Once you go plush you never regain your self-esteem.

February 26, 2007 2:10 PM

Teddy Babes love dolls are available in a number of sexy characters. (NSFW)
posted by bigmusic (58 comments total)

For those who are wondering what this is while at work:

What is a Teddy Babe?

Teddy Babes™ are stuffed, plush adult toys --the most sensual, warm, and unique love dolls ever created. Remember when you were a kid and used to cuddle up at night with your favorite teddy bear? Well, now you're all grown up, and a beautiful plush girlfriend is waiting to share your bed!
posted by bigmusic at 2:12 PM on February 26, 2007

Plushie Blue
posted by exogenous at 2:12 PM on February 26, 2007

Seems reasonable to me.
posted by ND¢ at 2:16 PM on February 26, 2007

Creepy Phrase of the Day^TM: "vaginal entry point."
Tune in tomorrow for another Creepy Phrase!^TM
posted by brundlefly at 2:19 PM on February 26, 2007

Just in case you didn't guess: "Yes, you can have intercourse with your Teddy Babe love doll."

$550 seems mighty expensive for a life-size plush female.
posted by graventy at 2:20 PM on February 26, 2007

I liked clicking the link only to have the reaction "Oh, it's devo in a DIFFERENT way than I was expecting!"
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 2:23 PM on February 26, 2007

I'm depressed. I clicked the link expecting to be able to mock furries and instead am only able to mock plushies. Damn you for fooling me, Teddy Babe!
posted by Justinian at 2:38 PM on February 26, 2007

"Once you go plush, you'll never go back"

...never go back to blow-up dolls, or to sex with real people?
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 2:40 PM on February 26, 2007

Teddy Babes ... are not prone to leaking or tearing, but have bodies that can withstand and recover from an estimated 500 pounds of pressure.

As with other areas of the body, each of your Teddy Babe's fingers possess a durable, bendable wire skeleton, allowing you to form her hands into various gestures, or even to grasp certain objects.

Additional plush vaginal inserts will also be available on our PRODUCTS page.

Utterly squicked out emphasis is mine.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:43 PM on February 26, 2007

Pussy Velour™ would be a great drag queen name.
posted by MegoSteve at 2:46 PM on February 26, 2007 [3 favorites]

For $300 more, I could get a RealDoll that at least has greater resemblance to a real woman.
posted by champthom at 2:52 PM on February 26, 2007

I'm not sure I'd call them "life size" exactly---they're about four feet tall. . . .
posted by librarycat at 2:53 PM on February 26, 2007

Reminds me of the RealDoll instruction manual that Harpers printed last year. Only, you know... more plush.
posted by hypocritical ross at 3:04 PM on February 26, 2007

I thought plushies usually wanted to have sex with furry ANIMALS... this having sex with things that look human seems too... anthropomorphic...
posted by MythMaker at 3:05 PM on February 26, 2007

Tina is the perfect girl-next-door. Warm, affectionate and sexy, she's the best girlfriend a guy could ever have.

Cindy is wild, sexy, and a lot of fun. She's a gorgeous blonde party girl --the perfect bedtime playmate, ready to satisfy your every desire.

Lisa is a fiery vixen, full of passion and with a lusty, naughty side. Don't let her posh exterior fool you.

Akiko is sleek, silky and exotic; the ultimate Asian fantasy --shy and demure, but highly skilled in the arts of pleasure.
posted by fandango_matt at 3:22 PM on February 26, 2007

Yeah, as librarycat points out, they're only four feet tall. The size of a child. Which is incredibly disturbing. I imagine this would be a huge turnoff to almost all guys, but then again I'm only attracted to very tall, amazonian women, so ymmv.
posted by Derive the Hamiltonian of... at 3:24 PM on February 26, 2007

MegoSteve writes "Pussy Velour™ would be a great drag queen name."

"Peaches Velour" is the burlesque name of a friend of mine.
posted by brundlefly at 3:41 PM on February 26, 2007

Well, uh, there's also the fact that they look nothing like real people. They might not look like children, but they certainly look like they were drawn by children.
posted by roll truck roll at 3:42 PM on February 26, 2007

Why hug your pillow at night when you can 'hug' one of these?

Aaaaarrrrrgggghhh!!!
posted by redteam at 3:46 PM on February 26, 2007

For $300 more, I could get a RealDoll that at least has greater resemblance to a real woman.

Make that $6000 more, champthom. Apparently RealDolls are the Rolls Royce of fuck toys.
posted by Justinian at 3:54 PM on February 26, 2007

Clean up must be a bitch (er, no pun intended). Or are you just supposed to throw it in the washing machine when you're done with her?
posted by kosher_jenny at 4:00 PM on February 26, 2007

Except for the four foot tall bit, these have to be the least disturbing examples of such things I've seen. Possibly because they don't have that weird dead-plastic look about them.

Still, with all due respect to the magnificent spectrum of human sexuality, ick.
posted by Luddite at 4:02 PM on February 26, 2007

For all the guys that ever got a funny feeling watching Janice play guitar on The Muppet Show...
posted by gottabefunky at 4:12 PM on February 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

Sweet jesus- I don't know which is worse, these or the actual RealDoll's which have the bonus of an uncanny [sexual] valley. At least, like those inflatable sheep, these Teddy Babes could almost be passed off as a joke, unlike a RealDoll. Or... wait, no they couldn't, no more than you could pass the Fleshlight off as a "joke" purchase.

Is masturbation with one's own hand really that boring for some people? It's like having a 4 foot plush sign in your bedroom that says "I've given up, and I don't respect myself anymore!" Ferchrissakes, I have about the most anemic sex life in the western hemisphere, and even I wouldn't be caught dead with one of these things!
posted by hincandenza at 4:16 PM on February 26, 2007

Tina is the perfect girl-next-door. Warm, affectionate and sexy, she's the best girlfriend a guy could ever have.

Cindy is wild, sexy, and a lot of fun. She's a gorgeous blonde party girl --the perfect bedtime playmate, ready to satisfy your every desire.

Lisa is a fiery vixen, full of passion and with a lusty, naughty side. Don't let her posh exterior fool you.

Akiko is sleek, silky and exotic; the ultimate Asian fantasy --shy and demure, but highly skilled in the arts of pleasure.



They are DOLLS for fucks sake... oh er... that doesn't quite parse right.
posted by edgeways at 4:20 PM on February 26, 2007

Because it’s a plush character, as well as a work of art unto itself, Teddy Babes are not typically perceived as sex dolls or adult sex toys, but as cute and sexy novelties; and women especially seem to find them attractive.

Have we already established that this is a foul untruth?
posted by booksandlibretti at 4:26 PM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Providing an 'unorthodox' but silky-smooth and highly-pleasurable sensation, the plush insert extends deep into the Teddy Babe's body and is collapsed and compressed by the surrounding poly-fil stuffing, until something enters and causes it to expand. It is, therefore, a tight, compressed space, just like a real vagina.

A Teddy Babe is also a perfect love doll traveling companion, fitting easily into a reasonably sized suitcase.

Perfect for JetBlue delays!

Also:

MetaFilter: A Tight, Compressed Space, Just Like a Real Vagina.
posted by fandango_matt at 4:34 PM on February 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

You know, somehow to me these look creepier than those real dolls. The fact that they look like stuffed toys just makes it that much more disturbing.
posted by unreason at 4:35 PM on February 26, 2007

Teddy Babes are not typically perceived as sex dolls or adult sex toys, but as cute and sexy novelties; and women especially seem to find them attractive.

That part made me laugh really hard. I'll get one and put it in the passenger seat and cruise around town with the top down on the convertible. Women won't be able to resist!
posted by MegoSteve at 4:35 PM on February 26, 2007

women especially seem to find them attractive

I'm having a hard time imagining how someone who buys one of these would ever manage to get an actual woman to come back to his apartment.

Then again, maybe a Teddy Babe is like a gateway drug for introducing your girlfriend or wife to the idea of a threesome: "Ooh, you fondle Akiko's plushie breasts while I masturbate into her vaginal opening!"
posted by fandango_matt at 4:42 PM on February 26, 2007

The internet is for plush sex dolls.

See: Lucy the Slut
posted by armoured-ant at 4:55 PM on February 26, 2007

I'm having a hard time imagining how someone who buys one of these would ever manage to get an actual woman to come back to his apartment.

What could be more romantic than taking your girl to the carnival and winning her a big stuffed animal, and then taking it home and having sex with it?
posted by MegoSteve at 5:00 PM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

posted by MegoSteve What could be more romantic than taking your girl to the carnival and winning her a big stuffed animal, and then taking it home and having sex with it?

Going to the carnival, winning a big stuffed girl, and then taking it home and having sex with it.
posted by fandango_matt at 5:04 PM on February 26, 2007 [2 favorites]

The more I see about the sex doll industry, the more certain I become that Shirow Masamune is a prophet. Give it a few more decades and we really will have sex androids for the price of an expensive car.

What really amazes me is that if a man really is that (ahem) hard up, and has that much disposable income, wouldn't a flight to Nevada and a visit to a friendly and legal bordello be both less expensive and less creepy? Sheesh, for that matter most big cities have semi-legitimate "escort services" that cost a fraction of even the less expensive of those things cost.
posted by sotonohito at 5:05 PM on February 26, 2007

tangent rant

As someone who is four foot six, not a dwarf or a midget, just short, I'm a little upset how "disturbing" some of you find the four foot aspect. I put up all day with people giving me strange looks all day, and today I come here to discover I'm not even "lifesize." Sheesh.

Luckily for me Derive the Hamiltonian of... most men in my experience love my height and don't find anything child-like about me.

/tangent rant
posted by miss-lapin at 5:05 PM on February 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

Just a knockoff of the Pussycat Dolls.

The Plushiecat Dolls?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:21 PM on February 26, 2007

The wig is held securely to the Teddy Babe's head by several strategically placed safety pins so that the wig can be removed for cleaning and replacement.

Sounds like they could add a "Britney" doll to their lineup pretty easily.

It is also a perfect love doll traveling companion, fitting easily into a reasonably sized suitcase.

I would love to watch some unsuspecting TSA employee open THAT suitcase.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:34 PM on February 26, 2007

Miss-lapin, with all respect, there's a very significant statistical difference between 4'6" and 4'. Something like two standard deviations at least.

And while some small people are 4' and shorter, and perhaps the above posters were insensitive, people don't get to control their sexual reactions any more than you can control your height.
posted by Richard Daly at 5:40 PM on February 26, 2007

Well-endowed and shapely, and with a number of desirable characters to choose from, Teddy Babes™ are the kind of girlfriends you always wanted to have.

Well, there are no limits to the human imagination. Theoretically.
posted by Listener at 5:58 PM on February 26, 2007

A Tight, Compressed Space, Just Like a Real Vagina.

I'm pretty sure anyone buying these wouldn't know the freaking difference. 'And realistic breasts that feel like bags of sand, just like the real thing!'

$300 is pretty steep, considering they're not much more than Popples with eye shadow.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:16 PM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Or are you just supposed to throw it in the washing machine when you're done with her?
posted by kosher_jenny at 7:00 PM EST on February 26

Arrrgggh! Don't do that! From the FAQs:

While the body itself will probably hold up to machine washing, the Teddy Babe's permanently attached eyes, lips, pubes, and nails will almost certainly be damaged in the process.

Can you imagine the trauma of taking your doll out of the washer only to find her eyes, lips, pubes, and nails had fallen off?!

The nipples are made of the same velvety plush material and are soft and kissable.

Eewwww. "Velvety" nipples sounds nasty.

a male Teddy Babe has already been designed and is pending development.

Just guessing here, but methinks a velvety cock is in the works. For when you get tired of sucking on the velvety nipples.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:40 PM on February 26, 2007

Teddy Babes retail at $700.00 each plus S&H. For multiple love doll orders, we will also take $150 off the price of each love doll purchased reducing the price to $550.00 per doll plus S&H. Each doll ordered will be shipped seperately

Gah, they've been so busy masturbating against their velvety nippled dolls, they forgot to run spellcheck.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 7:44 PM on February 26, 2007

It's okay, Justinian, for $300 more, I can still spend an hour with a really good looking hooker or an entire night with a decent looking one.

True, STDs would be involved but at least it's not as sad.
posted by champthom at 8:20 PM on February 26, 2007

Richard Daly-

People most certainly can and do control their sexual re-actions, perhaps not as often as we like. If not, then plushies can't control their desire to fondle velvety nipples or stroke erstatz pubic hair. ( Although I think we can all agree that they have the power NOT to leave their dolls out posed with other stuffed animals so that guests have to pretend to be charmed by such a strange display.) I think what you mean is that people can't control who or what they are attracted to, although they can control when and if they act on that attraction. Regardless, what I was trying to address were the comments that focused on the size of the doll as a main component in the creepiness rather than, well, the doll aspect.
posted by miss-lapin at 8:30 PM on February 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

There's more to love than hot wiring.
posted by owhydididoit at 10:05 PM on February 26, 2007

Akiko is sleek, silky and exotic; the ultimate Asian fantasy --shy and demure, but highly skilled in the arts of pleasure.

hooray for racial stereotypes crossing over to muppet sex dolls
posted by cazoo at 11:44 PM on February 26, 2007

In the FAQ someone asks if the Pussy Velour is waterproof. The answer is nearly as disturbing as the question...

"Some dampness may seep through; and if that's a concern, each Teddy Babe comes with a thin plastic sheath that can be inserted into the doll's body cavity"

"If that's a concern"? Oh dear gods no...
posted by twine42 at 12:15 AM on February 27, 2007

Okay, why is buying a Teddy Babe or Real Doll "sadder" than paying a hooker? I think that's worse since almost certaintly that woman isn't keeping the majority of what she earned and there's most likely some drug abuse and other seriously messed up things involved with your little transaction. I'm not even going to get into the STD vector of the argument.

Personally, I think they're silly and a waste of money, but most of the comments seem like a variant of let's all point at the lonely fat nerds 'cause they're all virgins meme.
posted by Talanvor at 12:18 AM on February 27, 2007

What disturbs me more than anything else is the description of the faux-gina as "unorthodox."

WTF does that even mean? Is it like SANDPAPER?

(Also, if you're screwing your plush doll every night, chances are you're not going to have the real thing to compare the faux-gina TO. Call it a hunch.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:24 AM on February 27, 2007

Why would you call your faux-gina a hunch?

Thank you, I'll be here all week...
posted by twine42 at 3:03 AM on February 27, 2007

This is the silliest, most offensive thing I have ever... Oh, they make redheads? Cool.
posted by squidfartz at 7:36 AM on February 27, 2007 [2 favorites]

MEN: Is your masturbation habit getting EXPEN$IVE?

For only $500, you can buy my exclusive online training course that will instruct you in the ancient secrets of achieving orgasm ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. That's right -- without stuffed animals, rubber vagina simulators, paid human vagina providers, Vick's Vaporub, warm apple pie... Just a few simple techniques that ANYONE CAN MASTER, and you will ejaculate IN MINUTES.

Paypal accepted.
posted by Methylviolet at 9:41 AM on February 27, 2007

The Products page:

This page is under construction and will be coming soon.

(Snigger)
posted by No Mutant Enemy at 10:41 AM on February 27, 2007

They don't have Contrarian, Troll or Curmudgeon models. And for that matter no African-looking ones.
posted by davy at 7:31 PM on February 27, 2007

Oh, this thread reminds me of when I first found this place. It was the post about RealDolls. Seems likes times really don`t change.

I need to figure out how to use a Japanese keyboard, where is the apostrophe??

The difference between a plushie girl and a hooker is that one has a pulse.
posted by liquorice at 9:10 PM on February 27, 2007

shykids
posted by shoepal at 9:22 PM on February 27, 2007

I have always wanted a Velvet Pelvis
posted by Samuel Farrow at 12:14 PM on February 28, 2007

Although I think we can all agree that they have the power NOT to leave their dolls out posed with other stuffed animals so that guests have to pretend to be charmed by such a strange display.

I'm getting a little disturbed picturing exactly HOW they would be posed.
posted by sleeplessunderwater at 10:04 PM on February 28, 2007