What Would Grandma Do?

February 16, 2007 12:59 PM

Miss Abigail's Time Warp Advice. Miss Abigail dispenses wisdom from her collection of vintage advice books (published from 1822 to 1978). Topics include Minding Your Manners, Looking And Feeling Good, Around The House, Frank Talk About Petting, and much more. The advice ranges from the very useful to the hilariously quaint, with some unenlightened shockers thrown in for good measure.
posted by amyms (12 comments total)

On ways to suggest going to bed:

You might trust the dictionary, but never trust a dictionary too far. Or you will find yourself saying to some startled person, who never went to school in Boston, something that he or she won't understand.

Only if your wife was a Boston girl can you say:

"I am somniferous. Are you statuvolvent? Shall we oscitate in our palang?"

Oh, those Boston girls and their sexy vocabulary.
posted by nekton at 1:24 PM on February 16, 2007

how about some links to the "unenlightened shockers"? you can't just leave us hanging...
posted by mrnutty at 1:42 PM on February 16, 2007

Implore him to write to the President and tell him just how to settle the farm-relief problem and how to deal with the Japanese situation.

Always solid dating advice. I'd like to know more about this Japanese situation myself.

"write to the President" sounds like a euphemism, but for what, I have no idea. Still though "Did he write to the President?" "Oh man, did he EVER."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 1:52 PM on February 16, 2007

how about some links to the "unenlightened shockers"? you can't just leave us hanging...

Most of the advice is still totally relevant (even some of the really old stuff) and some it's just benignly silly, but the "unenlightened shockers" are tucked in here and there... lol...

Here's a little nugget among some of the dating advice for girls:

Don't talk too much and, above all, don't talk about yourself, ever.

Here's a snippet from a page about women's careers ...

Be willing to give up a career of your own if it conflicts with your husband's happiness and best interests.

Here's a tidbit from an answer about masturbation :

No boy can toy with the exposed portions of his reproductive system without finally suffering very serious consequences. In the beginning it may seem to a boy a trifling matter, and yet from the very first his conscience will tell him that he is doing something that is very wrong. It is on this account that a boy who yields to such an evil temptation will seek a secluded, solitary place, and it is because of this fact that it is called the "solitary vice." Because the entire being of the one who indulges in this practice is debased and polluted by his own personal act it is also called "self-pollution."
posted by amyms at 2:29 PM on February 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Take that feminism!

1950: Woman: Waster of Energy

There are career women who want to have two jobs ~ because they are 'career women.' ...Even if ill health does not strike them down because of the double strain under which they live, they exist unhappy and frustrated. You can't do two jobs half-well and be as happy as you would be doing one job efficiently. ...[you're wondering] how your husband is holding up on an empty stomach after a hard day's work.

The woman who continues this kind of living cannot easily make a success of it unless she is a combination human being and robot. ...Your home is more important than any job or career you may have on the side. No matter how well you think you are doing, your children and your husband are being neglected. The result is a family that is not a happy unit.

...The happiest women I have known have been those who were content with their destiny: that of mother and wife. ...There is nothing more satisfying than contentment. These women found it.

... Many women wear themselves out necessarily; too many, however, kill themselves without need.

posted by oxford blue at 4:26 PM on February 16, 2007

...[you're wondering] how your husband is holding up on an empty stomach after a hard day's work.

My boyfriend can pour his own darn cheerios.
Unless he's too drunk. Then I'll do it for him.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:51 PM on February 16, 2007

I work with Miss Abigail--well, for the same organization, anyway, but we're friendly, speak in the halls, you know, work buddies. I'll be sure to let her know she's been metafiltered!
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:27 PM on February 16, 2007

Very cool, MrMoonPie.
posted by amyms at 9:07 PM on February 16, 2007

You want an unenlightened shocker? Here's one from 1952:

Incidentally ~ Unsure about making male-appealing coffee? Here's a sure one for percolator:

1. put 4 cups of water in pot
2. boil it
3. then fill coffee receptable with 5 tablespoons of drip grind coffee
4. assemble and let perk slowly for 12 minutes
5. let stand then for about 5 minutes
6. serve
posted by QuietDesperation at 9:40 PM on February 16, 2007

Incidentally ~ Unsure about making male-appealing coffee? Here's a sure one for percolator:

1. put 4 cups of water in pot
2. boil it
3. then fill coffee receptable with 5 tablespoons of drip grind coffee
4. assemble and let perk slowly for 12 minutes
5. let stand then for about 5 minutes
6. serve naked.
posted by oxford blue at 11:07 PM on February 16, 2007

1925: Things That Turn Men Against You
Knickers in the city.

Is she suggesting that good girls don't wear underpants while in the city? How bold.
posted by haqspan at 3:40 AM on February 17, 2007

6. serve naked.
I see what you did there.
posted by Rhomboid at 7:24 PM on February 17, 2007