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February 26, 2007 7:03 AM   Subscribe

The Beer Launcher. From the starry eyed minds of the students of Duke University comes the next great innovation in humankind's continued struggle to stay sedentary.
posted by parmanparman (69 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
With exploding projectiles!
posted by Drexen at 7:07 AM on February 26, 2007


Comedy tip: The punchline goes at the end of the joke. Let me rewrite that for you.

From the starry eyed minds of the students of Duke University comes the next great innovation in humankind's continued struggle to stay sedentary: The Beer Launcher.
posted by DU at 7:07 AM on February 26, 2007


I'm so proud of the alma mater.
posted by louie at 7:10 AM on February 26, 2007


Also, Miller Lite? I hate[1] all forms of alcohol[2], beer especially[3], and even *I* know that Miller Lite is like the Hyundai of beer. Or the Ford of beer, maybe.

[1] Hate's the wrong word. What's a short, choppy word for "don't like, don't care about and can't understand all the fuss over"?
[2] It didn't kill any of my relatives, I just don't like the taste.
[3]...but if I did, adding carbonation seems gauche.
posted by DU at 7:11 AM on February 26, 2007


I am impressed by this.

Very, very impressed.

Yes.
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:16 AM on February 26, 2007


How many years will it take to recoup time spent designing & building Beer Launcher in time not spent walking to fridge? (Still, quite cool)
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:26 AM on February 26, 2007


That is a great piece of engineering, though. I really love the video. But I'm not clear how they aim it. It's *precise* (hits the same spot on every throw) but how many test shots will your dorm room endure while range find your position on the couch? I think this is an invention that cries out for lasers.
posted by DU at 7:26 AM on February 26, 2007


Finally - scientific genius used for the good of humanity.
posted by mediareport at 7:34 AM on February 26, 2007


(I hope he's patented that thing; he's got a winner there, for sure.)
posted by mediareport at 7:37 AM on February 26, 2007


But after all that jostling around the beer will be so shaken up you'll have to let it sit till it gets warm before you can open it without making a mess. Don't D00k students already have a superior Beer-Delivery System?
posted by davy at 7:40 AM on February 26, 2007


According to the site, he spent hundreds of dollars putting the thing together. Clearly he had no money left over for decent beer.
posted by jedicus at 7:42 AM on February 26, 2007


Who's gonna bring the strippers?
posted by three blind mice at 7:44 AM on February 26, 2007


[not bad, a full 37 minutes before the first rape case joke]
posted by mediareport at 7:46 AM on February 26, 2007


My engineering-school friends designed (but alas, never built) a kegerator-like appliance. Rather than cool the entire keg, the beer flowed through a coil of tubing inside a dorm fridge, so that a room temperature keg could be used to deliver cold beer on demand. The "engineering" was in selecting the minimum length of tubing to properly chill the beer, based on heat transfer considerations.
posted by Joe Invisible at 7:47 AM on February 26, 2007


Now if they could come up with some manner of projectile-based marijuana and LSD dispenser I'd be all set to return to college.
posted by smackwich at 7:48 AM on February 26, 2007


I think it was just taken down. Got the page w/o any images, refreshed, and now nothing but a 404. Google doesn't seem to have it cached.
posted by Bugg at 7:49 AM on February 26, 2007


My mistake. It seems to be back. Weird.
posted by Bugg at 7:53 AM on February 26, 2007


"Let me rewrite that for you."

DoUche - there, fixed that for you.
posted by vronsky at 7:56 AM on February 26, 2007


Miller Lite is like the Hyundai of beer.
Don't insult my Hyundai!
posted by Joe Invisible at 7:57 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


Christ, someone buy that kid an power extension cable.
posted by chrismear at 7:58 AM on February 26, 2007


also and interesting beer launcher here
posted by timsteil at 8:03 AM on February 26, 2007


its easy to be sedentary once you've been cracked in the skull by one of those cans.
posted by sswiller at 8:09 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


I love the fact that he posted his resume as one of the only 3 pages with content. The other two being his beer catapult and a picture of him holding a big fish.

Who could possibly resist extending him an offer...
posted by Muddler at 8:10 AM on February 26, 2007


For some reason, all I can think is "Homer Simpson" and "d'oh".
posted by DNL at 8:25 AM on February 26, 2007


Can't wait to see the clip of him shooting a beer through his plasma TV.
posted by itchylick at 8:26 AM on February 26, 2007


Also, how long before some drunk frat guy shows up with his potato gun ... "You call that a beer launcher?" ...
posted by itchylick at 8:26 AM on February 26, 2007


Given DU's response to my post where they called Miller Lite the Hyundai of beers, I did some research and ultimately got the table for 2006 best-selling beers in the US. I give to you the definitive Car:Beer list.

1 General Motors / CORONA EXTRA
2 Toyota / MODELO ESPECIAL
3 DaimlerChrysler / NEWCASTLE BROWN ALE
4 Ford / CORONA LIGHT
5 Honda / NEW BELGIUM FAT TIRE AMBER ALE
6 Nissan / BUSCH LIGHT
7 Hyundai / STEEL RESERVE HIGH GRAVITY LAGER
8 Kia / BLUE MOON BELGIUM WHITE ALE
9 BMW / NEGRA MODELO
10 Mercedes-Benz / COORS LIGHT
11 Subaru / NATURAL ICE
12 Mitsubishi / PACIFICO
13 Suzuki / MILLER LITE
14 Volvo / WIDMER HEFEWEIZEN
15 Audi / YUENGLING TRADITIONAL LAGER
16 Porsche / MILLER HIGH LIFE LIGHT

For the record: Miller Lite is the Suzuki of beers.
posted by parmanparman at 8:43 AM on February 26, 2007 [8 favorites]


Sure, he designed it for peaceful purposes, but how long before the military offers him a contract to adapt it to hurling beers at Sunni and Shiite insurgents in Iraq?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 8:43 AM on February 26, 2007


And: Steel Reserve High Gravity Lager is the Hyundai of beers, which is pretty fitting actually. Because once you have a Steel Reserve, you can't remember why you bought it in the first place.
posted by parmanparman at 8:44 AM on February 26, 2007


Meh. Only 10 beers in the magazine.
posted by Gungho at 8:54 AM on February 26, 2007


"Or the Ford of beer, maybe."

Oh no. them's fighting words.

At least they didn't go the west coast hipster route and load it with Pabst Blue Ribbon.
posted by drstein at 8:57 AM on February 26, 2007


That might be a list of the best selling car brands, but it is in no way a corresponding list of best selling beers.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 9:05 AM on February 26, 2007


I can't believe people would waste time constructing this kind of thing at a time when there are Iraq war metafilter threads that need comments about Anna Nicole Smith's body tug of war and Britney's Hair.
posted by srboisvert at 9:08 AM on February 26, 2007


actually, I get my info from the US Beer Information Center.
posted by parmanparman at 9:16 AM on February 26, 2007


5 Honda / NEW BELGIUM FAT TIRE AMBER ALE

I had no idea Fat Tire was so broadly liked. Neat.

At least they didn't go the west coast hipster route and load it with Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Wouldn't happen. In Portland, we'd just bike to the fridge and back.
posted by cortex at 9:18 AM on February 26, 2007


I would not want to impugn the USBIC but a list of top selling beers that does not include Budweiser and has Blue Moon Belgian White Ale in the top 10 to be somewhat suspect. No?
posted by sfts2 at 9:19 AM on February 26, 2007


And here is a top brands by sales link from a beverage industry information service.
posted by parmanparman at 9:19 AM on February 26, 2007


In Portland I think you'd find more demand for a machine that would pack, tamp and light your bowl.
posted by Flashman at 9:31 AM on February 26, 2007


That's a list of beers that most improved their sales in 2005 over 2004.


This is the closest I can find to best selling in the US:
1. Bud Light
2. Budweiser
3. Miller Lite
4. Coors Light
5. Corona Extra
6. Natural Light
7. Heineken
8. Michelob Ultra Light
9. Busch Light
10. Miller High Life

That's more like it.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 9:35 AM on February 26, 2007


Yeah, parmanparman, there's no way in hell your beer list is right.
posted by mediareport at 9:38 AM on February 26, 2007


Hold on, Mbd1mbd1!

Your list is actually based on information from the same site as I cited in my post. But realbeer.com won't list the article they cite, in fact I can't find it on the IRI's website and the site realbeer.com links to goes to an article that does not even list sales statistics. Where, mbd1mbd1, can you cite the list you have above?
posted by parmanparman at 9:44 AM on February 26, 2007


8 Kia / BLUE MOON BELGIUM WHITE ALE

My Kia's a fucking lemon, so I can see that one.
posted by Cyrano at 9:45 AM on February 26, 2007


parmanparman,
It looks like the list you link to is the top 30 "Brand Performers"

For the Top 30 Beer Brand Performers ranking, IRI analyzed volume growth, share of segment trends, front line pricing, distribution gains, and incremental sales and growth in 2005 versus 2004 to determine the brands with the strongest performance in the beer industry.

So it's not strictly based on sales.
posted by Otis at 9:49 AM on February 26, 2007


So this wouldn't work with cans of soda?

And bleh, Miller Lite? I don't think so. Where's the list for Suzuki motorcycles?
posted by fenriq at 9:50 AM on February 26, 2007


OK, I am on the phone with the Brewer's Association, info following....Hopefully this won't get brought over the MetaTalk.
posted by parmanparman at 9:53 AM on February 26, 2007


This is the closest I can find to best selling in the US:
1. Bud Light
2. Budweiser
3. Miller Lite
4. Coors Light
5. Corona Extra
6. Natural Light
7. Heineken
8. Michelob Ultra Light
9. Busch Light
10. Miller High Life


Those aren't beers; those are malt sodas.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 10:00 AM on February 26, 2007 [3 favorites]


parmanparman writes "And here is a top brands by sales link from a beverage industry information service"

Note that ranking is for performer not sellor. It ranks beers that "experienced significant year-over-year growth across total U.S. supermarkets in 2005. " and

"In addition to looking at volume and dollar sales, IRI also examined pricing, distribution, share growth, and incremental volume and dollar contribution. Combined, these brands outpaced the overall beer category by 4-to-5 percent in volume and dollar sales growth, respectively, versus the previous year."

Bud could have -1% growth but more sales than all the rest of the list combined and not make the ranking.
posted by Mitheral at 10:02 AM on February 26, 2007


parman, there is no way BLUE MOON BELGIUM WHITE ALE sells more than COORS LITE in the United States. No way.
posted by mediareport at 10:09 AM on February 26, 2007


Given the response to my post saying Miller Lite was the Suzuki of beers. I got the best research from Beer Industry Insights, which tracks on premises and store sales as opposed to total barrels sale and got the ultimate car:beer list. Please redact my old list as this one is definitive.

1 General Motors / Bud Light
2 Toyota / Budweiser
3 DaimlerChrysler / Miller Lite
4 Ford / Coors Lite
5 Honda / Natural Lite
6 Nissan / Corona Extra
7 Hyundai / Busch
8 Kia / Busch Lite
9 BMW / Heineken
10 Mercedes-Benz / Miller High Life
11 Subaru / Miller Genuine Draft
12 Mitsubishi / Keystone Lite
13 Suzuki / Michelob Ultra
14 Volvo / Natural Ice
15 Audi / Bud Select
16 Porsche / Milwaukee's Best Light

For the record: Miller Lite is the Diamler Chrysler of Beers.
posted by parmanparman at 10:11 AM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


So, mbd1mbd1, you were right all along.
posted by parmanparman at 10:11 AM on February 26, 2007


Okay, lets get some library science up ins.

Best Selling Cars 0f 2005 According to Edmunds.com / Best Selling Malt Beverages of 2005 According to Adams Beer Handbook / Best Selling Liquors According to Adams Liquor Handbook

1. Ford F-Series / Bud Light / Bacardi
2. Chevrolet Silverado / Budweiser / Smirnoff
3. Toyota Camry / Miller Lite / Captain Morgan
4. Dodge Ram / Coors Lite / Absolut
5. Honda Accord / Natural Lite / Jack Daniels
6. Honda Civic / Corona Extra / Jose Cuervo
7. Nissan Altima / Busch / Crown Royal
8. Chevrolet Impala / Busch Light / Jim Beam
9. Chevrolet Malibu / Miller High Life / DeKuyper
10. Chevrolet TrailBlazer / Heineken / Seagrim's Gin
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:18 AM on February 26, 2007 [2 favorites]


So, to follow up, we need to match brand of beer and model of car as both lists have manufacturers/brewers with multiple entries in the top 10.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:21 AM on February 26, 2007


(Also, all Adams stats come from the 2006 editions of the respective handbook)

Top Movies of 2005:

1. Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
2. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
4. War of the Worlds
5. King Kong
6. Wedding Crashers
7. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
8. Batman Begins
9. Madagascar
10. Mr. & Mrs. Smith

So what do we learn? When you drink Miller Lite, you are drinking Harry Potter. When you drive a Nissan Altima, you are driving Crown Royal. When you watch War of the Worlds, you are watching a Dodge Ram
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:30 AM on February 26, 2007 [2 favorites]


"I'm too far away from my beer,
It's way over there and I'm way over here..."
posted by languagehat at 10:34 AM on February 26, 2007


Also (also), because my desk shift is pretty slow this afternoon and I'm surrounded by these sort of industry lists, I give you the top 10 wine brands of 2005 according to Adams Wine Handbook 2006:

1. Franzia Winetaps
2. Carlo Rossi
3. Twin Valley
4. Almaden
5. Beringer
6. Yellow Tail
7. Sutter Home
8. Livingston Cellars
9. Woodbridge
10. Peter Vella
posted by robocop is bleeding at 11:05 AM on February 26, 2007


Wait, someone cross-over with this thread.
posted by GuyZero at 11:36 AM on February 26, 2007


The robotic beer launcher is so Industrial Revolution. So like 1800s. It limits you to foamy canned beer. BARBARIC.

The future is Bio-retrieval systems. Better range. Works during blackouts. Chicks dig em.

We had a Monkey for that shit. And he could chew off the cap for you. All you had to do was convince one of them Service Animal placement agencies that somebody in your house is "handicapped." One look at the average American male college student pretty much solves that for you.

"NUMBER 7! Hefelwiezen! STAT!"
posted by tkchrist at 12:19 PM on February 26, 2007


sigh ... you guys are doing this list thing all wrong ... the top ten beers correlated with the top ten diseases

1. Bud Light/heart disease
2. Budweiser/cancer
3. Miller Lite/stroke/cva
4. Coors Light/copd/emphysema/chronic bronchitis
5. Corona Extra/diabetes
6. Natural Light/flu/pneumonia
7. Heineken/alzheimer's disease
8. Michelob Ultra Light/kidney disease
9. Busch Light/septicemia/systemic infection
10. Miller High Life/liver disease/cirrhosis
posted by pyramid termite at 12:31 PM on February 26, 2007


Miller High Life/liver disease/cirrhosis

Can't really argue.
posted by cortex at 12:33 PM on February 26, 2007


The future is Bio-retrieval systems.

"alex ... that had better be your water you're drinking"
posted by pyramid termite at 12:33 PM on February 26, 2007


I still think the coolest beer dispensing device ever is the giant Pez dispenser in the Labatt's TV ads.
posted by hwestiii at 2:11 PM on February 26, 2007


Sure, he designed it for peaceful purposes, but how long before the military offers him a contract to adapt it to hurling beers at Sunni and Shiite insurgents in Iraq?

That'd be awful. Ay-rabs don't drink. Ohhh, the terrible wastes of war!
posted by Sparx at 2:35 PM on February 26, 2007


It's Miller Lite, so it wouldn't be a waste.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:00 PM on February 26, 2007


I absolutely love the direction this thread took. Can someone figure out what beer is equivalent of the Polski Fiat 126p?
posted by Wolfdog at 3:17 PM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


Can someone figure out what beer is equivalent of the Polski Fiat 126p?

beck's/polski 126p - drink/drive it and you'll be having bad runs before you know it
posted by pyramid termite at 3:56 PM on February 26, 2007


and they say america doesn't build anything anymore.
posted by brevator at 4:15 PM on February 26, 2007


First the monkey-porn research, now this. There may yet be hope for Douque.
posted by Huplescat at 4:30 PM on February 26, 2007


Every three beers it should fire an adult diaper, kinda liked a tracer round. Then our hero would surely be in Nirvana.
posted by popechunk at 6:46 PM on February 26, 2007


I'd like to see the Beer Launcher being used for feminism. Instead of "Woman, bring me a beer!" men could be trained to have their own beer launched to them and we women could be free to pursue our passions.

Our passions being knitting, doing the laundry, and other women.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 3:15 AM on February 27, 2007


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