Down in front!

March 1, 2007 1:44 AM

The Fonz & Henry Winkler teach us about sexual abuse. Yes, you read correctly.
Special appearances by John Ritter, Fred Flintstone, and a creepy singing guy in overalls.
posted by miss lynnster (51 comments total)

This is obviously not the same guy who dated the Hooper triplets.
posted by three blind mice at 2:01 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Didn't he abuse Joanie in the real world?
posted by fire&wings at 2:18 AM on March 1, 2007

The Fonz raped me.
posted by Meatbomb at 2:20 AM on March 1, 2007

That was just plain confusing.
posted by chrismear at 3:20 AM on March 1, 2007

I see why they didn't go with:
"Vulva, it's what girls have down in front,
Vulva, ..."
posted by falcon at 3:29 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Fonzie talking about sexual abuse makes me a saaaad panda.
posted by psmealey at 3:32 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

All this time I was supposed to have called it a vulva? Really?
posted by zardoz at 4:24 AM on March 1, 2007

Is this for real?
posted by grouse at 4:32 AM on March 1, 2007

grouse, I doubted as well so I tracked down some supporting evidence: imdb, aol movies, Amazon.com.

I still do not entirely believe.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 4:41 AM on March 1, 2007

A Thousand Baited Hooks: I have no doubt that at least some of the clips used were recorded for such a video. But the way it is edited together seems bizarre to me, as does the down in front song.

Stranger things have happened though.
posted by grouse at 4:53 AM on March 1, 2007

Ayyy!
posted by champthom at 4:58 AM on March 1, 2007

At least they didn't try to differentiate the Fonz and Henry by putting a creepy mustache on one of them.
posted by vagabond at 5:20 AM on March 1, 2007

Metafilter: You are never to blame.
posted by furtive at 5:37 AM on March 1, 2007

I think this was made right around the time he jumped the shark.
posted by Kibbutz at 5:39 AM on March 1, 2007

"The anus, gives relief in time of need"

That's a sentiment I can really get behind!
posted by Goofyy at 5:43 AM on March 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

I never realized that the anus shared that in common with the Salvation Army, Goofyy.

What a bunch of assholes.
posted by psmealey at 5:47 AM on March 1, 2007

Is "it" "a" vulva, or are "they" vulva? Never noticed that before....
posted by pax digita at 6:06 AM on March 1, 2007

My favorite parts are all the random shots of kids looking moderatly uncomfortable
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:27 AM on March 1, 2007

Sweet! I am totally going to remix that acoustic guitar track. Totally asking for a Breakcore sound.
posted by symbioid at 6:28 AM on March 1, 2007

It's a vulva. Feminine singular in Latin. When two or more come together, I suppose they'd be vulvae.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:36 AM on March 1, 2007

I think I prefer the Gordon Jump as child ball toucher episode of Diff'rent Strokes, personally.
posted by The Straightener at 6:51 AM on March 1, 2007

So apparently we're talking vulva now.

When two or more come together, I suppose they'd be vulvae.

I'd like to see that.
posted by grouse at 6:55 AM on March 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

Watching this, I see where Wonder Showzen got their ideas from.
posted by papakwanz at 6:57 AM on March 1, 2007

My husband had the original video as a child. Aside from teaching them safety, it also taught them how to sing these wonderful lyrics in front of Grandma. Their mom still hasn't lived THAT down.
posted by emjaybee at 7:05 AM on March 1, 2007

It's still no scrotum song, though.
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:25 AM on March 1, 2007

I've always found it funny that Henry Winkler, in life, is much closer to Woody Allen than the Fonz.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:26 AM on March 1, 2007

Who wrote this? I did the aural equivalent of a double-take when the Fonz said to the children, "We got a lot of surprises for you along the way, so sit there, enjoy yourself ... or I'm gonna run over your knees with my bike."
posted by Acetylene at 7:38 AM on March 1, 2007

That Amazon link lists the run time as 42 minutes, I'm guessing this was edited for comedic effect.

But yeah, that was awesome and uncomfortable and disturbing like a BLT made of shame.
posted by revgeorge at 7:42 AM on March 1, 2007

I just realized that Henry Winkler is a terrible actor.

Holy shit. I think part of me just died.
posted by Optamystic at 7:55 AM on March 1, 2007

I like the penis and vulva and anus song. It teaches kids the proper words. But they should have been clearer on the anatomy - maybe some cartoon diagrams, and explanations of the reproductive and digestive systems. And no one should feel ashamed of having one, or saying the words.

(as you can tell, I'm in favour of full biological disclosure for kids. The more they know about how their own plumbing works, the safer they will be, whether from predators or just from the power of their own hormones a couple of year later.)
posted by jb at 8:21 AM on March 1, 2007

Well hey... the song is such a hit, maybe I should do a jazz acapella version of it for MeMu!

But very probably not.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:40 AM on March 1, 2007

Miss Lynnster, I'd like to shake your hand.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:47 AM on March 1, 2007

And if you don't shake my hand you'll grow up alone and your parents will never give you hugs.
posted by nathancaswell at 8:50 AM on March 1, 2007

revgeorge, thanks for pointing out this is 42 minutes long. Because at 4 minutes it makes no freaking sense. I understand that talking to kids about molestation is difficult and sensitive, but the jump cuts and elision of what the actual danger is was totally confusing.
posted by Nelson at 9:22 AM on March 1, 2007

Strong Kids, Safe Kids was a free rental at the video store my parents frequented when I was a kid. My brother and I used to insist on checking it out every time we rented movies because we loved that song. It wasn't long before we had it memorized and sang it every chance we get.
posted by sharkweek at 9:25 AM on March 1, 2007

Leather Tuscadero was hotter the Pinky Tuscadero.
posted by tadellin at 9:30 AM on March 1, 2007

the=than.
posted by tadellin at 9:30 AM on March 1, 2007

Gee, I'll bet your parents must've loved taking you to church.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:31 AM on March 1, 2007

Mind? Blown.
posted by somersault at 10:13 AM on March 1, 2007

For the longest time I used to wish Happy Days never really happened, that it didn't really exist.

Now I realize, if not for Happy Days, this video would never exist.

It was all worthwhile.
posted by mazola at 11:12 AM on March 1, 2007

Man, I remember this from the free video rental when I was a kid... as an adult, though, it's infinitely more creepy and bizarre. And good lord if that video isn't fostering more sexual hangups and fear mongering than the actual "pedophile stranger" (especially since we know the bulk of childhood sexual abuse comes from family members- although I suppose they watched this too... ).
posted by hincandenza at 11:26 AM on March 1, 2007

Like others, I've loved this video since my friend discovered it in the free rental box at a local video store.

And now my apologies, as I really can't help but say:

Metafilter: A Useful Thing Indeed
posted by contraption at 12:12 PM on March 1, 2007

A bunch of these segments feature prominently in TV Carnage, so it's interesting to see them during daylight hours while I'm sober.
posted by Adam_S at 12:47 PM on March 1, 2007

Leather Tuscadero

My Suzie Q
posted by Sparx at 1:35 PM on March 1, 2007

Ok, so here's the video broken down for ya.
posted by miss lynnster at 2:00 PM on March 1, 2007

Goddamn it now I have that song stuck in my head!
posted by grouse at 2:35 PM on March 1, 2007

Nice sweater, Hank!
posted by mr_roboto at 3:05 PM on March 1, 2007

I can't watch the Youtube now because I'm at work, but I totally remember watching "Strong Kids, Safe Kids" with my brother and sister way back when. It was a free rental at our video store too. Does the clip have the "Oh, a penis is a part of your body..." song? We lost it at that point. Also there was a bit where all the funny words that kids use to describe their genitalia scroll across the screen, and that's the moment we learned the term "tallywhacker." We still say that to each other.
posted by web-goddess at 5:29 PM on March 1, 2007

hmm...the thread actually has activated a buried childhood memory: when i was like 8 or so, i went to the house of a girl down the street, and we found a bunch of porn mags under her parents' bed...i remember were were listening to captain and tennille singing 'muskrat love'...we crawled under the bed and looked at the porn mags, and in one was a full-page cartoon of the fonz, frontal view, holding his penis, which was rather huge...and i think he was saying 'ayyyy!' as he was so prone...i wonder if i could find that on ebay...

...i think that might have been what made me gay...not long after, when my friends and i would play 'fonz and pinky tuscadero,' i was always pinky tuscadero, not least because i had the white short-shorts and a pink shirt that i tied with that cute midriff-knot, and I had that move down where she snaps her fingers with one hand while slapping her other hand on top of it...
posted by troybob at 7:11 PM on March 1, 2007

I've never been more proud to be a ukulele player.
posted by etc. at 7:50 PM on March 1, 2007

Fonzie told me I have AIDS.
posted by interrobang at 12:12 PM on March 19, 2007