Free trade coffee
January 22, 2007 8:19 PM   Subscribe

Contra Café: Wake Up With Freedom Fighters.
posted by stammer (20 comments total)
 
I assume that the CIA handles all the hiring and training.
posted by GavinR at 8:23 PM on January 22, 2007


Millions of conservative Americans would love to buy gourmet coffee made by those who fought alongside President Reagan against communism.

I can't believe this is for real. And what a weird mix of socialism/fair trade/communal and rightwing stuff. Doesn't his head explode?
posted by amberglow at 8:29 PM on January 22, 2007


. . And that somehow this also brings badly needed american weapons to iran.

Now that is some tasty fairtrade coffee!
posted by isopraxis at 8:29 PM on January 22, 2007


I can't believe this is for real. And what a weird mix of socialism/fair trade/communal and rightwing stuff. Doesn't his head explode?


Dude, walking around with an exploded head is the modern human condition. I try not to think about it too much otherwise the fragments of my head will explode again.
posted by jonmc at 8:32 PM on January 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


Freedom never tasted so delicious.
posted by The Straightener at 8:41 PM on January 22, 2007


I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
posted by dhartung at 8:43 PM on January 22, 2007


My exploding head became a multiple-independently-targetable-assploding-machine years ago. You hear that crackling sound, like bacon in a deep-fryer? Thats just me riding by on my bicycle, drunk and on a quest for that guilt-free weasel-poop coffee.
posted by isopraxis at 8:44 PM on January 22, 2007 [2 favorites]


Which leads to the obvious question that's been nagging at me since d'Souza slimed his way back into public attention last week:

What the hell is it with Dartmouth?

It seems like the other Ivys have actual governance locked up; which seems to leave Dartmouth with just the scraps of offensively crazy-ass wingnuttery.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 9:06 PM on January 22, 2007


Is there a sliding price scale based on atrocity?

You know:

Coffee from nun raping contras: $3
Coffee from nun raping contras who then killed the nuns: $5
Coffee from nun raping contras who tortured the nuns then killed them: $7

I mean, if you're going to support a bunch of terrorist bastards, you want to get your money's worth right?
posted by sotonohito at 9:51 PM on January 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


It's the blood of the innocent that makes Contra Coffee so tasty!
posted by MasonDixon at 9:59 PM on January 22, 2007


Do Iranian nuclear scientists get a discount?
posted by homunculus at 10:26 PM on January 22, 2007


*puts on Clash t-shirt and shouts Sandinista!*
posted by amyms at 11:03 PM on January 22, 2007


Did anyone else, before clicking the link, think it was going to be about a quirky coffeehouse based on the beloved video game series Contra, where the servers dressed up as the Red and Blue Commandos, only to be horribly disappointed and appalled by what it actually is?
posted by wander at 12:08 AM on January 23, 2007


If you sign up for the Dead Commie Coffee Club Card, just buy 12 pounds of coffee to get one murdered nun for free.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:53 AM on January 23, 2007


To overthrow what George Shultz, former Secretary of State, referred to as a "cancer right here on our land mass," the United States decided to create a surrogate guerilla force, feigning to be Nicaraguans, to rise up against the evil communist government in Managua. The alternative, an invasion by American forces, was ruled out for fear of a backlash from the American public who were not quite over the Vietnam War. The CIA covertly created a paramilitary force known as the Nicaraguan Democratic Force (FDN) or the Contras, many of whom were former members of Somoza's National Guard. By 1983, there were between 16,000 and 20,000 Contra troops who were operating along the Honduran border and from bases in Costa Rica.

The purpose of the Contras was not to defeat the Sandinista army in battle but to use terrorist tactics to destroy infrastructure, health, and educational services. Their intention was not to confront Sandinistas but to blow up bridges, power plants, oil pipelines, ports, schools, health clinics, grain silos, irrigation projects, and farmhouses. The underlying purpose of these acts of terrorism was to destroy the morale of the Nicaraguan people and to force the Nicaraguan government to divert a high proportion of its budget to defence as discussed in detail below. Diverting government resources to the war, forcing the Sandinistas to cut back on their reform programs, had a considerable negative impact on the people of Nicaragua. David Womble, in The CIA in Nicaragua, discussing the atrocities of the Contras called attention to:

Witness For Peace, an American Protestant watchdog body, collected a list of Contra atrocities in one year, which include murder, the rape of two girls in their homes, torture of men, maiming of children, cutting off arms, cutting out tongues, gouging out eyes, castration, bayoneting pregnant women in the stomach, amputating the genitals of people of both sexes, scraping the skin off the face, pouring acid on the face, breaking the toes and fingers of an 18 year old boy, and summary executions. These were the people Ronald Reagan called the "freedom fighters" and the "moral equivalent of our founding fathers."

The Contras were trained by the CIA in terrorist warfare and were provided with a manual of instruction which encouraged the use of violence against civilians. According to William Blum, in Killing Hope:

The CIA manual, entitled Psychological Operations in Guerilla Warfare gave advice on such niceties as political assassination, blackmailing ordinary citizens, mob violence, kidnapping, and blowing up public buildings. Upon entering a town, it said, "establish a public tribunal" where the guerillas can "shame, ridicule and humiliate" Sandinistas and their sympathizers by "shouting jeers and slogans".


From Lying for Empire: How to Commit War Crimes With A Straight Face by David Model
posted by imperium at 2:03 AM on January 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


I forgot to mention that this is via Instapundit; Contra Cafe's FAQ links back there, thanking them for the positive mentions, and also to LGF, which, according to the freedom fighters, offers "some of the best posts around on Iraq".
posted by stammer at 2:47 AM on January 23, 2007


made by those who fought alongside President Reagan against communism

That'd be right after he stormed the beaches of Normandy with the Marines in Hellcats of the Navy?
posted by pax digita at 4:36 AM on January 23, 2007


Yes Amberglow . . . the head explodes.
I'm staying with Deans Beans! They let me brew my very own Freedom Blend.
posted by ahimsakid at 8:15 AM on January 23, 2007


Hegel remarks somewhere[*] that all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice. He forgot to add: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce. - Karl Marx
posted by graymouser at 9:02 AM on January 23, 2007


Dark Alliance--the famous Gary Webb Mercury News series that blew it open, and ruined his career.
posted by amberglow at 10:55 AM on January 23, 2007


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