YouSuck!

January 20, 2007 11:05 PM

"You’re more worried about friction on the 'Desperate Housewives' set than the lack of health coverage at your tedious, soul-destroying job. You have no idea what is going on in the world, and you’re fine with that. You are why democracy doesn’t work." YOU are #16 on The Beast's 50 Most Loathsome People in America list.
posted by Hat Maui (76 comments total)

Well, better that than Richard Mellon Scaife, I guess.
posted by blucevalo at 11:11 PM on January 20, 2007

Tautology. Yawn!
posted by mr. strange at 11:21 PM on January 20, 2007

That's so edgy to hate the mainstream.
posted by smackfu at 11:24 PM on January 20, 2007

Where's Dinesh D'souza?
posted by homunculus at 11:32 PM on January 20, 2007

Where's Alberto Gonzales?
posted by homunculus at 11:34 PM on January 20, 2007

The Beast kind of reminds me of an old zine from the early 90s, The Nose (strangely no scans or much of anything else online).
posted by Burhanistan at 11:38 PM on January 20, 2007

Barack Obama loves me.
posted by Simon! at 11:43 PM on January 20, 2007

HOW can this list not have Bill O'reilly?
posted by T.D. Strange at 11:49 PM on January 20, 2007

The Beast hates Jesus more than Rush Limbaugh.
posted by kisch mokusch at 11:51 PM on January 20, 2007

You are the 16th most loathsome, but then, you're also person of the year. Balances out, fuck it.
posted by IronLizard at 11:55 PM on January 20, 2007

You know?

That shit isn't even funny any more.

The Beast - Welcome to the Dung Heap.
posted by rougy at 12:00 AM on January 21, 2007

You know?

The Beast is actually kind of a pussy, trying to please everyone by insulting every icon his nicotine-rattled brain can remember from last year's People magazine pile he swiped from his crack-head mom and his meth-lab burned "father." Running off the mouth spouting a lot of shit, some of it true, most of it not, doesn't matter because it's never really meant to be read anyway, ad whore deluxe, will probably pop up on every meta dig/fark/del/reddit/trailrank/furl "look at me I'm an attention whore" webiste for the next thirty fucking days.

Exhibit A: He bashed Cindy Sheehan, which means he's got a really big boner and two huge balls to bitch-slap the mother of a dead soldier.

Sentence: ctrl+alt+delete.
posted by rougy at 12:08 AM on January 21, 2007

sorry, rougy -- they beat you to it. the beast was itself #12 on the list.
posted by Hat Maui at 12:17 AM on January 21, 2007

Hey rougy you should have actually read the article because they put themselves at number 12 on their list but heaven forfend we read anything scathing or funny.

"50 More Loathsome" gets better and funnier every year and I can't wait for the next hundred whining assholes to come in here and cry about it because the writers at The Beast were mean to someone.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 12:19 AM on January 21, 2007

'Yawn!' was basically my reaction, too. Lists of this kind are outlines to essays that are better left unwritten. So why bother?
posted by Kikkoman at 12:21 AM on January 21, 2007

I did read the "article" as you so generously call it, losers.

Don't make me start a list because you can guess where your names will be!
posted by rougy at 12:23 AM on January 21, 2007

I would have put Barak Obama 1st with McCain (well, not necessarily first, but with McCain, anyway).

Obama shows that left falls for the same shallow cult-of-personality bullshit as the right. And that's why our country is fucked. I'd have put all y'all number 1, myself.
posted by dirigibleman at 12:24 AM on January 21, 2007

Well why don't ch'all go back to drinking yer warm Keers Light and leave us to suffer in yer charismatic absence, boy.
posted by rougy at 12:32 AM on January 21, 2007

i for one would love to see your list, rougy. and honored to be on it.
posted by Hat Maui at 12:34 AM on January 21, 2007

Don't make me start a list because you can guess where your names will be!

Somewhere near your own?

//couldn't resist
/*have a nice day.
*/
posted by IronLizard at 12:34 AM on January 21, 2007

Hat Maui - IronLizard (if that is your real name) - you two just keep talking...keep talking....
posted by rougy at 12:47 AM on January 21, 2007

What if I don't fit the definition of "you" this describes? I think they could have used less blanketing language. They make it sound like everybody who isn't out on the street with a megaphone, raging into the nothingness, is a complacent corporate whore.
posted by tehloki at 12:51 AM on January 21, 2007

I think if they took the chance to get to know me, I mean really get to know me, they would have put me at # 1.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 3:47 AM on January 21, 2007

Come on, people. That top 20 is fucking solid.
posted by toma at 3:48 AM on January 21, 2007

fuck you, beast. time said i was man of the year.
posted by StrasbourgSecaucus at 3:57 AM on January 21, 2007

and time is way more truthy.
posted by quonsar at 4:16 AM on January 21, 2007

38. Carlos Mencia

thats enough right there to win points with me, i fucking hate that guy for all the reason listed. all i ever hear is how fucking great mencia is, so it's nice to hear someone slam him. of course i do live under a rock so . . .
posted by nola at 4:18 AM on January 21, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

This must be the most vile , revolting, pandering , lowest common denominator list ever. Everybody retarted enough likes a list , so imagine the mouthwatering of a list attacking each and every abominable person on the planet. These llan Uthman & Ian Murphy are absolutely looking for publicity and you #16 are their self fulfilling phopecy, but what is missed is that #16 have a lot in common with the target audience of Coulter et al : you both smell and have bad hair days. My only regret is that quonsar didn't make it on the list ! Shit, this shit writes itself !

Othere people you love to hate :

1. liberals
2. republicans
3. everybody disagreeing with you
4. that old teacher of yours, that ass
5. your boss
6. your boss wife ! Rich spoiled bitch
7. your ex girlfriend, who married that old fucktard teacher of yours
8. being an expert at witty remarks, while still dressing like a flood victim, while Ann is making millions.
posted by elpapacito at 5:05 AM on January 21, 2007

"The point now is how do we work together to achieve important goals. And one such goal is a democracy in Germany."

god help us ... did george w bush really say this?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:36 AM on January 21, 2007

Everybody retarted enough likes a list , so imagine the mouthwatering of a list attacking each and every abominable person on the planet. These llan Uthman & Ian Murphy are absolutely looking for publicity and you #16 are their self fulfilling phopecy

Elpap, you vet....put the tumbler down, go to sleep.
posted by toma at 5:55 AM on January 21, 2007

Any list without Torture Yoo on it isn't worth lining birdcages with.
posted by adamgreenfield at 6:24 AM on January 21, 2007

You’re Time magazine’s person of the year. So was Hitler.

there, Godwined.
posted by caddis at 6:37 AM on January 21, 2007

Garbage in , garbage out.

no matter how you look at it..
posted by HuronBob at 6:42 AM on January 21, 2007

Okay... I don't watch American Idol or listen to the Top 40 show. The only place I see Ryan Seacrest is on E! News. And I was quite shocked when I realized that he was the same guy (I never really paid attention to his name; it's E! News, for god's sake) Kathy Griffin (who I've decided is the Mistress of the Anecdote) loathes so much and who generally seems to be the recipient of quite a bit of hate out in pop culture land. Granted, Kathy's got a reason to beef with him, given that he forcibly disrobed her in front of TV cameras. But he isn't nearly as irritating as, say, your average CNN anchor and his E! News stuff isn't nearly as obnoxious as, say, Entertainment Tonight. Is he really that awful in other venues?

It's not that I really care, mind you. It's just that everytime he's on the screen, I get that weird Everyone-is-seeing-something-I'm-not feeling. Get that feeling often enough and you start to think maybe your grip on reality is slipping.
posted by Clay201 at 6:45 AM on January 21, 2007

The annoying, "too cool and cynical for you mouthbreathers" end of year list mania is only slightly more annoying than the inevitable rush of mouthbreathers to condemn said lists, argue about how "last year/century/whatever" it is, and shout out all the "I can't believe he left off BillO'Rielly/Barney/ThatGuyat7ElevenThatFreaksMeOutEveryTimeIBuyAQuarterPoundBigBite."

I suppose I tagged myself above, but I have to admit I chuckled at few digs; whether they're actually funny or the humor bar has simply dropped through the basement I'll leave to others.

[Bob Woodward] The kind of jerk that’d steer a tour bus off a cliff, then charge every passenger 20 bucks to hear him scream, "We’re all going to die!"

Ha! - It's funny 'cause it's true...
posted by jalexei at 6:47 AM on January 21, 2007

A true Democrat, Pelosi literally has no balls.

Ha ha ha! Democrats are women!.
posted by arcticwoman at 8:34 AM on January 21, 2007

Earl... wasn't that the guy in "Almost Famous" who played the lead singer? I heard he's a Scientologist or somethin'. But that's okay. He makes me laugh. LOL!

Oh... uh... sorry... wrong thread.
posted by hal9k at 8:38 AM on January 21, 2007

Usually I hate these things, but this one was pretty well composed, especially the Britney entry.

Except for this:
A true Democrat, Pelosi literally has no balls.

arcticwoman-"Ha ha ha! Democrats are women!"-has it.
posted by Kwine at 9:09 AM on January 21, 2007

Oh hey, looks like You are doing pretty good at #16, cause last year, You were accused of being the 4th most loathsome person! You must be doing something right. Keep it up!
posted by bobobox at 9:13 AM on January 21, 2007

comedy!
posted by growabrain at 9:20 AM on January 21, 2007

...this sniveling sitzpinkler...

Guess who?
posted by jaronson at 9:28 AM on January 21, 2007

Some of my personal favorites turn of phrases:

Nancy Pelosi: Botox Bolshevik

Bill Gates: So cheap he downloads pirated movies and still won’t pay for a decent haircut.

Joe Lieberman: Routinely scolds Democrats for "undermining" the president, whose balls have resided in Lieberman’s mouth since 9/11.

Tony Snow: After years defending the Bush administration’s worst excesses on "Fox News Sunday," Snow’s job transition to White House Spokesman consisted solely of getting directions to the new office.

James Dobson: Dobson offers instructions on how to steer "pre-gay" kids right into the closet.

Ted Haggard: Pastor Ted gives queer meth freaks a bad name and makes drug-dealing prostitutes seem like shining beacons of credibility by comparison.

David Horowitz: Like most fascist converts, Horowitz sees disseminating information as an act of treason. His favorite targets are university professors he declares enemies of "academic freedom," because nothing is more dangerous to a neocon than someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.

Dick Cheney: How evil does a guy have to be for his buddy to apologize for getting shot in the face by him?

George Bush: Dumber than Paris Hilton and almost as popular.
posted by leftcoastbob at 9:54 AM on January 21, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I liked when they called Toby Keith an ambulatory hamburger.
posted by atchafalaya at 10:04 AM on January 21, 2007

I dug the list, though it would have been better to eliminate a few of those people who are merely celebrity trainwrecks (whom I pity more than anything else) and replace them with truly loathesome, dangerous people in our society.

E.g. John "Torture is okay" Yoo, Alberto "There is no Constitutional right to Habeas" Gonzales, Katherine "No such thing as separation of church and state" Harris, etc.

I was especially gratified to see Glenn Beck on the list. I swear, he and Nancy Grace really ought to just go out and beat a dozen orphans to death with axe handles to get all that repressed rage out of their systems.
posted by darkstar at 10:09 AM on January 21, 2007

Praised for lampooning those on the right, scolded for sticking it to the left.

Welcome to the intertube.
posted by Willie0248 at 10:28 AM on January 21, 2007

So many easy targets wider than a barn on this list. I mean, come on -- Flavor Flav?
posted by blucevalo at 10:45 AM on January 21, 2007

Praised for lampooning those on the right, scolded for sticking it to the left.

Notsomuch. I agreed with the lampooning of Jefferson, Carville and Sheehan, for example.
posted by darkstar at 10:48 AM on January 21, 2007

He's right about Cindy Sheehan. And Jesus.
posted by davy at 10:56 AM on January 21, 2007

I thought the list was pretty funny.

On the same site there was a short Chomsky interview that I liked even better though. His little deconstruction of the question "Why do you hate America?" is just so sharp. He's also asked if he has ever been to Walmart (he has). Wouldn't you just kill to run into Noam Chomsky at Walmart?
posted by serazin at 11:10 AM on January 21, 2007

Thanks for the tip. I also found an excellent deconstruction of Tony Snow on that site, back when Snow first accepted the new job shilling for the White House. An excerpt:

If you’re not convinced Snow’s as dumb as I say, a perusal of some of his own statements should set you straight.

Let’s look at Snow’s understanding of foreign policy.

Last year on “Real Time with Bill Maher,” Snow defended America’s accomplishments in Iraq by pointing out that there were now women in the government, adding that, “you didn’t have girls in school when Saddam was there.”

Of course, this is incorrect. For decades, Iraq has been one of the most progressive countries in the Middle East regarding gender. Women go to school, they go to college, they become doctors and engineers, and it’s not even controversial. Saddam is evil enough that we don’t need to invent an oppressive gender policy to vilify him.

But that’s the thing: Snow wasn’t lying; he’s just stupid. Like any other soft-headed heartland cracker, he ignorantly assumes that, since Iraq is a nation of Muslims, they must be keeping their women illiterate. No matter that Snow has been talking about Iraq for years, as a Fox News anchor, a talk show host on Fox News Radio, subbing for Rush Limbaugh, and writing for the Washington Times, USA Today, and the Detroit News among other papers; he still doesn’t know the first damn thing about it. And that is just the kind of irredeemable moron that can convincingly put forth the Bush message.

posted by darkstar at 11:21 AM on January 21, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

But still, Beastie speaks of "the glaringly obvious fact that no child would choose to be gay." Come on, there's nothing wrong with being gay.
posted by davy at 11:26 AM on January 21, 2007

If I read this list quickly enough I'd probably ejaculate.
posted by Space Coyote at 11:37 AM on January 21, 2007

I am enjoying other things on this site quite a bit, particularly this, about the 9/11 "conspiracy." It's very funny, or perhaps sad.
posted by Kwine at 11:40 AM on January 21, 2007

Heh. You (#16) should read the Beast a little more often. That list isn't particularly new and it's pretty representative of the level of dialog. It's largely aimed at the hometown audience who read it at 4:30am while washing down a chicken finger sub at "Jim's Steak Out" with loganberry soda. Btw, the bars here (Buffalo) close a 4:00am, so the reasoning ability of most of its readers is pretty low at that point.

On a more serious note, the writers do a pretty reasonable, if screedish, job most of the time. And they're equal opportunity: the left gets it as often as the right. Actually, they pretty much have it in for every jackass.

A little perspective: this is a town with two control boards: one for the city and another for the county. Control boards are appointed by the gov break the cycle of over-promise, over-spend, and break-the-bank. It's good times in Erie County: the Beast has several years worth of material every month.
posted by jdfan at 11:48 AM on January 21, 2007

Oh, and check out the Bar-Dak for what The Beast is really about :)
posted by jdfan at 11:49 AM on January 21, 2007

Come on, there's nothing wrong with being gay.

of course there isn't, but the point is that being gay is not something a child would (or for that matter, could) choose.
posted by Hat Maui at 11:57 AM on January 21, 2007

"The Beast kind of reminds me of an old zine from the early 90s, The Nose (strangely no scans or much of anything else online)."

Wow. Yeah, totally. It has that same truthy visciousness. Every now and again I've run searches for The Nose, but nuthin'. I wonder what those people are doing now?

I use to pick The Nose up in Buffalo, and I see The Beast if out of Buffalo. Was The Nose a local magazine, or a national? Any connection do you suppose?
posted by Rusty Iron at 12:05 PM on January 21, 2007

"[B]eing gay is not something a child would (or for that matter, could) choose."

That's culture-bound bullshit. In the Athens of Plato and Alcibiades not responding easily to male beauty pointed out one's deficiency; in the Western Civ of Marquess Douglas and Dr. Dobson this deficiency becomes a virtue. In any case, appealling to some fictional Gay Essence betrays idiocy and cowardice: a free person needs no excuse for one's taste nor any answer more "scientific" than "Kiss my ass!"
posted by davy at 12:13 PM on January 21, 2007

i'm not sure i understand your reply, there, davy, but suffice it to say we're not living in the athens of plato. and you should think carefully about what is meant by "choose" in this formulation.
posted by Hat Maui at 12:40 PM on January 21, 2007

But...I don't even LIKE Desperate Housewives! *cries*
posted by skilletfish at 12:43 PM on January 21, 2007

I use to pick The Nose up in Buffalo, and I see The Beast if out of Buffalo.
posted by Rusty Iron

I often worry about my own mental health when sentences like that make sense to me.
posted by leftcoastbob at 1:17 PM on January 21, 2007

43. Bill Gates

Charges: Became the richest man in the world through intellectual thievery, stealing Windows and every other software package he ever made a billion on...

Exhibit A: So cheap he downloads pirated movies and still won’t pay for a decent haircut.

That's just about right.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:21 PM on January 21, 2007

of course there isn't, but the point is that being gay is not something a child would (or for that matter, could) choose.

Obviously, you've never played Doctor.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:31 PM on January 21, 2007

"I use to pick The Nose up.."

*sigh* Yeah... I didn't even catch that.
posted by Rusty Iron at 1:53 PM on January 21, 2007

My point, Haut, is that if we were living in the Athens of Plato gay sex would be accepted as "natural", and people who just don't get teh ghey would be considered "eccentric" at least; in the West today it's the other way around. In either case the culture imposes a context on behavior that nobody should have to think that much about. "Sexual preference" is just that, choosing one over the other, which everyone should be free to do -- but which nobody should be required to do (nor to explain). "Chacun à son goût."
posted by davy at 2:02 PM on January 21, 2007

yeah, i know that's what you're saying, but my point was that a child (or anyone, really) "chooses" to be gay like i chose to be 6' 3".
posted by Hat Maui at 2:13 PM on January 21, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I have to say that while they may have been wrong about *me* (I care a hell of a lot more about health care than about Desperate Housewives, but if they'd said "You care more about THE OTHERS than about the war in Iraq!" they'd have had a point.), they do have a few good points about Jesus:

If alive today, he’d appropriately be branded as schizophrenic and disregarded by society. Sermon on the Mount was the very definition of socialism, and subsequently an affront to the self-regulating benevolence of the free market. An appeasing, cheek-turning pussy like this would never cut the mustard in America today.

Sentence: Second coming completely ignored, as it happens to coincide with Brangelina’s wedding.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:15 PM on January 21, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

meh
posted by MythMaker at 4:01 PM on January 21, 2007

Hey, look, my former congressman is No. 7! Neat!
posted by diddlegnome at 4:20 PM on January 21, 2007

serazin:

Hey... they reference the interview on the front page, but I can't find it on the site. Searches turn up some mentions of Chomsky, but no interviews with. Could ya link me?
posted by Clay201 at 9:05 PM on January 21, 2007

serazin:

Oops. Nevermind. It was hiding in plain sight.
posted by Clay201 at 9:10 PM on January 21, 2007

Well, I liked it, particularly the description of Carville as the unholy corss between Terry Bradshaw and Batboy.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:20 PM on January 21, 2007

Navelgazer, doesn't that imply that there's a holy cross between Bradshaw and Batboy?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:40 AM on January 22, 2007

Damn, Robocop, now that's scary.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:28 AM on January 22, 2007

Damn, I agree, once again, with just about the entire list. Only Sheenan got on my nerves, and I must admit to not knowing much about her, so they could very well be right.
posted by JHarris at 12:00 PM on January 22, 2007

38. Carlos Mencia

thats enough right there to win points with me, i fucking hate that guy for all the reason listed. all i ever hear is how fucking great mencia is, so it's nice to hear someone slam him. of course i do live under a rock so . . .
posted by nola at 6:18 AM CST on January 21

Seeing a couple of 30-second clips on YouTube doesn't count as being familiar with his work. Carlos is not a genius, but he is amusing, and he at least has the balls to try to forge a national reputation, as well as float a television show for what, 3 years or so, on saying things that most MeFites would literally choke on their own tongues trying to say.

He is truly anti-pc to his very core, and that is what he is REALLY making fun of. I'm not saying he's deep, but saying like they do in the article that it is just "black and white jokes" is missing the entire point. He's not a genius, but he's not a hack either. He's doing something different. He's not really making fun of "beaners". He's making fun of the people that, in the world today, given all we have to worry about and as hard as life already is, get totally freaked out and indignant and mortified that someone actually uses the word "beaner". It's scandalous!!! Those uptight ninnys are the target.

He did a very funny bit about the people running New Orleans, and about the lack of codes or planning there. For instance, the hospital had generators and fuel to maintain electricity, but they had put the generators in the BASEMENT of the building in the most flood-prone city in America. He also showed the now well-worn news photos (that were new back then) of the white people "finding" supplies and the black people "looting" supplies. He also lamented the plight of the poor communities of New Orleans and how they had no way to get out.

Again, he's not a genius, but he's at least trying something different. He's much on the same line as the original Man Show with Jimmy Kimmel. It was usually just silly comedy, but on occasion they had real points, and poignant things to say about being a man, and men's relationships with women. But mostly it was about boobies. Same with Carlos. It's a lot of "I SAID BEANER! HAHAHA!" but more often than you would think he strikes very true on something that most people will not even raise in polite conversation, must less publicly voice a strong opinion on.

If someone thinks Lisa Lampanelli is funny, then Carlos Mencia is going to be in a similar vein. And if someone doesn't think Lisa Lampanelli is funny, then they are missing some kind of funny chromosome.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:35 AM on January 31, 2007