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Happy "leaving a bad situation" day?
February 16, 2007 1:42 PM   Subscribe

When you care enough to send the very best. Has your friend lost their hair to chemotherapy? Suffered a miscarriage? Admitted their powerlessness over cocaine? Come out of the closet? Why waste time crafting your own words to express yourself. Send one of the new Hallmark greeting cards for the low, low price of $2.29 - $2.99.
posted by scblackman (38 comments total)

 
Blech. Try this instead if you give a shit. Note:must have long hair.
posted by lalochezia at 1:48 PM on February 16, 2007


Aside from the complete inappropriateness, this seems to create the potential for a really lame situation, to wit: you come down with a very specific ailment that Hallmark has a card for and receive 30 copies of exactly the same card.
posted by gurple at 1:49 PM on February 16, 2007


     Condolences
     on the loss
of your dearly departed
    front page post 

posted by eriko at 1:58 PM on February 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


God forbid you actually dare to pen some of your own heartfelt sentiment. More blank cards with nice covers, please.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:58 PM on February 16, 2007


I think it's kind of nice.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:01 PM on February 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


God forbid you dare to make your paint, draw or photograph your own covers. More nice cardstock, please.
posted by Snyder at 2:02 PM on February 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


To be fair, most people lead inauthentic lives and have inauthentic feelings, so why not allow them to be good little consumers and buy cards written by someone else?
posted by kimota at 2:02 PM on February 16, 2007


My parents forbade me to ever buy a gift card.
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:04 PM on February 16, 2007


The card with the green says, "As parents, we can't always shelter our kids from the decisions they choose to make." What's that card for, do you suppose?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:05 PM on February 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


But why stop there? How about

• Congratulations on your hymen reconstruction surgery

• My condolences on your conviction for securities fraud

• You're my hero for kicking heroin

Oh, the possibilities are endless.
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:07 PM on February 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


I'm the first person to promote buying blank cards and penning your own note.

But, I worked at a Hallmark store when I was in college and it kind of changed my cynical view of the whole card thing. There were lots of really nice people who shopped there all the time, and the act of sending cards to people meant a lot to them. They were usually older women and they usually spent a LOT of time selecting the perfect card. It's the thought that counts, right? And I think it is certainly better than sending nothing at all because you have writer's block.

Though I second the notion that there will be only a few designs per... uh... condition and sufferers may find themselves receiving a lot of duplicates.
posted by juliplease at 2:11 PM on February 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


To be fair, most people lead inauthentic lives and have inauthentic feelings, so why not allow them to be good little consumers and buy cards written by someone else?

Oh Holden, they just aren't as real as you!
posted by Snyder at 2:17 PM on February 16, 2007 [4 favorites]


To be fair, most people lead inauthentic lives and have inauthentic feelings, so why not allow them to be good little consumers and buy cards written by someone else?

Other people are honest-to-god authentic assholes.
posted by Bookhouse at 2:20 PM on February 16, 2007


Some people just aren't very eloquent. I actually think it's nice that Hallmark would make cards for things that are so hard for so many people (eating disorders, cancer diagnoses and quitting smoking are all very hard and very real things that very normal people face). So what if you think it's cheesy. If it helps someone who might not say something otherwise lend support to someone in their life who really needs it, that's kind of awesome.

Also, beware Locks of Love. They sell your hair, they don't make a wig out of it, like you'd might suspect. At least, that's what I've heard for years now.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:55 PM on February 16, 2007


Give us something heartfelt, something honest...
posted by Wolfdog at 2:58 PM on February 16, 2007


What the heck is an inauthentic life? Some of us have been duped by a cheap forgery?

Is there some place I can go and find out if I'm, you know, real?
posted by Malor at 3:03 PM on February 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Authenticity is overrated. Or what juliplease and pazazygeek said. Some of us just aren't great writers.

I generally write my own cards, but I almost never receive them. However, I am always touched by heartfelt intentions, even if the words are not original.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:12 PM on February 16, 2007


Some people just aren't very eloquent. I actually think it's nice that Hallmark would make cards for things that are so hard for so many people (eating disorders, cancer diagnoses and quitting smoking are all very hard and very real things that very normal people face). So what if you think it's cheesy.

Hear hear!

I'm selecting a great "LOL normals" card for the rest of you haters.
posted by grobstein at 3:13 PM on February 16, 2007


The card with the green says, "As parents, we can't always shelter our kids from the decisions they choose to make." What's that card for, do you suppose?

A coming out that almost but didn't quite result in a disowning?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 3:17 PM on February 16, 2007


The card with the green says, "As parents, we can't always shelter our kids from the decisions they choose to make." What's that card for, do you suppose?

Child in jail, maybe?
posted by Snyder at 3:23 PM on February 16, 2007


grobstein, I think the correct word is "sheeple." You know, the people who don't have the same tastes or opinions as the speaker are insincere and incapable of thinking for themselves.
posted by Snyder at 3:24 PM on February 16, 2007


The card with the green says, "As parents, we can't always shelter our kids from the decisions they choose to make." What's that card for, do you suppose?

It sounds nicer than "So sorry your son is on Death Row."
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:37 PM on February 16, 2007


I too am a big fan of writing your own words on stationary rather than sending pre-fab cards for situations like those. But at the same time, 'Get Well' is truly a sucky thing to say to someone with terminal cancer, and people are going to send cards anyway.
posted by jacquilynne at 3:54 PM on February 16, 2007


"As parents, we can't always shelter our kids from the decisions they choose to make."

Oh, I was thinking coming-out-of-the-closet.
posted by oxford blue at 4:17 PM on February 16, 2007




"Sorry you're feeling so blank inside. I feel like that myself sometimes."

- Brian Regan on Blank Inside cards
posted by inconsequentialist at 4:24 PM on February 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Sheeple... that's catchy.

When my dad had his left leg removed, I was on my way to the hospital & stopped at Hallmark to look for a card. Went to the get well section and almost all of the cards said "Hope you're back on your feet again soon." For a minute there, I considered crossing out "feet" and putting "foot." I had the giggles for a good ten minutes over it, it was just so surreal. I ended up just bringing him candy.

I told my dad later and he said, "You should've done that. I would've thought it was funny!" Yeah... I'm thinking not so much.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they should come out with a line of "I'm sorry you're an amputee" cards. "I've got to hand it to you!" and whatnot. Genius!
posted by miss lynnster at 4:33 PM on February 16, 2007


this seems to create the potential for a really lame situation, to wit: you come down with a very specific ailment that Hallmark has a card for and receive 30 copies of exactly the same card.

I went to Hallmark to get a Confirmation card for my cousin, and they had two design. In a whole store of cards. Lost more for First Communion, which probably says something about modern Catholicism. I bought one but can only imagine how delighted she was with her vast assortment of cards. (Now if she would only cash my damn check...)
posted by smackfu at 5:38 PM on February 16, 2007


Happy You And Your Social Studies Teacher Drive Over A Cliff Day!
posted by duende at 5:51 PM on February 16, 2007


I like buying birthday cards and for happy occasions like a new job, but for almost everything else I'd rather buy a blank card and write something in it. I posted something about the awfulness of commercial sympathy cards to my blog awhile back.
posted by orange swan at 8:46 PM on February 16, 2007


I am dying to know what the miscarriage and infertility cards say. Would they be worse or better than the ignorant shit people say to your face? Oh, and the Hallmark link says they have "coming out" cards. I think that's kind of nice.
posted by peep at 9:19 PM on February 16, 2007


Why use Hallmark when there is b3ta?
posted by srboisvert at 3:29 AM on February 17, 2007


one time, a friend told me that this was the seventh anniversary of when he and his girlfriend started sleeping together. i told him i didn't think hallmark made a card for that. anybody know for sure?
posted by bruce at 4:12 AM on February 17, 2007


Where's the card for anxiety?
posted by raysmj at 7:38 AM on February 17, 2007


All the cards are for anxiety raysmj. The giver's anxiety.
posted by srboisvert at 8:50 AM on February 17, 2007


This (the banality of greeting cards) is actually a standing topic at our house. For one thing we have noticed that in almost every card we have received-- both as a couple and as individuals-- from his parents is a line about how "you are special." We are always special! It has gotten so that if we are not "special," we feel slighted.

For Valentine's Day the perfect card for him was blank inside, and it wasn't even a "Valentine's Day" card. It was a photograph of a bulldog puppy staring at a goldfish bowl. What made this card especially topical is our bulldog has recently taken to staring for long intervals at a goldfish in a barrel by the dog door. Loooooong intervals. Recieving-special-messages-from-aliens-explaining-to-her-how-to-steal-car-keys-and-loose-change-from-the-sofa-and-drive-to-the-nearest-fast-food-hut intervals. I wrote "Can't take my eyes off of you" inside.

My husband loved it.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:18 PM on February 17, 2007


Here's an ethical question for you: is it wrong to buy the Braille birthday cards just because they are tre cool, knowing that it might deprive an actual blind person from getting a birthday card at all?
posted by smackfu at 5:48 PM on February 17, 2007


Why on earth would that be true? I imagine Hallmark et al track their inventory at least as well as other stores. Increasing the market for braille cards probably makes it rather more likely they'll continue to exist in the future.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:53 PM on February 17, 2007


This will only add fuel to a favorite tradition amongst my friends: The inappropriate card. Giving "Happy Grandfather's Day!" on a birthday, "Best Wishes on Your Retirement!" for getting fired, etc.

I can't wait to give my pals "Congrats on your first year of chemo!" the next time someone moves into a new apartment.

It will make card purchasing more awkward though. "Oh, um, no, I don't know anyone with cancer. It's not... well... it's a long story."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:52 PM on February 18, 2007


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