Comments on: Masturbating elephants for science

Masturbating elephants for science

homunculus — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:21:09 -0800

"One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant's penis."

By: homunculus

homunculus — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:21:50 -0800

I realize that Elephant Day is 7 months away, but I couldn't wait.

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:24:17 -0800

Lost a toof maself, hyuk, hyuk.

By: inconsequentialist

inconsequentialist — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:26:11 -0800

Wow, that article probably goes into far more detail than it needs to. I must say though, I'm rooting for Christy and Jackson.

By: Rhomboid

Rhomboid — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:27:12 -0800

Elephant day just isn't the same without <IMG>. It's like, you know, seeing that band that used to be really good but now they sold out and suck big time, and a couple of dudes have left, and it turns out that they were the ones that wrote all the songs you really liked from the previous records.

By: taosbat

taosbat — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:33:19 -0800

Ha! Ha! It's not elephant day; it's "Gingrich Tells Dobson He's 'Sought God's Forgiveness' [for] having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair..." day!

By: davy

davy — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:45:00 -0800

"MASTURBATING an elephant in the cause of science isn't an easy job." IMG nothing, I want an MPEG.

By: your mildly obsessive average geek

your mildly obsessive average geek — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:46:26 -0800

Way TMI in the article but damn if I wasn't laughing the entire way through. Best sentence in the article for me -

Artificially inseminating an elephant is just as messy – while a catheter is inserted into the cervix, the hapless scientist faces being pooed on

pooed on - LOL

By: Rhomboid

Rhomboid — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:48:02 -0800

IMG nothing, I want an MPEG. It didn't go over so well the last time it was tried.

By: inconsequentialist

inconsequentialist — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:48:31 -0800

Looks like there's a lot of this going on. Except in this article, they refer to the masturbation as the "method."

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:00:01 -0800

What brand does an elephant smoke afterwards?

By: aerotive

aerotive — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:01:58 -0800

This compares poorly to the monkey spooge eating FPP. And that is a very good thing.

By: NewBornHippy

NewBornHippy — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:04:46 -0800

Metafilter... Nevermind.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:05:14 -0800

"When you touch an elephant there it starts to flick backwards and forwards and it's so strong it can knock you off your feet. It's such a strong movement." This makes me so happy I studied literature in college, rather than science!

By: NewBornHippy

NewBornHippy — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:06:36 -0800

When I grow up, I want to work as a fluffer for the Elephant porn industry.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:25:50 -0800

It's not elephant day; it's "Gingrich Tells Dobson He's 'Sought God's Forgiveness' [for] having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair..." day! Is that connected with Operation Yellow Elephant in some way?

By: tellurian

tellurian — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:29:15 -0800

I would advise against watching this show on your plasma.

By: taosbat

taosbat — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:29:20 -0800

Weeellll...could be, homunculus, could be...

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:53:21 -0800

When you have to masturbate an elephant as part of your day job, all the simple joy goes out of it.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:55:35 -0800

I caught my elephant with a bootleg copy of "Dumbo" and he was so embarrased he crushed me and now I'm dead.

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 21:56:23 -0800

"When you touch an elephant there it starts to flick backwards and forwards and it's so strong it can knock you off your feet. It's such a strong movement." Yeah, this is why I became a theorist.

By: Chinese Jet Pilot

Chinese Jet Pilot — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 22:21:10 -0800

Jobs like these are God's punishment for making His animals extinct.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 22:38:14 -0800

I'm probably better off because of it, but I was kinda hoping this was a one-link YouTube post.

By: kitalea

kitalea — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 23:10:14 -0800

giant condoms, flying over our heads, making cloud spotting dangerous for thousands of innocents ...

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 23:17:23 -0800

Huh. I always thought elephants came in drums. I know I'm going to be giving a suspcious eyeballing of any Coke cans I happen to spot these next few days. i just know I'm going to think "elephant cum" when I see it. Gah. Thanks for nothing, homunculus.

By: empatterson

empatterson — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 00:55:20 -0800

I wonder how much one gets paid to masturbate an elephant...

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 01:30:18 -0800

I'm only going to jack off this elephant once.

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 02:45:19 -0800

"One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant's penis." Elephants ain't got nothin' on Wookies.

By: Anything

Anything — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 03:29:53 -0800

"Man has created this annihilation of species; it's up to man to use his ingenuity to save them." One small step for man, one giant leap for masturbation euphemisms.

By: steef

steef — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:23:13 -0800

"One guy I know got a black eye from being hit by an elephant's penis" is a line that got cut from Dumbo. True story.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:24:16 -0800

I'm only going to jack off this elephant once. Careful. This is how memes start, people.

By: sonofslim

sonofslim — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:36:15 -0800

What brand does an elephant smoke afterwards? Whatever he wants. Shit... wrong joke.

By: sswiller

sswiller — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 05:43:43 -0800

my girlfriend has the same problem

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 09:12:35 -0800

I can name several politicians that are 1.5m elephant penises.

By: baker dave

baker dave — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 00:18:43 -0800

brings a whole new meaning to the album elephant by the white stripes

By: homunculus

homunculus — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 01:08:33 -0800

"Elephant Day" is marked in Chiang Mai province in northern Thailand with a feast for the elephants of banana trees, sugarcane and fruit.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 10:07:45 -0800

Elephant landmine survivors on the Thai-Burma border

By: homunculus

homunculus — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 21:04:58 -0800

The Great Elephant Poo Poo Paper Company