Comments on: Thief took towels

Thief took towels

Krrrlson — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 14:56:01 -0800

Breaking News. Read about what has been called the Kennedy assassination of this generation (includes map).

By: PugAchev

PugAchev — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:01:37 -0800

holy fucking shit.

By: moift

moift — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:01:50 -0800

CNN is now reporting a second towel theft - one is a shame, but two seems like it must be a coordinated attack to me.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:02:33 -0800

thank God we have men like Domingo Ramirez Jr. who are not afraid to speak the truth.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:03:46 -0800

I read the article and not once does it mention the Kennedy assassination. Frankly, if you're going to editorialize in your FPP, try to get the facts straight.

By: inoculatedcities

inoculatedcities — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:05:00 -0800

Heh. Thanks for the laugh. "EULESS -- For at least one customer, Tom Bodett probably won't be leaving the light on." Incidentally, when did all journalism become so...hokey?

By: Milkman Dan

Milkman Dan — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:05:20 -0800

Do we have an estimate on the time frame that the towels were missing for, in total? Any word on what that suspects intentions were? Are these items currently hot commodities on the black market? Did the motel's security camera feed provide any evidence of an accomplice? I'm staying fixed on this page for updates.

By: caddis

caddis — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:05:29 -0800

By: four panels

four panels — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:06:18 -0800

I am not satisfied with this post.

By: dmd

dmd — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:06:39 -0800

Did anyone else notice the triangle in the bottom right corner of the map? All that's missing from that triangle is an inscribed eye. It's clear what hands are at play here.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:06:43 -0800

I totally laughed. Good work.

By: randyshepherd

randyshepherd — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:06:53 -0800

Wow.... MeFi is going downhill.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:07:01 -0800

You know, I'll bet this is all some lame "guerrilla" marketing campaign. The media is clearly blowing things out of proportion again.

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:07:17 -0800

I keep hitting the refresh button in the hopes of hearing more updates. I never thought I'd say it, but sometimes the speed of the internet is just too slow.

By: caddis

caddis — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:07:34 -0800

he was abetted by a second, mystery thief, working from the grassy knoll

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:07:36 -0800

They didn't go much into the connection on the war on Terror, are they trying to keep it a secret to prevent widespread panic?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:08:06 -0800

nevar 4get

By: b1tr0t

b1tr0t — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:09:37 -0800

I just want to say that, as a patriotic citizen, should my country decide to call upon me to travel to foreign lands and clandestinely obtain foreign towels I would be willing to make the necessary personal sacrafices to fulfill this duty. Oh, and make sure those air tickets are first class.

By: phrontist

phrontist — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:10:37 -0800

Wait a second, TWO? Two? Was it on purpose?

By: Arcaz Ino

Arcaz Ino — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:11:55 -0800

           .-"""""""-.
         .'       __  \_
        /        /  \/  \
       |         \_0/\_0/______
       |:.          .|     | oo`\
       |:.         /             \
       |' ;        |             |
       |:..   .     \_______     |
       |::.|'     ,  \,_____\   /
       |:::.; ' | .  '|  ====)_/===;===========;()
       |::; | | ; ; | |            # # # #::::::
      /::::.|-| |_|-|, \           # # # #::::::
     /'-=-'`  '-'   '--'\          # # # #::::::
    /      N E V A R     \         # # # #::::::
           F O R G E T             # # # # # # #
           I G N I G N O K T /     # # # # # # #
           E R R /                 # # # # # # #
           T O W E L G A T E       # # # # # # #
           1 / 3 1                 # # # # # # #

By: Jimbob

Jimbob — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:12:13 -0800

The brave martyrs of the Towel Liberation Army will forever be victorious! Allah Minibar!

By: gfrobe

gfrobe — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:12:38 -0800

Suspect now in a white bronco heading north throwing hand towels out the window.

By: birdhaus

birdhaus — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:13:07 -0800

When they came for the towels---I wasn't a towel, so I didn't speak out. When they came for the ashtrays---I wasn't an ashtray, so I didn't speak out. When they came for me---everyone had checked out, so there was no one left to speak out. There's a lesson here . . . .

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:13:09 -0800

After the SOTU address, I felt safer. The administration had thwarted other big attacks. How did this one fall under the radar? I didn't see anything in the article about the Terror Alert Level changing, but we must be prepared for it.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:14:36 -0800

This made me guffaw.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:14:41 -0800

Oh. I almost forgot: FUCKING LIBERALS.

By: spock

spock — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:14:42 -0800

Jon Stewart is going to have a field day.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:15:07 -0800

Haw flag haw.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:16:22 -0800

*wipes hands back... and to the left*

By: R. Mutt

R. Mutt — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:19:44 -0800

Sadly, due to a similar incident, I am not allowed back into the State of Texas, ever.

By: ob

ob — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:20:32 -0800

The Humanity!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:20:33 -0800

Tenacious D Cum Rag: Everything else is just a cum rag.

By: jake3456

jake3456 — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:21:12 -0800

How small does a town have to be for this to make the news? Anybody know where it happened?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:22:00 -0800

Holiday Inn Towel Amnesty

By: spock

spock — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:23:38 -0800

Earlier crime waves reported by : By DOMINGO RAMIREZ JR. Burglar swipes Bible, Mystery surrounds infant tombstone found in Richland Hills.

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:25:52 -0800

I see you fools have all blithely accepted the police line on the theft. But there's no way he could have reached that ashtray from the grass-green Parker Knoll recliner in the room. Those towels were taken by the CIA to be used in back-channel exchange deals with Osama, who cotton-looped comfort in his cave in Pashtun country.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:26:28 -0800

Is it too early to affix the metafilterhistory tag to this groundbreaking post?

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:26:37 -0800

Sometimes, when I read threads that are based on news articles, I email the article's author and send them a link. Because 1. I think they'd find our musings on it to be funny and 2. I would want someone to send me feedback like that. I sent Mr. Ramirez a link to this thread. Everyone wave at the camera.

By: R. Mutt

R. Mutt — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:27:17 -0800

Anybody know where it happened? Apparently, in Euless, Texas. Which means its likely he'll get the death penalty.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:29:06 -0800

Tessie Hutchinson Wins Lottery!!!

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:29:42 -0800

Apparently, in Euless, Texas. Which means its likely he'll get the death penalty. Unless he gets shot in transit by the owner of a local Titty Bar.

By: Green Eyed Monster

Green Eyed Monster — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:30:25 -0800

How small does a town have to be for this to make the news? The town I grew up in was 3,500. Our news wasn't nearly this exciting. We didn't even have a motel 6. If someone went somewhere and stayed at a Motel 6, it would have made the front page. So, in theory, this town could have a population >3,500.

By: spock

spock — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:31:43 -0800

More DOMINGO RAMIREZ JR. goodness: Man calls 911 after mischief goes awry, Object found in parking lot ID'd as Civil War-era artillery shell, Comic book caper results in a citation, Suspect out of luck, gets stuck in muck.

By: Arcaz Ino

Arcaz Ino — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:32:32 -0800

And who uses towels? Arabs.

By: Armitage Shanks

Armitage Shanks — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:32:43 -0800

A police report did not have the dollar loss in the theft. I can only imagine what Motel 6 towels fetch on the black market.

By: eperker

eperker — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:34:08 -0800

Bravo!

By: spock

spock — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:34:57 -0800

I hope to God that President Bush is by now aloft in his Flying Command Post and circling somewhere over Nebraska.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:36:18 -0800

Evidently there's some speculation that the "towl theft" was actually part of a guerrilla marketing campaign for Comedy Central's new movie, South Park 2: Towlie's War.

By: Sticherbeast

Sticherbeast — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:36:56 -0800

When I first heard about this story, I jabbed pencils in my eyes out of outrage. After having the story read to me afterwards, I fear that I do not have nearly enough eyes - or pencils - to properly express my shock and horror.

By: spock

spock — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:41:11 -0800

If somebody still has the page open in their browser, they need to do a Save As... and mirror it, because dfw is requiring registration on the story now. Clearly they want this story to go dark.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:43:00 -0800

Nope, just restart your browser. It only asks for reg after you access their site several times in one session.

By: Ironmouth

Ironmouth — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:45:29 -0800

shit post.

By: Skorgu

Skorgu — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:50:49 -0800

By: treepour

treepour — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:53:13 -0800

What good is that map? It doesn't even show where the car was parked.

By: wemayfreeze

wemayfreeze — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:57:42 -0800

I clicked over to the home-page of the paper to see if perhaps it was a joke newspaper? And I discovered that Molly Ivins died. Crap.

By: spock

spock — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:58:23 -0800

Sometimes it isn't the post, it's the comments.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:03:14 -0800

Euless, Texas That's a typo. The correct spelling is "Clueless."

By: nj_subgenius

nj_subgenius — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:14:22 -0800

Back, and to the left... back, and to the left... back, and to the left.

By: goetter

goetter — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:19:59 -0800

[this is cnn]

By: Brak

Brak — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:21:14 -0800

I clicked over to the home-page of the paper to see if perhaps it was a joke newspaper? And I discovered that Molly Ivins died. Crap. Oh dear. That just made this thread very much not funny anymore. That's really sad to me. .

By: lekvar

lekvar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:29:29 -0800

Holy crap, wemayfreeze wasn't kidding. This isn't fun anymore.

By: alteredcarbon

alteredcarbon — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:30:13 -0800

Viral I think.

By: Derek

Derek — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:43:23 -0800

BP found another article written by the intrepid Domingo Ramirez Jr., his diligent reporting focused on a stolen bible. That's where I found my favorite quote ever. According to a police report, the word of God is worth about $125 — that includes the leather binder.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 16:55:59 -0800

Was it the Cubans? ....or the Mafia? AMERICA DEMANDS TO KNOW!

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:01:05 -0800

Holy fucking shit--CNN is reporting it's a terrycloth attack--the South Towel has just collapsed and the North Towel is soaking; water droplets are jumping, falling, splattering all over the sidewalk!

By: Malor

Malor — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:06:24 -0800

Dear God, people, let that man out. He's got Vogons to escape from!

By: hincandenza

hincandenza — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:07:25 -0800

fandango_matt: Holy fucking shit--CNN is reporting it's a terrycloth attack--the South Towel has just collapsed and the North Towel is soaking; water droplets are jumping, falling, splattering all over the sidewalk!

Dude- too soon!

By: evilcolonel

evilcolonel — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:23:41 -0800

The article conveniently left out the fact that this was an ACCOR hotel. Somewhere, Tom Bodett is weeping.

By: ericost

ericost — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:28:05 -0800

fandango_matt wins.

By: nonliteral

nonliteral — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:29:22 -0800

As a D/FW resident, I can only thank God that our local police and media are on top of massive injustices like this. Where is Homeland Security when you need them?

By: putzface_dickman

putzface_dickman — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:33:50 -0800

I once had the privelege of spending a night in a Euless Texas hotel in 1998. Euless is an unremarkable suburb of Dallas, in the shadow of DFW airport. It is home to Warrantech, the largest administrator of store-brand electronics warranties, as well as the automotive warranties tacked on to lease agreements. I suffered such ignominies there as being dragged to a Dave & Busters, and touring a call center packed to the gills with Chiltons manuals and stressed out former automechanics with clean hands. I learned two things in Euless: Texans are flexible about what can be considered a lawn. And, if it's noon in Euless and you have a 4pm flight, standstill traffic means you'll never make it to anything worth seeing and back to the airport in time to go home.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:38:50 -0800

I worked in Euless when I lived in Irving. The number 183 still makes me shudder.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:40:57 -0800

Sure, an no one is asking about how those ashtrays made it into his car, I suppose you'd have me believe he put them there in some sort of magic ashtray theory or something. If you look at the photos and the video footage, you can clearly see that the pattern they landed in on the seat is inconsistent with a single stealer. So tell me this, why are they covering this up? Who was the second stealer? Oliver Stone is going to be all over this shit.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:53:53 -0800

So tell me this, why are they covering this up? One of those stolen towels was to be used to cover the whole thing up.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:18:35 -0800

I thought links to The Onion articles were frowned upon here.

By: notmydesk

notmydesk — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:44:27 -0800

If this is crime news in Euless, I'm moving to Euless.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:46:15 -0800

since when do motels call the police when their towels and ashtrays are stolen? ... since when do the police respond fast enough to apprehend the towel thief in the parking lot? ... since when does the whole story end up in the frigging paper?? i worked for 10 years as a motel desk clerk this just blows my mind

By: pjern

pjern — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:16:06 -0800

There weren't any police in the parking lot- they couldn't have been there at the time stated. They must have been impostors, planted there to allow the second thief by the grassy knoll time to escape over the triple overpass.

By: furtive

furtive — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 19:39:18 -0800

They are leading the story on tonight's news with this breaking scoop.

By: soyjoy

soyjoy — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 20:15:40 -0800

Somewhere the editors of The Onion are saying "Fuck! What are we gonna do now???"

By: Jerub

Jerub — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 20:26:59 -0800

This truely is, the best of the web.

By: treepour

treepour — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:35:52 -0800

Very sad to hear about Molly Ivans. I guess that does go to show that sometimes it is indeed the comments (as spock pointed out).

By: Cyclopsis Raptor

Cyclopsis Raptor — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:54:25 -0800

caddis may have once said:"he was abetted by a second, mystery thief, working from the grassy knoll" Please! Why can't you people just accept that there was only one theif! It's people like you that are making this country suck.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 00:00:22 -0800

They didn't go much into the connection on the war on Terror, are they trying to keep it a secret to prevent widespread panic? Unfortunately, it's too late for that. Reports are in that southern-flavored jamband music has overtaken much of the southeastern United States, and is rapidly spreading through the Midwest. Mushrooms have been eaten. Patchouli applied. Bootlegs recorded. More updates as the story develops. Now back to you, Tim.

By: moonbird

moonbird — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 04:19:24 -0800

Why am I hearing the Fox Central Breaking News Red Alert theme while reaching for my new cum rag?

By: languagehat

languagehat — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:32:13 -0800

They are leading the story on tonight's news with this breaking scoop. So wait... you're saying the cat took the towels?? *feverishly rewrites manuscript*

By: Cironian

Cironian — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:37:17 -0800

If there is no ashtray in the room, what is more likely? That the "thief" went to all the effort of stealing it, only to conveniently leave it in his car, or that there was never an ashtray to begin with???!!!!!1 The fact that this wasnt even mentioned in the article should make you think what they want to hide from you.

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:16:31 -0800

Ramirez, Domingo wrote: Every Sunday we print the dumb or stupid crime of the week. This was it for last week. Thanks for your email. -----Original Message----- From: Andrew Brennan Sent: Wednesday, January 31, 2007 6:21 PM To: Ramirez, Domingo Subject: You're Kidding? http://www.dfw.com/mld/dfw/news/local/16566304.htm Slow news day, much?

Now I feel kinda bad. Kinda.

By: JPowers

JPowers — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:21:19 -0800

There is most certainly a racial element to this. White, cotton towels?

By: thekilgore

thekilgore — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:39:42 -0800

You know, if we don't take the towels, the terrorists win.