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De-DUCT-ive Reasoning
February 23, 2007 3:30 PM   Subscribe

How do you subdue a crazed astronaut? Duct Tape! By now we've all heard of astronaut Lisa Nowak's diaper-clad race to kidnap/kill her competition for fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein, but today we learned how NASA plans to deal with such trouble-makers in space: duct tape them into submission. NASA's idea isn't very original - restraining people with duct tape has been well documented in the movies, for use on airplanes, by bad parents, and for unruly patients. So, it appears this miracle adhesive can not only save us from terrorists, it can save us from ourselves. Bless you duct tape.
posted by Muddler (30 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
Lame. You think with their budget, they could afford gaffer tape.
posted by eriko at 3:45 PM on February 23, 2007


I was just about to ask what the difference was between duct and gaffer's tape.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 3:46 PM on February 23, 2007


you can't tie up the old gaffer with duct tape
posted by pyramid termite at 3:47 PM on February 23, 2007


You don't need tape at all. Just a bar of soap.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 3:55 PM on February 23, 2007


Gaff tape is black and tears a hell of a lot easier.

And we haven't been using duct tape for unruly patients. We still have leather restraints, although believe me, duct tape is awfully tempting sometimes.
posted by drstein at 3:55 PM on February 23, 2007


duct tape is really painful--and barbaric--maybe they should just improve their screening process? spike their Tang?
posted by amberglow at 4:09 PM on February 23, 2007


It's great for tying up ducks, too. That's actually the origin of the name: the t in duct is simply a mispelling, should be a k.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:10 PM on February 23, 2007


Muddler posted "By now we've all heard of astronaut Lisa Nowak's diaper-clad race to kidnap/kill her competition for fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein"

Actually, no, I hadn't, but I have now. Thanks.
posted by Bugbread at 4:11 PM on February 23, 2007


The concept of diapering-up and getting your assualt on hasn't reached Japan yet? And I though they were the vanguard.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 4:13 PM on February 23, 2007 [1 favorite]


The astronaut's, parent's, FBI's, EMT's and handyman's secret weapon!
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:14 PM on February 23, 2007 [2 favorites]


No, No Flapjax-- that is just an old wive's tale. No it was originally invented for closing off tear ducts. Or maybe it was Aquaducts.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:17 PM on February 23, 2007


Actually, it was meant for throwing at people's heads. As in: "duck! tape!"


that was bad.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:19 PM on February 23, 2007


joseph: It may have, but I don't watch TV, nor read the paper, nor read the news on the net. Basically, I get all my current events information from osmosis. It all reaches me, but it takes much, much longer (didn't know about the second space shuttle explosion until late last year! That freaked me out. "What, another space shuttle blew up, and it took me three years to find out about it?!?!")
posted by Bugbread at 4:23 PM on February 23, 2007


Looking forward to duct-tape astronaut bondage porn here....
posted by pax digita at 4:24 PM on February 23, 2007


So bugbread is living proof that newsfilter has merit? Golly.
posted by joseph_elmhurst at 4:27 PM on February 23, 2007


I love duct tape.

My floor duct-taped a dude to a chair once because we were drunk and thought it was hilarious. (Dude volunteered.) We then proceeded to wheel his ass out to the quad and shoved him around on the long sidewalks. Security thought it was hilarious. Loads of pictures were taken and posted on our website. Then we got nailed for hazing (even though there were pictures with Security in them, laughing their asses off.)

Then again, I'm one of those psychos who keeps a roll of duct tape in my car. Everyone in my family does. Helped my dad when he got in an accident and duct-taped the hood down so he could keep driving. Unfortunately, he didn't think to tape in the radiator, which led to badness further down the road.
posted by sperose at 4:27 PM on February 23, 2007


It is now only a matter of time before the TSA bans passengers from carrying duct tape aboard jets. Face it, it's just too versatile, and in the hands of an expert, flat-out deadly. You don't want people using it to make impromptu nunchuks, do you?
posted by Midnight Creeper at 4:40 PM on February 23, 2007


Duct Tape fix(es) in spaaaace...
posted by cenoxo at 4:47 PM on February 23, 2007


My cousin is a state cop, on the swat team, in the trunk of his cruiser, he has a few different guns, a flashlight, a sleeping bag and some survival gear, body armor, mace, night stick, etc...
and a roll of duct tape. cause you never know.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:47 PM on February 23, 2007


These (acute psychosis) PDFs (suicide emergency) have been online (anaphylaxis) for years (SpaceRef ISS page with around 80 PDFs covering Routine and Emergency procedures).

It took the AP three weeks to dig these up?
posted by chimaera at 5:07 PM on February 23, 2007


Sadder uses of duct tape.
posted by MrGuilt at 5:41 PM on February 23, 2007




If there's something that can't be done with duct tape, should it really be done?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 8:36 PM on February 23, 2007


DuctTapeGuys.Com
posted by amyms at 9:21 PM on February 23, 2007


But what if the crazy astronaut uses the duct tape on the rest?
posted by jouke at 11:10 PM on February 23, 2007


In my high school physics class we posited that cherry flavored duct tape would be more humane for taping people's mouths shut.

Yeah, that's the only thing I took away from that class. I remember nothing about rotational mechanics, but cherry flavored duct tape still seems like a good idea.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:01 AM on February 24, 2007


In space, no one can hear you scream... at least not if you've got duct tape over your mouth.
posted by katemonster at 9:08 AM on February 24, 2007


Yeah, duct tape is really awful for sealing ducts, especially ones carrying warm air. I guess the etymology is that it was called duck tape in part because it was based on cotton duck, a kind of fabric, and that it was waterproof and could seal ammunition cases, hence the (quack like a) duck moniker.

I'm hazier on exactly why the name was changed to duct tape, when it did such a poor job on ducting.
posted by porpoise at 12:36 PM on February 24, 2007


what if the crazy astronaut uses the duct tape on the rest?

That's the risk the space-faring must take for their greater good. Remember, duct-tape doesn't restrain astronauts, astronauts do.
posted by CynicalKnight at 1:50 PM on February 24, 2007


When duct tape is outlawed, only outlaws will have duct tape.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:46 PM on February 24, 2007


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