Bourdain VS the Food Network

February 8, 2007 11:29 AM

Bourdain VS the Food Network Tony in his most snarky, but oh man, is he right. His take on Alton, Mario and the ewok.
posted by ShawnString (167 comments total)

Need to sell a vowel there, Pat.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 11:33 AM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

Also, thanks. I love Tony's writing so much I'm on a first-name basis with him in my mind.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 11:34 AM on February 8, 2007

Don't tell jonmc that Tony's hating on Miss Rachel Ray...
posted by Dizzy at 11:44 AM on February 8, 2007

My goodness! I've actually had a culinary experience that Bourdain hasn't, on the grounds that I've actually tasted the cakes of Duff Goldman ("the Ace of Cakes guy"). My wife and I were going to hire him to do our wedding cake, but pretty much ran out of budget at the last minute and had to nix it. His pear spice cake is delicious.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:44 AM on February 8, 2007

Post flagged as yum-o!
posted by kuujjuarapik at 11:45 AM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

(Get rid of one of those actuallys, will you?)
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:46 AM on February 8, 2007

Food Network died to me the day they moved Iron Chef from the daily late evening spot to showing it at 3AM on Tuesday. I never write my Congressman, but I freaking wrote a snail mail letter to the Food Network VP of programming about losing my Iron Chef. Dude didn't even write me back.
posted by zsazsa at 11:46 AM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

PAULA DEEN: ... A recent Hawaii show was indistinguishable from an early John Waters film. And the food on a par with the last scene of Pink Flamingos...

I've often wondered why Paula Deen has a cooking show. It's what would happen if the local United Methodist Women's group had it's own TV channel. "Hey y'all, today we go'n make poundcake and biscuits! Then we go'n fry it up!"

Also - good link.
posted by billysumday at 11:47 AM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

I still think Sara Moulton's original live call-in show from some years back was FN's finest offering.
posted by Dizzy at 11:49 AM on February 8, 2007

Don't tell jonmc that Tony's hating on Miss Rachel Ray...

I have a deep suspicion that Tony and Rachel are actually secret lovers. and I'd be happy to be their rent boy.

I actually like No Resrvations a lot, I like his surliness and taste for down-home authentic cuisine. I like Rachel Ray, too, for other reasons. It's not a mutually exclusive proposition.

I like that he showed restraint on Paula Deen. Pips had an idea for a parody of her son's show where they'd travel across the country getting progressively fatter and fatter until they arrived in LA looking like soul-patch'd oompa-loompas.

he's dead on target about Sandra Lee, too. I can't stand her.
posted by jonmc at 11:51 AM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Food network has no black chefs.
posted by boo_radley at 11:57 AM on February 8, 2007

boo_radley: obviously they just need to add some cocoa powder to what they've got now. (read the linked article)
posted by mrbill at 12:01 PM on February 8, 2007

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to say how much I dislike Rachael Ray. She is a trailer park Martha Stewart (which should not be construed as an endorsement for Martha Stewart). You just know that someone has jumped the shark when they put out a "lifestyle magazine." Shudder. I also miss the Sara Moulton call-in show. And the original Mario Batali show.

Did I mention that I can't stand Rachael Ray?
posted by Flakypastry at 12:02 PM on February 8, 2007

Before I opened the link I was all "You frontin' on Alton Brown? Back off, get your own sandwich!" But he actually likes the guy? And Giada too? What the...

A note about Giada: all the evidence in the world suggests that she can cook quite well, and has the credentials to back it up, but for some reason she never quite convinces me she actually knows what she's talking about.

This creeps me out on several levels; I mean, I don't have any trouble believing that Nigella Lawson knows what she's doing, or the wacky Surreal Gourmet guy, or pretty much anyone on the Food Network aside from Rachel Ray. I can't be that dazzled by her omnipresent cleavage, and I never thought her head was that big. By all rights I should be able to take her more seriously than I do. I think something's wrong with me.

(Rachel Ray, on the other hand, seems like the kind of person who's always trying way too hard to be your friend. I can't stand to watch her.)
posted by chrominance at 12:04 PM on February 8, 2007

You know those commercials for American Idol, where first-round contestants who can't sing "Happy Birthday" on key insist that they can outperform Mariah Carey? That's how I felt reading Bourdain's prose. He just wants to be clever so badly, and he's pretty sure that he is — so please, won't you think he's clever, too?

I freaking wrote a snail mail letter to the Food Network VP of programming about losing my Iron Chef. Dude didn't even write me back.

I wrote to him once, too. No reply.

It used to be, every company would reply to its mail and usually you'd get a coupon or a promotional magnet. Nowadays, my experience says it's about 50%, maybe less.
posted by cribcage at 12:04 PM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

The original Iron Chef show was fantastic TV -- kind of like MXC for foodlovers. Iron Chef America, not so much. Too meat-centric.

But hey, as bad as shows on the Food Network get, none of them can match squirrel melts.
posted by cog_nate at 12:05 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Funny, I was expecting a lot of annoying rants, but found myself agreeing with much of what he writes. Bourdain for me falls into the same category as, say, Chomsky -- I like what he says, but often the way he says it makes me wince. At least when Chomsky goes rhetorically medieval, he's talking about human rights and dignity. As opposed to, you know, cake.

Also, I can't stand Giada De Laurentiis. Her food looks good, but I can't get past her enormous head and perfectly rectangular smile. Whereas Alton Brown is one of the few men in the universe I would, as a relatively straight dude, fellate.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:07 PM on February 8, 2007 [7 favorites]

Before I opened the link I was all "You frontin' on Alton Brown? Back off, get your own sandwich!"

"You're too nice, Peggy!"

Yeah, I had the same reaction; aside from Alton, the rest can go hang.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:08 PM on February 8, 2007

I thought it was going to be an all-out scorched-earth rant, but I found Bourdain's commentary to be quite judicious. He's right about most of this. I would especially like to see another Mario stand-up cooking show.

But man oh man, Bourdain sure does love his em dashes, doesn't he?
posted by mr_roboto at 12:11 PM on February 8, 2007

Actually, for her harpyesque voice and insistence on cuteness, Rachael Ray isn't so bad. She's showing busy people how to make satisfying meals. That isn't such a bad thing. Not all of are dilletante gourmands with our own publishing contracts.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:12 PM on February 8, 2007

I miss David Rosengarten's show "Taste", which didn't make it to the millennium, I think. He would focus on one topic or food per show, but didn't go down the wacky-geek path that Alton uses (and which I usually enjoy, too), but you still learned something.

I remember one show he did on Indian cooking where he explained that whole spices were to be fried at the beginning of cooking, while powders like garam masala should be added near the end of cooking. That one tip helped me improve my curries a lot.
posted by maudlin at 12:13 PM on February 8, 2007 [4 favorites]

That should be "not all of US are dilettante gourmands."
posted by hifiparasol at 12:13 PM on February 8, 2007

Semi-Homemade (and Sandra Lee) makes me want to hurl things at my television. It is not to be watched. It's frightening to me that it's still on.
posted by o2b at 12:13 PM on February 8, 2007

Bourdain on Rachel Ray:She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough.

Well, duh, Tony. That's kind of the whole point. For most of us, mediocrity is enough. It's more than enough, it's great, it's comfort, it's home. We can admire your greatness in the kitchen, by why should we all aspire to be you? (at anything, this goes for stuff besides cooking, too, the Cult of Ambition can be really annoying) Without mediocre people, who would you have to admire you? Besides after watching you create some masterpiece, it's nice to have Rachel ray throw together something halfway decent that us slobs can make ourselves. Not everybody has to be Jimi Hendrix, some of us just want to learn 'Louie Louie.'
posted by jonmc at 12:15 PM on February 8, 2007 [4 favorites]

Plus, it's nice to see Rachel's butt in tight jeans.
posted by jonmc at 12:16 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was worried he was going to slam Alton, too. Glad he didn't. And he's right on about Bobby Flay.
posted by effwerd at 12:16 PM on February 8, 2007

I can't tell if he is looking at this as a critique of their Food Show abilities or if he is actually talking smack about cooking ability. Do all of the people there have restaurants and project themselves as good chefs? I never even assumed that Rachael Ray, Alton Brown or the hideous Sandra Lee had restaurants. I just assumed they were personalities, not chefs. I've never been to Emeril's restaurants, but I always think of him as a TV personality more than a chef. It seems kind of curious to rip them for their food since they are tv personalities, not chefs. It's like doctors ripping the people on ER for not being accurate enough in their sutures.

And I hope that Bourdain, who is also more of a media personality than great chef, doesn't ever try to rip Batali, Flay, or Morimoto on their cooking ability. Sure they may not make great TV personalities, but they can cook circles around him. Is Bourdain even cooking anywhere? I've eaten at Babbo (one of Mario Batali's joints) and Mesa Grill (Bobby Flay's place) [between the two, I liked Mesa better probably because Bobby has some mean cocktails], and they were both impeccable meals. I don't see how you can knock their abilities in the kitchen.

That being said, the dude is on the fighting side of me if rips on Giada who I have an absolute crush on--loaded, beautiful, good personality, and classical French chef... I need a cold shower now.
posted by dios at 12:17 PM on February 8, 2007

I like Bourdain but really have an issue with his chain smoking and then talking about what food tastes like. Smokers and sensitive palates generally don't go together. But I like that he will eat anything, absolutely anything.

And I've gotta say, I agree with most of his rant. Except I can't watch Emeril, Flay or Mario. I love Good Eats and have gone quite weary of the ubiquitous Ms. Ray. Her schtick has been far over-exposed. Sorry, jonmc.

And Paula Deen is creepy.
posted by fenriq at 12:18 PM on February 8, 2007

i think as far as shows on the FN, alton brown's "good eats", is a good show. it may be humble home cooked, but its informative and a good start for people that may not know how to cook.
i loved bourdaine's "a cooks tour", and have several of his books, but i'm going to disagree with him on alton. and even though he acts rough around the edges, and hard, sometimes i think he is just actin' tough. especially after reading his article just above, he comes off as a snob. one of the reasons i've enjoyed his books, is his apparent love of the real nitty gritty, when it comes to food.

maybe i just read to much into his comments, but some of it started to sound a touch elitist.

although i agree with his “Mikey” from Top Chef vs. Sandra Lee pick. video gold indeed sir.
posted by nola at 12:19 PM on February 8, 2007

Oh yeah, and Giada's head really is freakishly huge, it has to be to contain her smile. She's pretty but in an off-putting sort of way. But she does make some rather tempting dishes and drinkes even if she is addicted to Proseco.
posted by fenriq at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2007

I've eaten at Babbo (one of Mario Batali's joints) and Mesa Grill (Bobby Flay's place)

I ate at Mesa Grill once. It was absolutely delicious, but I contracted some kind of bug and spent the next 24 hours pooping and vomiting. It was the most expensive pukefest of my life.
posted by jonmc at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2007

I miss David Rosengarten's show "Taste"

Oh, me too. Good Eats comes close, but it doesn't beat Taste.
posted by amro at 12:22 PM on February 8, 2007

dios, I was going to favorite your post until that last paragraph. Her head! Is enormous! That's no moon! It's a space station!

Plus: Perfectly rectangular smile. Shudder.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:22 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

It was the most expensive pukefest of my life.

what a great right up! bobby should frame that and hang it on the wall over the bar.
posted by nola at 12:23 PM on February 8, 2007

Metafilter: The most expensive pukefest of my life.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:25 PM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]

Man, I love Anthony Bourdain.

A friend of mine did the greatest illustration of Rachel Ray as a demented food chipmunk... it just kills me.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:26 PM on February 8, 2007

My favorite part of one episode of Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee was when she made "easy breakfast crepes". The recipe involved making some scrambled eggs, and adding some beans and onions and other stuff. And then she took out a bag of *drumroll*... MOTHERFUCKING TORTILLAS. SHE MADE BREAKFAST BURRITOS AND CALLED THEM CREPES. WHAT THE HELL.

As for other Food Network personalities:

- I can't stand Rachael Ray, but I've made some of her recipes (a friend owns one of her "books") and they're actually not bad.

- Good Eats is one of my favorite shows ever, ahead of the original Japanese Iron Chef.

- I don't understand why Paula Deen or her sons have shows.

- Duff (Ace of Cakes dude) is the coolest guy ever. I want to be him.
posted by malthas at 12:26 PM on February 8, 2007

It's what would happen if the local United Methodist Women's group had it's own TV channel.

And each recipe would be for a casserole that required at least one can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom^® soup.
posted by ericb at 12:27 PM on February 8, 2007

The Indefensible Position: Rachael Ray Doesn't Suck
By Rachael Ray
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:30 PM on February 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

Giada seems like quite a good cook. Her recipes in the Everyday Italian book are pretty solid standards; nothing too adventurous, but well done in general. Her TV show has probably the best production value of any on the Food Network.

Rachel Ray is annoying as shit, the way she gesticulates, but her 30 Minute Meals series of books have some quality recipes that are simple and tasty. She does a lot with a relatively small amount of standard ingredients. Her “$40 a Day” show is a waste of air time.

Paula Deen’s cookbooks are trash. The recipes aren’t appetizing in the least. I think people watch her show mainly to see her tell stories and interact with her sons. [I’m from south Georgia. My grandmother’s cooking would make Paula cry.]

Tony Bourdain’s books and TV show make for good entertainment, but are ultimately more about culture than food, I think.
posted by ijoshua at 12:38 PM on February 8, 2007

Bring back Steve Rooney!!!
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 12:38 PM on February 8, 2007

So she sucks at writing too.
posted by bondcliff at 12:39 PM on February 8, 2007

Feh on the Food Network. They haven't been about food for a long time. As for Sandra Lee? I can't honestly believe that she eats any of the stuff she makes (except the hideous cocktails). The fact that she made this monstrosity is enough to make her the antichrist.
posted by janespeed at 12:41 PM on February 8, 2007

Her TV show has probably the best production value of any on the Food Network.

Indeed. Even better than Nigella's new show, which looks a bit like someone ripped off the cinematography of her earlier shows but couldn't afford to use actual film cameras.
posted by chrominance at 12:41 PM on February 8, 2007

After reading her new book, I would give my left nut if Amy Sedaris would get her own show on the Food Network.
posted by bondcliff at 12:42 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

>>> Food network has no black chefs.

No. But TV One does. And he kicks ass.
posted by grabbingsand at 12:43 PM on February 8, 2007

Seconded, bondcliff.
posted by ijoshua at 12:44 PM on February 8, 2007

Holy shit, I just looked at janespeed's link. "Kwanzaa celebration cake?" With fucking corn nuts? Does the NAACP know about this?

Oh, and Nigella Lawson wants to bear my children.
posted by hifiparasol at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2007

dios writes "And I hope that Bourdain, who is also more of a media personality than great chef, doesn't ever try to rip Batali, Flay, or Morimoto on their cooking ability."

In this essay, at least, he seems quite respectful of their abilities. In fact, he's calling for the network to give Flay and Batali more exposure in old-school cooking shows.

nola writes "i think as far as shows on the FN, alton brown's 'good eats', is a good show. it may be humble home cooked, but its informative and a good start for people that may not know how to cook.
"i loved bourdaine's 'a cooks tour', and have several of his books, but i'm going to disagree with him on alton. "

Did he say anything critical about Alton? I don't think he had anything but praise for the man.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2007

dios, I was going to favorite your post until that last paragraph. Her head! Is enormous! That's no moon! It's a space station!

That's a bit of an exaggeration. Her head ain't that big. She is too thin, and that makes it look a little bigger. But she has a beautiful smile, charming personality, is the granddaughter of Dino!, and her food looks delicious. If she recently inherited a liquor store and manages to not choke on her own drool, I couldn't dream up a better woman.
posted by dios at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2007

Rachel Ray is annoying as shit, the way she gesticulates, but her 30 Minute Meals series of books have some quality recipes that are simple and tasty.

Yup, exactly. She has a recipe for a horseradish and cheddar cheese and scallion turkey burger (with the horseradish and cheddar cheese and scallions in the meat) that is fucking rockingly awesome, it takes the turkey burger from something you cram down because you don't want to get all trembly and cranky to something you are psyched all day to eat.


Her “$40 a Day” show is a waste of air time.

The thing I hated about that show the few times I saw it was that she seemed to stay under $40 by stiffing everybody on their tips.

I like Tony B. but he does try too hard and he's setting himself up as the punk rock opposition, he's beefing just to stir up trouble, like Jay Z and Nas creating a rap war just to sell records or when Noel Gallagher said that Jack White looked like "Zorro on Doughnuts"*, it smells of sour grapes.


*Such a good line though.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:47 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

In this essay, at least, he seems quite respectful of their abilities. In fact, he's calling for the network to give Flay and Batali more exposure in old-school cooking shows.

Yeah, I caught that. But I just couldn't grasp what he was being snarky about. I felt like when he was saying Mario needed another cooking show he was kind of saying it like in some bitter "Yeah, we need another show where I get kicked in the balls" kind of tone. I guess I couldn't get a grip on where he was trying to be sincere and where he was being edgy.
posted by dios at 12:48 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

dios writes "I guess I couldn't get a grip on where he was trying to be sincere and where he was being edgy."

Yeah, good point. He's got issues with tone. I definitely got the impression that his problem was more with the network than with these particular chefs, though.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:50 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

"it's nice to have Rachel ray throw together something halfway decent that us slobs can make ourselves"

"her 30 Minute Meals series of books have some quality recipes that are simple and tasty"

"She's showing busy people how to make satisfying meals"

Something like that. I enjoy cooking and am always up for a good recipe that's simple and pleasing. I've made four Rachael Ray recipes, to the letter, and every one has come out the perfect mix of "not as fast as she alleged" and "not as tasty as it should have been." *

My experience is 4-0 that she offers recipes that sound like they should be fast and tasty, but there was little if any actual testing. I don't know who's writing her recipes, but that person needs to spend some time with Christopher Kimball. Food should do more than just look good on camera.

I'm all for 'Jes Folks in the TV kitchen, and I don't hate Rachael for being an omnipresent personality, but I'm done with her actual food, as the execution is inevitably less than promised (which wasn't all that much to begin with).

* Blame it on operator error if you like; FWIW I'm your average interested amateur, with an armful of cookbooks and a drawerful of Sur le Table.
posted by pineapple at 12:50 PM on February 8, 2007

(also, I met Rachel Ray in person at a signing. Well, met is overstating it, she signed my beloved autograph jacket[that's her in the red ink] while I stood there and mumbled giddily like a Kansan 12-year-old girl in a training bra meeting Justin Timberlake. We were near the end of a long line and she was visibly tired but she was still very friendly. She seemed thrilled to go on the same jacket as Jason Newstead and wrote 'Rock 'em & Chop 'em, Rachel Ray.'

*sighs, nuzzles jacket like kitty kat*
posted by jonmc at 12:53 PM on February 8, 2007

If you guys in the US think you have it bad, you should see Food Canada, where we're subjected to grotesque, mandatory canadian content.

P.S.
posted by Evstar at 12:53 PM on February 8, 2007

Try that fucking turkey burger pineapple, it almost excuses the fact that whenever I see her or hear her speak I wish I had a remote controlled botulism bomb.
posted by Divine_Wino at 12:54 PM on February 8, 2007 [3 favorites]

Tony's rant mines much the same territory as the recent Bill Buford piece.

Also: Giada, call me.
posted by william_boot at 12:54 PM on February 8, 2007

rereading it i see your point mr_roboto. some how i read it the first time as a slam on alton. *shrugs*
posted by nola at 12:59 PM on February 8, 2007

janespeed's link looks like something that a bunch of Tarleton State University undergrads would cook for their MLK day party. Please, tell me its some kind of weird joke.
posted by googly at 1:04 PM on February 8, 2007

LOLEVOOLIANFILTER
posted by loquacious at 1:05 PM on February 8, 2007

also i've never really loved rachel ray, but i'm not happy to see people giving her the pile-on treatment. she does seem like a nice gal, maybe a bit bipolar. i've always imagined that after taping 30 minute meals with the huge smile and cheerful laughter, she goes and sits in a corner some where and cries for a half-hour.
posted by nola at 1:05 PM on February 8, 2007

i've always imagined that after taping 30 minute meals with the huge smile and cheerful laughter, she goes and sits in a corner some where and cries for a half-hour.

I've always imagined her swigging from a bottle of Cuervo and wearing a leather bikini and black fishnets, but that's probably just me.
posted by jonmc at 1:06 PM on February 8, 2007

Thought I'd throw this New Yorker article by Bill Buford on food television into the mix as well. Some good stuff on how the network evolved over time.
posted by mzanatta at 1:10 PM on February 8, 2007

"I've always imagined her swigging from a bottle of Cuervo and wearing a leather bikini and black fishnets, but that's probably just me."

only in our dreams jonmc
posted by ShawnString at 1:11 PM on February 8, 2007

when i say 'imagined', i don't mean a 'fantasie' jmc
but as fantasies go that one sounds nice.
posted by nola at 1:11 PM on February 8, 2007

Nigella's new show, which looks a bit like someone ripped off the cinematography of her earlier shows but couldn't afford to use actual film cameras.

Well, 80% of the budget went to "Lens Maintenance".

If anything, Ray deserves props for not perpetuating the cloying and coquettish "sensuality & decadence" shtick* that Nigella and others push. You're making fricking bran muffins, for pete's sake.

*I also hate the hilariously forced butch posturing of the barbecue shows. Ooo, had me that spritz bottle once you're done with that flare-up, I'm all hot and bothered!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:11 PM on February 8, 2007

I like Bourdain too, but he pushes the hipster downtown image a bit much sometimes. Anyone see that episode where he flipped his 4 wheeler trying to climb a sand dune in New Zealand. Hard to look cool with a half ton of metal rolling on top of you.

I wouldn't mind Bourdain hosting an old time "this is how you cook" style show.

Lately I have been watching Charlie Trotter's Sessions on PBS. Now that dude is in a whole other league.
posted by vronsky at 1:12 PM on February 8, 2007

i've always imagined that after taping 30 minute meals with the huge smile and cheerful laughter, she goes and sits in a corner some where and cries for a half-hour.

I'm sure she can dry those tears with the enormous piles of cash that she rolls around in after each taping.

I don't like the pile-on she gets either, when it seems to be just pointless envy over her success. Fair play to her success as a food personality; I just won't be cooking her recipes.
posted by pineapple at 1:13 PM on February 8, 2007

So I imagine this isn't too far off from your dreams, jon?
posted by hifiparasol at 1:14 PM on February 8, 2007

ahem. Sorry william_boot. Hooray for Preview!
posted by mzanatta at 1:15 PM on February 8, 2007

vronsky -- have you read the Les Halles Cookbook? It's pretty much by-the-numbers French cooking. I imagine that if Bourdain hosted a cooking show, it wouldn't be any more educational or instructive than old-school Julia Child or Jacques Pepin.

... except, you know, with chain smoking.

To me, Bourdain has always been the Samuel L Jackson (or Lee Marvin if you opt for an earlier generation) of cooking. Not exactly the finest craftsman in the biz, but he's built a hell of a career around a shtick and a reputation for talking straight.
posted by bl1nk at 1:22 PM on February 8, 2007

MUCH too kind in is opinion of Paula Deen.
posted by OXYMORON at 1:26 PM on February 8, 2007

We need Alton Brown to make a MeFi account. With him and Asavage, we'd be unstoppable in the realm of geeks on TV!
posted by fijiwriter at 1:28 PM on February 8, 2007

Perhaps he should switch over to Lidia's Kitchen on PBS. It's the original home of Julia Child. I ate at Felidia last night, which is Lidia's restaurant in NYC. Now, there is a purist's cooking show for you.
posted by spicynuts at 1:28 PM on February 8, 2007

more like bogie bourdian
posted by nola at 1:28 PM on February 8, 2007

You read my mind, fijiwriter!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 1:33 PM on February 8, 2007

While I agree with a lot of what he's complaining about regarding Food Network, it seems a bit hypocritical at this point considering the direction his show has been going in.

His "No Reservations" show started off as something really fun, focusing on exotic places and exotic food. Lately the show is turning more into a Jackass-meets-Fear Factor sort of reality thing... with much less of a focus on food and much more of a focus on making Anthony do embarrassing and dangerous stunts that have nothing to do with eating or travel. I don't tune in to watch Bourdain nearly kill himself in a boring 20 minute segment about dunebuggies or to see him get tazered into submission by the SWAT team. I watch the show to see the beautiful places he visits that I'll never get a chance to, and to see the cool food those places have to offer.

For example, why was the recent show about Los Angeles wasted with so much of the show being about roller derby, when L.A. has so much amazing food? Same goes for the show on Russia in which very little of the program was actually about Russian food. I don't mind watching him eat weird shit like live beating snake hearts, but I really hope the show stops going in the direction it's been going (all shock factor, very little food) and instead gets back to basics... travel and interesting local cuisine.
posted by RoseovSharon at 1:37 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I only had a mild dislike of Rachel Ray until I went to the grocery store to buy some Wheat Thins and Triscuits.

FIFTY FEET OF AISLE SPACE, every box with her freakingly-clowny smile plastered on it.
posted by mrbill at 1:39 PM on February 8, 2007

freakingly-clowny smile plastered on it.
posted by mrbill

Eponysterical!
posted by jonmc at 1:41 PM on February 8, 2007

i couldn't agree more RoseovSharon.
posted by nola at 1:47 PM on February 8, 2007

Disclosure: The missus and I didn't get cable installed until we could receive the Food Network. I love AB and "Good Eats" - his books and yes, a T-shirt of his.

Ok, having said that...Ms. Ray can fall of the face of the earth and I'd be just as happy to have 30 more minutes of Giada (meeee-yow!!!) or AB use the electrons on my glowing TV altar.

Did anyone read in NY Times a few months back about Ray's growing industry, and the backlash she's getting? The finest moment: describing the use of the term "Ray-Tards" by her detractors.
posted by fijiwriter at 1:48 PM on February 8, 2007

I've enjoyed Bourdain in the past, but I find his current show mostly unwatchable. The premise is a good one, but the writing is too cutesy and it feels like he's jerking us around too often with his humorous fictional set pieces.

The recent "trapped in Lebanon" episode, however, was compelling television.
posted by gigawhat? at 1:53 PM on February 8, 2007

His show on El Bulli was cool.
posted by smackfu at 1:59 PM on February 8, 2007

I don't understand why every show on Food Network features white people cooking or eating Italian/American food. They have 168 hours a week to fill; they couldn't squeeze in one show about Mexican, Indian, or Chinese cooking?
posted by designbot at 1:59 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I really disliked Rachael Ray's essay in Esquire (as linked by Alvy Ampersand above).

Ray's defense:

• Yes, I'm lazy
• and irritating
• also, not a good cook
• but you know what?

I'VE GOT TONS OF THIS, ASSHOLES! *Grabs at T-Shirt moneys * WHERE'S YOUR MAGAZINE MONEY? WHERE'S YOUR SHIRT MONEY? HUH?
posted by boo_radley at 2:00 PM on February 8, 2007

His "No Reservations" show started off as something really fun, focusing on exotic places and exotic food.

I always took his show as a display of different cultures/places, and there's a lot more to culture/places than just food.
posted by afx114 at 2:12 PM on February 8, 2007

Actually that's kind of why I dug it, boo_radley.

It conjured up a mental picture of a sweetly smiling Ray kicking the shit out of a detractor, shouting "Yum-O!" as she delivered a coup de gras boot (Custom made, natch) to the mouth, and then tossing a couple hundred dollar bills on their huddled, broken form as she walked back to the limo waiting at the end of the alley.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:18 PM on February 8, 2007

How can I watch the original Iron Chef? Netflix and my local video store don't have it >:
posted by serazin at 2:19 PM on February 8, 2007

Food network has no black chefs
Srsly, They can't find ONE brother to put in front of a camera? I call a mass amount of bullshit. Also, no Latin chefs? wtf?

I think Tony's spot on in his commentary. I got huge respect and love for Alton Brown, too.

I've known people that've worked for Emeril, and all his schtick is just that, schtick. He's apparently a no-nonsense goddamn machine when he's actually in the kitchen for reals.

Bring back Sara Moulton, David Rosengarten, Mario Batali, and Ming Tsai, even.

RayRay? Got a good Thai chicken soup of hers off the FN.com. Otherwise, meh. My moms is a big fan, but she also loves A. Brown, so her mileage varies and such.
posted by erskelyne at 2:26 PM on February 8, 2007

I remember a few years ago, I was spending thanksgiving in the company of the family of a girl that I was dating at the time. We were killing the hours watching the Food Network and watching Todd English's show. About halfway through, the family patrician observed, "he's totally going to get his show cancelled in a year. Mark my words. Fella's a good cook, but he's got the personality of my grade school history teacher."

That's the thing about the Food Network. It's not about actually teaching you about preparing or finding good food. It's about making you tune in to watch people tell you about food, and keep you engaged long enough for you to watch the commercials between the shows.

If you want more Sara, Ming, and Chris Kimball, etc., you should ask your PBS affiliate to carry their shows.
posted by bl1nk at 2:42 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

They definitely need to bring back Mario Batali actually cooking. And Sara Moultin, not all of us want to subscribe to Gourmet.
It's sad that Food Network is slowly moving towards the 30 Minute Meal style "quick and easy, damnit!" shows and the "hey let's stick a personality in a restaurant we want to promote" shows.
Can I also express my horror that Tyler Florence sold out to Applebees? His food is actually good and I guess he feels he has to become another talking head to keep his shows from going under.
posted by blueskiesinside at 2:46 PM on February 8, 2007

"Also, no Latin chefs?"
He did a little segment on one of his shows where he pointed out the truism that latin americans are the people who actually cook your food in most white guy celebrity restaurants.
posted by 2sheets at 2:48 PM on February 8, 2007

I've only written two fan letters in my entire life.

1. To the Two Hot Tamales (where I asked if they were a lesbian couple and I got a polite "no, but thanks for seeing the love between friends" from them)

and, recently

2. To Mary Alice Yeskey from "Ace of Cakes" who called me a "Sweetie Peetie" in her response.
posted by ColdChef at 2:48 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

Also, while Food TV may not CURRENTLY have chefs of color, they have in the past and will, I'm sure, in the future.
posted by ColdChef at 2:50 PM on February 8, 2007

Bourdain has been slagged by the NY Times food critic Amanda Hesser for not having been chi-chi enough as a chef at Les Halles... serving simple good french bistro food instead of the coconut infused baby artichokes with maguro tuna that should be all the rage... which is more than enough to rate him high in my book. The simple fact is that Bourdain speaks honestly about being a cook... something that Batali, Flay, and other celebrity chefs can never afford to do. They have too much to lose. Bourdain didn't. He was allowed to tell Amanda what actually went on behind the serving station, and she doesn't want to know.

Amanda is upset that Tony did drugs. I was at the Culinary Institute of America a lot in the 1970s. I never met a chef who was not on drugs. America, if your chef went to the CIA in the 1970s, your chef learned puff pastry and iced butter bunnies on LSD. All that good food you ate was due to lots of speed, pot and coke. And cognac.

And Bourdain is now, what, 51 years old? That means it is time to get out of the kitchen. I grew up with chefs, my brother is a chef, I've been a chef, and you don't see many healthy chefs over the age of 40. They all do drugs... or drink... and their schedules are crazed and induce insanity and diabetes and chronic back pain. You either start writing, make a TV show, or... open a restaurant. If your Mafia friends let you. Oddly enough, I never met a chef who got religion along the way.

As for Rachel Ray... I just spent a few months inthe USA, and much of that time was spent staring at the Food Channel. No, she can't cook. At all. Sorry, there is no excuse. Her recipes can not be reproduced in 30 minutes. Her "Hungarian" recipes were about as fake and misleading as could be and still come out as food that was colored red.

But the most amazingly stupid piece of television that I have seen in decades occurred on the Rachel Ray show, and I am still telling people in Europe about this. On her "Meals under $40" she visited Europe, went to Amsterdam, and was tallying up her meals by converting Euros to dollars in... the wrong direction! She would say "that yumm-o breakfast cost me only 10 Euros... that's only US$ 7!" What? I watched the whole show... and the one after that... she really didn't realize that Euros are stronger than dollars. And nobody on her crew or staff or the oversight board at the Food Network seemed to catch on to that either! Her $40 meals were more like $70 dollar meals! She has enough money not to care. So why should she care if her food or judgement are any better?
posted by zaelic at 2:53 PM on February 8, 2007 [4 favorites]

I was unemployed for six months a few years back, and Molto Mario was the only decent show on television all day long. I tried to watch it every day. I actually learned things from the show, even if some of the dishes I would never make. He has a wit and a sense of humor, and he's an actual chef. Plus, they'd sometimes sneak 'famous' guests as spectators on the show, and only refer to them by first name. I remember seeing Michael Stipe once, for example.

I never watch the Food Network anymore.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 2:53 PM on February 8, 2007

Try that fucking turkey burger pineapple...

I initially read a most inappropriate meaning in this phrase.
posted by cog_nate at 2:54 PM on February 8, 2007

A couple of years ago (before we moved to Houston and had to give up the 52" HDTV), my wife and I had a nightly TiVo ritual that consisted of Iron Chef, Alton Brown, and if a new one had aired, A Cook's Tour. There's nothing like seeing Alton on a screen that's as wide as a king-size bed, from 10 feet away.

Nowdays, we don't watch FN; it started going downhill when they wanted AB to make stateside (cheaper) episodes of ACT and then cut down on Iron Chef reruns. I TiVo AB's "No Reservations" show on the Travel Channel and it goes straight to a burned DVD, while I grab Good Eats via BitTorrent.
posted by mrbill at 2:54 PM on February 8, 2007

I was worried that he was going to savage Alton Brown -- because I admire and respect them both -- and sighed in relief to see that Bourdain likes him and his work.

Bourdain's one of the few writers I'd go out of my way to see a second time.
posted by solid-one-love at 2:55 PM on February 8, 2007

1. To the Two Hot Tamales (where I asked if they were a lesbian couple and I got a polite "no, but thanks for seeing the love between friends" from them)

Actually, I recently watched a show about them that revealed that Susan Feniger introduced Mary Sue Milliken to her current husband... Who happens to be Susan's ex-husband.
posted by amro at 2:56 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

(Jeez, I guess I should have read the comments first. I sure added nothing new.)
posted by solid-one-love at 2:59 PM on February 8, 2007

Food Network Canada has one (1) black chef, Rob Rainford. The guy is damn talented (worked at Sen5es with Ned Bell), and by all accounts is a charming, likeable sort, but he's doing OTT schtick on the air, too. Licensed to Grill has featured some cool recipes and techniques, but the difference in Rob's presentation between the first and subsequent seasons is obvious.

Yeah, we probably aren't the target demo for either FN. *sigh*
posted by maudlin at 3:01 PM on February 8, 2007

2sheets "Also, no Latin chefs?"
He did a little segment on one of his shows where he pointed out the truism that latin americans are the people who actually cook your food in most white guy celebrity restaurants.

True, known that for years now.

My question was more like, why can't they find a good solid latin Chef to host a program?

Not only do they have an incredibly rich culinary heritage to expound upon, but they also could delve into any number of food topics, most of them having had such extensive restaurant experience.
posted by erskelyne at 3:07 PM on February 8, 2007

but the difference in Rob's presentation between the first and subsequent seasons is obvious.

According to a guy I know who worked as a cameraman for the show, he started partaking regularly of medicinal herbage and other enjoyable substances before and during shows sometime into the first season. He knows this to be true because he was providing said substances. Or so he claims.
posted by solid-one-love at 3:12 PM on February 8, 2007

One of the shows FN had back in the days before it sucked was Melting Pot which they used to introduce a number of chefs but it also covered more ground as far as various cuisines. I think Ming Tsai and the Two Hot Tamales both started with segments on Melting Pot. Padma Lakshmi also did some segments for that show.
posted by janespeed at 3:12 PM on February 8, 2007

hifiparasol, that entire webcomic is great! Also, the guy is originally from Minnesota! Thanks for the link.
posted by wander at 3:13 PM on February 8, 2007

jonmc: a group of friends also got really ill at a Batali restaurant. I wonder if this is a regular thing.

also, Bourdain blames the Food Network for people like Flay on terrible shows. I'm sure Flay has his own will involved too.
posted by destro at 3:18 PM on February 8, 2007

Bourdain has played a large role in my burgeoning love of good food, opening my eyes to things I wouldn't have dared eaten before. So much food TV makes, well, so much food look really bad, but when Bourdain is excited by food, I look at it and genuinely feel the same excitement as him.

Cheers for the link! Hell, I'm going to bloglines Ruhlman's stuff too.
posted by opsin at 3:18 PM on February 8, 2007

Bourdain's the man. And he obviously remembers back in the day, Emeril's first show, no studio audience, looked like public access TV, Em's obviously worked a couple-three shifts already before they shoot, he's keeping up this patter, Bam!'s thrown in there to keep himself from falling asleep and catching his hair on fire, maybe there's some speed in his blood, but it was good damn TV.

And he calls Julia Child a saint; well she is. I have an actor friend who obsessively watches Robert Shaw and James Cagney for every head shake and eye movement, every hand reach and every moment of stillness, just to see how it's really done. Well, I'm that way with Julia Child. I could watch her shows for hours, over and over.

PBS was a far better cooking network than FoodTV. The "Great Chefs" series? You want to learn knife skills? Watch closely.

Rachael Ray is terrible, but no worse than I've come to expect from a channel that's less about cooking than it is about shoveling food down the MegaMouth. Here's the test: everything she eats elicits the same eerie moan. Maybe some of the Vaseline she uses to make her lips glide back from her teeth so well ended up coating her tongue and she can't taste a thing. Mm-m-m.
posted by breezeway at 3:22 PM on February 8, 2007

Curious to know what he thinks about Jamie Oliver. I am so disappointed that repeats of his shows are never on Food Network anymore...
posted by moxyberry at 3:23 PM on February 8, 2007

zaelic writes "On her 'Meals under $40' she visited Europe, went to Amsterdam, and was tallying up her meals by converting Euros to dollars in... the wrong direction! She would say 'that yumm-o breakfast cost me only 10 Euros... that's only US$ 7!' What? I watched the whole show... and the one after that... she really didn't realize that Euros are stronger than dollars. And nobody on her crew or staff or the oversight board at the Food Network seemed to catch on to that either!"

Those are old, from back when the dollar was stronger. 2002, maybe?
posted by mr_roboto at 3:26 PM on February 8, 2007

Curious to know what he thinks about Jamie Oliver.

He slags the hell out of Jamie Oliver in his books.
posted by Skot at 3:27 PM on February 8, 2007

I saw an interview with Bourdain where he slagged Emeril a bit and said he desperately needed a new catchphrase, but added that he was a good chef and had a reputation in the industry for being very decent to those who worked under him.
posted by vronsky at 3:44 PM on February 8, 2007

There's a black chef doing a BBQ show on some other food/lifestyle network. Now, the thing about the show is that it is thiny-veiled pornography.

The guy rubs the chicken or beef on every episode, and they show a closeup complete with sauce for literally a minute or two, and at the end of every show you get closeups of people putting stuff in their mouth. It's really quite comical.
posted by mathowie at 3:51 PM on February 8, 2007

I'm suprised by the omission of Tyler Florence.
posted by Cyrano at 4:13 PM on February 8, 2007

Mathowie, that sounds like the Rob Rainford show on Food Canada someone mentioned up-thread.
posted by Evstar at 4:18 PM on February 8, 2007

I have this Egon Schiele self-portrait as my desktop and it is oddly fitting for this excessively rancorous piece. Bourdain cares way too much about this crap.
posted by wemayfreeze at 4:39 PM on February 8, 2007

There's a black chef doing a BBQ show on some other food/lifestyle network.

Lincensed to Grill, perhaps? Featuring, once again, Canada's Rob Rainford.
posted by deCadmus at 4:48 PM on February 8, 2007

Me? I like Jacques Pépin. You know he was De Gaulle's personal chef? Trés cool.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:49 PM on February 8, 2007

Dear sweet lord, how I hate Rachael Ray, but I do like me some Triscuits.
posted by GavinR at 5:04 PM on February 8, 2007

Definitely, Civil Disobedient, Pépin's the man. And watching him cook with Julia Child and see how fond they are of cuisine and each other is a real treat. Especially since Julia is so much like my Aunt Gertrude (without the polio brace) and Jacques is so much like my old friend Jack. Such esprit de corps! Such joie de vivre! Bravo!
posted by breezeway at 5:10 PM on February 8, 2007

Love Pepin C_D. Bought several of his shows on dvd. And his autobiography. And in the same interview I mentioned above, Bourdain called him the best chef alive.
posted by vronsky at 5:12 PM on February 8, 2007

omfg Anthony Bourdain <3 3 small>/fanboy
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 5:32 PM on February 8, 2007

Dang html.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 5:32 PM on February 8, 2007

I love watching Pépin in "Fast Food, My Way". Even the old-man teeth-sucking thing he does is fine, because it makes him sound just like my dad.
posted by maudlin at 5:58 PM on February 8, 2007

I just had to have my rosemary and olive oil triscuits, but RR's face.... her vacuous smile...

I did the only sensible thing. I bought the box and put post-it notes over her face when I got home.
posted by TheGoldenOne at 6:12 PM on February 8, 2007

"the old-man teeth-sucking thing" - ha. I noticed this too. Drives me crazy. Must be a newbie doing the microphones and audio on that show.

RR should watch it and learn what real 30 minute meals are all about.
posted by vronsky at 6:27 PM on February 8, 2007

I love watching Pépin in "Fast Food, My Way".

Great fucking show. I don't think anyone has ever made cooking look easy better.
posted by Cyrano at 6:33 PM on February 8, 2007

That's funny, TheGoldenOne, I papered over Wheaties boxes when I was a kid so Mary Lou Retton's rictus wouldn't freak me out while I breakfasted like a champion. It didn't help, though; she was on everything.
posted by breezeway at 6:34 PM on February 8, 2007

My four year old totally loves Rachael Ray. I love anything that gets her to eat, so we watch 30 Minute Meals together at least once a day. I hope to God she never finds out that Ray has three other shows.

But, I do miss the FoodTV heyday, back when Ming and Sara Moulton and Mario had shows, and when only Emeril was obnoxious. I can cook just fine, I enjoyed watching masters at work.

And I do believe my husband would leave me for Alton Brown if he had the opportunity.
posted by padraigin at 6:36 PM on February 8, 2007

Sandra Lee - I watch the show purely for the fun of shouting "she did WHAT!?!?" or "EWWW!!" at the TV. My theory is that she is some drunk trophy wife of a FN exec and that's how she somehow got the show. The way she dotes on her sister's kids is way creepy, too. It's Cocktail Time!!

I grow tired of All Rachel, All the Time, but I've had success with several of her recipes. Sure it's not gourmet, but it's better than mac and cheese from a box on a weeknight. Her sloppy joes are good.

Without a doubt, my go-to source for recipes when I want to be sure it'll turn out is Cook's Illustrated/America's Test Kitchen. Those folks, they know what they are doing.
posted by misskaz at 6:37 PM on February 8, 2007

(And if I'm ever in a panic and need a dessert right now, I can always count on his berry cobbler-type thing with crushed chocolate chip cookies [and gobs of butter, and a bit of sugar] sprinkled liberally throughout and then cooked until bubbley.)

On preview: I'm still talking about Pépin, obviously.
posted by Cyrano at 6:39 PM on February 8, 2007

For what it's worth, by the way, I can whip out a 30 Minute Meal in thirty minutes, and I don't even buy all my shit prechopped like Ray suggests. And they're perfectly adequate, sometimes amazing, family meals.
posted by padraigin at 6:52 PM on February 8, 2007

I've gotten a lot of mileage from his quick cassoulet Cyrano. Which is easy as pie and will provide great winter nourishment for several days. Trick is to buy the best ingredients you can (brats, ham, etc...). Kind of like a frenchified beenie weenies.
posted by vronsky at 7:13 PM on February 8, 2007

Evidently, Bourdain is still pissed off that his Kitchen Confidential show on Fox got shitcanned after only a few episodes. Envy hurts.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 7:16 PM on February 8, 2007

I miss the Frugal Gourmet, he was always so gentle...
posted by Mick at 7:26 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]

I watch Paula Deen in open-mouthed awe. I swear, every one of the first 6 times I saw her show she used karo syrup and powdered sugar. I think it was the sugar-coated Jiffy peanut butter balls that really won me over; she's in another world, for sure - a land of Southern sweetness that shines so pure it hurts your eyes. But IIRC, her up-from-nowhere-by-the-bootstraps story is kinda inspirational, even if you think her cooking is a joke.

Bourdain really is a god among TV personalities; I think he gets the balance of sharp, deep insight and hipster fake naive just right for American television. I love the way he casually slammed a big chain like Chilis in last season's TexMex show - while standing in front of a Chilis.

Alton's shtick got old a long time ago. I watch his show with one hand on the DVR remote; the guy wastes 20 minutes on goofball idiocy and then crams his recipes into all-too-rare 30-second segments. Imagine how great his show would be if he actually kept that info density up for the whole thing.

The Food Network has needed this kind of public takedown from someone like Bourdain for a while now. And Bourdain was pretty kind, overall, even as he nailed what's hilariously wrong with the direction the network's going.
posted by mediareport at 7:44 PM on February 8, 2007

Me? I like Jacques Pépin. You know he was De Gaulle's personal chef? Trés cool.

Love him as well, though ever since I pointed out to my wife during one episode that with his accent he pronounces "cookie sheet" as "cookie shit" we can't watch him without giggling uncontrollably at our 4th grade humor.

Alton Brown is awesome, the rest I can take or leave. I miss Mario (I had the greatest meal of my life at Babbo) and Sara.
posted by jalexei at 7:58 PM on February 8, 2007

Alton's shtick got old a long time ago. I watch his show with one hand on the DVR remote; the guy wastes 20 minutes on goofball idiocy and then crams his recipes into all-too-rare 30-second segments. Imagine how great his show would be if he actually kept that info density up for the whole thing.
posted by mediareport at 7:44 PM PST on February 8 [+]

As much as I love AB, I have to agree. Additionally, his "there's only one way to do things and it's usually the ridiculously hard by hand way" runs counter to his ideas about multitasking and being efficient in the kitchen.
posted by proj at 8:03 PM on February 8, 2007

PBS was a far better cooking network than FoodTV. The "Great Chefs" series? You want to learn knife skills? Watch closely.

While this is about Bourdain (*swoon*) and the Food Network, definitely had to jump in to agree with this. While I enjoy watching AB and used to watch the original Iron Chef on Food Network, but honestly, I really love PBS. And I find their shows to be more diverse and interesting.

America's Test Kitchen, Jacques Pepin, Ming Tsai, Tina Nordstrom, and Lidia Bastianich are some of my favorites to watch (just FYI, Lidia and her son Joe own Del Posto with Batali).

And I'm the type to try what I see so and there are things I've picked up for PBS that I still use. It's very much a "teach a man to fish" type of shows while food network cooking shows are more about giving you the fish with their recipes (except for Alton). Lidia once made this pasta with tomatoes, capers and that anchovies I make it whenever I can now, it's so simple and full of flavor. She also tells you other things like how x type of sauce will require a lot less cooking since when you toss it in the sauce it will absorb the water from more watery sauces, etc. and it stays with you later when you're doing your own thing in the kitchen.
posted by kkokkodalk at 8:22 PM on February 8, 2007

For those wondering, Sara Moulton has parted company with Food Network entirely. She has a new show being produced for the PBS affiliate in Boston, no word yet on national PBS syndication. (Call your local station managers and tell them you want it!)
posted by Dreama at 8:54 PM on February 8, 2007

For those of you who've expressed admiration for Rachel Ray's other talents, you might want to familiarize yourself with her photo shoot for lad-mag FHM back a few years ago, when she wasn't quite so ubiquitous but still trying just as hard to make a name for herself. While some might say the one of her licking chocolate off a spoon takes the cake, it's the image of her demented visage staring blankly at the camera as she pulls a cooked turkey out of a oven that stays with me these cold, cold nights.

There are some things you cannot unsee.
posted by now i'm piste at 8:55 PM on February 8, 2007

Hands down the best cooking shows were Great Chefs, Great Cities, and Great Chefs of the World. Hands down.
posted by oflinkey at 9:16 PM on February 8, 2007

now i'm piste writes "For those of you who've expressed admiration for Rachel Ray's other talents, you might want to familiarize yourself with her photo shoot for lad-mag FHM back a few years ago, when she wasn't quite so ubiquitous but still trying just as hard to make a name for herself."

Holy shit. That's just... just...

I have no words.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:46 PM on February 8, 2007

Regarding Jacques Pepin, his show latest show on PBS is the best food show that I've ever seen. I've never been more entertained and educated by watching an old guy peel an apple. Pepin's show is all about technique, and that's the difference. He's so effortless in the way he's able to toss together basic ingredients into some amazing dish, but just watching him do it blows my mind.
posted by jefbla at 11:04 PM on February 8, 2007

Bourdain really likes Pepin himself. In Kitchen Confidential, in that chapter on practical advice, he mentions that if you want to know how to cut, chop, and/or slice, you have to read Pepin's Le Technique.

Interesting historical fact -- Vladimir Putin's father was the chef for both Lenin and Stalin.
posted by bardic at 2:40 AM on February 9, 2007

Good stuff from Tony, and spot-on, generally.
As for Alton...well...I have to admit I was an early fan and will further admit he convinced me to try some things I wasn't pre-disposed to attempt.

But, as time went by, his insanely anal approach to cooking...wherein he seems to try to burn the candle at both ends; alternately insisting that cooking is simple and easy while insisting that, if you don't heat the chicken to EXACTLY 327.449 degrees, western civilization will collapse.

And his insistence that dry ingredients be measured by weight, not volume, drive me batty. Sorry, Alton...I've been home-baking for ages and still don't have a super-duper digital scale on my counter. No room. No need.

He's definitely the "Anal Chef".

And fuck multi-taskers, too.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:53 AM on February 9, 2007

I really enjoy Bourdain's shows when he's visiting exotic locales and eating everything he can find. I cannot tolerate his shows that focus on how curmudgeonly hipster elite he aspires to be...
posted by daveleck at 5:29 AM on February 9, 2007

I miss the Two Fat Ladies.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:00 AM on February 9, 2007

And his insistence that dry ingredients be measured by weight, not volume, drive me batty

Dry ingredients should be measured by weight, not volume. Especially flour.
posted by smackfu at 9:25 AM on February 9, 2007

I really don't understand the comments about how minorities aren't allowed on the Food Network. It is exactly very ethnically diverse. There are plenty of men and women.

There are different ethnicities:
Al Roker (black, host of Roker on the Road)
Warren Brown (black, host of Sugar Rush)
George Duran (Venezuela, host of Ham on the Street)
Morimoto (Japanese, Iron Chef America)
The original Iron Chef series was a series from Japan, so all kinds of ethnic crunchiness there.
Wolfgang Puck (Austrain, had a show).
Kevin Brauch (Canukistan, ICA).

And sweet, sweet Giada was born was in Italy.

There are probably others
posted by dios at 9:54 AM on February 9, 2007

dios -- it's a little disingenuous to pull in Austrians, Canadians and foreign-born white people as an example of diversity. Not that they aren't distinct cultures with specific identities, but the overlap between Canadians and Americans or Italians and Austrians (especially with respect to food) narrows the breadth of the diversity that you're describing.

It's like saying that someone's got eclectic musical taste because they like hip-hop and R&B. Or me saying that my father's country club is also a rich example of ethnic multiculturalism. It has members of English, Irish and French descent. It's even got one or two folks who hail from Germany of all places.
posted by bl1nk at 11:30 AM on February 9, 2007

dios -- it's a little disingenuous to pull in Austrians, Canadians and foreign-born white people as an example of diversity.

So the question of diversity is only dependent on how many black there are? That's silly.

The charge that the Food Network is not diverse rings hollow in light of the different ethnicities it has represented (I listed the few that I knew of off the top of my head, but I'm not the expert on their stable of talent). It's plain wrong to sit there and act like it is only Rich White Americans that are represented there; just look at the evidence. And it seems rather crass to suggest they aren't diverse enough, as if they could somehow manage to capture every ethnicity in their daily programming. I can see it now: "What? No Aleutian Islanders! Where is the diversity!"
posted by dios at 11:45 AM on February 9, 2007

It's rather disingenuous to suggest that Al Roker is Black.
posted by erskelyne at 12:33 PM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

Speaking of ethnic diversity: I wish Rick Bayless had a show (I know he actually does have a show I just can't watch it since it's only on the PBS HD channel here).

And yes, I know Rick is caucasian.
posted by effwerd at 12:37 PM on February 9, 2007

no, dios the argument is (to quote from my response to you, which you handily ignored)

overlap between Canadians and Americans or Italians and Austrians (especially with respect to food) narrows the breadth of the diversity that you're describing

It's not skin color that's an issue, but a narrowness of scope. The main problem that I have with the Food Network is that its subject matter is pretty constrained (Italian, some French, American classics and lite fusion) and that isn't changed if you have, say, a black chef telling us about mac and cheese or an Oriental cook rhapsodizing about General Gau's chicken.

Where's the show about making South and East Asian curries? Where's the show about Latin American cuisine? Where's the modern version of Wok With Yan who can walk us through making fried rice? Who's doing kebabs and falafel? Pierogies? When's a Food Network chef going to describe what separates tempura battered shrimp from fish and chips?

You could, of course, rebut this by saying that these are all niche cuisines that have no interest to the American palette, but I'd point out that all of the foods that I mentioned are ones that I can easily pick up at the local mall food court.
posted by bl1nk at 1:00 PM on February 9, 2007

bl1nk writes "Where's the show about making South and East Asian curries? "

I would love a South Asian cooking show! I have yet to find a really good Indian cookbook....
posted by mr_roboto at 1:16 PM on February 9, 2007

Re: Euro to dollar conversions on Rachael Ray's show in Amsterdam... Check the filming dates for the shows. I think most of them were filmed several years ago, and the currency rates might have been correct at the time of filming. But the glaring wrongness of them currently is definitely a flaw of the show.
posted by dnash at 1:30 PM on February 9, 2007

I would love a South Asian cooking show!

Hell yeah. Where is it, Food Network?
posted by mediareport at 7:19 PM on February 9, 2007

Interesting historical fact -- Vladimir Putin's father was the chef for both Lenin and Stalin.

He was famous for his Gulag Goulash.
posted by jonmc at 8:12 PM on February 9, 2007

bl1nk writes "Where's the show about making South and East Asian curries? "

I would love a South Asian cooking show! I have yet to find a really good Indian cookbook....

Just ask any Indian/South Asian Mother-in-law/Mother trained Wife/Daughter.
I've started working with my mom on making rotis, and am enjoying my time spent in the kitchen.

Too bad the link isn't working for me, but I heart Anthony Bourdain; he has a knack of bringing out the best in every culture he visits, and at the same time has a very self deprecating humour of his own country that seems very self assuring and heart-warming.
posted by hadjiboy at 9:07 PM on February 9, 2007

I miss the Food Network! I miss Alton Brown telling me how to make the perfect fried chicken if I only set aside three days and forty seven separate containers for the process! I miss Iron Chef America and how Mario Batalli always looks like he's going to cry whenever anyone criticizes his mad cooking skillz.

I've never seen Rachael Ray, but I own one of her cookbooks. I hate her smug face staring at me with toothy smugness, but a lot of the recipes are damned tasty. The only other cookbooks I own are both volumes of Mastering the Art of French Cooking, so I needed a little balance in the kitchen. And a few recipes that didn't involve hours of prep work and eight pounds of butter. I refer to "30 Minute Meals" as "Cooking For Lazy People" and that's exactly what I am. Lazy. And hungry.

Julia Child's great for an Event. Parents are coming into town? Julia Child! Need to celebrate some Occasion? Julia Child! It's Sunday and I have all day to do nothing and would like to celebrate by eating something fattening and delicious? Julia Child! But, it's Wednesday night and I only have peanut butter and chili powder and I don't feel like spending more than $20 at the grocery store for ingredients or more than an hour, total, including said grocery run, on meal preparation because I'm so exhausted that even the undead are not as tired as I am, it's definitely Rachael Ray.

Because really, even mediocrity is superior to a peanut butter and chili powder sandwich.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:17 AM on February 10, 2007

Oh, the only Anthony Bourdain show I've seen was when he went to Iceland. He got really unlucky with the weather and got stuck in a glacier overnight, or some such nightmare. Anyway, on top of that, they made him eat all of the gross shit that passes as "traditional delicacies" - fermented shark, seared sheep's heads, etc. And then wash it down with Brennivín - a liquor whose only redeeming quality is that if you drink enough of it, maybe it will kill you.

I think he also went to the Blue Lagoon, which is a little bit less like hazing. Anyhow, he seemed to be one of the few people I've seen or heard of who could attest to having a truly miserable experience in Iceland.

Unless he went out to a convenience store in the middle of the night and got himself a bag of Paprikastjórnum and a bottle of Appelsín and gorged himself on artificially orangey deliciousness.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:32 AM on February 10, 2007

the last time that I visited Iceland was when I was suffering from a massive head cold incurred from a torrential rainstorm while visiting the plains of Southern England. I felt like reheated death when I got to Reykjavik, but then my hosts gave me a shot of Brennevin, and the next morning I felt perfectly healthy.

We used to joke that the liquor's medicinal properties work like area bombing. Alcohol just kills off all of the weak sickened cells, and sure it inflicts a bit of collateral damage to all of the healthy ones, too, but it's nothing that doesn't get regenerated.

I didn't see the Bourdain Iceland episode, but if he relates a dip in the Blue Lagoon as a form of hazing, then he's definitely hamming it up for the vicarious travelers at home.
posted by bl1nk at 9:10 AM on February 10, 2007

I miss the Two Fat Ladies.

Agreed.
posted by jaysus chris at 10:12 AM on February 10, 2007

He's doing it offline too. Bourdain spoke at the South Beach Food and Wine Festival. The event was sponsored by The Food Network, and Rachael Ray and others were in attendance.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 1:20 PM on February 27, 2007