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The coming of Jizzus
January 31, 2007 4:38 PM   Subscribe

Scene 3: Jizzus in the temple. The world truly needs more faith based porn. What better way to bring the story of jesus to the sinners?
(all links NSFW)
posted by mock (32 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

 
And if you happen to be in Vancouver, there's a meetup tonight.
posted by mock at 4:41 PM on January 31, 2007


From the "Jesus" link:

"These two nutty kids are demons in the sack."

Ha!
posted by Brittanie at 4:41 PM on January 31, 2007


"The set inaudibly gasped in awe of the filthy magnificence of Maya, as she purposefully coughed her urine back up over her own face, and drank it down like it was lemonade on an August afternoon."

Poetry. Pure poetry.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:43 PM on January 31, 2007


it's a good idea, but aren't the production values a bit too low -- no-budget porn always looks kind of grody to me?

and condoms are a big anachronism in 30 CE
posted by matteo at 4:46 PM on January 31, 2007


"and condoms are a big anachronism in 30 CE"

Hello? Lambskin!
posted by Brittanie at 4:48 PM on January 31, 2007 [1 favorite]


LOL XXXIANS
posted by Armitage Shanks at 4:49 PM on January 31, 2007 [7 favorites]


And if you happen to be in Vancouver, there's a meetup tonight.

Oh, to be a Vancouverite tonight.
posted by cortex at 4:51 PM on January 31, 2007


Oh my. Porn is weird enough, but this....
posted by malaprohibita at 5:21 PM on January 31, 2007


I've, er, seen my share of porn, but this was the first behind-the-scenes blog account I've ever read (I'm sure there are plenty out there if I'd ever looked.)

Jizzus aside, I was fascinated by the on-set details of what goes into a lo-budg porn production -- by (sorta)first-timers, no less. (I work in "non-porn" lo-budget film production, so the parallels are interesting.) I hardly noticed the religious element, and doubt that it would be found offensive (by anybody who didn't already find porn offensive.)

Thanks, great read!

(MetaFilter: I read it for the articles, I swear)
posted by skammer at 5:46 PM on January 31, 2007


Hot diggity. Jesus--ahem, Jizzus--is hot like fuck.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:51 PM on January 31, 2007


I believe his contact details are posted. Maybe you can hire him for your own production.
posted by mock at 5:57 PM on January 31, 2007


I understand that for folx of the Hebrew persuasion, there's an Old Testament-oriented version too: "Let My People Come!"
posted by pax digita at 6:08 PM on January 31, 2007


Wow, I've never really seen a behind-the-scenes blog about porn production either. The crew seems really close and friendly, actually... I always figured the guys shooting porn would be kinda creepy. (I don't know why I think that; it's not like I have anything against porn, it just seems like that would be the case.)
posted by mazatec at 6:12 PM on January 31, 2007


Rollicking in the land of herpes and gonorrhea.
posted by four panels at 6:18 PM on January 31, 2007


Wait until the scene where he throws the gender-changers out of the temple.

It's epic.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:31 PM on January 31, 2007


A decent look behind the scenes of zero-budget porn but kind of unsatisfying in terms of creativity. Like scammer said, the religious element really is neglible.

The dead girl and the pee/wine shtick were okay, but they could have done so much more and gone so much further with it. As it is, it feels as though someone made a Jizzus pun while taking bong hits and they thought that and some fake beards were enough.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:40 PM on January 31, 2007


I couldn't bear to look. Did they at least get a circumcised male to portray the lead?

He did follow strict Mosaic law.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:43 PM on January 31, 2007


No they didn't. Hooray!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:23 PM on January 31, 2007


You know those charts, the stock market-looking ones, that go up and down and up and down through time? And then they throw in arrows with little annotations to tell you what events happened along the way? "Good Thing Good!" "Bad Thing Baaad!!!"

In the far off future, when people/aliens are looking at the same kinds of charts, I think there's going to be an arrow pointing to, "Post of A Livejournal Showing A Picture of Teabagging on Metafilter."
posted by Cyrano at 8:11 PM on January 31, 2007 [2 favorites]


Yes, but will that be a high or a low on the chart?
posted by ook at 8:17 PM on January 31, 2007


Do you really need to ask?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 8:28 PM on January 31, 2007


Years ago, I attempted to write a play called Bad Nun, about a nun who was having obscene visions of Jesus and his disciples. In one of her visions, Mary Magdalene fellates Jesus on the cross while Peter looks on, crying out, amazed, "He is risen!"

This stuff is bush league.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:33 PM on January 31, 2007


This stuff is bush league.

Ahem. Pun intended?
posted by Brittanie at 8:45 PM on January 31, 2007


I think there's going to be an arrow pointing to, "Post of A Livejournal Showing A Picture of Teabagging on Metafilter."

Right next to an arrow pointing to Regis & Kelly.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 9:54 PM on January 31, 2007


I hear there are openings for Jesus' fluffer.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:20 PM on January 31, 2007


jesus could definltly pull some hotter chicks than those.
posted by afu at 12:17 AM on February 1, 2007 [2 favorites]


I find it endearing that all the female crew is topless for the shoot. Is that solidarity?

/rose-colored glasses
posted by mkb at 6:22 AM on February 1, 2007


The jism of Christ compels you! The jism of Christ compels you!!
posted by Zero Gravitas at 8:14 AM on February 1, 2007


afu: two words - wine goggles.

Zero Gravitas: keeerist.. (made me laugh tho).
posted by creeptick at 8:58 AM on February 1, 2007


Ah. The Passion of the Christ.

He is risen! But Metafilter is still only $5 bucks.
posted by Sparx at 12:46 PM on February 1, 2007


I find it endearing that all the female crew is topless for the shoot. Is that solidarity?

Well, seeing as how one of them's the director, probably. (Though I did note that the whole "everyone's topless!" thing works out way better for the guys...)
posted by chrominance at 2:38 PM on February 1, 2007


I find it endearing that all the female crew is topless for the shoot. Is that solidarity?

It was mentioned in two of the links above that the set was strictly topless. You know, in the text.
posted by carsonb at 8:32 PM on February 2, 2007


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