I Love You Kenisha
February 11, 2007 11:35 PM   Subscribe

I Love You Kenisha. My dear sweet Kenisha, If you find this page, please forgive me for my failure to be a the kind of leader in our marriage and our home that God has called me to be. When ever you decide to come home, I'll be here waiting for you. If I'm 100 years old, and on my death bed, and you haven't come back yet, I'll still be waiting for you!!! I love you with all my heart!!!
posted by jonson (125 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
I'm torn between wanting to snark at jonson (LOLXIANS), at Tim H. Corban (LOLWEIRDO), or myself (LOLINSENSITIVEFUCK).
posted by Kwantsar at 11:42 PM on February 11, 2007


Any "LOL" you see in this post was put there by your eyes.
posted by jonson at 11:44 PM on February 11, 2007


That's kind of sweet, lovely and also a little alarming. Maybe it's the God stuff that makes me feel that - in which case my own hangup - but the poor guy seems to be a little off the planet. He wrote that stuff in 2005, so I wonder what happened next.
posted by squashy wol at 11:45 PM on February 11, 2007


I think the general response to this will be a fluttering between being awed and being creeped out.
posted by spiderskull at 11:48 PM on February 11, 2007 [1 favorite]


Well, okay, but what's Kenisha's beef? Maybe she woke up one day to find this guy in a furry costume, romancing a Cuddly Duddly? Pretty one sided argument....
posted by maryh at 11:49 PM on February 11, 2007


batshitinsane
posted by lazaruslong at 11:49 PM on February 11, 2007


I think this sort of displayed heartbreak is best left unlinked and unmocked.
posted by Ironmouth at 11:50 PM on February 11, 2007 [4 favorites]


Furry, Furry, Burning Bright,
Plushy Armies of the Night,
What Immortal Hand or Eye,
Could Carve a Slice of 'Nisha's Pie?
posted by Dizzy at 11:54 PM on February 11, 2007 [5 favorites]


There's a narcissistic fanaticism about site that's just spooky... As I kept reading, I found myself thinking "No wonder she left him."
posted by amyms at 11:54 PM on February 11, 2007


"I love my Kenisha and I want the wold to know it!" from "My Truck"

In a fight between batshitinsane and The Wold, my money is on The Wold.
posted by IndpMed at 11:56 PM on February 11, 2007


Dizzy, that was just... wow. And I only suggested this guy was a furry! Dude is tainted.
posted by maryh at 11:57 PM on February 11, 2007


maryh--
I advise everybody to buy stock in Team-Mascot producers and Fake Fur suppliers. Gonna be the Year Of The Furry Valentine.
Heard it here first!
posted by Dizzy at 12:00 AM on February 12, 2007


Kenisha left me with our four children on Nov 8th, 2005, due to my failure as the spiritual leader of our home, in that I did not pray for her and the children , and I did not read the Bible to her and my children as much as I should have. I take full responsibility for the current condition of my marriage and my family, in that my lack of Godly leadership and spiritual protection allowed the enemy (the devil and his cohorts) to ransack our marriage and our family.

That's just absolutely delusional.
posted by amyms at 12:01 AM on February 12, 2007


It's the dramatic internal heartbreak of a man that's been externalized in the form of an internet website. I'd have to say that lots of people might go through feelings of grief like this; Unfortunately, my belief is that unconditional love encompasses also the ability to let go, especially if this woman feels that it will be better for her life and children.

I'm not sure if the fact that he's posted it on the internet speaks to the strength of his remorse, ignorance of the detail picking apart, mocking nature of internet surfers, or the fact that the internet is a very public space.

In any case, we are only seeing his side of the situation. He obviously feels very strongly about it. I'm sure people on Metafilter will feel strongly about perceived ridiculousness on his part.

Well, people aren't wilting flowers in the sun. They're generally a tough lot. Internets mockery is the last thing this man is worried about, I'm sure. Not that I condone it.
posted by Mister Cheese at 12:06 AM on February 12, 2007


That's just absolutely delusional.

Not necessarily. Maybe she was a hardcore banger, repulsed by his Godless ways.
posted by Kwantsar at 12:06 AM on February 12, 2007


On the one hand, LOLXIANS HEY LOOK THERE ARE WEIRD PEOPLE WITH WEBSITES CAN YOU BELIEVE IT Filter.

On the other hand, the only thing that comes to mind reading this is:

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today....

posted by dw at 12:07 AM on February 12, 2007


When you can point to The Devil for your marital troubles, then you're basically a RPG guy that can't separate the games from your real-life responsibilities.
Perhaps this person could find a new career for himself at the American Enterprise Institute, where such delusions bring windfalls of $$ (if not ladies....)
posted by maryh at 12:12 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Of all the possible problems that could have led to the dissolution of their marriage, his not being enough of a hardcore christian fundie isn't the one I would bet on.
posted by Justinian at 12:16 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


amyms writes "That's just absolutely delusional."

I think it's Promise Keepers boilerplate, actually. The guy's been to meetings something.
posted by mr_roboto at 12:19 AM on February 12, 2007


This is sooooo depressing.
posted by Brittanie at 12:23 AM on February 12, 2007


I guess satan doesn't want my message out. Someone broke my widow [window] out last night 4/16/06. But I will not accept defeat from the enemy! I'm going to put the lettering on the tailgate next time. PTL!

He just gets crazier with each page... I sure wish there were some way to dig up the wife's side of the story.
posted by amyms at 12:31 AM on February 12, 2007


My money's on domestic violence->restraining order->separation->divorce with no visitation->desperate gambit of a web site.
posted by chudder at 12:37 AM on February 12, 2007


I find it interesting how he spells "baptist" with a "b" instead of a "p" ("old Babtist Church," "babtized").

I can't find much via search, but I am guessing that this is an accepted (archaic?) spelling. Anybody have any insight on this? Does it denote a particular sect of Christianity?
posted by retronic at 12:38 AM on February 12, 2007


I think it just denotes a bad speller (he has misspellings all over the site).
posted by amyms at 12:45 AM on February 12, 2007


I think this sort of displayed heartbreak is best left unlinked and unmocked.

Agreed.
posted by vespertine at 1:00 AM on February 12, 2007


re tattoo: "Jesus is now first in my life, and Kenisha is second". Yeah, she's gonna come running back.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 1:02 AM on February 12, 2007


Not every allegation of domestic violence is correct nor is every restraining order justified. Not that I know or care a thing about the marriage in question, just that I have an urge to state the obvious.

I want to tell him to just forget all about Kenisha while he's still young and vigorous enough to replace her with a younger hottie. When my marriage broke up that's what I eventually did; now, several years later, I'm still damn glad the bitch is gone. Onward & upward, d00d!
posted by davy at 1:03 AM on February 12, 2007


Does it denote a particular sect of Christianity?

I think it denotes a particular brand of stupidity. I'll have to check the local libarry to find out.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 1:03 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


Looks like he has more than one website on this subject: http://www.restoredmarriages.org/
posted by nevafeva at 1:07 AM on February 12, 2007



The folks who were betting on there being a restraining order in this case picked a winner.

(Davy is of course right that not every allegation of DV is founded on fact. That said, this guy's electronic presence gives me a powerful case of the go-aways.)
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 1:11 AM on February 12, 2007


After a search on Google, I found this:

Please pray that God will prepare both Kenisha and I to see each other and the God will melt her heart when she sees me. Pray for the cancelation of the restraining order and the divorce proceedings.

Thank you for your prayer and support.
Tim H. Corban


I'd love to hear Kenisha's side of this story....
posted by nevafeva at 1:12 AM on February 12, 2007


palmcorder_yajna, you beat me by a minute!
posted by nevafeva at 1:13 AM on February 12, 2007


That is sad in so many ways.
posted by Cranberry at 1:16 AM on February 12, 2007


It's all okay, cuz Davy found some young ladystuff. Which will invariablely mature into "bitchness", which will lead him to new ladystuff..and new bitchiness... and newer ladystuff, and at some point he'll be dead. If that's what he desires, then hoorah for him. He's a simple creature and don't we all long to be simple creatures?
posted by maryh at 1:25 AM on February 12, 2007 [3 favorites]


But isn't masturbation also a sin?
posted by strawberryviagra at 1:39 AM on February 12, 2007


I find it interesting that he has to "forgive" his children. There's a notion here of being absolutely right (with God on his side) that's bothersome to me. Not that I'm putting down insane love! No way! Not with Valentine's Day coming up!
posted by CCBC at 1:41 AM on February 12, 2007



Wow, an actual request for prayer to overturn a restraining order! I had thought "come on, let's leave the loon to stew alone", but that's made it all worthwhile.
posted by imperium at 1:55 AM on February 12, 2007


And praying his wife and children be "healed from the spirit of fear" -- what are they afraid of and why? If you're not afraid of a violent loon there might be something with you.
posted by davy at 1:58 AM on February 12, 2007


Not every allegation of domestic violence is correct nor is every restraining order justified.

But in general, a restraining order probably doesn't indicate someone who's gagging for it but playing hard to get.
posted by biffa at 1:59 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Don't forget, from 1 Corinthians 11:3, that "Christ is the head of every man, and a husband the head of his wife." So much for reconciling the Bible with feminism.

And biffa's "[A] restraining order probably doesn't indicate someone who's gagging for it but playing hard to get" is true enough.
posted by davy at 2:08 AM on February 12, 2007


That's not how you pray. You pray for God to come into your life, and change you. You don't pray for him to change other people. God is not a short order cook.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:22 AM on February 12, 2007 [9 favorites]


People do get nuts sometimes.... The whole Promise Keeper's "I'm the boss" crap, coupled with the obsessive "I will always love you no matter what" stuff combines to form something that just screams "do not go near this man, he may explode at any moment".

As a meta discussion, I wonder if this sort of website, as well as various discussion groups where similar people can meet and talk, are a good thing, a bad thing, or neutral. In pre-net days it's possible people could join an actual physical mailing list, but that's not nearly the same as an online discussion group. Outside the really big cities there probably weren't enough people with his mindset and situation to form a physical meeting group, so its really only with the net that this sort of thing can happen.
posted by sotonohito at 3:29 AM on February 12, 2007


Do people know where his missing wife is right now? Because he gives me the impression that she's chopped up and buried in the basement, and the site is just a ruse to make it look like he misses her and wants her back.
posted by zarah at 3:33 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Luke 18:9-14.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:35 AM on February 12, 2007


re: tattoo

Leviticus 19:28, says 'Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the LORD .'

Is it any wonder the divine Kenisha wouldn't associate with the ungodly so-and-so?
posted by Tarn at 3:38 AM on February 12, 2007


God is not a short order cook.

This is true. He's imaginary, which makes cases such as this spurned husbands even sadder. Consoled in the fantasy that there's his "lord" looking after him instead of getting a grip on reality.
posted by twistedonion at 3:49 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


I think it's Promise Keepers boilerplate, actually. The guy's been to meetings [or] something.

bingo.
posted by quonsar at 4:14 AM on February 12, 2007


My only experience with the Promise Keepers was a former next door neighbor of mine who had the big Promise Keepers bumper sticker on his tuck, was utterly and totally cowed by his incredibly vile wife, and killed my cat. I'm not saying they're all like that, just that the one guy I met was like that.

In general though, I think its safe to assume that any organization explicitly dedicated to oppressing women isn't made up of a bunch of nice people.
posted by sotonohito at 4:32 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


This isn't just MeFi fodder? You mean to tell me that BSI's like this know how to use HTML? Where is the interweb going? Poor guy, I hope he gets ahold of himself.
posted by MapGuy at 4:37 AM on February 12, 2007


"Message; Dear Friend...Please listen, sometimes things are not meant to be. I hate to see you waste your life waiting for someone to return that might not. Your are a young man who deserves someone to love you. You need to \"move on\" with your life.

Hi MB,
Thanks for your email. However, I am not wasting my time. :) You see, the word of God says that divorce is SIN.
"

This chap obviously needs mental help. If I were his missus, I would have stolen his magical truck of faith and headed for the hills years ago. I can't believe someone would embarrass their kids so publicly. Asshole.
posted by ReiToei at 4:48 AM on February 12, 2007


Great, another internet stalker.
posted by kalessin at 4:49 AM on February 12, 2007


Whoa. Tim and Jesus saved Odo's marriage!
posted by EarBucket at 4:50 AM on February 12, 2007


Jesus is now first in my life, and Kenisha is second

Third is fudge.
posted by MegoSteve at 4:56 AM on February 12, 2007 [4 favorites]


"Our family started using the hair styling services of a woman in our church. One day I visited the shop in her home for a haircut. As she completed the job, she gently caressed me and this action sparked the fire of lust within me to become fully kindled. The iniquity I hid in my heart now erupted into a blazing fire. We met next day, determined to divorce our mates and continue this abundant life our sinful hearts craved."

I am reading this stuff all day.
posted by Frasermoo at 5:10 AM on February 12, 2007


get over it, go out with someone else.
posted by brevator at 5:21 AM on February 12, 2007


This is just sad.
posted by grytpype at 5:27 AM on February 12, 2007


[this is pathetic]
posted by psmealey at 5:27 AM on February 12, 2007


First, leaving this dude out of it, those of us of a particular Christian persuasion want our husbands to be head of the household-which does not mean lord it over the wife, but taking responsibility in leading, protecting and providing.

That having been said, there are sick individuals who twist the teachings of Scripture, ignore their own sin, and use (or try to use) the Bible to get their own way.

Men are never told in Scripture to make their wives submit. That has to be free choice. They ARE told to love their wives and lay down their lives for them. Period. NO power trips.

This man needs serious mental and spiritual help. He needs to stop chasing down his wife and start dealing with his OWN issues. Whether or not his wife ever comes back.

Right now I think she needs to stay far, far away.
posted by konolia at 5:31 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


I guess satan doesn't want my message out. Someone broke my widow out last night 4/16/06.

His widow? This strikes me as a horrifying Freudian slip. Have we heard from her since 4-16-06? He killed her. Case solved.
posted by flarbuse at 5:59 AM on February 12, 2007


Third comment down

... oh dear
posted by ReiToei at 6:02 AM on February 12, 2007


Religion is a good thing for good people and a bad thing for bad people.
posted by pax digita at 6:07 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


Nut. Job.
posted by sfts2 at 6:10 AM on February 12, 2007


I can't help but see this as the natural fall-out from some wealth & prosperity fundamentalist preaching to a "men's home group" that divorce is, indeed, a sin - and then encouraging this guy to attempt reconciling a past sin rather than simply asking for redemption of that sin.

"No sin will separate us from the Lamb, even though we commit fornication and murder a thousand times a day. Do you think that the purchase price that was paid for the redemption of our sins by so great a Lamb is too small? Pray boldly - you too are a mighty sinner."
-Martin Luther
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:26 AM on February 12, 2007


I don't wanna derail this thread, but - is anyone else looking at Kenisha and getting a boner?
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:26 AM on February 12, 2007


Maintaining? Yes. Getting? No.
posted by flarbuse at 6:31 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


Yeah well ... neither am I.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:33 AM on February 12, 2007


Specific content aside, there's something satisfyingly 1997 about this page. With the development of stronger and more readily available design tools, and the increasingly polished corporate veneer over much of the web, I always smile a little when I come across a high profile low-tech job like this.
posted by cortex at 6:51 AM on February 12, 2007


He's preparing for an insanity defense in the divorce trial.
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:58 AM on February 12, 2007


I dunno, God is suppose to be inscrutiable and ineffable right? So, perhaps God wants him to be unhappy.
posted by edgeways at 7:15 AM on February 12, 2007


This guy sounds like he's developed an unhealthy fixation on God - possibly to shift his focus away from serious problems - and said fixation possibly contributed to the demise of his marriage. I mean, there's devout Christianity... and then there's snorting it like coke.
posted by katillathehun at 7:19 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


No personal snark intended, but...

One good Luther quotation deserves another:

"By God's grace, I know Satan very well. If Satan can turn God's Word upside down and pervert the Scriptures, what will he do with my words -- or the words of others?"
posted by pax digita at 7:32 AM on February 12, 2007


"I think this sort of displayed heartbreak is best left unlinked and unmocked."

I agree.
posted by BillsR100 at 8:16 AM on February 12, 2007


That poor, poor man.
posted by koeselitz at 8:21 AM on February 12, 2007


I take full responsibility for the current condition of my marriage and my family, in that my lack of Godly leadership and spiritual protection allowed the enemy (the devil and his cohorts) to ransack our marriage and our family.

Isn't that what Ted Haggard said?
posted by ericb at 8:27 AM on February 12, 2007


"I think this sort of displayed heartbreak is best left unlinked and unmocked."

I agree about the "unmocked", but not the "unlinked". For whatever reason this guy has deliberately chosen to have a very public and interactive expression of his heartbreak. The guestbook, the list of visitors' countries, it's all calculated exhibitionism.

The Internet is the contemporary panopticon. The web search turning up his restraining order is just icing on the cake.
posted by Nelson at 8:57 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


"No wonder she left him."

seconded.
posted by davelog at 9:36 AM on February 12, 2007


What Nelson said. The creepiest thing about this is the fact that he's chosen to broadcast his feelings far and wide via the Internet. Dig deep enough and you find insecurity: Look and see how much I've changed, don't you agree with me? My gut feeling is that what he's looking for is not only Kenisha, but societal approval for his stubbornness.

His heartfelt expressions might had been more powerful, perhaps, if he had kept them private, between himself and Kenisha. Then again, if I were Kenisha, I'd be heading for the hills with the kids.

And re: finding the restraining order-- MetaFilter is the crowdsource equivalent of The Smoking Gun.
posted by Quiplash at 9:43 AM on February 12, 2007


Run, Kenisha! Run like the wind!
posted by jokeefe at 9:46 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


I haven't gone through the site too much yet, but was that him talking about having an affair with the "Christian" lady that cut the family's hair?

...she gently caressed me and this action sparked the fire of lust within me to become fully kindled. The iniquity I hid in my heart now erupted into a blazing fire. We met next day, determined to divorce our mates and continue this abundant life our sinful hearts craved.

Umm.... you can forgive them, and you seem to do it all over the site, guy, and you can apologize all you want, but don't expect Kenisha & the kids to forgive you. May God forgive you, but I don't expect your family to.

You engaged in a pact of trust with Kenisha, and then you knowingly broke that pact. You were (supposedly) a good Christian man; having done what you have, how can you ever expect her to trust you again?

Christianity, at its root, has a very generic system of morality; it comes down to one word: integrity. The Golden Rule, the Ten Commandments, they all boil down to that. If a person cannot act with basic integrity, he cannot, in my opinion, call himself a Christian. It isn't just about professing a faith in Jayzus; it's living out that faith everyday.

Okay, I'm not saint either, and I'm probably going to hell for judging this guy batshitinsane, but there are things that as a Christian man you're not supposed to do. I mean, PROMISEKEEPERS for cryin't out loud! He broke his promise, didn't he?

I'm a Christian, but Christianity, especially the Christian pop subculture of the United States, is every bit as dangerous as Al Qaeda.
posted by Doohickie at 9:54 AM on February 12, 2007


it comes down to one word: integrity

Not forgiveness then.
posted by biffa at 10:04 AM on February 12, 2007


Katillathehun has it.

There's so much good stuff in there. This line is priceless:
Part of the problem with our modern society is the unhealthy emphasis on "HAPPINESS". Happiness is not where it's at. It's the JOY OF THE LORD that we need! :) Joy and peace that surpasses all reason and understanding. I am not "happy" right now, but I do have"JOY"!

Average, conservative, Jesus-fearing dude gets bored with marriage after 15 years, mourning his lost youth, wondering "Is this all there is?", etc. Starts drinking a little more than he should. Starts eyeing the local hotties. Frustration at home intensifies, boils over into physical violence. Wife, to her credit, leaves, taking the kids. With his very foundation ripped from under him, dude totally freaks, nowhere else to turn in his world to shore up his collapsing psyche and answer some serious existential questions in his life but religion. In this case, a narrowly defined, rigidly authoritarian interpretation of the bible which provides fast, simple, easy-to-understand answers which he so desparately craves.

Some churches are probably full of guys like this, but this link was lots of fun to read. I don't know that I look down on this guy (ok, I do a little), but it's just so amazing to experience the level of commitment to this world view that has made him a bit of an odd ball to say the least.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:10 AM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


What do you suppose this means? From the ILYK news tab:

461 DAYS CLOSER TO RESTORATION!!!
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:17 AM on February 12, 2007


You engaged in a pact of trust with Kenisha, and then you knowingly broke that pact.

You're misunderstanding the nature of Christian marriage. The sacrament cannot be "broken." You made a promise before God. Sure, you can betray your vows and violate the marriage — but it doesn't dissolve upon breach of faith any more than God ceases to exist when you lose faith in Him. Your promise is not conditional upon your mate's behavior.
posted by cribcage at 10:25 AM on February 12, 2007


You're misunderstanding the nature of Christian marriage.

Bingo. Till death, &c.
posted by cortex at 10:30 AM on February 12, 2007


Oh. My. God. This guy is freaky. I agree... run Kenisha, run. And don't give up that restraining order. And the story of the guy who had an affair with his hairdresser is just weird. All these death and sicknesses due to that ever-forgiving and loving Lord. It's so bizarre to me that people like this acually exist and are functioning members of society.
posted by aacheson at 10:33 AM on February 12, 2007


What do you suppose this means? From the ILYK news tab:

461 DAYS CLOSER TO RESTORATION!!!


He thinks reconciliation is inevitable, and each day brings him closer to it.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:39 AM on February 12, 2007


The words of the Holy Spirit conveyed through the Bible are clear:

What Saint Paul Wrote About Women.

The Holy Bible on Divorce.

The Bible and Divorce.

As it says in Ephesians 5:24, "[L]et wives also be subject in everything to their husbands."

Shun the evil ways of harlottish heathenry!

(Yes, I'm cackling sarcastically.)
posted by davy at 10:41 AM on February 12, 2007


You're misunderstanding the nature of Christian marriage. The sacrament cannot be "broken." You made a promise before God. Sure, you can betray your vows and violate the marriage — but it doesn't dissolve upon breach of faith any more than God ceases to exist when you lose faith in Him. Your promise is not conditional upon your mate's behavior.

It's generally accepted (except in super fundamentalist denominations) that domestic abuse and infidelity are valid (if not the only) reasons for divorce. I'm rusty on my bible lit, but doesn't it say as much? Someone help me out, here.
posted by katillathehun at 10:50 AM on February 12, 2007


Yikes.

One day when I stopped in to see him, he told me that they had this college girl that was going to be staying with their family for the summer. He didn't know much about her and I don't even know why he told me aobut it. But the very moment that he told me her name and that she was a very neet Christian girl, my heart went pitter patter, and my stomach filled with butterflies! I knew very little about this girl and yet God filled my heart with love for her, and in my heart I KNEW that this girl would one day be my wife. I did not understand it but I couldn't help but be very excited about her! As the months until her arrival passed, for some reason I got more and more excited to see her. I had not seen any pictures, had not talked to her and had not even talked to anyone other that God about her.

Then came that special day...June 2nd, 1985! I'll never forget it. I was staning inside the church about 10 feet from the door on the left side of the room...just waiting for Kenisha to walk in. I don't know how long I had been waiting there for her, but it seemed like forever and I wondered if she would ever show up. Then it happened. Through the glass in the door, I saw her! Wow!


I'm thinking this guy was not entirely stable to start with.
posted by EarBucket at 10:51 AM on February 12, 2007


It's generally accepted (except in super fundamentalist denominations) that domestic abuse and infidelity are valid (if not the only) reasons for divorce. I'm rusty on my bible lit, but doesn't it say as much? Someone help me out, here.

That's correct. From Matthew 9:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"

Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."


Most Christians, even conservative evangelicals, will view domestic abuse as a kind of unfaithfulness, as it's a betrayal of the loving, caring relationship that a married couple is supposed to cultivate together.
posted by EarBucket at 10:55 AM on February 12, 2007


Anybody who thinks that a guy who clings to love ridiculously and foolishly is "just a Christian rube" or "a crazy religious person" doesn't really know much about love. In 500 BC, Socrates was talking about the absolutely stupid and silly things love makes us do. He was also talking about how love is a manifestation of our proximity to the divine.

In short, any feeling that we're above whatever this man is going through because our beliefs are different from his is probably a very safe illusion. This is simply what love does, and it doesn't matter who you are or what you believe.

Once again: poor guy.
posted by koeselitz at 11:07 AM on February 12, 2007


What do you suppose this means? From the ILYK news tab:

461 DAYS CLOSER TO RESTORATION!!!

He thinks reconciliation is inevitable, and each day brings him closer to it.


It's from the Half What? page.
posted by amyms at 11:13 AM on February 12, 2007


I'm thinking this guy was not entirely stable to start with.

Uh. Ya think?

Man, I didn't need to go through those other links to determine this nut was a text book abuser. My spidey sense triggered about two paragraphs into his web site.

It's shocking to see people here clamor to defend his "broken heart." That wasn't heart break it was fucking psychosis dressed up in religious hoo-ha.

Adjusted grown adults with the ability and desire to maintain healthy relationships don't compose crazy shit like that and randomly shoot it into the cyber-ether and expect a relationship to heal. Normal people don't think god is their one-sided marriage adviser. CRAZY PEOPLE do that.
posted by tkchrist at 11:16 AM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


koeselitz, I don't think this is about the fact that love can make people do stupid and silly things (which is a concept we can all identify with)... This man's idea of "love" is dangerous and warped, and I think we're all fascinated/repulsed by it because it is so different from what normal people experience.
posted by amyms at 11:19 AM on February 12, 2007


Once again: poor guy.

Aw. Yeah. Poor guy.

Poor. Poor. Guy. Who beat his wife.

He just wuved his pookins soooo much he had to beat the shit out of her. Why must she make him so mad!? Why can't she see that God brought them together? Why oh why doesn't she understand that each punch and kick is just his love correcting her sinful body.
posted by tkchrist at 11:19 AM on February 12, 2007



What do you suppose this means? From the ILYK news tab:

461 DAYS CLOSER TO RESTORATION!!!

He thinks reconciliation is inevitable, and each day brings him closer to it.


It's from the Half What? page.


Twisted. I am so glad it's not the number of days until this guy finds his beloved Kenisha working at Joann's Fabrics and decides to go shoot the place up. Which of course this guy is *totally* capable of.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:12 PM on February 12, 2007


I'm a little bit worried about God. This dood is obviously obsessed with Him. I think God should take out a restraining order, too.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:16 PM on February 12, 2007 [4 favorites]


Oooh. I can't WAIT to see their episode on Maury! You know, where poor Tim sits and tells Maury & the audience all about his beloved Kenisha & Jesus... and then Maury brings Kenisha in and she makes sure to put her chair like ten feet from his and sits there with her arms folded... and the audience boos her... and then they show live video feed of the kids looking cute, all innocently caught up in the crossfire... and then the bouncers have to restrain Tim & Kenisha as the crazy percolates into GREAT TELEVISION! Woooo hoooo! "Maury! Maury! Maury!"

Yeah, I hate that stuff. This guy needs serious therapy.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:17 PM on February 12, 2007




koeselitz, I don't think this is about the fact that love can make people do stupid and silly things (which is a concept we can all identify with)... This man's idea of "love" is dangerous and warped, and I think we're all fascinated/repulsed by it because it is so different from what normal people experience.


I totally agree. Most people have been dumped bad enough at one point in their life that they can relate to doing something desparate and crazy to win their lover back. Hell, I am surprised we don't see more web sites like this.

Most of us though, have friends and family that talk us out of this kind of thing. They take us out to strip clubs, get us drunk, tell us we're too good for that person and we wake up over it one day. This guy's entire belief system reinforces his craziness. I just can't wrap my head around it. His devotion to religion wasn't strong enough to prevent him from doing the things that lost him his wife, but it's too strong now to allow him to live a normal life. That is just...fucked.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:21 PM on February 12, 2007


Two interesting phrases from the vow he makes on the front page:

I will ALWAYS ask your forgiveness and God’s forgiveness and turn to God for help, healing and cleansing.

He won't turn to his wife for help, because the only one who has any answers in this relationship is an entity external to it.

I will add to these vows as God leads me, but will NEVER make ANY exceptions or retractions to them! I have no plan B.

[facepalm]

It doesn't seem clear to me that he really loves this woman in a way that would be recognizable to any healthy adult. It seems like she's really incidental to his relationship with God.

another quote:

Don't give up on God, he will see us through this and will bring us all back together! For NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!

You could substitute "triangles" or "spaghetti" for "God" in that paragraph and its relevance to his loved ones would not be diminished, I suspect.
posted by clockzero at 12:28 PM on February 12, 2007


Seriously, maybe somebody should tell him some SSRIs are good for helping people escape obsessive- compulsive crap. There is that side-effect of lowered sex drive, but that might be a plus in his case.
posted by davy at 12:40 PM on February 12, 2007


You could substitute "triangles" or "spaghetti" for "God" in that paragraph and its relevance to his loved ones would not be diminished, I suspect.

But... nothing *is* impossible with triangles. You show me a problem a triangle can't fix it. I mean, aside from the "Show me a way to live without triangles," problem.

Also - thanks Earbucket. I knew I had to have gotten that from somewhere.
posted by katillathehun at 12:42 PM on February 12, 2007


He just wuved his pookins soooo much he had to beat the shit out of her.

Do we know that? It's certainly believable, but is it just gossip?
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:48 PM on February 12, 2007


Oooh.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:51 PM on February 12, 2007


But... nothing *is* impossible with triangles.

So, here we have:

nothing = impossibility + triangles

and I've suggested that, as far as his family is concerned,

God = triangles

furthermore, we know that everything is the inverse of nothing, so it is safe to say that

everything /= impossibility + God

it's clear that his "wife" is not coming back, so we can substitute that in right here:

everything /= kenisha's return + God

and his family was everything to him, so

ideal situation /= kenisha's return + God

therefore, he's mathematically deluded. QED.
posted by clockzero at 1:10 PM on February 12, 2007 [2 favorites]


I like to be called a dirty slut during sex. I want to be man handled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Probably not the same Kenisha?)
posted by davy at 1:42 PM on February 12, 2007


Oooh! New wardrobe addition!

She scares me. But so does Tim.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:56 PM on February 12, 2007


it comes down to one word: integrity
Not forgiveness then.


The system of morality in Christianity is based on integrity. The forgiveness thing- that's tied into the whole salvation aspect.

Your promise is not conditional upon your mate's behavior.

Correct. Your promise is based on *your* behavior. He violated his end of the promise. He keeps "forgiving" his family, but he's the one who screwed up to begin with, from what I read. (There I go with that whole judgment thing again. If I don't stop responding to this post, I'm gonna end up in hell for sure. Oh well; I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints- the sinners are much more fun!
posted by Doohickie at 1:57 PM on February 12, 2007


Double-small-tag quoting is weird, Doohickie.
posted by cortex at 1:59 PM on February 12, 2007


Look what I stumbled upon. Searching for "love kenisha" shows this guy's site is famous.

And by the way, What "Kenisha" means. It was a popular name in the late 1970s. But then they say Davy is a female name.

And a T-shirt for the globally hip.

NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
posted by davy at 2:02 PM on February 12, 2007


That mug is made of awesome. Now I know what to get my girlfriend for Valentine's Day.
posted by EarBucket at 2:27 PM on February 12, 2007


Earbucket: it's gonna have your name on it, right? Because I don't think your g/f is gonna like a mug that tells everyone she loves herself....
posted by aberrant at 2:54 PM on February 12, 2007


Nonono. I want the I (heart) Kenisha mug.
posted by EarBucket at 3:10 PM on February 12, 2007


tkchrist: "Poor. Poor. Guy. Who beat his wife."

I guess I missed the part of the web page where he said that. Can you show me that?

amyms: "This man's idea of "love" is dangerous and warped, and I think we're all fascinated/repulsed by it because it is so different from what normal people experience."

I have a hard time seeing that. I've met enough husbands who got left (usually for good reasons, though those good reasons aren't often as easy as "he beat her" or "he cheated on her") and can't deal with it at all, and I've experienced enough of what love can do to a person, to feel as though that whole "but love lasts FOREVER! It really does!" shtick that these guys tend to spout is part and parcel with our defense-against-heartbreak mechanism.

Slarty Bartfast: "Most of us though, have friends and family that talk us out of this kind of thing. They take us out to strip clubs, get us drunk, tell us we're too good for that person and we wake up over it one day. This guy's entire belief system reinforces his craziness. I just can't wrap my head around it. His devotion to religion wasn't strong enough to prevent him from doing the things that lost him his wife, but it's too strong now to allow him to live a normal life. That is just...fucked."

There are a lot of interesting assumptions here. First, though, I agree with one point: most of us have friends to talk us out of stuff like this. It's very important that we have those friends. But I have a hard time believing that a church-going guy won't find a whole slew of those people; I've known a lot of evangelicals in my life, and not a one of them would encourage this guy to do what he's doing. I have a feeling that if this fellow talked to his pastor, at least, he'd have some good counsel.

But he's gone out and found people who agree with him on the internet. He's dug up some "defense-of-marriage" boilerplate and used it to boost his own unwillingness to move on.

You also, along with everybody else in this thread, assume that this guy's marriage fell apart because of some moral failing-- which is to say, because he "wasn't a good enough christian." Interestingly enough, that's what he thinks, too. While this might be true-- I have no idea what this guy did-- I have a feeling it might not be. And that's okay. One of the things this guy needs desperately to hear is that it's not a moral failing to have a failed marriage. Keeping a marriage together is hard work. One of the reasons he fails to move on, I suspect, is because he believes that by doing so he'll cement his morally depraved nature. That's just not true.
posted by koeselitz at 3:38 PM on February 12, 2007


This webpage left me feeling queasy. It smells very fishy. He's made a display of his supposed 'devotion', when his ex has chosen to exit. She made a choice to leave and he's not honoring it.

It's not respectful of her choice, nor of her boundaries. He's gotten family members to side with him on the basis of his supposed Christianity, harvesting testimonials as a validation of his righteousness but it most likely served to create a wedge between her and the members of the family who sided with him. I don't see love there at all, but bullying and public shaming of his ex, all under the camouflage of 'love'. ugh.
posted by nickyskye at 3:54 PM on February 12, 2007 [5 favorites]


Really good point, nickyskye. I think that disrespect of his ex-wife's desires is the most repellant thing about that web page.
posted by koeselitz at 4:03 PM on February 12, 2007


Well, that and the fact that he actually thinks his approach could possibly be a positive thing for his children. Whose names he had tattooed on his arm SURROUNDED BY A DAGGER and A PIERCED HEART. Because that's what being a supportive father is all about. The tattoos. And Jesus. And stalking mom on a website.
As a kid, I got stuck in the middle of my parent's nasty divorce. Let's just say... I want to shake this man violently.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:54 PM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]


koeselitz & nickyskye - looks like i picked the exact right moment to open the thread & skip to the end. i think you've pretty much nailed it.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:01 PM on February 12, 2007


Pain, pain, divorce-pain:
It can play hideous tricks on the brain.
So Tim would rather be Famous,
And Righteous and Holy, any day,
Any day, any day.

posted by UbuRoivas at 5:15 PM on February 12, 2007


Triangles can solve most any problem. It's usually just a matter of size and number. Check it out.
posted by mrgrimm at 9:23 PM on February 12, 2007


Oh quonsar I need a hug bad.
posted by davy at 10:48 PM on February 12, 2007


You never did the Kenisha, kid.
posted by kcds at 3:46 AM on February 13, 2007


Is this for real?
posted by MadAboutPolitics at 8:23 PM on February 13, 2007


Public Shaming appears to be a popular feature of certain churrches. Not a useful feature in adult interactions, but it does keep the congregants in line.
posted by maryh at 9:04 PM on February 13, 2007


god, this whole thing is such a shining example of what's wrong with promise keepers and evangelism in general. they teach you that since God is the only one that can judge you, the only one you need to worry about is God. Rather than teach you to accept responsibility for your actions, they teach you to put everything on God. what's so insidious and successful about it is that it reaches out to the bajillions of people out there who just want to know that whatever happens, it's not their fault.

Man: I get really angry and out of control and beat my wife.
Promise Keeper: That's not the problem. The problem is that you haven't taught your wife to be godly enough. You haven't prayed enough and read the bible enough.
Man: Whew! Well I can read the bible more often and pray more often! That's easy compared to teaching myself not to beat on women!
posted by shmegegge at 6:46 AM on February 21, 2007


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