Push out the Jive, Bring in the LOVE
March 5, 2007 9:22 AM Subscribe
Baby Got Bible, Christian Camp Slingshot, How Old is the Earth?, Christian Clown Training, A Banana, Time Travel, and more at God Tube.
Reminds me of an article from about a year ago (in the New Yorker maybe?) describing the oddity of mainstream Christian culture, and how, for whatever reason, that part of American culture is dominated by through-the-looking-glass facsimiles of their secular counterparts. Maybe somebody can dig up a link to the article.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 9:32 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by monju_bosatsu at 9:32 AM on March 5, 2007
Incredible. I doubted one could create a video website that was dumber, duller, and more pathetic than Google Video. I was very, very wrong. Where to start??
This guy is totally clueless, spewing non-sequiturs right and left and claiming they "prove" that the universe is not as old as scientists claim.
And this is just amazing in its stupidity. As a commenter says below it, what about the pineapple?
posted by metasonix at 9:37 AM on March 5, 2007
This guy is totally clueless, spewing non-sequiturs right and left and claiming they "prove" that the universe is not as old as scientists claim.
And this is just amazing in its stupidity. As a commenter says below it, what about the pineapple?
posted by metasonix at 9:37 AM on March 5, 2007
1: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2: And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3: And He said, What the Hell, push it out and call it 'Beta'.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:37 AM on March 5, 2007 [13 favorites]
2: And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
3: And He said, What the Hell, push it out and call it 'Beta'.
posted by Wolfdog at 9:37 AM on March 5, 2007 [13 favorites]
MetaFilter: You'll never guess what these crazy Christians are up to!
posted by Wolfdog at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by Wolfdog at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
Even better, if you try to call up a video that has been removed (such as the "Time Travel" item), you get the following error message:
"This video does not exists."
posted by metasonix at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
"This video does not exists."
posted by metasonix at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
Here's what I got at the time travel link:
This video does not exists.
Worth the price of admissions!
posted by Mister_A at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
This video does not exists.
Worth the price of admissions!
posted by Mister_A at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
[this fuckin' rules]
posted by interrobang at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by interrobang at 9:39 AM on March 5, 2007
Christian Clowns. Because regular clowns ain't bad enough?
posted by R. Mutt at 9:40 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by R. Mutt at 9:40 AM on March 5, 2007
I found that this morning from dkos. Hilarious. The Baby Got Bible video is better than you'd expect, but still very, very bad.
R.Mutt: If you watch the clown video a little while, you'll see them creep out from behind furniture to paw at the residents of a nursing home. Old people love inappropriate touching! the video tells us.
Also, I love Charley. If a bird dies, that means evolution didn't work!
posted by DU at 9:46 AM on March 5, 2007
R.Mutt: If you watch the clown video a little while, you'll see them creep out from behind furniture to paw at the residents of a nursing home. Old people love inappropriate touching! the video tells us.
Also, I love Charley. If a bird dies, that means evolution didn't work!
posted by DU at 9:46 AM on March 5, 2007
*Keeps fingers crossed for AllahTube and YahwehTube.*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:47 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:47 AM on March 5, 2007
argh. i screwed up my formatting....admin please hope me.
Time Travel
posted by Stynxno at 9:49 AM on March 5, 2007
Time Travel
posted by Stynxno at 9:49 AM on March 5, 2007
Why does this site exist? Who visits this site in earnest? Are there parents and church leaders forcing kids to this site? I hope so, because when those kids rebel against their parents, they are going to produce some awesome heavy metal.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:52 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Pastabagel at 9:52 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
Never mind the pineapple, metasonix. If you want conclusive proof that the existence of fruit is completely irrelevant to the convenience of its consumption by humans, look no further than the durian.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:53 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:53 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
The best part about the Time Travel video is how they derive time travel from a code embedded in the English translation of the Bible.
posted by Pastabagel at 9:56 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Pastabagel at 9:56 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
Dude, Jesus totally he spoke English. He was bilingual.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:01 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:01 AM on March 5, 2007
Unlike myself, apparently.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:01 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:01 AM on March 5, 2007
Hmmm, you do have a point there Pastabagel, but you completely overlook the fact that they used computers. Real computers, with specially designed software.
posted by R. Mutt at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by R. Mutt at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2007
The banana is indeed proof of intelligent design... by humans. Ancient wild bananas have large, hard seeds and are unpleasant to eat. Today's variety has come from centuries of careful selective cultivation. One might as well use the can-opener as proof of god.
posted by thirteenkiller at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2007 [5 favorites]
posted by thirteenkiller at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2007 [5 favorites]
Why does this site exist?
You obviously didn't grow up in a religious community. The site exists because YouTube, as part of mainstream culture, is inherently sinful. All real world objects need to have a Christian counterpart (usually at half the quality for twice the price) that says "God", "Jesus" or "Bible" frequently to prove how non-secular it is. Thus Christian bookstores (which sell Christian self-help books), Christian YouTube, etc. A couple years ago I noticed an ad in the paper in my town for a Christian cleaning service.
Some of these products and services are sincere, meaning they seriously believe that being Christian makes up for their real shortcomings. Some of them are scams by outsiders who slap the word "Christian" on something and jack up the price.
posted by DU at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2007
You obviously didn't grow up in a religious community. The site exists because YouTube, as part of mainstream culture, is inherently sinful. All real world objects need to have a Christian counterpart (usually at half the quality for twice the price) that says "God", "Jesus" or "Bible" frequently to prove how non-secular it is. Thus Christian bookstores (which sell Christian self-help books), Christian YouTube, etc. A couple years ago I noticed an ad in the paper in my town for a Christian cleaning service.
Some of these products and services are sincere, meaning they seriously believe that being Christian makes up for their real shortcomings. Some of them are scams by outsiders who slap the word "Christian" on something and jack up the price.
posted by DU at 10:02 AM on March 5, 2007
Why does this site exist?
to entertain us. i think this is a mix of real stuff and satire.
posted by lester's sock puppet at 10:10 AM on March 5, 2007
to entertain us. i think this is a mix of real stuff and satire.
posted by lester's sock puppet at 10:10 AM on March 5, 2007
Oops, I forgot to type the rest of my comment:
This sentiment is supported by some quote in the New Testament (probably Paul) who said something to the effect that Christians should be "in the world, but not OF the world", meaning no internet video files, books or cleaning services. But you aren't going to attract many converts (or keep many of those that you've already brainwashed) if you make them live in a monastery, so the logical conclusion is that you have make CHRISTIAN internet video files, CHRISTIAN books and CHRISTIAN cleaning services.
(BTW, a lot of these "Christian books" aren't books that are about Christianity or Christian topics or specifically really necessary for Christians at all. It's things like a diet book that just happens to include "pray to God" as one of the steps to lose weight or DIY manuals that have a foreward thanking God.)
posted by DU at 10:13 AM on March 5, 2007
This sentiment is supported by some quote in the New Testament (probably Paul) who said something to the effect that Christians should be "in the world, but not OF the world", meaning no internet video files, books or cleaning services. But you aren't going to attract many converts (or keep many of those that you've already brainwashed) if you make them live in a monastery, so the logical conclusion is that you have make CHRISTIAN internet video files, CHRISTIAN books and CHRISTIAN cleaning services.
(BTW, a lot of these "Christian books" aren't books that are about Christianity or Christian topics or specifically really necessary for Christians at all. It's things like a diet book that just happens to include "pray to God" as one of the steps to lose weight or DIY manuals that have a foreward thanking God.)
posted by DU at 10:13 AM on March 5, 2007
A couple years ago I noticed an ad in the paper in my town for a Christian cleaning service.
In addition to vacuuming and cleaning windows, do they come in with a UV lightbox to detect sinful DNA stains and admonish you for them? If so, I'd love to hire them after carefully covering my ceiling with UV-reactive stuff, just to see their reaction.
posted by CKmtl at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2007
In addition to vacuuming and cleaning windows, do they come in with a UV lightbox to detect sinful DNA stains and admonish you for them? If so, I'd love to hire them after carefully covering my ceiling with UV-reactive stuff, just to see their reaction.
posted by CKmtl at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2007
Regarding what Monju_Bosatsu said...
This weird practice of creating "Christian" facsimiles of pop culture icons is a testament to the commoditization of "Christianity" and the separation of outward religious identity from inner religious spirituality. I was at Disney World last week and there was a kid wearing a "Da Kine" shirt, only it was "Da King". I find this kind of thing vulgar in the extreme. It cheapens the priniciples of Christianity by reducing thousands of years of tradition and history, and an entire philospohy and belief system, to a shoddy knock-off consumer brand. This particular brand of Christianity—the big box protestant megachurch brand—is as culturally and morally empty as Coca-Cola or any other consumer brand, and, like other consumer brands, appears to have only one motive: profit.
I am not suggesting that Christians shouldn't demonstrate their faith, but whatever happened to wearing a crucifix? The same applies to GodTube—there's nothing wrong with creating a Chrisitian video hosting service, but why make it look so much like its secular predecessor? Shouldn't these so-called Christians be going out of their way to avoid tainting their religion with commerce?
On a lighter note, these videos are hilarious.
posted by Mister_A at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2007 [2 favorites]
This weird practice of creating "Christian" facsimiles of pop culture icons is a testament to the commoditization of "Christianity" and the separation of outward religious identity from inner religious spirituality. I was at Disney World last week and there was a kid wearing a "Da Kine" shirt, only it was "Da King". I find this kind of thing vulgar in the extreme. It cheapens the priniciples of Christianity by reducing thousands of years of tradition and history, and an entire philospohy and belief system, to a shoddy knock-off consumer brand. This particular brand of Christianity—the big box protestant megachurch brand—is as culturally and morally empty as Coca-Cola or any other consumer brand, and, like other consumer brands, appears to have only one motive: profit.
I am not suggesting that Christians shouldn't demonstrate their faith, but whatever happened to wearing a crucifix? The same applies to GodTube—there's nothing wrong with creating a Chrisitian video hosting service, but why make it look so much like its secular predecessor? Shouldn't these so-called Christians be going out of their way to avoid tainting their religion with commerce?
On a lighter note, these videos are hilarious.
posted by Mister_A at 10:15 AM on March 5, 2007 [2 favorites]
A couple years ago I noticed an ad in the paper in my town for a Christian cleaning service.
I know of an architect who had a barely profitable architecture practice... that is ... until he started promoting himself as a "Christian Architect". Last I heard, he was swamped with work.
posted by R. Mutt at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2007
I know of an architect who had a barely profitable architecture practice... that is ... until he started promoting himself as a "Christian Architect". Last I heard, he was swamped with work.
posted by R. Mutt at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2007
Screw pineapples and bananas. The single greatest demonstration of the lack of intelligent design can be found in human body - its skeleton and specifically the lower back. The spine, which provides the structural support but is also the conduit for the central nervous system, is located at the furthest possible distance from the vertical center of mass, which runs through the center of you. Furthermore, the lower back is entirely unsupported, requiring substantial muscle tissue and energy simply to maintain balance. If humans were designed from scratch by any reasonably competent engineer, the spine would run up the center of the body, not exposed along the back.
The evolved design makes sense given its evolution, where the spine was oriented primarily horizontally, and the torso or trunk of the creature was essentially hung off of it. But given our upright posture, it is a design defect (if it were in fact a design) that is subject to permanent and debilitating injury at stress forces other joints and portions of the skeleton can withstand with ease.
Ditto the knee.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
The evolved design makes sense given its evolution, where the spine was oriented primarily horizontally, and the torso or trunk of the creature was essentially hung off of it. But given our upright posture, it is a design defect (if it were in fact a design) that is subject to permanent and debilitating injury at stress forces other joints and portions of the skeleton can withstand with ease.
Ditto the knee.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:16 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
DU, there's kind of a similar thing in Judaism, but we call it Kosher. Time was, you just had to buy Kosher meat, but nowadays you need to buy Kosher milk, Kosher wine, Kosher soap, Kosher candles, Kosher toothpaste, etc. These people think they're being pious, but they're really just supporting an overpriced oligarchy with a strangle-hold on the market.
posted by SBMike at 10:22 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by SBMike at 10:22 AM on March 5, 2007
Mister_A: I don't think you are fully understanding what's going on. Christian YouTube doesn't exist to make a profit off of Christians via a brand name (well, maybe it does--but not all such services do). Christian YouTube exists because there is a subset[1] of Christians that want to live in an alternate reality. They want everything to be exactly like the real world, only without gays, environmentalists (i.e. nature worshippers, in their view), dancing, etc. They want this world so bad, they are creating it one step at a time, including YouTube. And that world is increasingly leaking over into the real world--cf the Whitehouse.
[1]The remainder of the set "Christian" is not necessarily more rational than the ones that want the alternate reality.
posted by DU at 10:25 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
[1]The remainder of the set "Christian" is not necessarily more rational than the ones that want the alternate reality.
posted by DU at 10:25 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
R Mutt, aren't you in the UK? Things are getting worse if even there "Christian $X" gets more interest than "$X".
posted by DU at 10:27 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by DU at 10:27 AM on March 5, 2007
I thought all the kosher product were because things like beetle extracts and animals fats could be used somewhere in the manufacturing process. (Not that that makes the idea of "unclean food" any more sane...)
posted by DU at 10:29 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by DU at 10:29 AM on March 5, 2007
"This video does not exist.
In fact, since God is the supreme creator, It does not exist by His will.
Since God is perfect, it actually never existed.
However, your pesky free will has caused to to navigate to this page anyway."
posted by tehloki at 10:32 AM on March 5, 2007
In fact, since God is the supreme creator, It does not exist by His will.
Since God is perfect, it actually never existed.
However, your pesky free will has caused to to navigate to this page anyway."
posted by tehloki at 10:32 AM on March 5, 2007
There's a ton of little Xtian fish lurking in ads, signs, and yellow-pages listings where I live. I've often wondered how many of them are simply put there for the business sense of it, rather than from some Xtian conviction.
posted by everichon at 10:33 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by everichon at 10:33 AM on March 5, 2007
"Baby Got Bible" is one of my favorite things on the Interweb. The dude actually makes some pretty witty rhymes and plays with the somewhat ludicrous idea that large bibles are better in a fun way.
Succesful conservative comedy? There it is. The Fox News comedy show could learn a thing or two from that lad.
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:38 AM on March 5, 2007
Succesful conservative comedy? There it is. The Fox News comedy show could learn a thing or two from that lad.
posted by Joey Michaels at 10:38 AM on March 5, 2007
I know of an architect who had a barely profitable architecture practice... that is ... until he started promoting himself as a "Christian Architect". Last I heard, he was swamped with work.
If he needs any tools or materials, I live near the Christian lumber yard/tool store. They have scrolling LED signs that spout out bible passages while you shop. I wish I was kidding.
posted by smackwich at 10:42 AM on March 5, 2007
If he needs any tools or materials, I live near the Christian lumber yard/tool store. They have scrolling LED signs that spout out bible passages while you shop. I wish I was kidding.
posted by smackwich at 10:42 AM on March 5, 2007
> Why does this site exist? Who visits this site in earnest?
'Why' is not a relevant question: It is a product of evolution and natural selection.
On the face of it, it's not a bad idea to create topical video sites built on the YouTube model. Makes perfect sense to me that Christian groups want to ensure their videos don't accidentally appear alongside material they find offensive. If GodTube ends up being a repository for LOLChristians video clips because the participants don't grok how creepy they look to outsiders, well, I'm betting the founders of YouTube had expected their success to be built on higher-brow material than media pranks and self-destructive teenage boys.
Expect a lot more market fragmenting now that somebody's made a lot of money on the video business. Although that You Tube Islam website is a trademark lawsuit in the making.
posted by ardgedee at 10:44 AM on March 5, 2007
'Why' is not a relevant question: It is a product of evolution and natural selection.
On the face of it, it's not a bad idea to create topical video sites built on the YouTube model. Makes perfect sense to me that Christian groups want to ensure their videos don't accidentally appear alongside material they find offensive. If GodTube ends up being a repository for LOLChristians video clips because the participants don't grok how creepy they look to outsiders, well, I'm betting the founders of YouTube had expected their success to be built on higher-brow material than media pranks and self-destructive teenage boys.
Expect a lot more market fragmenting now that somebody's made a lot of money on the video business. Although that You Tube Islam website is a trademark lawsuit in the making.
posted by ardgedee at 10:44 AM on March 5, 2007
DU - I get that some people want to have their cake and eat it too. Why, there's even Christian porn!
I think there's something else going on though. The brand of "Christianity" that has come to define Christianity in America is spiritually bankrupt, an empty shell of outward piety that aggressively discourages contemplation of any of the Big Questions. This shell offers the solace of easy answers to people who are lost and afraid and unwilling to confront those feelings. Many people in the US will never practice introspection, and will never escape the hollowness that haunts them.
posted by Mister_A at 10:48 AM on March 5, 2007
I think there's something else going on though. The brand of "Christianity" that has come to define Christianity in America is spiritually bankrupt, an empty shell of outward piety that aggressively discourages contemplation of any of the Big Questions. This shell offers the solace of easy answers to people who are lost and afraid and unwilling to confront those feelings. Many people in the US will never practice introspection, and will never escape the hollowness that haunts them.
posted by Mister_A at 10:48 AM on March 5, 2007
Secular $Xes are now the norm, so some Christians feel the need to make their faith clear where before it might have been assumed. Reading lolxians posts on MetaFilter might make you think it's time to stockpile tins 'n' ammo before the crazies storm your basement, but all these outbursts of over-the-top Big-R Religion are a reaction to Christianity's decline, not a sign of some kind of unstoppable apocalyptic Christianizing Godhorde.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 10:48 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 10:48 AM on March 5, 2007
The brand of "Christianity" that has come to define Christianity in America is spiritually bankrupt, an empty shell of outward piety that aggressively discourages contemplation of any of the Big Questions.
I fully agree with this sentence, if you remove the "in America" and "come to". This is how it has been with every religion throughout all of time. A ton of mouthing hordes. Many, many brainwashed masses. A lot of true believers. And then a couple of people who actually think about "the Big Questions". (These last few are often not even in any religion, in fact.) This has nothing to do with modern times or America and everything to do with how religion works: It is mostly a culture unthinkingly (certainly unskeptically) passed down in families.
..but all these outbursts of over-the-top Big-R Religion are a reaction to Christianity's decline, not a sign of some kind of unstoppable apocalyptic Christianizing Godhorde.
I don't see why it can't be both. If they react hard enough, they might, say, get a pandering President to pass, just thinking out loud here, legislation that allows him to give money to them directly, which buys further Christian votes for that party, etc, etc and then things really snowball.
posted by DU at 11:00 AM on March 5, 2007
I fully agree with this sentence, if you remove the "in America" and "come to". This is how it has been with every religion throughout all of time. A ton of mouthing hordes. Many, many brainwashed masses. A lot of true believers. And then a couple of people who actually think about "the Big Questions". (These last few are often not even in any religion, in fact.) This has nothing to do with modern times or America and everything to do with how religion works: It is mostly a culture unthinkingly (certainly unskeptically) passed down in families.
..but all these outbursts of over-the-top Big-R Religion are a reaction to Christianity's decline, not a sign of some kind of unstoppable apocalyptic Christianizing Godhorde.
I don't see why it can't be both. If they react hard enough, they might, say, get a pandering President to pass, just thinking out loud here, legislation that allows him to give money to them directly, which buys further Christian votes for that party, etc, etc and then things really snowball.
posted by DU at 11:00 AM on March 5, 2007
God designed the banana with a curve so it would be easier to eat? I'll buy that, cuz my penise has a curve just like a banana.
posted by disgruntled at 11:10 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by disgruntled at 11:10 AM on March 5, 2007
And monkeys like my penis!
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:15 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:15 AM on March 5, 2007
Whoops. Did not meant to post that on a public forum.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:15 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:15 AM on March 5, 2007
I know of an architect who had a barely profitable architecture practice... that is ... until he started promoting himself as a "Christian Architect". Last I heard, he was swamped with work.
Our local phone book is thick with ads from all manner of trades and disciplines touting themselves as a "Christian" service in one way or the other. Some merely tuck an inconspicuous cross or fish in the corner of the ad. Others plop a bit of scripture as a tag line. Some blatantly describe themselves as a ministry.
It's all part of the self-balkanization some corners of Christianity practice. One small church nearby ran its own little league baseball league for awhile at the same time as the larger, local league was running. I suppose they felt that baseball was best enjoyed by the kids in a Christian atmosphere.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:16 AM on March 5, 2007
Our local phone book is thick with ads from all manner of trades and disciplines touting themselves as a "Christian" service in one way or the other. Some merely tuck an inconspicuous cross or fish in the corner of the ad. Others plop a bit of scripture as a tag line. Some blatantly describe themselves as a ministry.
It's all part of the self-balkanization some corners of Christianity practice. One small church nearby ran its own little league baseball league for awhile at the same time as the larger, local league was running. I suppose they felt that baseball was best enjoyed by the kids in a Christian atmosphere.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:16 AM on March 5, 2007
'Some of them are scams by outsiders who slap the word "Christian" on something and jack up the price.'
Yep, and I'm looking into milking these ignorant sheep myself. There's nothing I would find more satisfying than taking their money.
posted by 2sheets at 11:19 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
Yep, and I'm looking into milking these ignorant sheep myself. There's nothing I would find more satisfying than taking their money.
posted by 2sheets at 11:19 AM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
DU, you could be right. Wounded animals are vicious fighters, etc.. But the US (and Britain) are so secular that it's easy to see any outward show of religion as incipient theocracy. I really don't think it is.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 11:21 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 11:21 AM on March 5, 2007
The US is so secular? The numbers disagree with you, as does a moment's thought: all politicians have to "talk about their faith" and none are outwardly atheist; many communities have Sunday "blue laws"; "In God We Trust"; all the big policy debates are dominated by questions of how to placate Christians (abortion, stem cells, gay rights) and "moderate" scientists are the ones who "admit" that ancient superstitions have answers to the "big questions" that science "can't answer".
posted by DU at 11:30 AM on March 5, 2007
posted by DU at 11:30 AM on March 5, 2007
Has "GodTube" licensed Google's YouTube interface?
They look exactly the same.
I hope they aren't stealing, because that's only allowed when Jesus isn't watching.
posted by Dillenger69 at 11:56 AM on March 5, 2007
They look exactly the same.
I hope they aren't stealing, because that's only allowed when Jesus isn't watching.
posted by Dillenger69 at 11:56 AM on March 5, 2007
Time was, you just had to buy Kosher meat, but nowadays you need to buy Kosher milk, Kosher wine, Kosher soap, Kosher candles, Kosher toothpaste, etc.
Kosher cell phones...
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:07 PM on March 5, 2007
Kosher cell phones...
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:07 PM on March 5, 2007
I'm gonna open a christian themed restaurant, with a bar that sells 'holy water'. With a small backroom casino for 'holy rollers'. And $150 gets you into the 'Jezabel' room.
posted by Sparx at 12:30 PM on March 5, 2007
posted by Sparx at 12:30 PM on March 5, 2007
These would all be better with One Toke Over The Line, Sweet Jesus.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:40 PM on March 5, 2007
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:40 PM on March 5, 2007
I hope they aren't stealing, because that's only allowed when Jesus isn't watching.
There is no crime when it's done in the name of Jesus, Dillenger69. This is why the pious sometimes cry out "oh god!" when committing naughty acts they know to be sinful--it absolves them from any wrongdoing.
posted by maxwelton at 1:28 PM on March 5, 2007
There is no crime when it's done in the name of Jesus, Dillenger69. This is why the pious sometimes cry out "oh god!" when committing naughty acts they know to be sinful--it absolves them from any wrongdoing.
posted by maxwelton at 1:28 PM on March 5, 2007
haha, the highlights for me were- "evolutionists tell us that the quarter lands heads up millions of times in a row." Where the heck did he get that from?
And then in the time travel video about words found- "... 'enterprise'...starship enterprise?"
It's funny to hear people trying to use science to explain faith.
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 2:48 PM on March 5, 2007
And then in the time travel video about words found- "... 'enterprise'...starship enterprise?"
It's funny to hear people trying to use science to explain faith.
posted by TechnoLustLuddite at 2:48 PM on March 5, 2007
Why does this site exist? Who visits this site in earnest? Are there parents and church leaders forcing kids to this site? I hope so, because when those kids rebel against their parents, they are going to produce some awesome heavy metal.
I'd venture that it's mainly youth group leaders, youth pastors, etc., looking for funny bumpers to play at their meetings, concerts, etc. And as such, I think it's probably pretty successful. "Baby Got Bible" is very funny.
As a lot of you know, I'm a Christian. I grew up in the kind of church that would be all over a site like this. I've become very liberal and humanistic in my old age, but I don't hate fundamentalists. I just don't have the energy.
To expand the question a little, why does Christian rock exist? Why do Christian skateboarding videos exist? Why do Christian Saturday morning cartoons exist? Why does Christian pro qrestling exist? Within the church, these things are usually defended as a means of outreach. But from my experience, not a whole lot of outreach actually happens because of them. More likely, they serve as secret passages for kids from Christian families into secular society.
You guys know about Tooth and Nail Records? They were a very active label for alternative/punk stuff in the 90s; I haven't heard quite as much from them recently. The label has distribution in Christian bookstores, even though many of its artists are not explicitly Christian. If the label's owner is to be believed, it was never supposed to be a Christian thing at all, as much as a label for bands that had been marginalized from the pop-punk world for being too weird. It's where now-infamous Danielson got their start.
But what happened, of course, is that kids who weren't allowed to listen to secular music would be all over this label's catalogue. Their parents would buy them for them.
And next thing you know, Five Iron Frenzy was going on the Warped Tour. So parents who had no idea what the Warped Tour is were organizing vanpools to drive each other's kids to the nearest tourdate.
My point is this: Christian exclusionism isn't just stupid, it's easily hackable. It literally takes money from the people the Church should be feeding, and gives it to the institutions keeping people starving in the first place.
posted by roll truck roll at 2:54 PM on March 5, 2007
I'd venture that it's mainly youth group leaders, youth pastors, etc., looking for funny bumpers to play at their meetings, concerts, etc. And as such, I think it's probably pretty successful. "Baby Got Bible" is very funny.
As a lot of you know, I'm a Christian. I grew up in the kind of church that would be all over a site like this. I've become very liberal and humanistic in my old age, but I don't hate fundamentalists. I just don't have the energy.
To expand the question a little, why does Christian rock exist? Why do Christian skateboarding videos exist? Why do Christian Saturday morning cartoons exist? Why does Christian pro qrestling exist? Within the church, these things are usually defended as a means of outreach. But from my experience, not a whole lot of outreach actually happens because of them. More likely, they serve as secret passages for kids from Christian families into secular society.
You guys know about Tooth and Nail Records? They were a very active label for alternative/punk stuff in the 90s; I haven't heard quite as much from them recently. The label has distribution in Christian bookstores, even though many of its artists are not explicitly Christian. If the label's owner is to be believed, it was never supposed to be a Christian thing at all, as much as a label for bands that had been marginalized from the pop-punk world for being too weird. It's where now-infamous Danielson got their start.
But what happened, of course, is that kids who weren't allowed to listen to secular music would be all over this label's catalogue. Their parents would buy them for them.
And next thing you know, Five Iron Frenzy was going on the Warped Tour. So parents who had no idea what the Warped Tour is were organizing vanpools to drive each other's kids to the nearest tourdate.
My point is this: Christian exclusionism isn't just stupid, it's easily hackable. It literally takes money from the people the Church should be feeding, and gives it to the institutions keeping people starving in the first place.
posted by roll truck roll at 2:54 PM on March 5, 2007
roll truck roll brings up a good point- the idea that a band, a skateboard, a bookstore can be "Christian" always tends to lead to trouble when the business strays elsewhere. It seems every year there's another "Christian" music artist who "sells out" by going "secular" (putting out an album with a mainstream label, joining a concert circuit like The Warped Tour, etc). It drives the Christian fan base crazy.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:18 PM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:18 PM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
My point is this: Christian exclusionism isn't just stupid, it's easily hackable.
It's no different in any other subculture, really. I could come up with about a million examples of the "business finds out about X Obscure Subculture and two weeks later it's commercial" phenomenon. Hot Topic, goth night at every other nightclub, and the current popularity of doom metal/stoner rock amongst hipsters (who wouldn't have touched metal with a ten foot pole five years ago) come to mind. The sad part is, as ThePinkSuperhero points out, this usually leads to nothing more than a round of "that's for poseurs, this is the true subculture" bloodletting, which is often followed by yet more corporate exploitation. This is how subcultures typically die in America -- first they get commercialized, then the commercial fans start to outnumber those with an actual connection to the culture, and finally there's nothing left of the subculture's original values.
Let's not forget that Christians, through Christ-branded(tm) hybrids like Christian metal, Christian punk, and Christian rap, are also exploiting subcultures that do not share their values. It seems to me as if everyone concerned would be better off if Christianity stuck with its own traditional culture, or created new cultural values of its own, no matter how boring these may seem to "kids these days"... but then, whether or not Christianity is actually capable of inventing values of its own is another question.
At any rate, I really, really appreciate the little Jesus fish or cross on the ads in the yellow pages. It makes it much easier to avoid giving my money to Christians.
posted by vorfeed at 3:49 PM on March 5, 2007
It's no different in any other subculture, really. I could come up with about a million examples of the "business finds out about X Obscure Subculture and two weeks later it's commercial" phenomenon. Hot Topic, goth night at every other nightclub, and the current popularity of doom metal/stoner rock amongst hipsters (who wouldn't have touched metal with a ten foot pole five years ago) come to mind. The sad part is, as ThePinkSuperhero points out, this usually leads to nothing more than a round of "that's for poseurs, this is the true subculture" bloodletting, which is often followed by yet more corporate exploitation. This is how subcultures typically die in America -- first they get commercialized, then the commercial fans start to outnumber those with an actual connection to the culture, and finally there's nothing left of the subculture's original values.
Let's not forget that Christians, through Christ-branded(tm) hybrids like Christian metal, Christian punk, and Christian rap, are also exploiting subcultures that do not share their values. It seems to me as if everyone concerned would be better off if Christianity stuck with its own traditional culture, or created new cultural values of its own, no matter how boring these may seem to "kids these days"... but then, whether or not Christianity is actually capable of inventing values of its own is another question.
At any rate, I really, really appreciate the little Jesus fish or cross on the ads in the yellow pages. It makes it much easier to avoid giving my money to Christians.
posted by vorfeed at 3:49 PM on March 5, 2007
Is this kind of Christian Crazy a mainly-USA phenomena? I swear to god, in the places I've lived in Canada there is no proliferation of Christ-marks in the yellow pages, etc. Judging based on my experiences, the USA is nutso with religion, while in Canada it's largely ignored.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:52 PM on March 5, 2007
posted by five fresh fish at 3:52 PM on March 5, 2007
Good points, vorfeed.
I think you're right, five fresh fish, but I also think that different aspects of religion get played up in different places. I think the US is definitely into the exclusionism and cliquiness. Mainly in Christianity, but other religions as well.
posted by roll truck roll at 4:15 PM on March 5, 2007
I think you're right, five fresh fish, but I also think that different aspects of religion get played up in different places. I think the US is definitely into the exclusionism and cliquiness. Mainly in Christianity, but other religions as well.
posted by roll truck roll at 4:15 PM on March 5, 2007
I love the argument in the "How Old is Earth" video that there isn't enough sediment in the Mississippi Delta for the Mississippi to be 4 billion years old. The implication being that Earth therefore also couldn't be 4 billion years old.
What a jackass.
posted by itchylick at 5:57 PM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
What a jackass.
posted by itchylick at 5:57 PM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
I can't delve too deeply into the site... if I wanted to hear about Jesus I'd just answer the phone when one of my siblings calls.
BUT that said... I must confess: Baby Got Bible kinda kicked it.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:04 PM on March 5, 2007
BUT that said... I must confess: Baby Got Bible kinda kicked it.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:04 PM on March 5, 2007
Also, I must say I'm surprised that Steven Baldwin didn't start a site like this already. He must be too busy making gnarly Christian skater movies.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:11 PM on March 5, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 8:11 PM on March 5, 2007
Weird, that second Baldwin link isn't loading now. Here's a different page.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:14 PM on March 5, 2007
posted by miss lynnster at 8:14 PM on March 5, 2007
And this is just amazing in its stupidity. As a commenter says below it, what about the pineapple?"
His caress of that banana looks excessively homoerotic to my mind. That hand looks as though it's lovingly caressed more than a few bananas in its time.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:54 PM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
His caress of that banana looks excessively homoerotic to my mind. That hand looks as though it's lovingly caressed more than a few bananas in its time.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:54 PM on March 5, 2007 [1 favorite]
Some mainstream Xtians would say that if you have the need to prove anything, you've entirely missed the point of faith, which is about God and the soul and not how old the freakin' Mississippi River is.
posted by pax digita at 5:56 AM on March 6, 2007
posted by pax digita at 5:56 AM on March 6, 2007
But do they have their own workout videos or fast food chain?
posted by Grangousier at 6:02 AM on March 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by Grangousier at 6:02 AM on March 6, 2007 [1 favorite]
...so that's a loaves-and-fishes combo, add a pillar of salt, and two Jesus Freezes to go. Would you care to make that King of The Jews Size for 49ยข extra today?
posted by Wolfdog at 9:36 AM on March 6, 2007
posted by Wolfdog at 9:36 AM on March 6, 2007
Wow, it's a wee treasure trove of nuttiness - don't know if the videos are vetted; joined up and uploaded this video, (shameless self-promotion), as a test - went up just fine. Real Science is in the Bible.
posted by jettloe at 10:56 AM on March 6, 2007
posted by jettloe at 10:56 AM on March 6, 2007
gotta ask jettloe - did you put those post-its in the bible just for the filming? If so kudos.
posted by meech at 6:14 PM on March 6, 2007
posted by meech at 6:14 PM on March 6, 2007
Yeah I did meech. The Bible is a great prop - but I thought it would look a lot more authentic with the post-its!
posted by jettloe at 1:21 AM on March 7, 2007
posted by jettloe at 1:21 AM on March 7, 2007
Thanks for that, although the "they" I was getting at were the "mainstream Xtians [who] would say that if you have the need to prove anything, you've entirely missed the point of faith". I kind of agree with them.
(I don't really do precision wit, sadly)
"Christian Clown School" is a They Might Be Giants song waiting to happen, though.
posted by Grangousier at 2:17 AM on March 7, 2007
(I don't really do precision wit, sadly)
"Christian Clown School" is a They Might Be Giants song waiting to happen, though.
posted by Grangousier at 2:17 AM on March 7, 2007
The US is so secular? The numbers disagree with you, as does a moment's thought: all politicians have to "talk about their faith" and none are outwardly atheist; many communities have Sunday "blue laws"; "In God We Trust"; all the big policy debates are dominated by questions of how to placate Christians (abortion, stem cells, gay rights) and "moderate" scientists are the ones who "admit" that ancient superstitions have answers to the "big questions" that science "can't answer".
There's no denying that there are plenty of non-secular people in America, but the state is highly separated from the church, so nearly all religiosity is private. There are so many places worse off than the US that I find it really hard to describe the US as anything other than highly secular.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 10:00 AM on March 7, 2007
There's no denying that there are plenty of non-secular people in America, but the state is highly separated from the church, so nearly all religiosity is private. There are so many places worse off than the US that I find it really hard to describe the US as anything other than highly secular.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 10:00 AM on March 7, 2007
the state is highly separated from the church
Whu? How can you possibly state that with a straight face? Have you ever ventured outside your own country, 'cause if you have I can not comprehend how you don't see that in the USA the church and government are in bed together.
From the blue laws to government funding of religious programs to religionists meddling with school board policy, there are endless signs that you are wrong.
The US is anything but highly secular, and it's becoming less secular with each passing year.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:06 PM on March 7, 2007
Whu? How can you possibly state that with a straight face? Have you ever ventured outside your own country, 'cause if you have I can not comprehend how you don't see that in the USA the church and government are in bed together.
From the blue laws to government funding of religious programs to religionists meddling with school board policy, there are endless signs that you are wrong.
The US is anything but highly secular, and it's becoming less secular with each passing year.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:06 PM on March 7, 2007
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posted by Stynxno at 9:24 AM on March 5, 2007