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Is this why Britney shaved her head?
February 17, 2007 9:41 AM   Subscribe

Edward 40hands. No, not Edward Scissorhands, Edward 40hands. That's right, I said Edward 40hands. An interview with Edward 40hands. (you tube, NSFW, swearing) One difficulty in becoming Edward 40hands. (you tube, NSFW, bathroom humor) The Edwina 40hands Beauty Contest.(you tube) A Modest Proposal. Certainly, the future of our civilization is in sure and (sort of) steady hands. I have to pee.(google video)(pee humor)
posted by pyramid termite (25 comments total)

 
Wow. Suddenly I really don't miss college.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:58 AM on February 17, 2007


In vino veritas.

In cerevisia balatro.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:07 AM on February 17, 2007


Oh milord. I haven't read any of the links yet, but awesome. The key is to drink them very quickly, before you can turn them into pee. Think you're a man? Play with Steel Reserve.

40 oz. Malt Liquor Dot Com
posted by headless at 10:49 AM on February 17, 2007


Ah. I remember this fine institution. I was roped into trying this feat once, and it's pretty much what you'd expect: a desperate race against your own bladder. I finished in just under 25 minutes, which I still have no idea how I managed, at which point, for the sake of inane posturing, I demanded another beer. With that finished, 80 ounces of malt liquor caught up with me with roughly the force of a passenger jet to the small of the back, and I collapsed in a heap on the bed. The next morning was... unpleasant.

::sigh:: Suddenly I really miss college.
posted by Mayor West at 10:50 AM on February 17, 2007


On not previewing: EIGHT POINT ONE PERCENT ABV MALT LIQUOR, headless? Sweet buttery jesus, if you survived that without a stomach pump, you must be doing something right very, very wrong.
posted by Mayor West at 10:52 AM on February 17, 2007


We used to get them 2 for $3 at the bodega on the corner. It was several years ago, but I could swear that they were actually 8.9 % ABV. They may or may not have actually existed.
posted by headless at 11:07 AM on February 17, 2007


80oz... that's about 5 pints?

Pah, lightweights.
posted by knapah at 11:37 AM on February 17, 2007


they don't sell malt liquor within the greater
Seattle area anymore


edward 40hands will never be the same here again
posted by ScotchLynx at 11:43 AM on February 17, 2007


40s are illegal where I grew up. I never even saw one until I went to college.
posted by oaf at 11:48 AM on February 17, 2007


40s are illegal uncommon where I grew up, probably because only certain sizes of bottles/cans were legal.
posted by oaf at 11:50 AM on February 17, 2007


Under 32 ounces, that is.
posted by oaf at 11:50 AM on February 17, 2007


I have seen, with my own eyes, it completed just shy of 11 minutes. It requires concentration more than speed drinking.
posted by geoff. at 12:25 PM on February 17, 2007


This is why people hate college students. This is why I hate many college students. And I am a college student.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 12:42 PM on February 17, 2007


The key is to drink them very quickly, before you can turn them into pee.

And before they get warm.
posted by euphorb at 1:52 PM on February 17, 2007


Ay. There is nothing worse than the ass end of a single 40. The ass end of a second? Fuggedaboutit.
posted by kosem at 2:35 PM on February 17, 2007


We had an Edward 40hands event some 2 or 3 years ago for some friends celebrating a joint birthday. Hilarity ensued.
posted by DonnieSticks at 2:35 PM on February 17, 2007


This is stupid. Possibly stupider than Beer Pong.
posted by ScottMorris at 2:43 PM on February 17, 2007


I remember watching a group of freshmen boys doing this while my roommate and I were busy smoking. We had to help them tape themselves and cut it off. I have never been so glad to own a tape ripper in my whole life.
posted by sperose at 3:48 PM on February 17, 2007


A buddy of mine in college averaged two 40s in the course of an evening, for a while. Then he upped it to three. Senior year, he hit four a time or two.

Man could drink. Didn't need duct tape, though.
posted by gurple at 5:41 PM on February 17, 2007


Go on, Rocco. Tell them your secret. Tell the world!
posted by dreamsign at 10:09 PM on February 17, 2007


This brings back "fond" memories of Camo high gravity lager. Quintuple X, baby. And, unlike other forties, when your roommates drank theirs and passed out, you could carefully cut out the letters on the label and rearrange them to spell "Coma".
posted by monocyte at 11:33 PM on February 17, 2007


40s made me wonder idly at times why (American lager) beer didn't come in 2-liter bottles like soft drinks do. I still wonder about this, in fact.
posted by pax digita at 5:43 AM on February 18, 2007


in the early 80s, around michigan, when the "generic" craze was going strong, there was a brand of generic beer that was sold in 64 oz plastic bottles or cartons, i can't remember which ... i never bought one because 64 oz is a lot to drink without putting it in the fridge and it was almost certainly awful stuff

it seems to me that 64 oz glass bottles were around at one time, here and there ... that would have been when 32 "g i q quarts" were common in the 70s and 80s ... now it's 22 and 40 ozs ... i think the 64s were phased out because they didn't sell well and were too hard to keep cold and were complained about by the anti-malt liquor people ... oh, yeah, heavy to lift, too
posted by pyramid termite at 8:03 AM on February 18, 2007


The key is to drink them very quickly, before you can turn them into pee.

This is exactly right. I've done a 40Hands in about 25 minutes, and this is exactly how. It's also really important to power through the last 5 oz. of each, because warm malt liquor is more disgusting than cold malt liquor.
posted by rollbiz at 12:59 PM on February 18, 2007


Agreed with the above re: warm malt liquor. The first 80% of a Steel Reserve isn't bad. THat last 20% is fucking foul. A buddy of mine brought a bunch back from Michigan (before it was available everywhere) and we had a party. No 40hands, but...ugghh.
posted by notsnot at 2:09 PM on February 18, 2007


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