Join 3,555 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


Whitney's Big Auction
January 2, 2007 3:20 PM   Subscribe

Whitney Houston is selling all her stuff. Now you can buy a portable sauna packed into two flight cases.
posted by tombola (70 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
How do I know she will not spend the money on drugs? Drugs are bad m'kay.
posted by Iron Rat at 3:22 PM on January 2, 2007


Girlfriend, how many acrylic pianos can you own?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:22 PM on January 2, 2007


cocaine is a hell of a drug.
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 3:23 PM on January 2, 2007


crack-related tax complications

Fuck me, cocaine IS a hell of a drug.
posted by psmealey at 3:27 PM on January 2, 2007


Is this a cunningly disguised self-link for profit?

I kid. I kid.
posted by CKmtl at 3:27 PM on January 2, 2007


Is she moving in with Screech?
posted by loquacious at 3:29 PM on January 2, 2007


The real question is will she live long enough to wind up hooking on a corner in Irvington and exactly what condition will she be in at that time?
posted by The Straightener at 3:29 PM on January 2, 2007


She can always show up at OBL's cave, if things get that dire.
posted by psmealey at 3:31 PM on January 2, 2007


Horribly, the time for her to move into porn was passed some time ago.
posted by dhartung at 3:41 PM on January 2, 2007


I wonder what kind of people surrounded Whitney and how it happened that he got entangled with crack. It's a case of she-had-it-all , beauty, fame, talent and money.
posted by elpapacito at 3:44 PM on January 2, 2007


Geez, this is ghoulish. She's in a bind, it's not for us to gloat.
posted by orthogonality at 3:45 PM on January 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


OBL's cave? Nah, she's much more likely to end up at ODB's crib.

Dirt McGirt is still alive. He's shacked up with Tupac and D.B. Cooper in a small motel outside Tuscon. Truth!
posted by suckerpunch at 3:46 PM on January 2, 2007


dhartung: you are confusing Mary Carey (NSFW) with Mariah Carey (sound) , but you are pardoned their pitch is so hear tearing high and Mariah doesn't dress conservatively either.
posted by elpapacito at 3:47 PM on January 2, 2007


Kevin Costner isn't willing to save her?
posted by furtive at 3:52 PM on January 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


I wonder what kind of people surrounded Whitney and how it happened that he got entangled with crack. It's a case of she-had-it-all , beauty, fame, talent and money.
posted by elpapacito


This is just a wild guess, but he may have had something to do with it.
posted by ninjew at 3:52 PM on January 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


Crack is wack.

Such a shame we can't push time back to 1:49 in this video.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:54 PM on January 2, 2007


Damn it -- why couldn't this have happened before Christmas? I know what I would've brought to the Yankee Gift Swap...
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:55 PM on January 2, 2007


You'd think her aunt, Dionne Warwick, could have forseen this?
posted by hal9k at 3:58 PM on January 2, 2007


Lot 112 Church Pew. Church pew?
From crack to cult?

Aww.
posted by nickyskye at 4:09 PM on January 2, 2007


Yes, I'll take that 55 gallon drum full of panties, please. Oh my.
posted by ColdChef at 4:24 PM on January 2, 2007


Sweet, a ton of 1980's electronic music gear! Hooray!
posted by mkb at 4:30 PM on January 2, 2007


Yeah, that's a hell of a lot of Akai S-1000s.
posted by mykescipark at 4:34 PM on January 2, 2007


How can she be selling Bobby Brown's music awards? It's not her stuff. That's classy.
posted by smashingstars at 4:41 PM on January 2, 2007


i bet clive is behind this.
posted by phaedon at 4:51 PM on January 2, 2007


Wow i'm not that fan of her, but how people can be so mean when others fall

bunch of bastards
posted by zouhair at 5:06 PM on January 2, 2007


Aww. That's not right. (But it's okay).
posted by Brittanie at 5:06 PM on January 2, 2007


i bet clive is behind this.

not precisely ... the wikipedia article says she's working on a new album ... and generally, you can expect she'd do a tour, too

she's probably just getting rid of the old junk she isn't going to use anymore
posted by pyramid termite at 5:08 PM on January 2, 2007


*kicks homeless man, laughs*
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 5:09 PM on January 2, 2007


she-had-it-all

Actually, she almost had it all, didn't she?
posted by emelenjr at 5:23 PM on January 2, 2007


The best is her collection of thousands of miniature plastic roses, she's going to get a shitload for those.
posted by The Straightener at 5:23 PM on January 2, 2007


Salon has an interesting article from April on her downfall: Didn't she almost have it all?
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 5:24 PM on January 2, 2007


Damn that's a lot of stuff. My first thought was that M.I.A. should buy the whole package and put together a touring band. Gianni Versace silk screen print vest w/rhinestones and a whole lot of leopard print stuff. Awesome.
posted by VulcanMike at 5:33 PM on January 2, 2007


Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese : *kicks homeless man, laughs*

Hey fucker, that hurt. And I'm not homeless. I just like dressing this way. Sorry about the smell and vomit though. New Years was kinda rough.

Also *clears throat* : GIMME A DOLLAR FOR THE BUS!
posted by quin at 5:59 PM on January 2, 2007


From Kraftmatic's link:

The photos were taken, and sold to the magazines, by Houston's sister-in-law, who provided an accompanying tale of the singer's cracked-out habits, from hallucinating violent demons, to biting and hitting herself, putting her hand through walls, and locking herself away to smoke rock cocaine and pleasure herself with an apparently prodigious collection of vibrators.

This of course brings new meaning to the following verses:

I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me
...
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me

posted by furtive at 6:04 PM on January 2, 2007 [1 favorite]


I hope she gets some real help to overcome her problems, she's a very talented woman.
posted by hojoki at 6:08 PM on January 2, 2007


Laughing at misfortune, however cathartic it may be, generally tends to open the doors of misfortune for one's self. Schadenfreude is a direct ratio feedback mechanism.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:28 PM on January 2, 2007


No wonder she can't find anyone to dance with.
posted by Operation Afterglow at 6:31 PM on January 2, 2007


I'm inclined to think this may be a sign of her pulling herself together rather than the opposite. See also: her filing for divorce. Sometimes when you're that lost you need to do some reversing before you can move forward.
posted by orange swan at 6:43 PM on January 2, 2007


Wow i'm not that fan of her, but how people can be so mean when others fall

She deserves everything she gets for being the cause of generations of children being forced to sing "Greatest Love of All" at 6th grade graduations... I will never forgive that woman!
posted by eparchos at 6:47 PM on January 2, 2007


Psychic friends network:

Is it strange to associate Bobby Brown and Mike "He was screaming like my wife" Tyson?

When's the last time you heard about Robin Givens?

Indeed, a helluva drug.
posted by isopraxis at 7:03 PM on January 2, 2007


'You came and saved the best for last.'
posted by isopraxis at 7:04 PM on January 2, 2007


'You came and saved the best for last.
That would be Vanessa Williams, not Whitney Houston.

And as cruel as it may be to mock another's misfortune, this IS the woman who allowed her husband to tell a national tv audience about how he once relieved her constipation manually. It's not like it's an affront to her dignity.
posted by jrossi4r at 7:14 PM on January 2, 2007


aaaaaannnnnnddd eeeeeeeyyyyeeeeeyyyyyeeeeee wiiiilllll aaaaaallwwwwaaaaayyyyys llllluuuuuvvvv yyoouuuuooouuuuuooooooo
posted by disclaimer at 7:18 PM on January 2, 2007


Thanks for the link, Kraftmatic. A sad story, but the Salon article is determined to distinguish her predicament from dozens of other star decline-and-fall stories, and I think it fails. Worst: "Courtney Love, ....who has been pilloried even more brutally than Houston, but who has managed to retain a claim on some fuzzy corner of our hearts." Maybe your heart, kiddo.
posted by QuietDesperation at 7:23 PM on January 2, 2007


Sorry for not noting the distinction between two monolithically tragic examples of american post-pop culture. How are you with helping constipation manually?

Or is that the heroin talking?
posted by isopraxis at 7:34 PM on January 2, 2007


It's a case of she-had-it-all , beauty...

The best beauty that money can buy, anyway. Never underestimate the power of professional hairstyling, makeup, fashion, lighting, photography, and image retouching. [More celebs w/o here.]
posted by cenoxo at 7:42 PM on January 2, 2007


No disagreement cenoxo, but how many of those photos were taken after she started using heavily? The stuff she was into can take a heavy toll pretty quickly.

I never really cared for her one way or another, but I do find it sad when people achieve success that they are unprepared for and wreck themselves 'living the lifestyle'.

On the other hand, it hardly seems to touch the people that were born into it, and because of their behavior seem much more deserving of a hard crash and burn.
posted by quin at 8:03 PM on January 2, 2007


Hell with Whitney. Check out this programmable stompbox from Belgium (from the same site).
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 8:10 PM on January 2, 2007


other star decline-and-fall stories, and I think it fails. Worst: "Courtney Love, ....who has been pilloried even more brutally than Houston, but who has managed to retain a claim on some fuzzy corner of our hearts

Whoa. Courtney Love a decline-and-fall story? Seems to me that Courtney has succeeded at everything she's put her hand to since that dreary April day in 1994. Unless, of course, you count her utter failure as a human being. Yeah, sue me. I can say that. I knew her

I think Whitney pisses people off because, as others have said, as cheesy as she was, she had looks, talent, money, fame, charisma and near universal (on a very corporate/mainstream level) adulation. Despite all of that, that she seemed to have chosen the expressway to the rock bottom (crack), is -- rightly or wrongly -- contemptible to a lot of people.

Courtney, on the other hand, is someone who uses her train-wreckiness as a device to gather more fame and notoriety (as Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton teach us every day, there is no longer a difference between fame and infamy) and increase her marketibility.
posted by psmealey at 8:13 PM on January 2, 2007


folks, mark my words. summer 2007, courtney love is scheduled to make another comeback.
posted by phaedon at 8:26 PM on January 2, 2007


Hmm, all that stuff up for auction just seems like a bunch of old bullshit she doesn't have any use for anymore. Not exactly selling everything she owns or anything.
posted by bob sarabia at 8:28 PM on January 2, 2007


Whitney Houston is selling all her stuff. Now you can buy a portable sauna packed into two flight cases.
posted by tombola


Eponysterical? Tombóla means raffle sale in Icelandic.
posted by aldurtregi at 8:29 PM on January 2, 2007


backstory
posted by phaedon at 8:31 PM on January 2, 2007


Whoa. Courtney Love a decline-and-fall story? Seems to me that Courtney has succeeded at everything she's put her hand to since that dreary April day in 1994. Unless, of course, you count her utter failure as a human being.

Besides her failure as a human, which I think we can all agree on, wasn't there a story about her getting kicked out her new york apartment? Not exactly in the ditch but not a success either.
posted by bob sarabia at 8:32 PM on January 2, 2007


I'm not a fan of her music, but I hope she pulls through.
On the bright side, this post gives me an excuse to link to a favorite Serge Gainsbourg moment.
posted by maryh at 8:33 PM on January 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


serge with some shades of whitney there, nice... does it get better any than this?
posted by phaedon at 8:40 PM on January 2, 2007


I think Whitney pisses people off because, as others have said, as cheesy as she was, she had looks, talent, money, fame, charisma and near universal (on a very corporate/mainstream level) adulation.

I think it has more to do with her music completely sucking ass and being far beyond merely lame and inoffensive, and at the same time being utterly inescapable. Her crap has been inflicted on innocent bystanders for 20 years now and in a just universe would be classed as a misdemeanor against humanity.

It's sad for her that she fucked up large. But if it means that I have to hear her insipid garbage less often, I can live with it.

disclaimer, I think you meant

aaaaaannnnnnddd eeeeeeeyyyyeeeeeyyyyyeeeeee wiiiilllll sellllllllllll yoooouuuuu myyyyyyyyy stuuuuuuh-huuuuh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uuffffffff
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:41 PM on January 2, 2007


This radio station I listened to back in the early 90s played "I Will Always Love You" and some sucky Boys II Men song back to back over and over for an entire night. And I listened to it.

This is why I hate Whitney Houston, Boys II Men, myself, and every other atom in the entire universe forever.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:05 PM on January 2, 2007


This is brilliant: I toured as guitarist w/Houston ("The Greatest Love" tour, 1986), and France Gall ("Le Tour de France," 1988), and knew Gainsbourg as a friend.

Guess who's coming off the resume?

We all miss your wrinkly ass, Serge.
posted by whozyerdaddy at 9:11 PM on January 2, 2007 [2 favorites]


And thus is revealed how the last vestiges of dirigibleman's soul were burned away by an unholy fire.

You know how they use music as a form of torture/ Psyops? You just described the one that I believe would be most effective against me.

*shudder*
posted by quin at 9:20 PM on January 2, 2007


Wow, that Serge Gainsbourg clip is hilarious, maryh. Thanks for sharing that.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 10:03 PM on January 2, 2007


I salute you, whozyerdaddy.
Hey, maybe Whitney can do a cover of this for her comeback. Just change "Je bois" to "Je fume" and tone down the histrionics... it's just crazy enough to work.
posted by maryh at 10:14 PM on January 2, 2007


Thanks, Mr. Cheese! I'll happily use any excuse for a Gainsbourg derail.
posted by maryh at 10:20 PM on January 2, 2007


I'll take that Hammond organ and Leslie speaker cabinet off her hands. Wow.
posted by chillmost at 11:24 PM on January 2, 2007


So it's true, crack is only for poor people!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:55 AM on January 3, 2007


Remember to make her show you the receipt.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:12 AM on January 3, 2007


I think it has more to do with her music completely sucking ass and being far beyond merely lame and inoffensive, and at the same time being utterly inescapable music completely sucking ass and being far beyond merely lame and inoffensive, and at the same time being utterly inescapable

Ugh, not to defend Whitney Houston, but, subjectively, on that account she certainly sucks no more or less than Celine Dion, Boyz2Men, Mariah Carey, 'Nsync, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson or any of a half dozen American Idol spawn that have been foisted upon us in America's public spaces over the last 15 years.

I blame the soulless trolls that run the record industry for this more than I hold Ms Houston personally accountable. Besides, even if it's not specifically her music, there's always going to be some other insipid, sappy pop garbage that sad housewives and taste-challenged teens will buy by the million. That's just the bitter truth.
posted by psmealey at 5:10 AM on January 3, 2007


Allow me to be the first to say that I'll be happy to make just as much fun of ...Boyz2Men, Mariah Carey, 'Nsync, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson or any of a half dozen American Idol spawn that have been foisted upon us in America's public spaces over the last 15 years when they have their their respective falls from grave.

Dude, 125 million records sold and she's not smart enough to stay away from crack?
posted by furtive at 6:15 AM on January 3, 2007


Actually, some of Whitney's dancier stuff is fantastic, for what it is.

And seeing her onstage at the Grammys some years ago with Dionne Warwick and Chaka Kha (? I think; I could be wrong about the third one) just belting out some Gospel music was an awe-inspiring experience.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:58 PM on January 3, 2007


I thought the same thing about the Hammond and Leslie. Fuck all that Roland shit, give me the good stuff.
posted by emelenjr at 12:11 PM on January 5, 2007


« Older I am inspired by YesButNoButYes's 2006 List of Lis...  |  The Seminole Tribe of Florida ... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments