she write down that story that's in her head, without giving thought to her responsibility as an author to prepare kids to read things unlike the story in her head!
posted by glenwood at 10:23 AM on December 21, 2006

It Turns Out Harry Is Not a Potter, But a Glazer, Which Is a Related Profession

Harry Potter And The Stash of Kosher Wine in the Closet of His Local JCC

Less Harry Potter, More Asian Chick With Scottish Accent!
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:25 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

without giving thought to her responsibility as an author to prepare kids to read things

Like Harry Potter and The King Lion : there is magic in Zoophilia?
posted by elpapacito at 10:25 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Five Hour Dump
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:29 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and The Final Problem.

I hear he falls off a cliff at the end.
posted by Kronoss at 10:29 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Name That Totally Won't Make Sense Until You're On Page 458.
posted by Cyclopsis Raptor at 10:29 AM on December 21, 2006 [2 favorites]

Reading comments from elpapacito is a little like reading Pynchon for me. I don't know exactly what I just read, but I am glad to have read it.
posted by Mister_A at 10:29 AM on December 21, 2006

This Harry Potter book, it vibrates?
posted by Saucy Intruder at 10:30 AM on December 21, 2006

Huh. "Harry Potter and the Ocarina of Time."

The lawsuit will be as epic as the book.
posted by Target Practice at 10:30 AM on December 21, 2006

I don't often agree with Harold Bloom, but he wrote an article a few years back slamming Rowling among others because the only thing she prepares kids to read is adult versions of Harry Potter. I have a feeling that's probably somewhat true... the most intellectually challenging work some of these kids may ever read is The DaVinci Code, but who knows, maybe some of them do actually get interested in literature.

I'm not sure if I buy the idea that children's literature must "prepare" us for more difficult literature. I, for one, hardly read anything as a kid. I struggled through school and spent hours working on simple assignments.

In college, as I was being exposed to more difficult literature, that's when reading really began for me. The idea that I'm missing out because I was not adequately prepared is absurd.

There is no preparation for picking up a book of Beckett's stories or George Oppen poems. The best children's lit you can imagine wouldn't make those books easier. The only thing you need--and anyone can have it--is a willingness to sit down and read something challenging.
posted by roll truck roll at 10:39 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Chalice of Terror in the Chamber of Shadows of the Lost Order of the Frozen Realm of the Spider King of the Illusionary Fellowship of the Mystic Knights of the Druidic Heretics of the Slytherin Doctrine of the Almighty, Unconquerable, Ghastly and Gargantuan Master of all Flightless Birds, the Master and Lord of all Emus - Garglindiaroquaeth
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 10:40 AM on December 21, 2006

From bruce, above: harry potter and the forthright, plainspoken fed chairman

This is my favorite so far. Get Kai Ryssdal to read the audiobook and I'll be suckered in!

Prediction: This book will be 700 pages long, as every book must contain all the books written before.

You've seen Wagner's Ring Cycle, then.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:41 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and if You Guys Know so Much About Women, How Come You're Here at Like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday Night Completely Alone Drinking Beers With No Women Anywhere?

Harry Potter N’shit, ‘sup?

Harry Potter and this One Time in Band Camp.

Harry de Traînent and ce n'est pas une pipe.

Harry Potter Eats Pussy Like it’s Chicken Chow Mein

Harry Potter and the Banner Fucking Year at the Old Bender Family.

Harry Potter and the Bad Guy Mustache <:-[.

Harry Potter and...The Aristocrats!

(Nah, I don’t see anyway to beat ‘assless chaps’)
posted by Smedleyman at 10:43 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Give me Rowling anytime over some unfathomable pretentious doorstop like Pynchon.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 10:48 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Turgid Mefiasma
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:49 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Prisoners Drinking Half-Blood From the Sorcerer’s Goblet
posted by pardonyou? at 10:52 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and Bart Simpson: The Quest For The Eaten Shorts
posted by hojoki at 10:53 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Meets Sherman Potter
posted by stirfry at 10:58 AM on December 21, 2006

Nice site. Does everyone else get the very in-your-face accessibility options on the splash screen? Thought that was a little bizarre.
posted by smackfu at 11:01 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the ...
posted by AwkwardPause at 11:02 AM on December 21, 2006

Eponysterical Comment.
posted by AwkwardPause at 11:02 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the Giblet of Chicken
posted by stirfry at 11:03 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Hardy Boys in The Mystery of Tom Swift's Thermokinetic Railcycle
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:04 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Delerium Tremens.
posted by Darth Fedor at 11:04 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Side Order of Onion Rings
posted by pardonyou? at 11:07 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Magdalen Laundries
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:15 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the Overused Ellipses.
posted by casarkos at 11:15 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Autoclaved Speculum
posted by retronic at 11:18 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the hairiest pot.
posted by delmoi at 11:20 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Iraq Study Group Report

Harry Potter and the Evil Bailey Building & Loan
posted by Smedleyman at 11:23 AM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and 100 pages of plot surrounded by 600 pages of emo.
posted by jmd82 at 11:25 AM on December 21, 2006

because the only thing she prepares kids to read is adult versions of Harry Potter.

prepares? adult versions of harry potter? what?

I don't think harry potter is all that different from other children's literature - I loved the Narnia and Oz series as a kid but I don't think they "prepared" me or that anything I got into as I got older was an "adult version" of them. I read harry potter 1-4 when I was in the hospital back then and needed something light, and they were lots of fun. The author brings a fantasy world to life, with all sorts of interesting, often funny, little details about how it relates to our world, in the classic tradition of young adult literature - whether you get to that other world by wardrobe, tornado, or platform 9 3/4.

Also, I think Rowling manages to find a balance between the somewhat sappy oz/narnia style stories, and the wickedly dark humor of my all time fave children's author, Roald Dahl. I remember John Waters saying he was always sad at the end of the Wizard of Oz, because he thought it would be so much cooler to stay in Oz and hang out with the witch and the flying monkies, than to go back to dreary old Kansas (and of course the rest of the Oz series kind of supports that notion). Roald Dahl took the opposite approach sometimes, where the protagonist wouldn't necessarily end up with a traditional happy ending (was it in The Witches that he ends up being turned into a mouse but being ok with that?). Anyway, Rowling is more middle ground, all around friendly than that, but still sticks in a few gross or funny or dark moments so that it doesn't feel like a disney story, but more like the original fairy tales (which I always loved more as a kid - I had a collection of italian fairy tales, one of russian fairy tales, one of original grimm's brothers, that were so much more interesting than the movies ever were).

oh, & don't forget harry potter & the eagle of truthiness
posted by mdn at 11:27 AM on December 21, 2006

"Harry Potter and the Ocarina of Time."

Personally I'm waiting for "Harry Potter Prime 3: Corruption."
posted by thecaddy at 11:27 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Huffing of the Paint
posted by pardonyou? at 11:28 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and Dragon go to Mountain [OFFICIAL AUTHORIZED EDITION]
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:31 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the amazon women from mars
posted by pyramid termite at 11:37 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Tries to Hire Hacker to Change his GPA
posted by Smart Dalek at 11:40 AM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the You Pot Her You Brought Her.
posted by NationalKato at 11:40 AM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the toadlicking cult
posted by pyramid termite at 11:43 AM on December 21, 2006

Welcome Back, Potter
posted by emelenjr at 11:48 AM on December 21, 2006 [3 favorites]

Harry Potter and the Shit-Eaters of Pung-La.
Harry Potter and the Hairy Pothead.
..........okay, i got nothing. Just wants to read it, is all.
posted by ELF Radio at 12:05 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Hendersons
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:08 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

For the record, I was an adult fan of the series until book 6.

THAT, however, was such a ghastly pile of crap that I didn't bother seeing the next movie and I'm not sure if I'll even read book 7.

And no, it has nothing to do with Dumbledore dying.* The whole book was just a wretched rehash of previous plot points with the only new material obviously existing SOLELY to set up the OMG HUGE BATTLE FOR T3H W0RLD in book 7.

I'm guessing the ACCURATE title for Book 7 is going to be "Harry Potter and the Pointless Fetch-Item Quest"

*OK, well, indirectly about Dumbledore dying. More like, making Snape actually evil. That was lazy plotting in the ex(treme. Plus, I liked how the early books sent the message that, "that horrible mean teacher you have isn't REALLY evil," to the kids reading it. It turns a good life lesson into a horrible one.)
posted by InnocentBystander at 12:13 PM on December 21, 2006

Even the publishers are confused:

When asked what the title meant, a spokeswoman for Scholastic, which publishes the Potter books in the United States, admitted that people in her office had rushed to an unabridged dictionary. "[Hallows] means holy person or saint. But we really don't know what the title means," admitted Kristen Moran.

posted by kirkaracha at 12:15 PM on December 21, 2006

Thanks a million, InnocentBystander! You've just gone and ruined not just a book, but the entire series for me!

*doesn't actually care*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:16 PM on December 21, 2006

"When asked what the title meant, a spokeswoman for Scholastic, which publishes the Potter books in the United States, admitted that people in her office had rushed to an unabridged dictionary. "[Hallows] means holy person or saint. But we really don't know what the title means," admitted Kristen Moran."

It means: Given sufficiant hype - dance monkies, dance!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:19 PM on December 21, 2006

The Rise and Fall of Harry Potter and the Spiders from Mars.

Harry played guitar...
posted by Kwine at 12:24 PM on December 21, 2006

It means: Given sufficiant hype - dance monkies, dance!!!

Or alternately: People are excited about something they like!!!
posted by transona5 at 12:24 PM on December 21, 2006

I LOVE the Harry Potter Series. I've read each one (except for the second one..which I didn't like much) at least 10 times. This is one of those things that is fashionable to dislike and dis.

However, the books are interesting, incredibly creative, entertaining, and pretty funny. (I'm not a lightweight reader-I've read roughly 80 books this year and mostly historical non-fiction.) I just think they are magical and I can't wait for my daughter to read them. They transport me to another world and the characters are wonderful.

They show that life isn't always fair and easy, the importance of friends and family and doing what you think is right, which I think are good lessons for anyone-kid or otherwise. And they're just fun to read. I'm so excited for this last book but I don't know how she's going to do it without letting people down...and there's a LOT of loose ends to close up.
posted by aacheson at 12:31 PM on December 21, 2006

"It means: Given sufficiant hype - dance monkies, dance!!!

Or alternately: People are excited about something they like!!!"

I wasn't dissing Potter fans, transona5. Some of my best friends are Potter fans.

*holds up picture of self with Potter fan*

I was merely commenting on the whirlwind created by someone as powerful as Rowling on the minions in her employ (the office staff at Scholastic).
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:37 PM on December 21, 2006

I wasn't dissing Potter fans, transona5. Some of my best friends are Potter fans.

Heh. I may have been a little quick to interpret that as a smear on Potter fans as mindless hype-buyers. I think it's funny that the Scholastic staff were scrambling for the dictionary too.
posted by transona5 at 12:43 PM on December 21, 2006

InnocentBystander, after reading book 6, from my point of view it's still very much up in the air whether Snape is evil or not. Yes, he killed Dumbledore. But there's several bits that suggest Dumbledore and Snape jointly pre-arranged this outcome.

If you want a reason to hate the series (and I don't; I enjoy it, but this one underlying theme bothers me), it's not a "your mean teacher really is evil" message. It's the "people who have good parents are inevitably good, and people who have evil parents are inevitably evil" message. I'm hoping she'll turn this around in book 7--I hold out just a glimmer of hope for Draco's redemption--but I'm not holding my breath.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 12:47 PM on December 21, 2006

Of course, I wonder how many kids do actually read the books. Part of the popularity of the Harry Potter series is, I'm sure, just being a part of it. How many kids buy the books so that they can tell their friends, "yeah, I have the new one too!" I would bet a respectable minority don't finish or even try to finish all of them.

You know, I'd say in several years, after all of the movies have been made, I bet fewer kids will read the whole series, and just opt for watching the movies. For right now, however, my daughter (10 years old) and most of her friends will devour book 7 when it comes out. (as will I)
posted by mach at 12:48 PM on December 21, 2006

aacheson: you're saying you've read Harry Potter books "at least" 50 times then? I know super-readers like you chew through content (I have a childhood friend that carries a book in the car and reads at redlights) but damn woman, 50 times????

There's not that much meat there. I'm assuming you're an insomniac?

I doubt Rowling herself has read her own manuscripts 50 times.
posted by Ynoxas at 12:56 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter meets Beatrix Potter?
posted by pax digita at 1:04 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Roly-Poly Pudding.

Seconding DevilsAdvocate's take on the Snape thing.
posted by cog_nate at 1:16 PM on December 21, 2006

Anyone who thinks that Snape is really evil wasn't reading Book 6 closely enough. DevilsAdvocate has a point about the whole inherited-morality thing, but at least that's not completely consistent throughout the books. Sirius Black's whole immediate family is evil, but he turned out all right.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:33 PM on December 21, 2006

And does anyone know the release date for Harry Potter and the World Crime League?
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:35 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Silly Rowling ought to know that the children of horrible people are inevitably wonderful, and vice versa.
posted by Mister_A at 1:40 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Bucket of Cocks.

(I really don't get all the J.K. Rowling hatin', though. I've never read any of her books, but I enjoyed the movies. On the flipside, I have over two decades of D&D nerd cred and I can't fight my way through The Fellowship of the Ring. But, again, loved the movies and the story. There's a place for great writing and a place for great stories. I'm happy to live in a world with both.)
posted by Cyrano at 1:51 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Eats a Shit Sandwich.
posted by dbiedny at 1:57 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and Your Favorite Book Sucks.
posted by papakwanz at 1:59 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Death of Good Children's Literature.

Harry Potter and the Flaggelated Equestrius.

Harry Potter and the Mirror of Chanslash: A Collection of Disturbing Child Rape Porn Written by "Fans".

Harry Potter and the Lonely Congressman.

I could do this all day... but I've got some frozen doorknobs that need licking...
posted by jcterminal at 2:12 PM on December 21, 2006

I'm so-o-o late to this party. Well, here goes (and apologies for anything that duplicates anything you've heard before)

Harry Potter and the Snakes on a Plane
(nobody did this one yet?)

Harry Potter 7: Electric Boogaloo

Harry Potter and the Poincare Conjecture

Harry Potter and the Palatine Uvula

Harry Potter and the Unauthorized Biography

Harry Potter and the Downing Street Memo

Harry Potter and the Protease Inhibitor

Harry Potter and the Sleeper Cell

Harry Potter on Rails

Harry Potter and the Attractions
(like you never noticed his resemblance to a young Elvis Costello)

Harry Potter and John Ford Coley
('70s pop music reference. kids, get off my lawn)

and some Harry Potter Crossovers That We Hope Never Happen:
Harry Potter and the Chocolate Factory
Harry Potter and the Phantom Tollbooth
Harry Potter and the Dharma Initiative
Harry Potter and the Final Fantasy
Harry Potter Hears a Who
Harry Potter and Hobbes
Harry Potter and the Neverending Story (NO-O-O-O!)
posted by wendell at 2:12 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Train-Oil Lube
posted by dayvin at 2:15 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Furious Five
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 2:27 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the World of Gor (or Hermione’s Collar)

Dirty Harry Potter and Do You Feel Lucky, Punk? Well Do Ya?

Harry Pancakes and the Vibrating Metafilter
posted by Smedleyman at 2:29 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and Hermione's missed period.

That's all I can come up with. God, you people have made me laugh hard today.
posted by Mcable at 2:32 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter: If I Did It
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:36 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the Thingamajig of the Whatchamacallit.
posted by pardonyou? at 2:45 PM on December 21, 2006

IRFH FTW. Narrowly, but still.
posted by everichon at 2:46 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry, Hermione, and the 40-Ounce Butterbeer.
posted by Mcable at 2:53 PM on December 21, 2006

I am Harry Potter's raging bile duct

Harry Potter Remembers Sammy Jankis
posted by Smedleyman at 2:56 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the Actor of Incongruous Age
posted by LionIndex at 2:59 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter Live at the Palladium
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:00 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Furious Five: White Wands (Don't Do It)

"A street wizard gets arrested, gonna do some time
He's outta azkabhan three years from now just to commit more crime
A Death Eater is caught with 24 kilos
He’s out on bail and out of jail
And that’s the way it goes
Raah!"
posted by baggers at 3:01 PM on December 21, 2006

harry potter and the toe eating ferret
posted by pyramid termite at 3:08 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Stolen Election
Harry Potter and the Swiftly Tilting Planet
Harry Potter and the Series of Unfortunate Events
Harry Potter and the Weekend at Bernie's
Harry Potter and the Breakfast Club
When Harry Met Sally (This might already be taken)
Harry and the Beaten, Dead Horse

And I'm done.
posted by BeReasonable at 3:15 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter: A Million Little Pieces.
posted by AwkwardPause at 3:19 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Elective Marine Neurochemistry Laboratory Studying the Mating Response of Geoducks Because He Needed the Credits.

Harry Potter and the Golden Hurfdurf Cake-Shovel, or: Hermoine and Harry Try Out Competitive Feeding.

Harry Potter and the Never-Ending Department of Motor Vehicles Queue.

Harry Potter Proves the Riemann Hypothesis and Sexes Up The Chicas.

Harry Potter and the Super-Ultra-Big-Gulp Slurpee Headache.

Harry Potter Discovers Dragon-Equine Voraphilia.

Harry Potter Goes To Burning Man and Catches Herpes From A Stiltperson.

Harry Potter Milks a Rodeo Bull and Impregnates a Silverback Gorilla.

Harry Potter Dies In A Fire - Twice.
posted by loquacious at 3:32 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the One-Eyed Trouser-Snake... of Doom
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:37 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Higgs Boson Field
Harry Potter and Einstein-Bose Condensates
Harry Potter and Multi-dimensional String Theory
Harry Potter and the Night Watch
Harry Potter and the Undiscovered Country
posted by thecaddy at 3:38 PM on December 21, 2006

Arguing that this sort of work is not exposing children to real literature is stupid. Forcing children to read literature just makes them think of literature as boring, and I think makes them reject classic literature as boring and stuffy in later life.

English class was often an exercise in taking what would be great literature and turning it into a boring and over analyzed piece of writing.

I read The Great Gatsby in high school, and hated it. I didn't care for the characters, I didn't understand their motivations, and we had to write boring essays about it. I reread it again this year at age 32, and was gripped by it. I understood it better, I laughed at loud during parts, I was saddened during others. It was just wonderful.

Most young readers don't have the background knowledge to appreciate literature properly. Getting children reading is good enough, and I enjoy the Potter books myself.

Sure, they're not great literature, but then not all the music I listen to is `great', and not all the food I eat is high level cuisine. For a pleasurable read they're terrific, and I feel that Rowling presented the teen characters very well, worked the plot very well across the books, and I admire her resolve to make it a neat 7 books rather than keep churning it out.

I also really like some of the lessons the book teaches. Morality is a personal responsibility. The dead are gone, there is no coming back, they live only within us. You can break rules to do right in the long term. Adults can be petty, stupid and vindictive. Politicians and the press are driven by personal feelings, and aren't always right. Loyalty to friends and personal ideals are noble and honourable. Tragedy may strike but life goes on, even though it may haunt you.

Some of those seem pretty dark, but they aren't blatant in the book, and they reflect reality well.
posted by tomble at 3:44 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter and the blatently stolen witty comment from It's Raining Florence Henderson.
posted by Smedleyman at 4:05 PM on December 21, 2006

Well I'm excited. No, excited doesn't cover it. More like hyperventiliatingomgmostawesomethingontheplanet. But y'know, it's not for everyone and just because I think it's an amazing series doesn't mean i expect the rest of the world too. I mean this overshadows my obsession with the Whedonverse...and that's saying a lot. I don't want to say that it's automatically great because so many people love it. The Da Vinci Code, anyone? But it is a great peice of reading and I don't think it tries to be anything but a involving story. But, whatever.

And Snape's not evil. That's just stoopid.

I'll stop regressing now.

*foams at mouth*
posted by liquorice at 4:19 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and YOUR MOM.

Harry Pooter and Haw Haw!
posted by oats at 4:48 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Dumbledore is not dead; he will return as Dumbledore the White.
posted by Cranberry at 4:54 PM on December 21, 2006

Harold Bloom can kiss my arse. A lot of 'proper' literature is utter toss. I have a degree in it (which says Sparx, Sam Sparx, licenced to be opinionated) so I should know. Harold Bloom should stick to failing to seduce feminists.

That said - this is a top thread that made me laugh out loud many times. Thank you one and all. Help, I can't stop talking! is a hater hater.

Though colour me disappointed Harry Potter and the Mumbley Peg wasn't even taken into consideration
posted by Sparx at 5:31 PM on December 21, 2006

harold bloom and the death of civilization
posted by pyramid termite at 6:04 PM on December 21, 2006

Ynoxas, I'd say I've read each of them at least 5 times, the earlier ones around 10 times. I can read HP & SS in a little over 2 hours. So, maybe I was overexaggerating a bit, but I've spent a lot of time loving those books. And I'm 34. :)

I agree that Snape isn't evil. He's still playing the part and that's why Dumblebore was begging him up on top of the tower. It appears that he was begging him to help him, but I think he was begging him to kill him so Snape could get closer to Voldemort and as a side benefit-put him out of his misery-cuz he was probably going to die anyway. And that's why Snape got so angry when Harry called him a coward. He's going deeper than anyone-risking more than anyone. Snape is a nasty sumbitch to Harry, but I think in the end he will be an anti-voldemort person.

I agree that it's important to get kids to read, it doesn't matter what they're reading (Same with adults-thats why I love Oprah's book club even if I think most of the books are pretty pedantic-but at least people are reading!!) I liked what Tomble said about the Great Gatsby. it's totally true. I didn't read much growing up and didn't like literature classes, but when I was 12 I discovered science fiction and started reading a book a day during the summer. Literally 30 books a month. My mom was thrilled. Sure, I'm sure she wished I wasn't reading about dragons and swords and such, but she was just so glad I was reading. And I love to read now-it's my favorite hobby.
posted by aacheson at 8:33 PM on December 21, 2006

There's no way in hell I'm going to be able to read this book without being spoiled. No way, whatsoever. If I stop using the internet, shut off the tv and radio and avoid work until I'm finished, someone will walk up and down the street screaming spoilers. Just like the whole thing with Dumbledore when the last book came out. Everyone wants to spoil it for someone.
posted by stavrogin at 9:12 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter and the Moles of Mossflower
posted by tehloki at 9:28 PM on December 21, 2006

Harry Potter & The Singing Detective - in which our hero Harry is confined to bed in the Hogwart sanatorium, covered in scabs and sores all over his body, casting spells with a wand tied to his fist.
posted by tellurian at 9:42 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

working title: Mrs. Norris Is in Prof. Trelawney's Tower, Watching You Apparate
posted by rob511 at 9:52 PM on December 21, 2006 [1 favorite]

Harry Potter Offs the Ewoks
posted by dbiedny at 10:07 PM on December 21, 2006

J.K. Rowling turned being an author into being a rock star.

People used to trample each other to get in to see Dickens do a reading from one of his books when he'd go on tour.
posted by Pollomacho at 11:04 PM on December 21, 2006

aacheson: You have only just begun to rock. Keep going for it, and I will look forward to you rocking not only my world, BUT EVERY WORLD! Except maybe metafilter. There's always some haters there.

From what I understand, some people even hate Home and Away. I am as confused as you.
posted by Sparx at 11:26 PM on December 21, 2006

English class was often an exercise in taking what would be great literature and turning it into a boring and over analyzed piece of writing.

I totally hear that. I was lucky enough to have an english teacher who was into science fiction when I was in high school. We got to read Arthur C Clarke and Asimov and Heinlein and Wyndham, mixed in with your Shakespeares and Gatsbys. For me, it couldn't get much better. I'm sure many of my classmates disagreed, but they didn't want to read ANYTHING, so poo to them.

Oh, and
The Potter Supremacy
The Potter Vindication
The Potter Ascendance
The Potter [insert fun Ludlum-y word here]
posted by antifuse at 2:18 AM on December 22, 2006

metafilter: harry potter and the...
posted by Hat Maui at 2:23 AM on December 22, 2006

harry potter and the metafilter: harry potter and the...
posted by Hat Maui at 2:24 AM on December 22, 2006

Are You There God? It's Me, Harry Potter
posted by pardonyou? at 6:34 AM on December 22, 2006

Are You There God? It's Me, Harry Potter
posted by pardonyou? at 8:34 AM CST on December 22

Winner.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:29 AM on December 22, 2006

Harry Potter and the Hot homeroom teacher from Colorado.
posted by Mcable at 8:36 AM on December 22, 2006

A Tree Grows in Harry
Little Harry on the Prairie
Potter Ship Down
Harry Potter and the Purple Crayon of Doom

I read all the Potter books out loud to my daughter. The last one she snatched from my hands as soon as I stopped reading that first day and she stayed up all night reading it to herself. I tried to finish reading it by myself, but I just couldn't be bothered. It was an interesting idea for a series, and I only wish they had been available to read when I was 10. I'm sure I would have loved them.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:17 AM on December 22, 2006

Harry Potter and the Frilly Panties of Danger
posted by Tiddles at 1:06 PM on December 22, 2006

Harry Potter and the Psychosomatic Antereograde Amnesia
Harry Potter and the Feces Throwing Monkeys
Harry Potter and the Business Gonnection.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:10 PM on December 22, 2006

Harry Potter and the Release of the New Harry Potter Book.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:42 PM on December 22, 2006

harry potter and the oh my god what do i write about now syndrome?
posted by pyramid termite at 3:52 PM on December 22, 2006

Harry Potter and the 4077th M*A*S*H
posted by sageleaf at 8:33 PM on December 22, 2006

Harold Bloom...wrote an article a few years back slamming Rowling among others because the only thing she prepares kids to read is adult versions of Harry Potter.

Harry Potter and The Flight to Lucifer.
posted by Iridic at 9:35 PM on December 22, 2006

Harry Potter And The Bag Of Dicks
posted by FieldingGoodney at 5:33 AM on December 23, 2006

Deathly hallows? wtf, does Harry battle the pope?
posted by duffell at 1:12 PM on December 23, 2006