Much better than knot-tying

February 12, 2007 2:14 PM

ORDER OF THE SCIENCE SCOUTS OF EXEMPLARY REPUTE AND ABOVE AVERAGE PHYSIQUE Many people are probably eligible for the talking science badge; hopefully less are due the knows how to collect semen from more than one species one.
posted by chorltonmeateater (18 comments total)

Even more impressive if the badge is earned without using your hands.
posted by banished at 2:28 PM on February 12, 2007

Wow, I've never seen a site that looked so like McSweeney's.
posted by premiumpolar at 2:34 PM on February 12, 2007

Well, I certainly could get the talking science badge. That and the inordinately fond of invertebrates and I know what a tadpole is badges.
posted by brundlefly at 2:40 PM on February 12, 2007

The "knows how to collect semen from more than one species" badge could actually involve a certain amount of knot-tying, depending on the species involved.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:43 PM on February 12, 2007

And if you're going to show 8-crossing knots, at least show the noninvertible one, and a non-alternating one.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:46 PM on February 12, 2007

These are great.

Do you think the knots have anything to do with the collecting of semen badges? i.e. if you collect semen and want to claim the badge, do you have to show what knot you used?

If that is the case - it was a sheepshank.
posted by isopraxis at 2:57 PM on February 12, 2007

The "dodger of monkey shit" badge.
One of our self explanatory badges.

I like it.
posted by doctor_negative at 3:32 PM on February 12, 2007

A herpetologist friend and I were feeding his snakes one afternoon (twenty-odd green tree pythons and emerald tree boas). They usually eat live mice, only it's easier to feed them ones that have just been killed and are still warm. My friend has tried half a dozen ways of killikg these mice, including a gas-chamber bucket that was horrifying, it just took too long, trying to find the most humane way to kill them. Eventually he settled on grabbing them by the tail and spinning them quickly, whacking their heads against a table or shelf. So this one afternoon he whacked this one mouse's head, thump, kaput, and the mouse backfired, and my friend collected the mouse's semen. In his eye.

Fancy that!
posted by breezeway at 3:46 PM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm only peeved that there's only three levels of "has frozen stuff to see what happens." I've frozen stuff in liquid helium. That's got to be level 4.
posted by apathy0o0 at 3:57 PM on February 12, 2007

I qualify for a few of these, but would be willing to work towards more. Except the semen one and the monkey poo one. I may be a scientist, but seriously, ick.

wow...liquid helium... i'm jealous.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:35 PM on February 12, 2007

Golly Gee Whiz, there are several badges that I could earn (and plenty of room on the backside of my G.S.A. sash to put them.) The "I've touched human internal organs with my own hands" badge is one of them and the "have used a dental drill and I've never been a dentist" badge is another. But it is far more fun to create badges then to earn them:

The "has put a dead lizard on an ant hill to see what happens" badge.

The "converted a Creationist" badge.

The "played with one's Christmas Chemistry set without parental supervision" badge.

The "met Jane Goodall in person" badge.

Oh I could do this for days!
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:37 PM on February 12, 2007

"Isolated Aluminium Chlorohydrate" badge.
"Mined Corn Out Of Own Feces" badge.
"ST:TNG 3-Day Marathon Master" badge.
"ST:TNG 5-Day Marathon Master with Blooper Reel" badge.
"Re-Purposed Slurpee Maker Into Kitty Dialysis Machine" badge.
"Neighborhood Squirrel Euthanasia Project" badge.
"Re-Animated Grandpa" badge.
"Left Glass of Port on Carl Sagan's Grave" badge.
"Un-Thawed Walt Disney's Head" badge.
"Made Out With That 'Anthroplogist on Mars' Lady" badge.
posted by Dizzy at 7:01 PM on February 12, 2007

The "Inadvertently Broke a Piece of Equipment Worth More than $1000" badge.
The "Had Sex in the Laboratory" badge.
The "Threw Signs Marking One's Lab Affiliation at a Member of a Rival Lab During a Research Presentation for the Purpose of Inciting Violence" badge.
The "Took a Safety Shower" badge.

I need a bigger sash.
posted by Methylviolet at 7:35 PM on February 12, 2007

"Blinded Self, Intern" badge.
"Proud Owner of Six Identical Pairs of Khaki Dockers" badge.
"Bill Nye Lookalike Winner, '98,'99,'00,'01,'02,'03" badge.
"Wozniak Hair Clippings Collector(Mid-Torso)" badge.
"Reddy Kilowatt Scholarship Finalist" badge.
"Ultimate Frisbee Kiosk Organizer" badge.
"'Name That Cat' Finalist ('Schrodinger', natch)" badge.
"Basement Living Solutions" badge.
"Ask Me About My Restraining Order" badge.
posted by Dizzy at 8:27 PM on February 12, 2007

"Performed distillation of explosive liquid, consequential explosion of toxic explosive gas evacuated top floor of britains best chemistry department, got men in hazmat suits to enter, took afternoon off and entire top floor students to pub, got drunk, later had liver function test because of exposure to toxic fumes, noted irony because liver function far more damaged by repeated trips to said pub than by measly toxic fumes" badge?
posted by lalochezia at 8:45 PM on February 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

You win, Lalochezia. That was an Eagle Scout project there.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:27 PM on February 12, 2007

Wow. I've earned quite a number of those badges without actually having tried.

However, needs a "Have decapitated a live animal" badge. Can't have neuroscience without breaking a few skulls, heh.
posted by caution live frogs at 9:54 AM on February 13, 2007

this is great.
posted by unknowncommand at 3:25 PM on February 13, 2007