Choose Your Own Adventure with bees, lasers, zombies, robots, hot scientists...

December 22, 2006 9:07 AM

"There is no feeling more satisfying than tearing into a beehive with a sledgehammer." This from Trainsaw, by way of introduction to their new Choose Your Own Adventure-style...er...literary adventure. If beehives, lasers, city destruction, robots, hot scientists, and the like aren't your style, try their many rants or reviews. Those lampooned include Bob Dylan, all the cool kids, diabetes, and a smattering of everything else. Definitely indebted to Real Ultimate Power and Maddox, but...definitely different.
posted by limeonaire (18 comments total)

Crap. I died. The end dude is hard.
posted by loquacious at 9:16 AM on December 22, 2006

You had me at hot scientists.
posted by Science! at 9:39 AM on December 22, 2006

Ooh, lasers AND ninjas.

There's more oh-so-wackiness on the reviews page too.

Apparently, Bob Dylan is overrated, Britney Spears is undertalented, and corporations spend too much money on advertising. Edgy.
posted by tantrumthecat at 9:46 AM on December 22, 2006

That is so not funny.
posted by luckypozzo at 9:49 AM on December 22, 2006

I got the Amulet of Yendor. Now what?
posted by YoBananaBoy at 9:49 AM on December 22, 2006 [1 favorite]

Are all the rants as dumb, puerile and poorly-argued as their attempt on Mr. Zimmerman?

To borrow from P.E.T.: He's been called worse by better people.

Yawn.
posted by docgonzo at 10:21 AM on December 22, 2006

You are apparently in college somewhere. Do you:

create an unfunny humor magazine

give this magazine a website that looks like it was created in 1997 with Microsoft Frontpage

post a "rant" about Bob Dylan that, besides being staggeringly wrong, showcases a command of the English language and literary style that would embarrass a third grader

all of the above
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:24 AM on December 22, 2006

Exactly. I was thinking "campus newspaper 'humour' columnist".
posted by tantrumthecat at 10:40 AM on December 22, 2006

give this magazine a website that looks like it was created in 1997 with Microsoft Frontpage

[[chuckles]] That's exactly the point. Hence the relation to Real Ultimate Power and Maddox.
posted by limeonaire at 10:47 AM on December 22, 2006

You jump into the robot with the hot scientist babe and prepare to rock this world like a hurricane.

HSB handles the piloting, and you start tearing the city apart with standard book-about-robot-takeover sort of fare—lasers and the like. The government instantly dispatches the military to control the situation, but they clearly stand no chance. A huge 747 tries to gun you down, but bullets are like dust to your robot, so it just sneezes and gets asthma. You wonder momentarily why the government is attacking you with passenger planes instead of military jets, but then you realize that it's to make the next joke work better. You blast out the plane's engines, and it plummets to the ground in flames, smashing into the ground and tearing apart on impact. There are no survivors...guess they should have worn their seat belts.

Oh come on, how can you hate on this? It's funny.
posted by quin at 10:54 AM on December 22, 2006

Florida State University has a horrible school newspaper (see for yourself). Ghastly stuff. This guy is almost that good (or bad; depends).

Boo.
posted by Pecinpah at 11:11 AM on December 22, 2006

"Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen . . ."

Not funny when someone just don't get it.
posted by ahimsakid at 12:05 PM on December 22, 2006

It's funny.

nope.
next!
posted by signal at 12:07 PM on December 22, 2006

I got the Amulet of Yendor. Now what?

Now don the Ring of Conflict and Ascend without a pet and eating only bad meat.
posted by loquacious at 12:09 PM on December 22, 2006

Someone forward these posers to Maddox.

Maybe he'll be inspired to update more than once every 3 months.
posted by T.D. Strange at 1:36 PM on December 22, 2006

Mmmmmmmmm....

Book good....
posted by Samizdata at 1:46 PM on December 22, 2006

I took over and ruthlessly dominated the Earth for 50 years. Typical.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:08 PM on December 22, 2006

Reminds me of Which Way Adventure.
posted by Iridic at 9:16 PM on December 22, 2006