Is Some Hate more Hateful?

March 1, 2007 2:30 AM

Why I hate race baiting. SF Chroonicle columnist Debra J. Saunders wonders how did the "Why I hate blacks" column by Kenneth Eng that ran in AsianWeek Feb. 23 ever make it by the paper's editors? Previous columns by Kenneth Eng such as "Proof That Whites Inherently Hate Us" and "Why I hate Asians" sparked no Chronicle story and no City Hall resolution against AsianWeek. Both of these columns remain on the Asianweek website. But Eng's rant against blacks got him fired and resulted in an apology from the magazine's editors. Eng's final column has also been pulled from Asianweek's website.
posted by three blind mice (103 comments total)

Eng's a complete lunatic. Google him. It's worth it.
posted by stammer at 2:38 AM on March 1, 2007

From 'Proof That Whites Inherently Hate Us': Most Asians know that everywhere we go, white/black/Hispanic people hurl racist remarks at us. I have already received about 10 racist remarks in the past three months and I have only been out of my home a handful of times.

This line made me think of a sort of flip-side Ask Kazuhide. I think somehow that may demonstrate Kenneth Eng's point.
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 2:47 AM on March 1, 2007

SF Chroonicle

SF Chronicle. I hate it when I do that.
posted by three blind mice at 2:50 AM on March 1, 2007

"In high school, I only remember one black student ever attending any of my honors and AP courses. And that student was caught cheating."

I remember that kid Joseph who once cheated off of me on a test in junior high school. That's why I always punch people named Joseph in the nuts when I meet them.
posted by chasing at 2:57 AM on March 1, 2007 [7 favorites]

His Amazon blog is kind of fun. I like the part where he disproves logic.
posted by chasing at 3:02 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

I went to college with Ken Eng, back at NYU Film. He was always crazy, always loathsome, and always racist. The kid was a legend. I hardly ever encountered him myself, but I heard stories...

He was in a friend's life drawing class, for example, and at one point the teacher asked everyone what they first looked for when drawing a figure. Everyone gave sane answers - "I look for an action line" or "I look for an interesting feature" - but then Ken said, "first, I imagine the subject as a lycanthrope." And then, lo and behold, everyone cranes their necks to look at Ken's work, and indeed, he's drawn a shitty bevy of lycanthropes for his assignments.

At another point, in a screenwriting class with maybe six people in it, he would constantly make his classmates read his writing in class and then take back the scripts so that no one would steal his ideas. One script centered around some sort of Lara Croft-esque babe who was participating in a rather dangerous game indeed: a bounty hunt to kill everyone with an IQ below 110. At one point in the script, a nuclear device was about to hit China, but then in a heroic moment, it was rerouted to, I believe, a stadium of black people in Detroit. Asked why this had happened, why it was a victory that the Asians were spared for the blacks, he proudly responded that "there has never been, nor will there ever be, a black genius."

Needless to say, that script is currently in production and is going to be a huge success, bearing the title Pirates Of The Caribbean 3.

You should also look out for The 0th Dimension, in which an anthropomorphic mantis fights a pegasus.

He would also do things like, when profs would show clips from Casablanca or The Godfather in class, raise his hand and whine aloud that there was no point in watching crappy old movies when his own dialog was so much better.

Eng is also a foe of Marvel Comics. I have some friends who work there, and oh the stories. He used to have a GeoCities blog where he laid out his thoughts in pure and crazy detail, centering around the argument that Marvel is racist against Asians, but unfortunately it appears to be down. It was ripe with bitter, narcissistic crazy, at any rate, fueled no doubt in part by the fact he had interned there but never been hired.

He seemed especially horrified that they had hired a woman who got along with people, but not he. He also bragged that he had vandalized the bathrooms out of...well, I don't know what. At any rate, I'm sure it showed Marvel.

Anyway, here's an interview with him.

Describe one recurring dream you have?
Escaping this prison of a planet and physically entering the 0th Dimension as an anthropomorphic shark.

posted by Sticherbeast at 3:17 AM on March 1, 2007 [30 favorites]

His Amazon blog is kind of fun. I like the part where he disproves logic.

"Y-A-W-N...Someday, Eng, you'll find your purpose. Maybe they'll name a disease after you."
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:17 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Why do blacks get all the special treatment in America?
posted by srboisvert at 3:20 AM on March 1, 2007

The guy is a wonderful example of how we do things: he does a mean-spirited piece and it gets published. Big reaction. He gets fired but the editor who allowed it to run stay on and make money and all is ok again. As Truman did not say: the buck stops somewhere else.
posted by Postroad at 3:22 AM on March 1, 2007

I wander one other 'blog, who casually posted this yesterday, and I assumed it was parody.
posted by toma at 3:34 AM on March 1, 2007

Kenneth Eng, God of the Universe

Somebody has a complex...
posted by Colloquial Collision at 3:51 AM on March 1, 2007

HOW TO PROVE THAT P AND ~P IS TRUE, by Kenneth C. Eng, Novelist. Awesome.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 4:00 AM on March 1, 2007

Why do blacks get all the special treatment in America?

Thanks srboisvert. That's the FPP title I would have written had I been smart enough to think of it.
posted by three blind mice at 4:10 AM on March 1, 2007

Free alt-weeklies have such negligent and incompetent editorial staffs that they would stoop to publishing a number of columns from loons like this? Oh, the humanity!

I'm more embarassed by the very existence of AsianWeekly itself. I can certainly understand the need for native-language newspapers for non-English speakers, but an English-language newspaper that self-identifies as the "voice of the Asian-American community"? Please. How is that any less revoltingly condescending than a publication that bills itself as, say, "the voice of the 19-to-23-year-old demographic"? Just because I'm of an ethnic minority doesn't mean I appreciate a newspaper purporting to represent that minor aspect of me while also stuffing me with crappy ads, thank you very much. Especially if they're going to do it this disasterously.
posted by DaShiv at 4:17 AM on March 1, 2007

Sticherbeast: Ken said, "first, I imagine the subject as a lycanthrope." And then, lo and behold, everyone cranes their necks to look at Ken's work, and indeed, he's drawn a shitty bevy of lycanthropes for his assignments.
...
"Escaping this prison of a planet and physically entering the 0th Dimension as an anthropomorphic shark."

So... how does he feel about Asian furries?
posted by A Thousand Baited Hooks at 4:31 AM on March 1, 2007

I'm not particularly in a mood to defend my response here, but yes, some hate is more hateful. A person with asian ethnic background can get away being insulting towards asians and whites easier than he can with blacks. Don't get me wrong—each is equally objectively lame, but only one of these three gets downright sinister.
posted by Firas at 4:33 AM on March 1, 2007

hoverboards: I found an awesome smackdown in the comments there:

"Y-A-W-N...Someday, Eng, you'll find your purpose. Maybe they'll name a disease after you."

Someone get that kid a Mefi account!
posted by Firas at 4:42 AM on March 1, 2007

I don't really see why it's so surprising no one raised eyebrows until the last article was published. The first article was hardly as controversial a title and even if you disagree with the concept was directed at the majority racial group in the country. The second article, "Why I Hate Asians," was published in a magazine called "AsianWeek" which I would guess is read mostly by Asians. The difference between "Why I Hate Asians" and "Why I Hate Blacks" in a magazine for Asian people is same as the difference between the volume at which your white friends play their Chris Rock CDs and the volume at which they repeat his routines to co-workers.

If anything, I'm glad Postroad raises the issue here that is so often ignored, which is the complete idiocy of the editor to let the article be published in the first place. There's a difference between censorship and editorial responsibility and if you don't believe in that difference you don't qualify to be an editor.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:51 AM on March 1, 2007

If I were Kenneth Eng, I'd be thinking about moving to, maybe, oh, I dunno...Ascension Island?...and launching a new career that's going to emphasize anonymity. He'll be lucky if all he gets from this is a firing and public ridicule.

So is the editor gonna get fired too? If not, why even bother with an apology? It's like "Oooooh, sorry I hurt your poor widdle feelings" -- it's just window-dressing bull$hit. In fact, if Eng's a known loon, I'd say the editor was more responsible for this train wreck than Eng was.
posted by pax digita at 5:04 AM on March 1, 2007

Kenneth Eng is now my best friend and you all need to shut your stupid mouths.
posted by The Straightener at 5:09 AM on March 1, 2007

I went to Eng's college the same year as him, but we never shared any classes. The stories I heard were awesome, though! Sticherbeast summed it up pretty well. I have some stories, but they're basically gossip.
posted by ®@ at 5:14 AM on March 1, 2007

We need more input for NYU classmates of his. This kid is clearly fantastically delusion, on the level of an Aleksey Vayner but with an (irresistible) ethnic twist. I'm talking nuttier than a shitlog after a pound bag of Planters. I await further testimonials.
posted by The Straightener at 5:23 AM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

I like how he claims credit for the "Japanese-Russo" war. With a name like Eng. I can only guess that he's a fervent Co-Prosperous Greater East Asian collaborator.
posted by breezeway at 5:40 AM on March 1, 2007

Mad Ken Eg's article is only interesting because of the reactions it caused in others. The fact that Ken Eg is compleetly void of credibility puts the focus back on the rest of the media, leaving us to ponder our own reactions nd why we reacted as we did.
posted by BeerGrin at 5:50 AM on March 1, 2007

I can tell you why this got past the editors: Asian racists just aren't that threatening. Really, what's he gonna do? Ching chong me to death? Poke me with his chopsticks? Come on.
posted by fungible at 5:51 AM on March 1, 2007 [4 favorites]

Weird. I was in Tisch Film 1999 through 2003, so I would have been in NYU at least two years Eng was. And for the life of me I've never heard of this raving lunatic before. I guess it's harder to stand out as a certifiable crazy person when you're at NYU Film School.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:04 AM on March 1, 2007 [3 favorites]

Can we get a physical description? I'm picturing Angry Asian Napoleon Dynamite.
posted by The Straightener at 6:05 AM on March 1, 2007

Now, imagine he was black.
posted by four panels at 6:08 AM on March 1, 2007

He's just upset because he has a small penis and poor driving skills.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:14 AM on March 1, 2007

I'm imagining Kenneth Eng and Adam Yoshida making sweet, sweet love. It isn't pretty.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:14 AM on March 1, 2007

Mad Ken Eg's article is only interesting because of the reactions it caused in others. The fact that Ken Eg is compleetly void of credibility puts the focus back on the rest of the media, leaving us to ponder our own reactions nd why we reacted as we did.

Reading this essay of his, I'm amazed David Horowitz and the right-wing "campus free speech" movement hasn't taken up his cause yet. After all, this is clearly a kid claiming discrimination against him by left-wing professors. Folks like Horowitz who fought so hard to get Ward Churchill fired and insist that students should never be attacked for contrary views are most certainly not hypocrites so I simply don't understand how this kind isn't under their wing yet. (Cough)
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:16 AM on March 1, 2007

Lithium, stat!
posted by konolia at 6:21 AM on March 1, 2007

Can we get a physical description? I'm picturing Angry Asian Napoleon Dynamite.

There's a photo of him in an interview here. Surprisingly, he is not in fact nailed to a cross.

Also, more on his writing and mannerisms here. I cannot believe I have never heard of this kid before. He writes for real the way the Penny Arcade write as a joke. "Lexicon Triumvirate?" Jesus Christ.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:23 AM on March 1, 2007

He seems to be an equal-opportunity hater!
posted by clevershark at 6:25 AM on March 1, 2007

"At age twenty-one, Kenneth Che-Tew Eng is one of the youngest published science fiction novelists in America."

I'm guessing 'Nartea Publishing' is a vanity press?
posted by Firas at 6:32 AM on March 1, 2007

So, he's obviously batshitinsane, why is he getting his articles published, exactly? Can he write? Or did the editor(s) of AsianWeek assume with titles like "Why I Hate White People", that he was being deliciously ironic?
posted by eurasian at 6:33 AM on March 1, 2007

The more you read what he writes and what he says in interviews, the harder it is to take offense because he evidently has no grip on reality whatsoever.
posted by clevershark at 6:34 AM on March 1, 2007

Fungible made me laugh outloud. Good one.
Equally funny is your post Mr Crash Davis

I will add my voice to the "editor should be fired" side of things.
Eng wrote an article and submitted it. He did his job. The editor that chose to run it and not toss it aside is at fault. And if the editor knows Eng's history, and also ran the previous articles about hating Asians and whites, then he knew exactly what he was doing and why. Controversy sells. Eng isn't fired, he will just draw a check as a contributor or some other way now.
That he got fired for his rant against blacks and got nada for his other rants doesn't even raise an eyebrow anymore. Only blacks can rant against other blacks, queue Cosby...
posted by a3matrix at 6:36 AM on March 1, 2007

From XQ's first-linked essay (and btw, nice editorial standards for that "literary magazine," too):

Despite all this ruckus, I do have to thank former Dean Elliot Dee for remaining objective throughout my conflicts and fellow filmmaker Pamela Love, who made a documentary about my case.

I think I'd love to see that documentary.
posted by COBRA! at 6:49 AM on March 1, 2007

This guy is an embarrassment to atheism. Sadly, that's not a very limited commodity.

Look there is a big difference between criticizing your own ethnic groups, and criticizing another. (as far as his "why I hate white people thing, well that's probably not very good either)
posted by delmoi at 6:54 AM on March 1, 2007

Seems to me that Eng is a guy of slightly above-average intelligence who puts so much effort into being accepted as intelligent or orginal, he constantly puts himself into situations where he is in over his head, and only succeeds in making himself look ridiculous. His P and ~P blog post reveals a lot more about him than he is likely aware of.

His grasp of the elements of logic (and by extension, philosophy) is so poor that when he tries to forge ahead with his proof he gets so confused with regard to his original premise, that not only does his proof break down, he fails to make any point entirely.

I think accepting this truth of Mr. Eng goes at least some distance in explaining the rest of his body of work.
posted by psmealey at 7:01 AM on March 1, 2007

Look there is a big difference between criticizing your own ethnic groups, and criticizing another.

Well, except his Why I Hate Asians was largely about white people, not Asian. Those damn Asians that cowtow to whitey!

*sigh* I expect I'll see this guy living in MY neighborhood soon. You know, on the street, squawking with the rest of the crazy homeless people about how they hate [fill in any ethnic group here].
posted by smallerdemon at 7:04 AM on March 1, 2007

I'm pretty sure I went to junior high with him. I don't think he was batshit insane yet back then, so I wonder what happened...
posted by yeoz at 7:05 AM on March 1, 2007

I'm just sorry he never got around to finishing his series, as I am sure that his "Why I Hate the Eskimos" would have been a doozy, bullet points and all.

• Seriously, you expect us to call you Inuit? Cause that ain't gonna happen.

• What's with all the seal fat, motherfuckers?

• Have you ever seen any Asian Eskimos? Of course not, except when they're cavemen and they're in movies called Iceman and their played by John Lone, and that's just fucked up. Asians are not Eskimo cavemen.
posted by Astro Zombie at 7:06 AM on March 1, 2007

Metafilter: Escaping this prison of a planet and physically entering the 0th Dimension as an anthropomorphic shark.
posted by grobstein at 7:58 AM on March 1, 2007

seriously guys it worked for me
chomp chomp!
posted by grobstein at 7:58 AM on March 1, 2007

How can it be racist for Joe Biden to say Barack Obama is "articulate," but an opportunity when an AsianWeek columnist calls blacks "easy to coerce?"

Yeah, well.

I read Eng's columns a couple of days ago. Yes, somebody should have objected to his earlier columns; and yes, "Why I Hate Blacks" should have been caught before it went to press. But what escapes me is how the guy was ever hired in the first place. He can't write.

The first thing I hate about Asians...

The second thing I hate about Asians...

The third thing I hate about Asians...

I've read plenty of fourth-rate editorial copy and most of it is hackery, but here's a guy who clearly doesn't recognize any difference between professional journalism and middle school homework. Most of them try and fail; this guy doesn't even try. Why hire him, except because he'll publish incendiary columns — in which case, save your apology.
posted by cribcage at 8:40 AM on March 1, 2007

Thus, it seems that logic’s antithesis would be a mathematical theory that is true yet cannot be proved true through logic.

Devil's advocate: guy's got a point here, no?
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 8:44 AM on March 1, 2007

Metafilter: Asians are not Eskimo Cavemen.
posted by drezdn at 8:55 AM on March 1, 2007

The Narrative Stylings of "Kenneth Eng, God".

Original Research!!!1:

Still haven't figured out whether "Nartea Publishing" is vanity or legit (their parent company, 'DNA Publishing', seems small but at least somewhat selective), but they seem to have just four books in their line (so it doesn't really matter at that point does it), and they randomly removed 'Dragons' from their site: current, feb 2 cache.
posted by Firas at 9:02 AM on March 1, 2007

Eng is nuts, but he's just some punk kid who wrote some provocative crap. The real scandal here is that the editors of AsianWeek ran the article.

Who are the editors? The Fang family, the same ones whose fake newspaper "The Independent" somehow resulted in anti-trust restrictions about newspaper mergers being lifted and the two real SF papers, the Chronicle and the Examiner. being merged. The Fangs, friends of then-mayor Willie Brown, then ended up in control of the "new Examiner" and proceeded to run it swiftly into the ground while collecting millions of dollars in payments from the new owners of the Chronicle.

The Fangs continue to play at being newspapermen, but their biggest journalistic contribution is helping turn SF from a two paper town into a one paper town. While profiting all the way.
posted by Nelson at 9:13 AM on March 1, 2007

I'm sort of surprised at my schadenfreude streak here, but (from 2005) "As for my pet peeve against Kenneth C. Eng... live and let live, I say. ... I predict he'll make enemies -- no friends -- for the rest of his life." [link] Prophetic?

Here's his next book: Reincarnation. Looks like he needs some of that for his public image too.
posted by Firas at 9:31 AM on March 1, 2007

It's worth noting that the several folks in the asian community stepped up to call the paper for printing this. Without hemming, hawing and defending it (ala Michael Richards or Rosie O'Donnell) nor having to be pushed into a half-hearted apology by the NAACP.

See? Anti-racism is easy. It's just like the social pressure we apply to discourage public defecation. You don't excuse it, you call it for what it is.
posted by yeloson at 9:33 AM on March 1, 2007

His book is amazing. Simply mind-blowing... that it was published, that is. I've read better self-insert fanfiction. Somebody had a much better anthro-dragon fantasy story in my college writing group when I was a freshman, too. Then again, that guy wasn't a God or anything, so it stands to reason that Eng got "published" and he didn't...

on preview: "Cosine Chan, a law-enforcement agent—who has spent her life fighting hyperviolent vandals, thieves, and perjurers—finds herself thrust into investigating a mysterious anarchist known only as Limacon Lambert who is plotting to pollute the consciousness pools of mankind."

"known only as Limacon Lambert". Let's see that one more time: known only as Limacon Lambert.

Mind... boggled!
posted by vorfeed at 9:48 AM on March 1, 2007 [2 favorites]

From his "interview":

The book I am currently reading/writing is about Daemonhand Mediaeval, the skeleton warrior who aforesaid his humanity to destroy evil Black Technoknight Uther Penn Sapien and his evil Round Table. In doing so, he becomes an immortal undead warrior 100 billion years into a future when the Middle Ages are still in existence. This story is based on the philosophy that the purpose of life is not the end, but the journey itself, and that even though Death is the ultimate state of existence, it is still possible to contradict it.

Cool. I hear he's also working on the screenplay for Time Cube: The Movie.
posted by mkultra at 9:48 AM on March 1, 2007

He writes for real the way the Penny Arcade write as a joke.

This Daemonhand Mediaeval and Black Technoknight Uther Penn Sapien would probably fit right in with Doctor Raven Darktalon Blood or Harbringer Portent the Unsunderer.
posted by juv3nal at 10:15 AM on March 1, 2007

Read an excerpt from his book here.
posted by juv3nal at 10:25 AM on March 1, 2007

His next big article will be "Why I hate Sticherbeast for talking smack about me on teh intarweb."
posted by drstein at 10:27 AM on March 1, 2007

"Interesting," muttered Dennagon to himself. "The force of gravity is 9.8 meters per second squared on this planet, but not in space. I wonder if 'Space' really exists?"

Page two, people. The first line of dialogue.

Magnificent!
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:34 AM on March 1, 2007

Halfway confirmed: "the Nartea imprint is a vanity publisher." Check out this email: "We can consider your book for publication and include it in the Spring 2006 catalog or later (we work 1 year ahead). However, we need US$3,800 commitment from a sponsor for your book or yourself. "

Eng paid up to be published and then quoted the fact that he got published to get more writing assignments. Way to go! House of mirrors.

Reminds me of this guy.
posted by Firas at 10:36 AM on March 1, 2007

Firas: Nartea Publishing is an imprint of DNA which is listed in Preditors and Editors as NOT RECOMMENDED:

http://www.anotherealm.com/prededitors/pebd.htm
posted by eurasian at 10:38 AM on March 1, 2007

Free alt-weeklies have such negligent and incompetent editorial staffs that they would stoop to publishing a number of columns from loons like this?

Free weeklies are generally worth every penny.
posted by jonmc at 10:41 AM on March 1, 2007

Holy f#$, I just realized something, given that he says in the interview that he pretty much only reads himself, this guy was actually in danger of running afoul of Samuel Johnson's extraordinarily hyperbolic example: "I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read."
posted by Firas at 10:43 AM on March 1, 2007

Thus, it seems that logic’s antithesis would be a mathematical theory that is true yet cannot be proved true through logic.

Devil's advocate: guy's got a point here, no?

You could very charitably read this as a reference to Gödel's Incompleteness Theorem, but that doesn't "disprove" logic; it merely constrains your expectations of it.

Am I the only one who's getting a really strong whiff of Derek Smart about this Eng guy?

Seems to me that Eng is a guy of slightly above-average intelligence who puts so much effort into being accepted as intelligent or orginal, he constantly puts himself into situations where he is in over his head, and only succeeds in making himself look ridiculous.

(The 120 IQ trap? Smart enough to think you're smart, without actually being all that smart?)
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 10:47 AM on March 1, 2007

The 120 IQ trap? Smart enough to think you're smart, without actually being all that smart?

Probably more like 105, but he aspires to have a 155 IQ.

I feel like I know this guy. So much of his writing reminds of a couple of people I knew in high school. These were folks who took all of the honors classes, but for competitive reasons, not because they weren't challenged by the standard courses; they were. In order to overcompensate for lack of genuine intellectual ability (and failing grades), they would invariably say outrageous things or make up incredibly complex (but ultimately unimaginative) fictions to demonstrate their worthiness or eccentricity. He definitely strikes me as a guy whose ambition far exceeds his capabilities.
posted by psmealey at 10:56 AM on March 1, 2007

• Blacks are easy to coerce. This is proven by the fact that so many of them, including Reverend Al Sharpton, tend to be Christians.

Yet, at the same time, they spend much of their time whining about how much they hate "the whites that oppressed them."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Christianity the religion that the whites forced upon them?

Actually I've been making the same point myself, but not only about blacks. I got it from Nietzsche, who pointed out that Christianity is a slave religion—regardless of the skin color of its practicioners—in 1886. (Christians who are rich and powerful people are faking their piety and/or are incredibly neurotic.)

But then I've been with a few Asian girls (Filipina, Korean and Chinese) and I think they taste like heaven.

And my IQ, by the Mensa pre-test, is 137: smart enough to be pretty smart, but not quite a genius. I'd be pretty lonely at a Mensa convention with all the Mefites and SciFi fans.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Eng Chinese? If so, why does he take glory in the Japanese victory over Russia in 1905-6, given that the next think Japan did was to go whomping on China?
posted by davy at 11:20 AM on March 1, 2007

In terms of cognitive development, it's like his brain leapfrogged from 'explanation' to 'synthesis' without ever getting down the 'analysis' part: How to Attain Perfection (linked from here):

Consider again the non-temporal beginning of time. If this timeless genesis bore the quest for perfection that sparked time in the first place, it would ineludibly have to force an end to time that would mark the completion of perfection. Thus, it would substantiate as a beginning and an end, a place where time does not exist as a result of the total attainment of purpose. This would also mean that Ultimate Reality is, in its origin and termination, omniaesthetic and omnibenevolent in that it allows art and ultimate bliss to be created. However, a godlike observer within its timelines must build perfection in his mind and also achieve ideality in his own physical life (as far as one can define “physical”) in an endless pattern of self-conscious and flawless timelines. Yet, the fact that he is aware that success is ultimately inevitable would cause problems for this mission in that it would eliminate the supreme conflict necessary for a dramatic and perfect existence to take place. Conflict is an intrinsic part of causality, for without warfare of some kind, there would be no objectives to strive for (strategies and objectives can be thought of as causes and effects).

Must... stop.. procrastinating.. every half hour.. by.. following.. this...
posted by Firas at 11:29 AM on March 1, 2007

Asian racists just aren't that threatening. Really, what's he gonna do? Ching chong me to death? Poke me with his chopsticks? Come on.
posted by fungible

He's just upset because he has a small penis and poor driving skills.
posted by mr_crash_davis

Fungible made me laugh outloud. Good one.
Equally funny is your post Mr Crash Davis
posted by a3matrix ]

and, finally

Look there is a big difference between criticizing your own ethnic groups, and criticizing another.

Delmoi's post is precisely why the first three posts quoted are deeply uncool.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 12:14 PM on March 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Describe one recurring dream you have?
Eng: Escaping this prison of a planet and physically entering the 0th Dimension as an anthropomorphic shark.

Wait, people want to hear less from this guy?
posted by spaltavian at 1:23 PM on March 1, 2007

Holy shit, this guy is a riot. Did you see the cover of his novel? Did you see the cover of his novel???!!! The dragon has guns!!! Three of them!!! And a sword!!!
posted by mr_roboto at 1:32 PM on March 1, 2007

And there's a "search inside this book" at Amazon. My favorite passage so far?

"RRRRRR!!" he roared.

I'm gonna try and find a sex scene.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:34 PM on March 1, 2007

Well, here's a romantic prelude, at least:

...Fear lurked in her, touched with embarrassed nervousness, but she knew that if she let herself become chained by her own emotions, then there would be no domination over her enemies. She had to say it.

"Do you also believe in love..." she started hesitantly, "...at first sight?"

The words wisped from her soul to the air. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her brain and breast, but unfortunately, Dennagon did not share the same sentiments. The embarrassment she felt in her premeditation now spilt over to him, and he was more aversive toward it than she. This he would not tolerate, the utter insolence of it all.

Slashing the blade up in a militaristic posture, he nearly cut her nostrils. Her playful fire breathing desisted.

"I don't judge books by their covers or whelps by their faces."

Lyconel gasped. She had just unveiled her inner most sensations and had been rejected quicker than an electron's revolutionary period around a nucleus.... Angrily, she stomped away on all fours, resuming the repairs on her mace and thinking no more of the creature that she had been so thoroughly snubbed by.

"Quicker than an electron's revolutionary period around a nucleus." He really knows how to write women! Or she-dragons, as the case may be.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:49 PM on March 1, 2007

I dunno. I don't think I could write anything as bad as Astro Zombie's quote if I poured body, soul and large amounts of personal effluvium into it. Magnificent hardly begins to describe it. There are different kinds of intelligence, and different kinds of genius, and Mr Eng's appears to be out argoning the Eye of Argon and singlehandedly writing the sequel to Atlanta Nights.
posted by Sparx at 1:52 PM on March 1, 2007

Delmoi's post is precisely why the first three posts quoted are deeply uncool.

Please cite your evidence that none of those posters are Asian. Unless you're making an ironic point about Delmoi's post being specious and knee-jerk, in which case nevermind.

Must... stop.. procrastinating.. every half hour.. by.. following.. this...

"Following"? This isn't breaking news. The guy wrote a column, and the newspaper retracted and apologized. He's fired. The end. I'm all for knocking his columns, but picking apart his fiction and stalking him across the Wayback Machine is another story.
posted by cribcage at 2:27 PM on March 1, 2007

he guy wrote a column, and the newspaper retracted and apologized. He's fired. The end. I'm all for knocking his columns, but picking apart his fiction and stalking him across the Wayback Machine is another story.

I view it as a unified oeuvre that must be addressed as a whole.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:42 PM on March 1, 2007

I'm all for knocking his columns, but picking apart his fiction and stalking him across the Wayback Machine is another story.

But what's so extraordinary about this story is the writer himself! I think to a lot of us, this guy's god complex--especially in combination with the awesomely bad dragon fiction and the fact that he's a furry--makes this story a lot more compelling in some ways than if he was just some local Michelle Malkin type who happened to step over the line and get fired.

On preview, what mr_roboto said, only less concisely.
posted by infinitywaltz at 2:47 PM on March 1, 2007

I have no evidence, cribcage, except the hunch that an Asian man wouldn't have trotted out the "tiny penis" stereotype and the "ching chong" thing is just not something I can imagine an Asian-American saying. "Ching chong" is the kind of thing that means nothing to us but might convey a world of meaning to you.

But hey, it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong.

Fungible?
Mr. Crash Davis?
a3matrix?

Are any of you of Asian ancestry?
posted by ereshkigal45 at 2:49 PM on March 1, 2007

No, but I ate sushi for lunch today. Does that count?
posted by fungible at 2:59 PM on March 1, 2007

Only if it was human.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 3:05 PM on March 1, 2007

Only, ereshkigal45, those jokes aren't directed at Asians, they're directed at a racist Asian and they use anti-Asian racist tropes as their material; there's irony there you're either ignoring or not understanding. You don't find the racism funny, and it's entirely possible (even probable) that the posters don't find them funny, either. But how funny the stereotypes are as jokes isn't the point; leveling racism at a racist is.

You may have a problem with that kind of humor, too (or, for that matter, all humor), but I think you're missing the point. They aren't criticizing Asians, they're criticizing Eng.

Now that I've explained it to death, it isn't funny, but maybe you understand.
posted by breezeway at 3:06 PM on March 1, 2007

I just wish you'd stop playing that joke where you go pee pee in my Coke.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:10 PM on March 1, 2007

breezeway, you didn't have to dumb it down for me ("maybe you understand"). Haven't you heard we're all overachieving geniuses? Perhaps I was being too subtle in pointing out that the irony in those posts was too subtle - particularly for this medium where an emoticon for the wry wink has yet to be developed.

But you know what? Maybe I am lacking in humor. Nah. It would have bugged me in real life too, probably. I'm not saying I would have been angered, but there would have been a little prick* of annoyance.

*hah, get it? and you think I have a problem with humor

P.S. Nobody reply with lame attempts at emoticons for wry winks. I know we've all been been scarred by the Great Img Tag Denial, but ASCII is a lame substitute.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 3:21 PM on March 1, 2007

I read the sentence: “Jew believes the anti-Asian and anti-white columns should have received the same scrutiny as the anti-black screed” like 12 times before I figured out the editor guy’s name was Ed Jew.
posted by Smedleyman at 3:28 PM on March 1, 2007

"Quicker than an electron's revolutionary period around a nucleus."

Seriously?? Seriously????
posted by metaly at 3:31 PM on March 1, 2007

I already changed my IM status to

Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches

and now I have to change AGAIN it to

"RRRRRR!!" he roared

I just cannot keep up with metafilter today.
posted by jcruelty at 3:36 PM on March 1, 2007

Ah, shit, ereshkigal45, I wasn't trying to dumb it down. I meant the "understand" bit with more of a sigh than a snarl, but I guess it didn't come across. You're right about the subtlety, and I didn't mean to talk down to you.
posted by breezeway at 3:39 PM on March 1, 2007

And as far as the parenthetical humor comment, I meant I have no way of knowing how funny you are. Your responses to their jokes seemed pretty humorless and either unforgiving or lacking the benefit of doubt that goes well here, you know, "If so-and-so may be an asshole or may not, I'll take it as 'not' until they seal the deal." But here I was the one missing something, and should have extended more of that benefit to you.

Live and learn.
posted by breezeway at 3:46 PM on March 1, 2007

Jeezis, AZ, I hadn't thought about that one in decades.

(That and the one where the Chinese guy jumps out from behind the rock at the end and yells "Supplies!" I wonder if second-graders are still telling that shit, or if there's a new ethnicity of choice for these things....)
posted by nebulawindphone at 4:32 PM on March 1, 2007

cribcage, I don't consider the column particularly interesting here! It's a reclusive furry frequent-masturbator (not that there's anything wrong with that, but amusing when put together with the following) who has a god complex, fabulously bad writing skills, a persecution complex, decries everyone else as stupider than him, writes horrendously bad sci-fi, pays someone to publish it, then wraps himself in the veneer of being a young published author. It's titanic hubris mixed with hyperpublic flailing and infantile functional capacity ("yeah, but my novels are cooler than yours bitch", he replied to someone who said she doesn't have freelance money to take his work), by a completely offtrack wannabe.

I strongly resent your notion that I was 'stalking' him in any sense. I may have stepped over a 'mean' line, but a guy who heaps abuse on the world may deserve that from time to time. I didn't write a big blog post that'd end up as the first hit on google for his name chronicling his misadventures. I don't think he's going to emerge from this emotionally scarred, you see? He has more hardcore self-defense mechanisms than all of us put together.
posted by Firas at 5:15 PM on March 1, 2007

Samuel Johnson's extraordinarily hyperbolic example: "I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read."

Perhaps I'm missing something, but I think that's a perfectly reasonable thing to say.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:33 PM on March 1, 2007

Yeah, I meant hyperbolic in the sense that such a person could exist—the effect of what he meant was probably just "I don't wish to converse with someone who's a blowhard", rather than an attempt at selecting human populations for someone who literally has a higher frequency of 'words written over time' than 'words read'. But what do I know? Maybe such people are out there.
posted by Firas at 5:42 PM on March 1, 2007

As the SFist has pointed out, it's been a bad week for Asian-Americans in the local papers.

PURPLE LATEX GLOVES!
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 6:27 PM on March 1, 2007

It's all good, breezeway. Sorry that I misread you. I can be overly sensitive sometimes. (I hear my friends saying, "No! You? Oversensitive? NEVAR.")
posted by ereshkigal45 at 6:37 PM on March 1, 2007

You know, I keep forgetting to mention that I, um, share a surname with the topic of this post. Do you think that might be relevant?
posted by ereshkigal45 at 6:39 PM on March 1, 2007

Sung to the tune of Village People's "YMCA"

Kenneth!
No one makes love to dragons like
Kenneth!
Was there a sex Nobel Prize, he would
Get it!
Only he can imagine, that a-ny crea-ture would touch
Kenneth!
Says "Hitler was no coward", so
Kenneth!
Why don't you get a clue, you won't
Get it!
We won't listen to you
when you open your big mouth, so...

[Chorus]
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:28 PM on March 1, 2007

Wow. Hearing about this guy is doing wonders for my self-esteem.
posted by Astragalus at 8:17 PM on March 1, 2007

No worries, ereshkigal45. I don't think your reaction was all that inappropriate.

Honestly, I thought my first comment in this thread was super-offensive and might make someone angry. Hell, it made me angry, and I wrote it. Such poor taste.
posted by breezeway at 8:49 PM on March 1, 2007

One might think that the man who says, “Reincarnation is not limited in time, space and material. I could essentially be anyone living in the present, past, or future, or any imaginary being drawn from the Omnitemporal Realm. All consciousness is one. I am in everyone, friend or foe” would also be on who would cultivate a general attitude of charity and goodwill toward his fellow beings, but one would be wrong.
posted by wobh at 10:26 PM on March 1, 2007

Kenneth Eng is apparently smarter than 71.6% of NYU applicants. Yay higher education!
posted by inoculatedcities at 12:03 PM on March 2, 2007

From the hilarious ForeWord Magazine interview:

What are you still determined to learn to do?
Resolve the paradoxes that belie the quest for perfection. I must determine how to infallibly alter any reality of the Multiverses to my bidding, while maintaining cosmic perfection and symmetry. Even Dennagon, albeit he is omnipotent, does not have the answer to this riddle.

posted by kdar at 12:42 PM on March 2, 2007

Didn't care about the article, faved for the craziness.

Jesus.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 2:32 PM on March 3, 2007

If anyone is still curious, a video interview from Fox News:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,257020,00.html

("Watch the interview" in the left-hand column)
posted by Adam_S at 7:26 PM on March 7, 2007

Kenneth Eng defends himself on Fox News. Classic.
posted by chunking express at 12:02 PM on March 30, 2007