"You mean that the Clinton's are Hitler and Mussolini?"

February 18, 2001 3:08 PM

"You mean that the Clinton's are Hitler and Mussolini?" And who says so? God, that's who! Linda Newkirk has been receiving personalized messages from God, and what is God telling Linda, who's using the power of the Internet to keep us all informed? Among other things, God says, "the economic bubble, which grew to such tremendous proportions, in the last eight years, is bursting"; "before this month of February, 2001 is over a death nail shall be plunged into the stock market"; "I know that you want Me to speak of what many are calling the 'Early-out rapture' "; and, whoa to us all, "George W's days are numbered to a few; for I have warned him against Lucifer's works, but he does not believe that he will soon die." And then what? Well, it seems those naughty Russians and Chinese met in a tent and signed a deal in blood to start throwing nuclear missiles at the god-fearing and ever-righteous U.S. of A. starting on or before March 31st.

Hey, these are His words, not mine. Although I feel comforted that God uses terms like "economic bubble" and "Early-out rapture." Renews my faith in the power of marketing.
posted by honkzilla (9 comments total)

It's interesting to note that God is no better at forming the plural of a proper noun than most bloggers. This isn't His only use of the internet, BTW; He's an IM devotee as well.
posted by chino at 3:37 PM on February 18, 2001

We needed God to tell us the economy is going downhill? Didn't most people have this figured out?
posted by dagnyscott at 6:13 PM on February 18, 2001

When Lance emailed me the aforementioned spam yesterday (hey, what good is really great spam if you can't share it with your friends?), I noticed a line at the bottom that would make such a great sigfile:

"Go this day, My Child and get these messages typed for the website. I am your Father in Heaven."

It gives me great comfort to know that God understands the power of our medium.
posted by shauna at 6:29 AM on February 19, 2001

It gives me great comfort to know that God understands the power of our medium.

Yeah, but can He get VC funding?
posted by mikewas at 6:45 AM on February 19, 2001

Yeah, but can He get VC funding?

He may be the only one who can right now.
posted by shauna at 6:59 AM on February 19, 2001

Hrm, new theological paradox: Can God create a VC firm that will fund Him?
posted by cCranium at 9:29 AM on February 19, 2001

apparently God can't even master basic grammar;funny how that was never discussed when we talked about theological paradoxes in my church....
posted by DiplomaticImmunity at 12:46 PM on February 19, 2001

No, god's grammer is correct. We humans are the ones who have it munged up.
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:53 PM on February 19, 2001

Or rather, his grammar.
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:54 PM on February 19, 2001