Comments on: No, not Britney; the pointy kind

No, not Britney; the pointy kind

yhbc — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:31:58 -0800

Chimpanzees have Learned to Hunt with Spears. While it may not quite be on the level of Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs, it's probably at least a half-step on the "we-are-so-screwed" ladder.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:34:25 -0800

Britney Spears?

By: gottabefunky

gottabefunky — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:35:22 -0800

Thought she was looking chimpish lately.

By: Gungho

Gungho — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:35:57 -0800

Keep your hands off me you damn dirty Ape! Meh, I wouldn't worry too much until they learn to drive. Those drive-by spearings would be the true 1st sign of the apocolypse.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:38:51 -0800

I'm not even going to mention the post title; I'm just going to sit here enjoying the moment and wait for ColdChef to come crawling back into the thread on his belly.

By: adamgreenfield

adamgreenfield — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:40:07 -0800

...pursued by armed chimps.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:40:18 -0800

*crawl, crawl, crawl* Damn my speedy fingers. Speaking of which, it's about time for me to...spear the bushbaby, if you know what I mean.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:41:57 -0800

Remember when Britney used to be pointy? Spear spear spear.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:42:52 -0800

Gungho writes "Meh, I wouldn't worry too much until they learn to drive. Those drive-by spearings would be the true 1st sign of the apocolypse." Not to mention the drive-by poo flingings.

By: Target Practice

Target Practice — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:46:53 -0800

And Heaven help us if they start figuring out how to put poo on a stick.

By: serazin

serazin — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:47:30 -0800

Whoa!

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:47:51 -0800

When they start playing Bughouse (siamese) chess whilst drinking cognac and reading Flaubert then I'll worry.

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:48:42 -0800

It appears that the chimps have learnt a grizzly method of slowing them down. grisly, no?

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:53:12 -0800

Spear-wielding chimps snack on skewered bushbabies! They've also apparently learned to manipulate pencils with enough facility to secure gainful employment writing for the New Scientist.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:54:45 -0800

exlotuseater, the author clearly means that chimpanzees are transforming into bears. We're totally screwed.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:56:46 -0800

Spear-wielding chimps snack on skewered bushbabies! Best euphemism ever.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:02:11 -0800

As long as we keep these hybrid bear-chimps away from our lasers, we should be safe.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:04:39 -0800

Monkey with Spears

By: bonecrusher

bonecrusher — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:10:41 -0800

Could a chimp with a spear consistently win fights with a grizzly? Assume no element of surprise.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:12:21 -0800

I'm investing in "protective" black obelisk technology.

By: Midnight Creeper

Midnight Creeper — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:14:27 -0800

Hasn't Stephen Colbert been warning us of the ursine menace? Now they're making cross-species alliances with man's closest relatives, the traitorous chimps, and arming them with pointed sticks! We had better open up negotiations with the bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans, and soon. No need to worry about making a pact with the gibbons, though...they're the wusses of the ape world.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:22:20 -0800

Bush babies?

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:22:25 -0800

Those bushbabies have gotten a free ride for too damn long.

By: amyms

amyms — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:24:06 -0800

Clearly the chimpanzees' use of spears is just a front to divert our attention from the weapons of mass destruction they are developing.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:34:48 -0800

I appoint myself ambassador to Bonobostan!

By: sebastienbailard

sebastienbailard — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:41:41 -0800

First they learn to control robot arms with their minds. Now this. As long as cats haven't spontaneously evolved thumbs, I think we may be able to weather this, but I'm starting to get a little scared.

By: jfuller

jfuller — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:44:52 -0800

Give 'em AK47s. That should reduce the appetite for bushmeat.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:48:21 -0800

A cat with thumbs would be a terrible thing indeed... See, I have this cat named Edison. As an aside, don't ever name your cat Edison, he'll be smart as hell, but he'll go out of his way to prove Alternating Current is dangerous... Anyways, Edison has a fascination with bread. Whenever we bring bread, or breadlike substances, we need to put it in a cat proof container (usually our metal bread box). He will scale any height to get to bread. He has managed to get up on our 7 foot high refrigerator in his quest. Once he gets the bread, he just drags it into another room and bites into it, and then leaves it. This week, he even attempted to knock down the heavy metal bread box. If he had thumbs, I'm convinced he would invent bread-getting tools.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:50:17 -0800

it's probably at least a half-step on the "we-are-so-screwed" ladder. Lucky for me, the guy downstairs owns a cavalry sword.

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:57:14 -0800

Aaaand it's Dave Faris for the win.

By: darkripper

darkripper — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:00:35 -0800

next step.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:09:40 -0800

They use the spears to hunt one of the cutest primates in Africa: bushbabies Don't know why, but this made me laugh.

By: rob511

rob511 — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:14:18 -0800

... [T]he behaviour is mostly confined to females and immature chimps.... Pruetz suggests th[ey are] exploiting a niche that is relatively ignored by adult males — and spearing little bushbaby snacks for themselves. Though I'd wager it's the males who actually barbeque the kebabs.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:33:18 -0800

the guy downstairs owns a cavalry sword *red face* um, er, the bonobos & i were just taking a bit of a relaxation break from talks...

By: fair_game

fair_game — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:54:34 -0800

I think I know where they learned this behavior.

By: stratastar

stratastar — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:57:18 -0800

Man I saw a PBS special where a chimp was riding a freakin BIKE!!

By: RockCorpse

RockCorpse — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:59:59 -0800

They've also apparently learned to manipulate pencils with enough facility to secure gainful employment writing for the New Scientist. Oh, SNAP

By: Sparx

Sparx — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 16:04:17 -0800

Bonobos = Sexy Party

By: SBMike

SBMike — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 16:07:18 -0800

Hasn't Stephen Colbert been warning us of the ursine menace? Now they're making cross-species alliances with man's closest relatives, the traitorous chimps, and arming them with pointed sticks! Hey, speak for yourself, some of us support the right to arm bears and chimps.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:02:30 -0800

Next thing you know, it'll be sharks with tommy guns.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:14:23 -0800

I'm surprised that nobody's mentioned the latest giant squid capture here yet today. Just thought I'd add that in, what with the coming Chimpanzee-Giant Squid alliance and all.

By: Totally Zanzibarin' Ya

Totally Zanzibarin' Ya — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:26:18 -0800

Woah jokeefe. That's crazy. Has anyone else noticed all the giant squid news lately. We are screwed. Especially when they team up with the monkeys.

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:27:37 -0800

Not surprising if you remember the chimps using sticks to get ants out of anthills. This is more likely to impress because it's so human-like, but it's not the first use of tools by chimps to be sure. Er... *looks at thread* I mean, I welcome our new chimp overlords.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:34:27 -0800

The day when we're all well and truly fucked will come when the ants, at long last, master fire.

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 17:41:49 -0800

I don't care what your damn monkeys learn, they're still no match for bear.

By: FunkyHelix

FunkyHelix — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 18:02:51 -0800

I won't worry until my cat learns to use the can opener. As long as I'm her only source of tuna, I'm safe.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 18:24:53 -0800

Ah, but what's *your* source of tuna? I hear the giant squid are herding all the tuna into a particularly impregnable part of the ocean (deep and populated by those grisly fish with lights hanging out in front of their awful maws) thus tipping the scales in favour of the chimpbear/giant squid alliance.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:33:46 -0800

they're just using the spears like they've always used sticks, i think. Even birds use sticks, so i wouldn't be too worried. If they start actually following and then throwing spears at prey on the run in a coordinated group manner like regular hunters, then it's time for Planet of the Apes, maybe.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 19:47:17 -0800

Incidentally, amberglow, one of the earliest pieces of archaeological evidence for the reasoning ability in proto-humans was not the use of stone tools in itself. It was when tools started to be manufactured in one place, and then carried elsewhere to be used where that particular quality of stone was not found, which shows a degree of imagination & foresight that is absent in purely imitative learning. Many animals can learn things by copying, but the jump from knowledge handed down through successive imitation of a chance behavioural discovery, to consciously imagining the consequences of an act, is a significant jump indeed.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 20:25:23 -0800

Kill one human with that, chimpy. G'wan, I dare you. I remember something in Nat'l Geographic about a tribe of proto-humans fighting a tribe of chimps. Apparently close in, humans were getting the worst of it but they later found a great deal of chimp remains at the bottom of a ravine covered in palm sized rocks. The humans methodically killed every chimp they could all the time. Apparently humans have one of the strongest (and longest) adrenal responses. Makes us really, really, vicious. Of course, it gives us hyperadrenia, stress, heart attacks, hemmorhoids, etc. etc. But if you get into a rock fight with a bunch of chimps...comes in handy.

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 20:45:30 -0800

I'm okay with this. They won't use the spears on me, as long as I pay them for washing my cat.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 20:47:30 -0800

Man, I'd like to wash a cat.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:53:27 -0800

In a cat spa!

By: sebastienbailard

sebastienbailard — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:53:38 -0800

Happily, my cat is both thumbless and self-cleaning.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:55:31 -0800

(or you could go for this one)

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 22:11:03 -0800

Karl Pilkington needs to know about this.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 23:44:18 -0800

Cain and Abel: they're not really human until they use weapons on their own kind. Until then, we can cage them for medical experiments.

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 03:59:43 -0800

Chimps, Ha! Nothing to worry about. Now, when baboons start learning tricks, then you can worry. Those beasts are scary, and all over the place. Chimps are scarce.

By: Mr_Zero

Mr_Zero — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 08:40:57 -0800

Meh. This chimp makes knives.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 14:51:43 -0800

Incidentally, amberglow, one of the earliest pieces of archaeological evidence for the reasoning ability in proto-humans was not the use of stone tools in itself. It was when tools started to be manufactured in one place, and then carried elsewhere to be used where that particular quality of stone was not found, which shows a degree of imagination & foresight that is absent in purely imitative learning. Cool--i never knew that--it makes perfect sense (and is related to what i meant in a way) : >

By: davejay

davejay — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 16:10:32 -0800

"Back to the drawing board again in terms of trying to define how humans are special," says Pruetz. Well, for one thing, we have drawing boards. Britney Spears? No, they use the sharp kind of spears.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 16:13:20 -0800

I wish they would do more elephant studies--it seems like it's always chimps and dolphins.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 16:14:02 -0800

(and pigs--aren't they supposed to be surprisingly smart?)

By: amberglow

amberglow — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 23:11:31 -0800

Rice Warns Chimps They Risk Further Sanctions--Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned West African Chimps on Thursday that they will face further punishment and isolation if they forge ahead with efforts to develop a stick-enrichment program,...

By: quin

quin — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 00:17:04 -0800

Mr_Zero : Meh. This chimp makes knives. M_Z, on the one hand, that is a really awful link. I mean, we are talking 10+ year old HTML tricks, on the other, it's so interesting that it almost is FPP worthy on it's own (assuming it already hasn't had that honor.) I'm always amused and slightly stunned by walking into Natural Wonder type mall places and seeing obsidian stone arrowheads on display at child-level. I remember in college, a flint napper being invited to the commons to demonstrate his technique. As a knife guy I figured he was full of shit, till he performed some feats that the best steel I carried couldn't have pulled off on my sharpest of days. He napped me a short blade which still resides in my collection of dangerous things. I've never feared a blade, including my Civilian , and my scary-ass Specwar, but that simple obsidian knife he built me always made me want to handle it with kid's gloves. And now, when I see a child playing with an obsidian arrowhead in a mall, I can only wince, because if that lil' one drops it just right, he will end up with blade flakes that will slice him open in a way that even surgeons will be impressed by.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:49:21 -0800

And now, when I see a child playing with an obsidian arrowhead in a mall, I can only wince, because if that lil' one drops it just right, he will end up with blade flakes that will slice him open in a way that even surgeons will be impressed by. I've always thought that's how we actually developed tools/weapons like that--being hurt by them first in their natural state, then realizing we can do that to other things too.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 20:47:43 -0800

I've never understood why people are charmed by chimpanzees. ...