The Internets is Serious Business

March 15, 2007 2:52 PM

"Dear Internet, I'm Sorry..." Meet Michael Crook, being billed as "the most hated man on the internet". First coming in to view when taking a really bad idea to it's ridiculous extreme, he appears on Fox's Hannity & Colmes to lambast members of the military for being "worthless pukes" and whining about their compensation. One site decides to give him a taste of his own medicine, which he clearly didn't like.
posted by revmitcz (40 comments total)

Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory confirmed for the 10²⁶th time. It's just a theory but we believes it.
posted by jfuller at 2:56 PM on March 15, 2007

Four paragraphs?! I'm impressed.

But seriously, this guy is mentally ill, right? I mean, something is not right up there, and I suppose better this stuff than killing puppies.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:58 PM on March 15, 2007

"Tucker claims he used his contacts as a law school graduate to guarantee that Crook, who says he wants to one day be a lawyer, will never pass the bar."

This statement made me cringe. I guess there's more than one asshole on the internet.
posted by tehloki at 3:00 PM on March 15, 2007

Taking up the role of internet lawyer, he issues bogus DMCA takedown notices to a number of websites, and some of them comply. But, the owners of 10ZenMonkeys.com don't take this lying down and enlist the help of the EFF. In the meantime, he appears to do everything in his power to uphold his status as The Hated Man - pulling out classic quotes like "I stand firm in my hatred for children, jews, and members of the military. Nothing anyone can say to me can convince me otherwise" during a closed forum debate.

Today, his apology "to bloggers, webmasters, and other individuals" (or, as some say, "the entire internet") has been posted online for all to see. Many sites weigh in.

Despite the apology, he's posted an off-the-record video of himself that shows he's not learned his lesson, and he's started yet another website of misinformation for it.

oh, and I forgot to mention - if you look REALLY carefully you'll notice a very interesting choice of facial hair for his apology video.
posted by revmitcz at 3:01 PM on March 15, 2007

The internet and the mentally ill are such a great match...

Is it really worth mocking this guy?
posted by Artw at 3:02 PM on March 15, 2007

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE
posted by boo_radley at 3:03 PM on March 15, 2007 [3 favorites]

From the first link:

But for all his online activity, Michael remains plagued by obscurity.

Seems like a good thing, although this is pretty interesting based on a deer in the headlights kind of way.
posted by delmoi at 3:03 PM on March 15, 2007

also not a good extemporaneous speaker.
posted by boo_radley at 3:03 PM on March 15, 2007

You should have heard the lady in line behind me at the Grocery Outlet yesterday complaining about the lack of plastic spoons and insisting that somebody do something about it.
Because it was more entertaining and disturbing than this.
posted by 2sheets at 3:05 PM on March 15, 2007

I'm not seeing the facial hair thing.
posted by everichon at 3:07 PM on March 15, 2007

God bless the Internet. Now, any small-time crank can get attention.
posted by metasonix at 3:10 PM on March 15, 2007

oh, and I forgot to mention - if you look REALLY carefully you'll notice a very interesting choice of facial hair for his apology video.

Before I watched it I figured it would be a hitler mustache. I WAS RIGHT
posted by puke & cry at 3:12 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Let me just say, because I would love it if he were trolling this post: MICHAEL, YOU ARE A TWAT.
posted by parmanparman at 3:18 PM on March 15, 2007

I got bored trying to watch the recent YouTube video. Is this guy pulling an Andy Kauffman on all of us, or is it more like a Bill Russell? (as of right now, it's the last link in the lower left, Sam on Your Side: Bill Russell)
posted by ibmcginty at 3:23 PM on March 15, 2007

Who wants to see me turn my nuts into a mushroom cloud?
posted by The Straightener at 3:25 PM on March 15, 2007

"Tucker claims he used his contacts as a law school graduate to guarantee that Crook, who says he wants to one day be a lawyer, will never pass the bar."

Er, Tucker Max is a professional asshole.
posted by delmoi at 3:25 PM on March 15, 2007

No one really thinks this guy is serious, right?
posted by The White Hat at 3:26 PM on March 15, 2007

Wow, this Crook guy's quite a dickass: He called the secret service and told them his roommate was going to hurt the President. The postmortem? "I don't for one minute regret putting Alex through anything. He was a foreigner, and deserved a little scare."
posted by boo_radley at 3:49 PM on March 15, 2007

He does seem to have a touch of sloth syndrome, doesn't he?
posted by puke & cry at 4:08 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Look Ma, no hands!

Anything for attention.
posted by ericb at 4:10 PM on March 15, 2007

He's strangely fascinating in a "car wreck" kind of way. And typically I would never make fun of someone for their physical appearance but, yeah, what boo_radley said. It's not often you see someone looking that fucked up outside of a burn unit.
posted by dhammond at 4:27 PM on March 15, 2007

Guy looks like he's recently taken a serious beating. Not just metaphorically; I mean physically beaten up.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:43 PM on March 15, 2007

Weird. I just read about this guy and how he's been harassing Dreamhost on their company blog not 20 minutes ago.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:36 PM on March 15, 2007

Before I watched it I figured it would be a hitler mustache. I WAS RIGHT

You know who ELSE had a mustache like that?
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:49 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

I can't decide....

[response #1]

Who the hell is this guy and why am I supposed to give a crap?

[response #2]

On behalf of my little corner of the Internetz, do I have to accept his apology? Cuz I don't wanna. =P

[response #3]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE?
posted by ZachsMind at 5:57 PM on March 15, 2007

You know who ELSE had a mustache like that?

Charlie Chaplin, Oliver Hardy, Professor Calculus, and J Jonah Jameson. Am I missing anyone?
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:19 PM on March 15, 2007

Is being an Internet Lawyer anything like Harvey Birdman? If so, sign me up!
posted by Chocomog at 6:40 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

When I first started reading I wanted to feel bad for this obviously failed, ugly, frustrated and indigent (word of the day) mid-life loser. I mean, he's lost his kids, and apparently what chance he had to be a lawyer. He's got nothing left to give but hate.

But the more I read about him, the more I just want him to die in a tiger trap.
posted by Parannoyed at 6:42 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Sure, the "apology" video sucked, but at least I got to write most of the script, and even got the ol' Hitler soup strainer in there as a statement."

Can we get a batshitinsane tag?
posted by Armitage Shanks at 6:51 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

I wonder if that guy has any idea how pathetic he seems. Probably not.
posted by clevershark at 7:07 PM on March 15, 2007

Yeah, seriously, revmitcz, add the batshitinsane tag.
posted by mediareport at 7:31 PM on March 15, 2007

...he's lost his kids...

Wait a second... this guy has kids?

The implications of that are many and horrible.
posted by Artw at 8:15 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

You know what happens to me a lot? I'll start to get in an argument with someone online, and then I'll go outside for a walk.

When I come back in, the argument will still be there, and I'll probably still think I'm right, but I'll have no desire to contribute to it anymore. I let myself watch Strong Bad cartoons instead, and it's such a good feeling.

And you know what's great? No one ever calls me on it! No one's like, "Hey Elliot, where'd you go? You never finished flaming out!" People can be so forgiving, when you let them be.

Mr. Crook, if you're reading this discussion, go for a walk. It's been what, three years? You could use some fresh air.

We'll forget this all. We promise.
posted by roll truck roll at 8:18 PM on March 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Mostly this just makes me sad, but if Michael were here I would ask him one thing. As I read U.S. copyright law, the people who responded to his craiglist troll all had copyright on the emails they sent to him. And he published them on his site without their permission. But he thinks that's inexcusable...???

Actually I might not ask him that, because I just feel bad for the guy. I think what I would actually say to him is that as much as being a dick can get you attention, being nice to people will make you a lot happier.

Bet he'd probably sue me rather than listen, though. sigh.
posted by pinespree at 8:19 PM on March 15, 2007

I don't know anything about Crook's issues/problems with the DMCA -- I just know that he is absolutely one of the most despicable creatures that I have ever heard of or seen.
posted by davidmsc at 9:02 PM on March 15, 2007

Mr. Crook, if you're reading this discussion, go for a walk. It's been what, three years? You could use some fresh air.

Recent studies show that the best place to calm down and center one's self is in a closed garage with a car engine running.

Take deep breaths and count to 10 000.
I guarantee you'll be calm and relaxed before you reach 2000 - but still, go for the 10k.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:04 PM on March 15, 2007

1_ Men seek status. 2_ Men with more status attract more women. 3_ Typical routes to status include occupational or creative accomplishment 4_ These routes require human capital which many men simply lack. 5_ Status is acquired if many people simply recognize your name or face 6_ People with this kind of status also attract more women 7_ Appearing on Fox News and being a recognized Internet name/face is status.

Seems like he successfully acquired a measure of status using techniques which were within his limited means. Possible outcome? Trailer time with Springfield's craziest chicks.
posted by dgaicun at 9:07 PM on March 15, 2007

Wow. Has no one noticed the moral hypocrisy involved in this farce? Honestly. This is still like napster in late 99 as far as politics goes. Progressive, my grade nine ass.
posted by converge at 5:15 AM on March 16, 2007

Do I flunk the intarweb or something for not knowing who this is or why he is worth any attention?

Based on the comments, this does not seem worthy of anyone's attention.
posted by Ynoxas at 10:36 AM on March 16, 2007

I'd never heard of him before this thread...and gods willing, I won't hear of him after it, but I'm still not sure if he's really batshitinsane, or if this is an attempt at Kauffman-ism.
posted by dejah420 at 12:48 AM on March 18, 2007