The world's hardest Flash game. Ever.

March 2, 2007 8:13 AM

(Not So) Fun Flash Friday: "The Great Adventure in Getting Killed". Z to shoot, X to jump, R to retry (you'll mostly be using the last one).
posted by champthom (35 comments total)

Yeah, the fun is... uh... lacking. At best.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 8:16 AM on March 2, 2007

The cheat code is 'iddqd'.
posted by Pastabagel at 8:29 AM on March 2, 2007

Pedobear approves.
posted by owenkun at 8:30 AM on March 2, 2007

This is game is rubbish. I'd rather play ET on the Atari.
posted by jeffamaphone at 8:31 AM on March 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

Also, the arrow keys move you. You'd think I'd have realized that before I spent more than a minute just jumping and shooting to no avail (except killing myself a couple times).
posted by DU at 8:31 AM on March 2, 2007

I gave up when touching the sign killed me.
posted by unsupervised at 8:38 AM on March 2, 2007

unsupervised, you're my hero.
posted by imperium at 8:41 AM on March 2, 2007

A game that teaches futility. Thank you Matthew Broderick. Thank You.
posted by SinisterPurpose at 8:44 AM on March 2, 2007

That was a really shitty game. I liked how it used the sounds from Mega Man on the NES, though.
posted by sveskemus at 8:49 AM on March 2, 2007

The spikes on the first screen are solid, but the base underneath is not. I was able to get underneath from the right side more easily by jumping, hitting the base and then moving to the left.

Sadly, Guile seems to kill me with a flash kick 9 out of 10 times (sometimes he performs a normal kick instead, it's weird).
posted by owenkun at 8:56 AM on March 2, 2007

The furthest I've gotten is to go to the right, and then kill the peg-leg chipmunk? If you stay on the ground, he happily hops over you while you shoot him. Also, the pit on his screen is actually floor.

But then I die on the next screen over.
posted by tfinniga at 9:14 AM on March 2, 2007

"peg-leg chipmunk?"
It's pedobear. He's a pedo, and a bear. It's a 2ch thing.

On the first screen, hop onto the moving ledge, then hop again to get to the left side. Then double back (quickly, another set of spikes drops down) and fall down the chasm that's left where the spikes were. Hold left, otherwise Guile's flash kick will get you.
posted by owenkun at 9:17 AM on March 2, 2007

Isn't it easier just to press ALT?
posted by handee at 9:49 AM on March 2, 2007

wait, how do you keep the spikes from killing you? I just assumed that was a trap and you had to kill the bear.

You can leap onto the sign after you kill the bear, then leap to the top block, but still end up falling down the pit. I'm confused.
posted by ®@ at 9:51 AM on March 2, 2007

What difference does Yutori Mode make?
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:53 AM on March 2, 2007

champthom, I hate you. And not in the "oh now I've been hooked" or "thanks for ruining my productivity" kind of way. I just hate you.
posted by the other side at 9:56 AM on March 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

The guy who carries you across the spikes is a dick. How do you stop him from running away?
posted by anthill at 10:08 AM on March 2, 2007

You don't, anthill.

Jump on him and jump off in the previous screen. You drop down the hole that he was hovering over.
posted by owenkun at 10:18 AM on March 2, 2007

wait, how do you keep the spikes from killing you?

Be a skilled jumper. Namely, you need to hit the moving platform as it gets to its left-most point, then immediately leap again to prevent yourself from being hit. The spikes are a pain, though, as they seem to have an unnecessarily large hitbox.
posted by owenkun at 10:19 AM on March 2, 2007

This is game is rubbish. I'd rather play ET on the Atari.

How the fuck did that game work!?! I couldn't figure out how to do anything.
posted by odinsdream at 10:45 AM on March 2, 2007

Your life is end
posted by Demogorgon at 10:46 AM on March 2, 2007

How do you kill the bear? Is it shooting him somewhere specific. I've emptied a couple of clips into him and he keeps jumping around.
posted by ontic at 10:50 AM on March 2, 2007

what's the point of N F and O?
posted by afu at 10:54 AM on March 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

This game seems to suffer from two conflicting jokes:

Joke #1: It's a game made out of ASCII art! LOL!
Joke #2: It's a really hard game in which a lot of things that you don't think should kill you kill you, and a lot of things that you think should kill you may or may not kill you.

To me, Joke #2 is far funnier and less tired. If the same game had been made in Mega Man style, I would have liked it a zillion times better.
posted by roll truck roll at 10:57 AM on March 2, 2007

Ok, you can climb the chain from the dropping spikes on the first screen and make it to some weird Super Mario world. Go all the way to the right by jumping on top of the highest platform, but I don't know what to do there and lunch break is over...
posted by ontic at 11:11 AM on March 2, 2007

roll truck roll: The ASCII art thing isn't that much of a joke in the straightforward "haha! ASCII!" way, as an in-joke, since 2ch, and the boards inspired by it, use massive amounts of ASCII art. It's like playing a game where you're an alien who has to get to a pay-phone to call home: the joke isn't so much that an interstellar traveler would have to use a phone, as it is an in-joke about ET.
posted by Bugbread at 11:20 AM on March 2, 2007

Thanks for explaining that, bugbread. 2ch is one sector of the internet I've left completely unexplored.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:35 AM on March 2, 2007

I laughed, I cried...

No, wait, I only cried. That game was very painful.
posted by slogger at 11:44 AM on March 2, 2007

I made it to some sort of giant floating cat-bear man face but I can't seem to kill him.
posted by Demogorgon at 11:54 AM on March 2, 2007

Champthom, let me tell you a story about the future.

One day, a package is going to arrive at your door. It will be completely innocuous, indistinguishable from any other package you may have received in your life. You will, perhaps, even be excited to find this package at your door stop. "Oh boy, a package!" you will probably exclaim. However, this will not be a normal package. No, no. This will be a package that will change your life forever.

As you cut open the box, you will begin to notice a slight tingling in your extremities. This will be from the anesthetic gas that is slowly seeping out of the cut you have just made. There is not enough gas contained in the package to kill you, only enough to knock you unconscious. This is because your fate will be much worse than death. As the gas overwhelms you and you begin to slide into unconsciousness, you will think back to this comment, and you will know that my revenge is at hand.

When you awaken, you will find yourself in a long white hallway. In front of you will be a large gap that spans the width of the floor. Inexplicably, you will begin to feel compelled to leap, no, to hurl yourself across this gap. Although your brain will try to fight the urge, your body will not be your own. Your legs and arms will twitch, and you will even run back and forth a few times, testing the speed at which you can accelerate.

Then with uncommon grace and speed, you will run and leap across this gap. You will soar, Champthom. At the apex of your upward flight, you will look down and see that you are clearly able to make it across, and you will rejoice! As you glide through the air, this will be the greatest experience of your life. And then, suddenly and without provocation, spikes will fly from the pit below and impale you. As you slowly expand into a series of concentric circles of energy, you will be intimate with the very definition of agony.

But that isn't the end for you, my friend. Because, up above you in a control room somewhere, I will sit and watch all of this happen. And then I will press 'R' on the keyboard of my devious machine, and I will watch you rematerialize with satisfaction. I will have spent my life working on this device, and seeing it work for the first time will give me a strange joy.

Although you won't be able to understand why you are still alive, you will know exactly what has happened. The agony and frustration of your failed leap will be fresh in your mind. Then, your legs will begin to twitch, and you will despair, knowing exactly what is about to happen as well. And as you run back and forth, testing your acceleration, I will watch and I will laugh and laugh and laugh. Because the authorities are never going to find you, Champthom, and I am going to beat this god damn game.
posted by tracert at 1:31 PM on March 2, 2007 [9 favorites]

I like pressing F to blow smoke.

Oh, and in Super Mario Land, don't touch the mushroom. It's poison .
posted by puddleglum at 1:42 PM on March 2, 2007

What about the boxing pig-bear on the screen to the left of start? He deflects bullets, and I can't jump over him or on top of him...
posted by puddleglum at 1:50 PM on March 2, 2007

I think "F" is for Fart, not for smoke...
posted by anthill at 3:02 PM on March 2, 2007

OK - so I've hit limits in all directions. Up = Mario land ends with a pile of garbage, a sign in the sky, and no more screens. Right = after killing pedo-bear, the big gap is impossible to cross. Left = cat-punching-bullet thing. Down = Big lion head.

What an incredibly funny game. I can't imagine what useful things could be done with the time it wastes.
posted by anthill at 3:11 PM on March 2, 2007

Here is a link to a site with a video of someone exploring most of the map and h4xing it. I don't think there is a definite end.
posted by Demogorgon at 4:16 PM on March 2, 2007