What happens in Vegas gets buried on Zyzzyx Road

January 4, 2007 2:33 PM

What if they released a movie and nobody came?The film Zyzzyx Road (sic) -- starring Tom Sizemore, Katherine Heigl and Leo Grillo -- reportedly cost $2 million to make but grossed only $30 domestic in a six-day, one-theater release. The trailer for the film that virtually no one saw is here.
posted by Ljubljana (99 comments total)

I hear if you take the XYZZY Road, there's a cave, a snake, and a magic rod.


(Okay, 'fess up. Who here gets that joke.)
posted by destinyland at 2:39 PM on January 4, 2007

Damn. I got beat to the Zork joke.

I was going to say "Xyzzy Road? Of Course nothing happens!"
posted by GuyZero at 2:41 PM on January 4, 2007

I don't get it. :o(
posted by Tambo at 2:43 PM on January 4, 2007

The unofficial Tom Sizemore fan page made me throw up in a hat. Honestly, "click on word to enter topic"? Is that how hypertext works in browsers now? Oh, lordy, thank you so much.

On topic: The trailer's awful too.

Related: Every time I drive out to California, I stop and take a picture under Zyzzyx Rd's exit sign.
posted by boo_radley at 2:43 PM on January 4, 2007

I blame alphabetical order.
posted by wendell at 2:45 PM on January 4, 2007

Poor Sizemore.

Also, CHUD rocks.
posted by brundlefly at 2:45 PM on January 4, 2007

If nobody's seen the film, how do we as a society know it really exists? Remember, the Roman empire fell after its citizens started believing everything they read on IMDB.

I wonder if vanity films with Hollywood rent-a-stars will be the new plaything of multimillionaires tired of playing astronaut on the space station?
posted by bicyclefish at 2:46 PM on January 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

Damn. I knew this would come out one day.

OK, look. Yes, I was the one who saw Zyzzyx Road. Twice. I'm not proud of what I did but it happened and I have to fess up to it.

I was drunk. And Katherin Heigi, who I'd never heard of, was hot. Those two disparate elements came together to form a dangerous concoction which would see me handing over my money to see this film. That, and I saw Paul Rubens being escorted out of the showing previous to the first one I ended up watching. I mean, if that's not an endorsement, what the hell is?
posted by Effigy2000 at 2:48 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Shooting Sizemore coming to VH1. (Or is it VHr?)
posted by The Deej at 2:49 PM on January 4, 2007

Did they mention that the theater had a sign on the door saying, "Beware of the Leopard!"?

I'm not in the field of advertising but this sounds remarkably like a situation where somone's accountant said they needed to dispose of $2000000 before the end of the year.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:49 PM on January 4, 2007

Contractual Obligation Theater! Yes!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:54 PM on January 4, 2007

Can someone explain to me why this might not just be a viral thing, all the buzz that places like ... say, MeFi create by having FPPs about the worst movie opening of all time ever?
posted by cgk at 3:02 PM on January 4, 2007

sounds more like the Producer produced the film to get face-to-face time with Heigl. stuck in a car, talking about shit. him and her in a tanktop.
posted by Busithoth at 3:05 PM on January 4, 2007

well if it only gets released in one theatre then I guess it was never going to make it's two million back. it's made for tv! what I will admit though, is that the trailer makes it look allright, since it probably is.
posted by 6am at 3:08 PM on January 4, 2007

Wow, what a crappy trailer. It's completely confusing, and doesn't give us any clue what the movie will be like. I can't imagine anybody seeing this and actually wanting to see the movie.

I bet the most positive reaction it got from anybody was, "Tom Sizemore.... I know I've heard of him, but can't think of any movies he was in...."
posted by Afroblanco at 3:09 PM on January 4, 2007

Can someone explain to me why this might not just be a viral thing ..

repeat: $30.

though it seems like maybe a typo, i'd bet we could not see this movie in theaters even if we tried very hard.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:10 PM on January 4, 2007

I love the fact that, although its $30 gross accounts for maybe six tickets (if it's a fairly cheap theater and everyone caught the matinee), 42 people rated it on Box Office Mojo and 46 rated it on IMDb.
posted by Acetylene at 3:11 PM on January 4, 2007

Such a shame. That Katherine Heigl actress could have had a great career. But now she'll always be remembered as "Marissa"
posted by hal9k at 3:11 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Saving Private Ryan, Strange Days, True Romance, Natural Born Killers ... and the rest.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:12 PM on January 4, 2007

Wow, what a crappy trailer. It's completely confusing, and doesn't give us any clue what the movie will be like.

I think the trailer gives you plenty of clues - the cinematography/mood/subject matter. What it doesn't do, and which is what impressed me, is just give away a load of secrets of the film or just compress the full film down into two minutes, or lean on other tired conventions of trailer structure as about 99% of other trailers do.

My favourite trailer ever is probably the one for the shining. If I saw that amongst the other run-of-the-mill shit, of course I'd have no idea what the film was about...but I'd be like "holy fuck!". I think a trailer that really sells the mood of the film in a unique way will get more people interested than the standard compress-a-movie routine.

The Clockwork Orange trailer is also mental.
posted by 6am at 3:22 PM on January 4, 2007

Could be the movie sucked and the investors pulled it ASAP with the hope of re-editing a new film with the same shots. Could be the 6-day showing was a trial balloon. Could be a lot of things. Could be because the "system" is keeping a good film down and viral internet marketing will create a long-tail hero, but I doubt it.
posted by stbalbach at 3:24 PM on January 4, 2007

From Ljubljana's first link:

... Box Office Mojo tells us that the film actually made the bulk of its money — twenty bucks — on the opening weekend.

Somebody alert Art Buchwald.
posted by rob511 at 3:28 PM on January 4, 2007

Different Trailer
posted by ob at 3:35 PM on January 4, 2007

I'm still not going to see it though...
posted by ob at 3:35 PM on January 4, 2007

If you drive along Zzyzx Road - think that is the correct spelling - you come to the Desert Studies Center, run by the University of California. It's an ex-health farm run from the 1940s to the 1970s by "Doc" Springer. More here.

I've stayed there several times in relation to work - fascinating place and sometimes quite spooky... If you are ever driving past, take the detour - is worth a look.

I'd even hoped the movie was about Springer, but seems to have been some awful thriller instead.

It isn't the only recent movie in these parts. Also see the long promised Zyzzyx and The Big Empty set in Baker, the nearby - and pretty grim - town. I don't recommend spending a night there.
posted by A189Nut at 3:36 PM on January 4, 2007

Hmm the "Diffrent Trailer" is much more conventional, and I have to say a little better. It does have the "Give away the ending of the movie" feel, though.
posted by delmoi at 3:43 PM on January 4, 2007

Guarantees the last place spot in any directory.
posted by hortense at 3:46 PM on January 4, 2007

Overseas distribution.
In-Flight Entertainment incentives.
Minor-market "Superstation" sales.
DVD-dumping to video outlets.
Creative accounting.
Fan-boy word-o-mouth.
"Buzz" placed and paid.
All these things guarantee that even worthless product will somehow generate profit.
Remember "Snakes On A Plane"?
posted by Dizzy at 3:47 PM on January 4, 2007

I bet the most positive reaction it got from anybody was, "Tom Sizemore.... I know I've heard of him, but can't think of any movies he was in...."
posted by Afroblanco

#2
"Hmmm. Tom Sizemore. Didn't he get arrested for beating up a girl? Was she famous?"

#3
"Hmmm. Tom Sizemore. Wasn't he one of Heidi Fleiss's johns?"
posted by surplus at 3:47 PM on January 4, 2007

You can see some images of Zzyzx /the DRC towards the end of this video.
posted by A189Nut at 3:51 PM on January 4, 2007

#4
"Hmmm. Tom Sizemore. OH YEAH, HE'S FUCKING AWESOME."
posted by cortex at 3:51 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

#5. He's good. But he's no Tom Sizemore.
posted by hal9k at 4:01 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

I think the trailer gives you plenty of clues - the cinematography/mood/subject matter.

How do you know? Were you one of the three people who saw the film?

I'll stick by my assertion that it was a crappy trailer. Too many fast cuts, very confusing. The most empty space I've seen on a screen this side of Blair Witch. Also, no idea what the movie is about. Crime thriller? Mystery? Suspense?

I think someone just saw a sign for Zyzzyx Road and thought, "That would make a great name for a movie! I know, I've got $2M, I'll go ahead and make a movie around the name! What can possibly go wrong?"
posted by Afroblanco at 4:02 PM on January 4, 2007

Tom Sizemore has been in a slew of unprofitable films.

(I'd link to the XXXTom site itself, but it went members only last month...and good god, I hate that I know that. Almost as much as I hate being unable to erase the image of Sizemore in his homemade porn, wearing the bicycle helmet.)

I'm sure someone is going to have fun re-editing that gawdawful trailer.
posted by squasha at 4:11 PM on January 4, 2007

(damn, I forgot to put the sardonic quotation marks around the loosely-used term, "films".)
posted by squasha at 4:12 PM on January 4, 2007

I went to the first showing of the first Wayne's World movie.
There were six people in the audience, in two groups.
The people in the other group also knew someone in the cast.

I couldn't believe it could be so unpopular.
And it wasn't.
posted by hexatron at 4:13 PM on January 4, 2007

The You Tube trailer seems to be unofficial from the comments below it.
posted by A189Nut at 4:16 PM on January 4, 2007

I love how this post has tags for "Zyzzyx" and "Zzyzx." I smell sequel!
posted by Kwine at 4:17 PM on January 4, 2007

The different spelling for the movie title from the real place suggests some sort of ownership issue to do with the place itself? It's federal land, in as much as it was confiscated from Springer, though he was sitting on a defunct mining claim.
posted by A189Nut at 4:26 PM on January 4, 2007

6am! Thanks for the pointer to the Clockwork Orange trailer.
posted by bhouston at 4:41 PM on January 4, 2007

Zzyzx road, prehaps?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 4:48 PM on January 4, 2007

Zzyzx road, perhaps?

That's one of the last eastbound stops off Interstate 15 if you're going from L.A. to Las Vegas.

Funny story: When I worked in a movie theater way back in the day, we had this movie play for a single night, also for contractual reasons.
posted by frogan at 4:52 PM on January 4, 2007

Yep - just past the town of Baker.
posted by A189Nut at 5:01 PM on January 4, 2007

"Related: Every time I drive out to California, I stop and take a picture under Zyzzyx Rd's exit sign"

You might be happy to know that the BLM is working on restoring the buildings and getting them added to the list of historical places.

Link
posted by drstein at 5:02 PM on January 4, 2007

Thanks for that - it wasn't looking too bad last year, but I doubt much renovation has been done since it was built. Rob Fulton likes to tell the story of how Springer got all the doors from decommissioned Liberty Ships...

Oh, and the DRC aka Soda Springs also contains the only remaining population of the Mojave chub (fish.) A really fascinating place, just a few miles down a dirt road off the interstate.
posted by A189Nut at 5:05 PM on January 4, 2007

Oh, and if it was on DVD, I'd rent it. That's the beauty of DVD rental services - if you rent something that's awful, you don't have that dirty feeling of "Ugh, I just left the house, spent $30 on tickets & junk food, and watched THIS?!"
Instead you can hit "eject" and wish for that period of time back.
posted by drstein at 5:07 PM on January 4, 2007

I'm quite dreding the release of...

http://www.sameerbadar.com/index.html
posted by mattoxic at 5:08 PM on January 4, 2007

Quoting Koko from MoFi on 1/1/07

It was never meant to make any money at the box office. This sort of thing happens frequently with movies that are intended to go direct to video or cable.

Also, box office figures can be deceptive. Theaters rent movies, so the $30 could be what's left after the theater paid the rental. In this case, though, the theater may have paid nothing, since the film wasn't intended to make money theatrically.

posted by Koko at 10:38PM UTC on January 01, 2007

could be a good explanation....
posted by Debaser626 at 5:22 PM on January 4, 2007

I only remember Tom Sizemore for a few things. 1) He did so drugs that he ended up with priapism. 2) The homemade porn where at one point he eats out a hookers ass. 3) Didn't he take a dump on heidi fleiss?
posted by bob sarabia at 6:00 PM on January 4, 2007

"Also see the long promised Zyzzyx and The Big Empty set in Baker, the nearby - and pretty grim - town."

Oh, yeah. And there was something else shot there quasi-recently. I spent a week there one night recently, driving out to California over the Thanksgiving break. It was crowded like ants on a candybar, and was absolutely awful, including one of the shittiest Greek restaurants I've ever been to. On the walls were all sorts of stills from some movie shot there.
I remember thinking "Neat road" when driving past.
posted by klangklangston at 6:01 PM on January 4, 2007

Katherine Heigl is very hot. I've been watching her since she was on Roswell. In fact, just about all the girls on that show were hot. Shiri, Emilie, Katherine....
posted by SirOmega at 6:06 PM on January 4, 2007

That would be the legendary Mad Greek Restaurant. Has seen better days...

OT, but all the motels in Baker have seen better days too. I think it is the seedy charm of the town, plus the proximity to LA and Vegas that gets it movie gigs nevertheless.
posted by A189Nut at 6:18 PM on January 4, 2007

Hi, All.

Richard Halpern here, producer director of the original Zzyzx film, which you can see view at www.zzmovie.com (trailer online there too).

To note, our Zzyzx movie was the first to be released over the other Zzyzx film. Zzyzx was the first feature film ever to be released to ipod FIRST before DVD. We have been praised by efilmcritic.com, Aint it Cool News, and Dan Myrick, director of Blair Witch. We recently won the Miami Independant Film Festival and were 2nd place in the Central Fla. Film Festival.

This story that is being run is very funny. $30! Ha! CHUD did a follow up to this mentioning our film, so, search Chud for Zzyzx and see the follow up. I did hear the other movie did not cost $2 million; rumor has it it was shot for under a million.

I will give a FREE ZZYZX DVDs to the first 5 persons who send me an email with their mailing address to [e-mail].

Also, please, check out zzmovie.com, look at the trailer, give me your thoughts!

Thanks,

Richard
posted by zzmovie at 6:47 PM on January 4, 2007

Score. Thanks, Richard.
posted by cortex at 7:09 PM on January 4, 2007

Thanks for the offer Richard. But I feel the Zzyzx Movie viewing experience would be truer to its creators intentions if you sent it to me on an iPod. Can that be arranged?
posted by bicyclefish at 7:11 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Tom, is that you?
posted by mijuta at 7:22 PM on January 4, 2007

Heh heh.

Dan here, 'made the site. Will make the iPod download available for free momentarily.
posted by bluedaniel at 7:26 PM on January 4, 2007

Wow, what service. I'm actually clearing space on my computer for a download. Hi Richard and Dan!
posted by now i'm piste at 7:29 PM on January 4, 2007

That alphanumerically nutty "A189Nut" fellow up there has it right! That YouTube trailer is the work of some deranged fan with access to the entire damn movie on his computing machine. It's not the official trailer at all, and that's why it's a choppy nonsensical scrap heap of random footage.

The YouTubeworm who posted it (His name is "ITHoTMK" - which I believe stands for "Isn't That How Official Trailers for Movies oKkur??") couldn't resist defending himself to his antagonstic peers, and says:

"Well, the movie isn't all that bad actually though I only had the rough edit to work with. There was no score at that point so I have no idea how it sounds. Leo Grillo, the star, was also the producer and writer. I'm pretty sure Tom did the film because it's low profile and he got a paycheck. ;)"

Oh, that winky face pretty much redeems you, ITHoTMK. You're so cute.
posted by Milkman Dan at 7:30 PM on January 4, 2007

Right, okay, wow, didn't see that comment by "Richard." We totally got viral'd. The moral fibres of my broadband connection are stinging.
posted by Milkman Dan at 7:32 PM on January 4, 2007

Milkman, no viral from Richard. I called him when I saw this thread and suggested he join and chime in.
posted by bluedaniel at 7:35 PM on January 4, 2007

Theaters rent movies, so the $30 could be what's left after the theater paid the rental.

That would be net receipts, not gross.
posted by owhydididoit at 7:37 PM on January 4, 2007

Bluedaniel, can you please wear reflective gear next time you post? You're blending right in with the background and I can barely see you and if you're not careful you're going to get hit by a car at dusk. Why don't you go join the Blue Man Group or make friends with Tobias or something?

Back to your concise and clarifying comment: Ohhhh, I see. Two different movies based on an obscure California road sign that uses the last three letters of the alphabet multiple times over, but each one with differing amounts of ZEDS. My apologies to both you and Richard, whose movie looks like it's quite nice after all.
posted by Milkman Dan at 7:42 PM on January 4, 2007

If I wear reflective gear I fear traffic might TARGET me and intentionally run my scrawny ass over brother!

I try and fly under the radar. Been here a few years, but am never immune to the gnashing of teeth I read everyday, hence blending in.

Uploading iPod feature now. 'Been meaning to for a while, 'have several features to add as a matter of fact. FTP says about an hour to go, maybe less?
posted by bluedaniel at 7:49 PM on January 4, 2007

The Chud article pretty much explains the sitation:

Zyzzyx Road is the latest film from Leo Grillo Productions, a company set up by actor Leo Grillo to give him movies in which he can star.

It's a vanity project by a guy with money who fancies himself a star. He probably signed a contract with Sizemore promising a "theatrical release" and met this by getting it in one theatre in Dallas for one weekend.

There's more on this at Defamer
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:51 PM on January 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

I love the fact that, although its $30 gross accounts for maybe six tickets (if it's a fairly cheap theater and everyone caught the matinee), 42 people rated it on Box Office Mojo and 46 rated it on IMDb.

i'm not going to give the details, as i don't want to start another war about piracy, but a certain file sharing service indicates that 60 different people are sharing it right now

(not that i could be bothered ...)
posted by pyramid termite at 9:15 PM on January 4, 2007

Wow! Got close to 15 responses for the FREE Zzyzx DVD in a very short period of time. Gave the 15 the DVDs, but, I must now say, I cannot send more (though, it can be ordered at zzmovie.com, free shipping).

Thanks,

Richard
posted by zzmovie at 9:59 PM on January 4, 2007

Chud does in fact post an update regarding our Zzyzx here, with some interesting bits like "...the reason that Zyzzyx Road played in a single theater in Texas is because Regent Releasing, the folks who put the movie out, own the theater..."

Bizarre. What the hell, at least he got a theater release!

Chud also mentions, "...be aware that there is another movie with a similar name out there, which is only cluttering things up. That film is called Zzyzx (no one can seem to agree on how to spell the word), and it stars some guy who was on The Shield once. This film has a MySpace page and a snazzy site at www.zzmovie.com..."

Might I add as well - "be aware" I had nothing to do with the MySpace page. I'm still at odds as to what the fascination is with MySpace at all. Granted, it's online marketing ability dwarfs all the main filmsites (why why Lord tell me why), but it's the WalMart of the net and people seem to dig WalMart. A half a million invested in getting the filmsites made when a quick and free MySpace page does numbers in an hour what the official site will do in a week. Wtf?

Good Lord I've gone off on a tangent.
posted by bluedaniel at 10:13 PM on January 4, 2007

Yawn. Even reading the plot line here made me think, 'oh, this again?'
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 10:26 PM on January 4, 2007

No doubt this thread is going to be confusing. Checked the RottenTomatoes link thinking "Zzyzx? Zyzzx Road? Which film? Which spelling?" Not ours (whew).

Fwiw - the correct spelling is Zzyzx.
posted by bluedaniel at 10:50 PM on January 4, 2007

i got the Xyzzy road joke, destinyland! i used to be a total colossal cave / adventure freak, back before al gore invented the internets... ;o)
posted by doplgangr at 11:50 PM on January 4, 2007

I think I followed all that...
posted by The God Complex at 12:04 AM on January 5, 2007

Suffering from fear, fatigue, and a gaping head wound, the Philly policeman starts a drug field test in an abandoned meth lab.
There were 4 red XL condoms filled with powder to test.
sniff.
posted by alicesshoe at 12:48 AM on January 5, 2007

bluedaniel, I downloaded zzyzx.zip twice, but keep getting the error: "Unexpected end of archive".

Could you perhaps just put up zzyzx.m4v instead?
posted by metaplectic at 1:00 AM on January 5, 2007

Damn, really? Yea, will do. Do me a favor (and anyone else reading at this late hour), don't download for at least 90 minutes from this post. This, in order for it to successfully upload as an .m4v file instead.

I'll send it up there now and grab some kip in the meanwhile and check in when I wake up.

Zzzzzzz....
posted by bluedaniel at 1:11 AM on January 5, 2007

Wow! Got close to 15 responses for the FREE Zzyzx DVD in a very short period of time. Gave the 15 the DVDs, but, I must now say, I cannot send more (though, it can be ordered at zzmovie.com, free shipping).

See, THIS is what I get for leaving my computer for more than an hour at a time! Curse you, Albuquerque and your delicious shopping temptations!
I really want to see both of these movies now.
And, BTW, Tom Sizemore rules. He just seems to be one of those actors cursed to remain in relative anonymity forever, and takes whatevr job he can get. Oh well, I guess whatever pays for the ladies.
posted by eparchos at 1:31 AM on January 5, 2007

The trailer in the FPP makes the film look ok. Nothing special, but not terrible. Films that cost 50x more and are 10x worse constantly get global release and make their money back, mosty due to marketing rather than actual talent involved. It's called an industry for a reason.

The trailer for ZZYZX unfortunately makes watching the film somewhat redundant. If the Zyzzyx trailer said too little, the ZZYZX says too much. I didn't necessarily want to see the fate of two main characters (of 3 available) in the trailer itself. And it was too long.

Might check it out once I get home. (Reminds me a bit of Wolf Creek, which was also inspired by a true story.)
posted by slimepuppy at 1:47 AM on January 5, 2007

Why if Richard's movie came first does ImDb credit it as 2007?
posted by A189Nut at 2:04 AM on January 5, 2007

6am I agree with you about formulaic trailers. One of my favorite trailers of all time is for the minus man, and used no actual footage from the movie, but managed to convey the black humor of the movie very well. Unfortunately I cant find a link to it.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:34 AM on January 5, 2007

They stole that something-goes-wrong-burying-the-body-in-the-desert from Blood Simple.

Minus Man trailer (review) at IMDB, and the New York Times.

Tom Sizemore was great in Heat. "Well ya know, for me, the action is the juice."
posted by kirkaracha at 5:02 AM on January 5, 2007

Finallly... Tom Sizemore and William Shatner make a movie together.
posted by rough at 7:13 AM on January 5, 2007

Hi. We recently changed to 2007 to reflect the DVD release.
posted by zzmovie at 8:12 AM on January 5, 2007

It's too bad about Tom Sizemore these days. I really liked the guys acting, and he was usually good in anything he was in. It crazy how far he has fallen.
posted by punkrockrat at 8:20 AM on January 5, 2007

[removed bluedaniel's link to the entire downloadable movie]
posted by mathowie at 9:00 AM on January 5, 2007

Uh, Mathowie, I was pretty sure that Blue Daniel made that movie and that it was different from the other one (which Richard was sending by DVD to a lucky couple, including me).
posted by klangklangston at 9:29 AM on January 5, 2007

Please replace the link?
posted by odinsdream at 9:39 AM on January 5, 2007

Surely more people would have gone to it, just outta curiosity? The number of times we're not sure what film to see so just randomly pick one... surely more than 3 people must have seen it???? Okay, clearly not!
posted by philsi at 9:45 AM on January 5, 2007

From IMDB: In February 2005, he failed a court-ordered drug test after he was caught trying to use a prosthetic penis to fake the results, the second time he has been caught trying this.

Tom Sizemore is my fucking hero! Seriously - those whizzanator things are just too cool.
posted by jalexei at 10:15 AM on January 5, 2007

philsi : "Surely more people would have gone to it, just outta curiosity?"

It was six or seven people, actually (the "three people" guess was based on the assumption that it was shown in LA, at $10 a ticket. It was later determined that it was shown in Dallas at considerably less). And while there are random movie watchers, I'd say six people for an unadervertised movie, shown only in one theatre in the entire country, for only 6 days, seems about right.
posted by Bugbread at 10:45 AM on January 5, 2007

So I’m in a club with some people and this guy asks me if I have any Visine, and it’s Tom Sizemore. And we get to talking and he invites us to a party but he wants to ride a buddy of mine’s motorcycle. Which is no problem, so we’re riding out and it’s windy and he’s already got a serious allergy thing going on. You’d think his eyes were red from marijuana or something, nope, ragweed. So he already can’t see and the wind is kicking up the dust and he’s not wearing glasses or goggles or anything so he’s weaving all over and he lays the bike down. He’s wearing like a tank top under a short sleeve button down shirt and a thin pair of pants. Those were ripped to shred and he’s got like a blood sausage thing going on over half of his body. He’s still getting up and my buddy is all over him - blah blah blah, customed out bike, how much it costs, etc. etc. and what’s his fucking problem and who does he think he is, and so forth. Well, Tom’s a stand up guy, he’s offering to pay for it. But how can you pay someone back for custom work they’ve done themselves? It’s time and effort and love, there’s no giving that back. So Sizemore says “ok, what do you want to do?” and my buddy says “shoot you.” So Sizemore says “Ok, shoot me.” And he’s standing there just begging my buddy to shoot him. My buddy carries a S&W 1911 .45 with 165 grain Pow’r’ball loads designed to make a wound channel the size of Popeye’s forearm. And Sizemore starts in on his mother, flicking his ear, stuff like that. So my buddy loses it and shoots him in the gut. Sizemore gets up and says “Do it again.” We all can’t believe it. And he says “C’mon, pussy. Pussy!” So my buddy just unloads on him, six, seven shots midtorso in a tight group. Sizemore gets up, coughs up a little blood, and says “Feel better?” And starts laughing and says he wants to buy us all a lot of beer. Wouldn’t let us take him to the hospital until we did Tequila shots with him and finished the bottle. We hit Zona Norte in Tijuana with his prosthetic penis (I guess he knew Jorge Rhon) before his limo dropped us back off where we parked our bikes.

So the whole thing is basically I have a hard time suspending my belief in a movie where Sizemore gets beat up. Oh, and he’s in some great movies.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:10 PM on January 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

Bluedaniel, who is involved with promoting and selling the movie Zzyzx (he made the official website) has graciously made the iPod version (320x213 mpeg4) legally available as a free download. (It works now.)

This should not be confused with the original subject of this thread, the movie Zyzzyx Rd., starring Katherine Heigl and Tom Sizemore, which grossed only $30 and was apparently a vanity project for Leo Grillo.
posted by metaplectic at 3:23 PM on January 5, 2007

Nah, wait I was thinking of Clint Howard. Who’s Tom Sizemore?
posted by Smedleyman at 3:24 PM on January 5, 2007

I have a hard time suspending my belief

Actually, Smedleyman, it's your disbelief you're supposed to suspend.

And looking at the picture of Leo Grillo on the movie poster... didn't he play the cop on the take (Tony Soprano's snitch/connection in the PD) on the Sopranos? Maybe not, cause that role didn't turn up on Grillo's IMDB page. Still, I think it might've been him...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:19 PM on January 5, 2007

"And while there are random movie watchers, I'd say six people for an unadervertised movie, shown only in one theatre in the entire country, for only 6 days, seems about right."

I went with my dad's pal who had won tickets to see Species on opening day, and there were probably six people in the theater, including myself, my father, his friend and his friend's girlfriend, and some black guy in the back who kept yelling "Damn!" and laughing at everything (which isn't to say that it isn't a very funny movie).
posted by klangklangston at 7:42 PM on January 5, 2007

klangklangston : "I went with my dad's pal who had won tickets to see Species on opening day, and there were probably six people in the theater"

Exactly. And that was a pretty damn well publicized movie. Plus, since those were free tickets, they wouldn't show up in sales. Which means that you, your father, his friend, and his friend's girlfriend don't show up in sales, leaving two: the laughing black guy, and the undescribed 6th viewer.

Now, Species did fairly well at the box office, so obviously that was a bit of an anomaly. However, it does show that such a turnout is possible.

So, let's say "at a certain theatre, which, for whatever reason, has unusually few viewers, two paying viewers per showing for Species, shown on one screen in a movie theatre, 4 times a day, for 6 days, results in 48 viewers". Seems reasonable to me that a completely unadvertised movie in a movie theatre that may well be just as anomalous would get one eighth that amount, for a total of 6 viewers.
posted by Bugbread at 3:57 AM on January 6, 2007

John Heard was the crooked cop on The Sopranos.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:41 AM on January 6, 2007

Tip o'the hat to ya, kirkaracha!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:55 AM on January 6, 2007

Someday, and that day may never come, I'll call upon you to do a service for me.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:18 PM on January 6, 2007

“Actually, Smedleyman, it's your disbelief you're supposed to suspend.”

(s’what makes it funny)

I thought we switched to the metric system.
posted by Smedleyman at 11:19 AM on January 8, 2007