Feline Reactions to Bearded Men

March 9, 2007 1:41 PM

Feline Reactions to Bearded Men: Cats do not like men with long beards, especially long dark beards. Cats are indifferent to men with shorter beards. Cats are confused and/or disturbed by men with beards that are incomplete (e.g., Bork) and to a lesser degree by men whose beards have missing parts (e.g., Crafts). via
posted by grateful (32 comments total)

Cats are pussies.
posted by Mister_A at 1:50 PM on March 9, 2007

I am also afraid of men with long beard.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:56 PM on March 9, 2007

214 cats and they didn't randomize the pictures!? Junk science, I say.
posted by delmoi at 1:59 PM on March 9, 2007

At the risk of plagarizing FARK, for which this "study" might have been more appropriately linked to...

..still no cure for cancer.
posted by elendil71 at 2:09 PM on March 9, 2007

I've been conducting similar research on my own cats lately. Oddly, they are more drawn to my luscious head of hair than my beard.
posted by drezdn at 2:13 PM on March 9, 2007

Cats don't like oranges.
Cats don't like ZZ-Top.
Therefore, ZZ-Top are oranges.
posted by CKmtl at 2:19 PM on March 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

I think there is a flaw in your logic CKmtl, ZZ-Top might be dogs
posted by bhnyc at 2:23 PM on March 9, 2007

Cats don't like oranges.

And I don't like cats.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 2:27 PM on March 9, 2007

Hoax. Cats love me.
posted by klangklangston at 2:27 PM on March 9, 2007

OMG kitties!
posted by Artw at 2:31 PM on March 9, 2007

See, humorous science articles should be funny. This one is not in any way. I think someone missed the point. Maybe it's me.

Also, Seed Magazine sucked me in once -- and it turned out to be frustratingly bad. But it seems like it has such potential. Grrr.

There, did I crap all over this post enough?
posted by medialyte at 2:35 PM on March 9, 2007

I see an IG Nobel in the future
posted by Dr. Twist at 2:43 PM on March 9, 2007

Based on a test I just did, cats do not fear handguns.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:44 PM on March 9, 2007

Cats don't like bearded men? Maybe it's the dishonesty?
posted by hojoki at 2:46 PM on March 9, 2007

My kittens like to chew on my beard. Scratch that, they love it.
posted by owhydididoit at 2:54 PM on March 9, 2007

One of my cats just loves my armpit. He tries to groom it almost every day.
posted by The Castle at 2:59 PM on March 9, 2007

What exactly is a "bombardment studies with pigeons." ?
posted by owhydididoit at 3:22 PM on March 9, 2007

Cats don't like bearded clams?
posted by psmealey at 3:23 PM on March 9, 2007

Based on the test I just did, every animal in my house now fears handguns.
posted by quin at 3:43 PM on March 9, 2007 [3 favorites]

One of my two cats has an automatic, invloluntary lick response when presented with a beard. He can be squirming, wriggling, trying to get away with all his might, but put a beard in front of his face and he starts going to town, and continues "grooming" until pushed away. This works with my beard and the beards of strangers.

Unfortunately, cats have very rough tongues.
posted by contraption at 3:47 PM on March 9, 2007

Wasn't this article published in the Annals of Improbable Research?
posted by mrnutty at 3:54 PM on March 9, 2007

While each cat was viewing the photographs, it was held by a laboratory assistant. To ensure that the cats were not influenced by stroking or other unconscious cues from the assistant, the assistant was anesthetized prior to each session

? <---------Me with one eyebrow raised
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 3:55 PM on March 9, 2007

And people said that the Bush Adminstration's ban on stem cell research would somehow slow the progress of science.

Three cats died during the study, due to causes unrelated to the bearded men.

medialyte, how is this not funny?
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 4:13 PM on March 9, 2007

mrnutty-

It was published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, AFAIK, shortly after the Bork nomination farrago c.1987. I used to have a copy of the issue which featured this "cat-afalque."

I love the faux bibliography, e.g.

Ciccone, Madonna Louise, "Feline Responses to Hairy Legs," in Midwestern Sociological Review, January 1986, vol. 32, no. 1, pp 51-79.
posted by rdone at 4:26 PM on March 9, 2007

Cats are confused and/or disturbed by men with beards that are incomplete (e.g., Bork)

I read that as:

Cats are confused and/or disturbed by men with beards that are incomplete (e.g., Björk)
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:40 PM on March 9, 2007

Cats like people who don't like cats. Clearly, all long-bearded men love cats.
posted by gurple at 4:46 PM on March 9, 2007

Speaking as a long-bearded, cat-loving man, I support gurple's hypothesis.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:49 PM on March 9, 2007

We excluded all data pertaining to the fifteen cats who gave birth while viewing the photographs. The reproducibility of the GAVE BIRTH/DID NOT GIVE BIRTH data will be addressed in a separate, future study.
I think it's a pun. Either that, or I'm really tired.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 5:15 PM on March 9, 2007

Mmmwwrrrrowwwwrrrrr??????
posted by rob511 at 7:43 PM on March 9, 2007

There should be more bearded cats.
posted by Balisong at 11:26 PM on March 9, 2007

As a long-bearded man, I support gurple's thesis as well, in that I don't particularly like cats, but they like me. (I'd like 'em more if I weren't allergic).
posted by klangklangston at 8:28 AM on March 10, 2007

Science Question of the Day: How Do You Get Crabs From A Bearded Man?
posted by homunculus at 8:03 PM on March 10, 2007