We all have some Hitler in us, too
February 19, 2007 3:12 PM   Subscribe

An Estimate of the Number of Shakespeare's Atoms in a Living Human Being
posted by mrbula (32 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
You know what I have? That's right, Hitler atoms.
posted by c13 at 3:17 PM on February 19, 2007


I'm a bit confused. Why are they considering his waste and what he exhaled as "Shakespearean atoms"? They're not part of his atomical make up, but rather atoms that have just passed through his body, no?
posted by saraswati at 3:31 PM on February 19, 2007


Because, like they say, ALL atoms just pass through your body. The only difference is how long they hang around.
posted by c13 at 3:35 PM on February 19, 2007


I just pooped some Shakespeare.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:47 PM on February 19, 2007


... [P]igs and other grazing animals of the United Kingdom should be able to claim to have even more of the Shakespeare's atoms in them. And of course, a few choice atoms do not a genius make.

I'd like to read the works of the Shakespeare of Pigs.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:50 PM on February 19, 2007


I think the Shakespeare of Pigs is Thomas Harris, grapefruitmoon.
posted by cgc373 at 3:53 PM on February 19, 2007


There was more Shakespeare in Hitler's fingernail, than you have in your whole body.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:55 PM on February 19, 2007


or, Caesar...

When Caesar said "Et tu, Brute," in shock
his dying breath contained myriad things:
1024 atoms; a flock
of tiny birds on 1 million billion billion wings.
And in the time between his death and now
they have flown from Rome and into your mouth!
And I hear you wondering aloud, “How?”
They have circulated North, West, East, South—
Casting these oxygen and carbon seeds
across the world over land and ocean.
You likely inhale one or two of these
as your chest rises and falls; the motion
of every single quiet breath
brings the flavor of Caesar’s Death.
posted by exlotuseater at 3:55 PM on February 19, 2007 [13 favorites]


The calculation is wrong; you can't assume that Shakespeare's atoms are well-mixed in the ocean, because the oceanic mixing timescale is ~1000 years. The Atlantic still has a denser concentration of Shakespeare than the Pacific, and the surface and bottom water will also be denser than the intermediate ocean.
posted by freedryk at 4:02 PM on February 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


Shakespeare? SHAKESPEARE?!? Don't give me that turgid little dramaturge. I know a zombie from space who can POOP Shakespeare!
posted by Sparx at 4:03 PM on February 19, 2007


Man, I've probably inhaled at least 20 Julius-Caesar's-Last-Breath moleules composing this response.
posted by 31d1 at 4:34 PM on February 19, 2007


Also, the word "poop" appears twice in Shakespeare.
posted by 31d1 at 4:35 PM on February 19, 2007


What about the infinite number of monkeys and typewriters? How many of his atoms do they have?
posted by ericb at 4:41 PM on February 19, 2007


I have been trying really, really hard to come up with a pun that involves cumming on my girlfriend's face and my load containing Shakespeare's atoms, but for the life of me I can't come up with anything sensical (although I feel there is something really funny in there somewhere).
posted by Falconetti at 4:42 PM on February 19, 2007


Today I will have taken in 20 billion atoms that used to be in an infinite number of monkeys.
posted by brundlefly at 4:42 PM on February 19, 2007


What about the infinite number of monkeys and typewriters?

Realize the posit is wrong: An infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of typewriters would almost instantaneously generate all the works of Shakespeare, as well as *all other written works*.

This comment? Three monkeys, ten minutes.
posted by eriko at 4:48 PM on February 19, 2007


If I decided to directly "exchange" shakespeare with my girlfriend all night instead simply *discussing* shakespeare with her is it still considered intellectual discourse?


(sorry, Falconetti. That's the best I could come up with)
posted by Parannoyed at 4:57 PM on February 19, 2007


Damn! The Bard never lived to avail himself of the best pickup line ever....

Baby, everybody's got a little bit of Shakespeare in 'em...wanna little bit more?
posted by retronic at 5:03 PM on February 19, 2007


Baby, everybody's got a little bit of Shakespeare in 'em...wanna little bit more?

You forgot to say "Hey, Baby" and in the voice of Austin Powers while raising your right eyebrow.
posted by ericb at 5:17 PM on February 19, 2007


ericb, I would have, but MeFi doesn't support the "randy" tag.
posted by retronic at 5:18 PM on February 19, 2007


Science tells us
Everything must decay.
But matter is finite
So nothing goes away.
Everything that was Still is here
Redistributed And floating in the atmosphere

Inhale Einstein.
Exhale Hitler.
posted by tkchrist at 5:49 PM on February 19, 2007


2 things I have a problem with:

1. the math does not take into account how many of shakeseare's atoms that he may have breathed in, eaten or in some other way ingested were merely the same atoms he had eaten breathed in or in some other way ingested before. The equation seems to have assumed, unless I am greatly mistaken (a total possibility) that each atom shakespeare ingested was unique and not a previously ingested atom. This seems more than a little fallacious.

2. The math does not take into account how totally unequal the distribution would be across the globe. There seems to be no accounting for trade wind patterns, etc...

It's fun, but it's bupkus, near as I can figure.
posted by shmegegge at 9:10 PM on February 19, 2007


these kinds of things are always bupkus, but...
it just occurred to me that i inhaled some marilyn monroe!
should i exhale her normally, or hold her like a bong hit?
posted by bruce at 10:18 PM on February 19, 2007


Stardust incorporated.
posted by nickyskye at 11:51 PM on February 19, 2007


Every once in a while when I think of Einstein (a suitable antitdote to Godwining threads), I remember in physics class when we were talking about stochastic processes, diffusion, the carbon cycle etc. and the factoid emerged that on average, with each breath each of us was breathing at least one of the same oxygen molecules that ol' Albert breathed during his time on this wet rock. It'd be hard to articulate why that stuck with me or why it was so enriching to learn, but there you are.
posted by pax digita at 4:29 AM on February 20, 2007


So how many of my Shakespeare atoms are really Francis Bacon atoms?
posted by malocchio at 9:29 AM on February 20, 2007


Also, the word "poop" appears twice in Shakespeare.

You're right! But in the sense of "poop deck."
posted by Dasein at 9:56 AM on February 20, 2007


We're all made of starstuff.
posted by tadellin at 12:49 PM on February 20, 2007


So where does this leave us on the whole "curst be he that moves my bones" thing?
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:31 AM on February 21, 2007


My God, we're full of stars!
posted by deborah at 5:12 PM on February 21, 2007


Starry Eyed Surprise.
posted by ericb at 7:23 PM on February 21, 2007


I hear Shakespeare liked to get his poop deck scrubbed.
posted by exlotuseater at 9:17 PM on February 21, 2007


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