Join 3,497 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


How many condoms can you wear at once?
February 8, 2007 5:56 PM   Subscribe

Do not attempt this experiment with an actual penis. (possibly NSFW)
posted by bac (37 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Thhis should make sex with Paris Hilton approximately 4% less risky.
posted by brain_drain at 6:08 PM on February 8, 2007


Ow.
posted by bardic at 6:12 PM on February 8, 2007


thank the internets
posted by pmbuko at 6:14 PM on February 8, 2007


taking it apart is clearly the more dangerous part of the experiment.
posted by pruner at 6:20 PM on February 8, 2007


dude, not cool.
posted by phaedon at 6:25 PM on February 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


the effect of viagra on roses experiment (at the bottom) seems particularly apropos with valentine's day approacing
posted by 1-2punch at 6:29 PM on February 8, 2007


"Plunging the knife in further, we found that the many layers of condoms somewhat resembled an artichoke heart..."

Buah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
posted by andythebean at 6:34 PM on February 8, 2007


Course an actual penis would constrict more, thereby allowing more condoms to fit.
posted by edgeways at 6:39 PM on February 8, 2007


It's like Mythbusters with dildos.
posted by TypographicalError at 6:41 PM on February 8, 2007


For further course credit, discuss this experiment as it relates to the Safe Sex makespan.
posted by zamboni at 6:45 PM on February 8, 2007


This thread, following the Crabs for Christmas (Is.) thread --> propinquisterical.
posted by rob511 at 6:49 PM on February 8, 2007


Now we know the cause of Anna Nicole Smith's death.

(Too soon?)
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:52 PM on February 8, 2007


Now that's what I call putting on the squeeze play. Batter up!
posted by breezeway at 6:57 PM on February 8, 2007


I used to put unrolled condoms in my nose then make them come out of my mouth, then reverse the process. Then I would put it over my head and inflate it. If fact I invented this stunt as far as sideshow acts go. I can tell you from personal experience that inflated condoms (depending on brand) can get perhaps 10" in diameter and perhaps 24" long before breaking.
posted by Tube at 7:00 PM on February 8, 2007


In honour of the upcoming one-year anniversary, don't miss the Cheney Shotgun Experiment on the same site.
posted by hangashore at 7:04 PM on February 8, 2007


Astro Zombie - (Too soon?)

I don't know... let's check the official A.N.S. dies website
posted by pruner at 7:06 PM on February 8, 2007


I swear this is a double but damn if I can't find it.
posted by bob sarabia at 7:13 PM on February 8, 2007


Huh, strange experiment. I prefer the ones he does showing that Viagra is excellent for increasing the life of roses and The Cheney Shotgun Experiment. The Jello shot ones are also interesting.
posted by nickyskye at 7:15 PM on February 8, 2007


Do not attempt this experiment with an actual penis.

I'd say...
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 7:29 PM on February 8, 2007


There are times when a Mefi link gives you exactly what it promises. No more. No less.

And then there are the times when the very post itself says something like, I dunno, "Do not attempt this experiment with an actual penis." And then you're pretty sure you've got the gist of it without even so much as a mouse-over.

Damn, I love this place.
posted by Cyrano at 7:39 PM on February 8, 2007


(NSFP)
posted by pruner at 7:43 PM on February 8, 2007


"The dildo used was a rubber Doc Johnson realistic dildo with suction-cup base, which is 7 ½” in length from the base to the tip."

Uh-oh.
posted by bdk3clash at 7:47 PM on February 8, 2007 [2 favorites]


Rob from cockeyed.com had this planned for just next week, I'm sure. Damn.
posted by maudlin at 7:55 PM on February 8, 2007


that saw is rather disturbing
posted by caddis at 8:34 PM on February 8, 2007


Okay?
posted by tmcw at 8:37 PM on February 8, 2007


Although merely a fraction of a millimeter in thickness, when layered in sufficient quantity, condoms can form a solid barrier over an inch thick, and substantially alter and enlarge the size of an object, in this case, a dildo. However, given the amount of time, effort, and financial cost involved in employing hundreds of condoms, if you want a huge dildo, we suggest you just buy a larger one rather than using hundreds of condoms to make your average-size dildo bigger.

Thank God for the scientific method.

In sum: If you want a bigger dildo, don't strap 800 rubbers on it to increase its length and girth, just buy a bigger dildo, dumbass.
posted by psmealey at 8:53 PM on February 8, 2007


As far as the size - don't they have to be able to hold two liters of water before bursting, or something like that?
posted by spaceman_spiff at 9:34 PM on February 8, 2007


It's craziness like this that makes me glad I do not have a penis.
posted by amyms at 9:40 PM on February 8, 2007


What's the logical extreme? What would you end up with if you never stopped putting condoms on? I think we can make some predictions based on the stats from this experiment.

the condoms were still able to accommodate over half of the length once the dildo had grown to 17”, and The condoms added 9 ½” of length.

Each condom can enrobe at least 8.5, possibly 9.5 inches. It's extremely likely, ladies and gents, that the last condoms were encasing only other condoms, and so by adding, say, another thousand condoms or so, the monster would get only longer, not thicker. Sans dildo, you'd end up with a rubbery shaft 10.5" around, and you'd add 7.6" per 500 condoms.

Other important stats:

Condoms are .0152" thick on the end, 0.0018" thick on the sides. If each end has its reservoir tip folded over (making a total of 3 layers each on the tip), the layers are still 2.8 times thicker each on the tip than the sides (due to stretching and air bubbles).
A condom weighs 1.63 grams
posted by lostburner at 9:48 PM on February 8, 2007


In college we used to fill them up with water, ala water balloon, toss them off the tenth floor (after shouting a kindly 'heads up!'). Most of the time they bounce once & pop on the second hit. Neato.
posted by susanbeeswax at 10:13 PM on February 8, 2007


I sense a new marketing strategy from condom manufactures world wide; Who needs Viagra? With our new Penetrator Pro you can increase your length, girth and mass. You may lose some sensitivity, but in return you get our iron clad guarantee that this condom will never tear, and will satisfy your mate in ways that they have never thought possible. So the next time she tells you that 'size doesn't matter', you can prove her wrong. In all the best ways.

[fine print: In a few isolated cases, may have hernia causing effects, may permanently damage penis, may cause tearing and irreversible death-like effects. May divine sources of water and attract lightning when combined with tin foil. Will prevent you from walking upright. If worn for more than 12 hours, consult a doctor or mortician.]
posted by quin at 10:26 PM on February 8, 2007


Also, am I the only one interested/ concerned about lostburner's ready, on-hand data on the technical specifics of condoms?

I mean, I'm all for fetishes, but at some point, you are drilling to deep into the mechanics of this. Either you work in the industry, you googled it, or you are a weirdo. (hoping for the last. MeFi needs more weirdos)




/Butthead laugh: huh huh huh... drilling to deep... huh huh huh
posted by quin at 10:33 PM on February 8, 2007


Thhis should make sex with Paris Hilton approximately 4% less risky.

This message is brought to you by the arbiter of sexual propriety. Making sure women are ashamed of their sexuality and cockblocking the world since forever.
posted by srboisvert at 12:24 AM on February 9, 2007 [1 favorite]


quin: All those stats are calculated from the data in the article. But I am a weirdo. And thanks for the welcome, I guess!
posted by lostburner at 1:12 AM on February 9, 2007


Condoms made a pretty decent Doctor Who monster as well.
posted by juiceCake at 6:04 AM on February 9, 2007


quin - iirc ancient (ish) Japanese used tortoise-shell sheaths for a similar purpose...
posted by porpoise at 8:29 AM on February 9, 2007


I protest that the condoms were not field tested under orifice conditions. Do they maintain their durability under lubricated friction?
Also - the “extra large” condoms are for oft-maligned well hung folks who don’t like the “ersatz cock ring” constriction by the rolled end. Yeah it might stretch to those proportions, but people have like, veins, and nerve endings and such.
...these people have inserted an actual penis into...well, someone... at some time?

But this “cold beer” is a novel idea.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:05 AM on February 9, 2007


« Older Christmas Island...  |  Gallery of artwork by Tom Bagl... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments