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Dünyayi kurtaran adam
March 19, 2007 9:24 AM   Subscribe

Can't sleep, Turkish Star Wars will eat me [IMDb, previously]
posted by thirteenkiller (49 comments total) 28 users marked this as a favorite

 
Here's the entire movie on google video. The opening narration is so crazy I couldn't get past the first five minutes. Shots of star destroyers going backwards! Nuts!

I couldn't find the iPod-friendly google video version, sorry.
posted by interrobang at 9:32 AM on March 19, 2007


That man is laying waste to Sid and Marty Krofft's entire army!
posted by boo_radley at 9:35 AM on March 19, 2007


update: did that mummy's head just explode?
posted by boo_radley at 9:36 AM on March 19, 2007


I gotta say, Turkey is one of the only countries I've ever been to where they are so obsessed with redoing everything in their own language. I rarely heard bad American music or saw bad American movies dubbed or subtitled when I was there... but I saw a lot of truly horrible stuff that they created themselves based on American entertainment. Horrible might actually be understating the badness.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:41 AM on March 19, 2007


Nice "epilepsy" tag, btw.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:42 AM on March 19, 2007


"Raiders of the Lost Ark" music! Lots of somersaults!

Recap; review; Wikipedia; web site for the sequel.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:43 AM on March 19, 2007


Turkish Jedi are so very bouncy!
posted by MrMoonPie at 9:50 AM on March 19, 2007


Best worst ever. I love this movie.
posted by everichon at 9:50 AM on March 19, 2007


The first few minutes I thought "crazy". After Luke threw the mummy head at the other mummy and it exploded, i thought "CRAAAAAZY!'

...and I was waiting for him to kiss the blond at the end.
posted by rsclark at 9:51 AM on March 19, 2007


Hey, what the hell? I just introduced several friends to these Turkish remakes yesterday! Weird.

Here's what I sent out to them:

Ok, well, here's as close as I could get to Turkish Titanic

Turkish Star Wars:
Though I think I made a mistake. The Death Star blowing up a whole bunch of times and backwards and then again was some other video that I'm desperately trying to remember.
I kept this part on because I wanted to know if anyone could tell me what video that Death Star explosion sequence is from

Turkish Batman
(W ... T ... F?!):

Turkish E.T.

I first read about all this in Vice Magazine
posted by redteam at 9:54 AM on March 19, 2007


Turkish Star Trek

The production values really aren't that different from the original. Except for the trippy Pink Floyd soundtrack.
posted by QuestionableSwami at 10:15 AM on March 19, 2007


3 Dev Adam (Turkish Captain American and Santo vs. Evil Turkish Spiderman)
posted by Dr-Baa at 10:20 AM on March 19, 2007


Vice is also the first place i saw mention of it too
posted by shift8 at 10:26 AM on March 19, 2007


Not a good monday morning wake up.

Not a good monday morning wake up at all.
posted by daq at 10:29 AM on March 19, 2007


Turkish Superman
posted by tighttrousers at 10:31 AM on March 19, 2007


Is there an actual Martial Arts move that involves pawing someone's face with giant workgloves until they eventually split into two equal halves vertically?

The Turkish, they have secrets.
posted by gcbv at 10:39 AM on March 19, 2007 [2 favorites]


Do you remember an old Roadrunner cartoon where the Coyote's feet were strapped to a pair of rockets, sending him careening through a patch of cactus among other things, and every thing he hit made a different random sound effect, in rapid succession?

The fight scenes sound exactly like that.
posted by JHarris at 10:51 AM on March 19, 2007


AHHHH I saw the worsters filmest everest ! There can't be any movie worse ! The picture of that crotch jumping asshole will haunt me ! *rofls, literally*
posted by elpapacito at 10:59 AM on March 19, 2007


They started to resist with a crust which was welded with human brain and willpower. A coating which was formed by compressed human brain molecules was protecting the earth.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:08 AM on March 19, 2007


i watched this and thought: why are there holes in the costume over the jedi nipples? do turkist jedi knights need to be milked?
posted by eatdonuts at 11:11 AM on March 19, 2007 [2 favorites]


i watched this and thought: why are there holes in the costume over the jedi nipples? do turkist jedi knights need to be milked?

Sharp eye. Let me just say your questions will be answered by the cut scenes included on the unrated director's cut DVD.
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:23 AM on March 19, 2007


Oh, man. Unleashed the fury, here. I own four bootleg copies of Turkish Star Wars with varying levels of packaging, from a plain DVDR to an elaborate jewel case and silkscreened label. I'm not sure exactly why, but I'm obsessed with this film.

I can recite almost all the dialogue in Turkish (I don't speak Turkish) and it's on my iPod, where I watch it most mornings on the way to work, enthusiastically explaining it to anyone unlucky enough to look over my shoulder. I may have watched it more times than almost anyone, but it makes me feel better about myself to imagine some guy out there keeps it on loop nonstop, compulsively.

Probably the funniest part of the film (and the reason I was introduced to it in the first place) is the sound mixing - they apparently only had a single tape reel and had to splice sound effects and music at the same time - there are points where the Raiders theme is interrupted by an explosion (the same explosion sound used over 50 times) and then the music cuts back in abruptly. Also, in the Wizard's Lair fight scene, monster groans are interrupted by punching noises, so it's like rraarrrSMACKrrrrrrrrBIFFrraar. It's such that you can easily mimic the effect with your mouth - try it, it's fun!

This fight scene has also become an in-joke amongst my friends - there is one red monster in the back who dances back and forth, side to side, without actually joining in the fray. It's hard to notice at first, until it's pointed out. We like to perform this dance move whenever possible.

Thanks for linking to this, more people should be aware of Turkish sci-fi!

(by the way, I also have copies of Turkish Superman and Star Trek - Superman is especially good. He's a total prick.)
posted by jake at 11:29 AM on March 19, 2007 [10 favorites]


I still think The Wizard of Oz is the nadir of incomprehensible Turkish remakery.
posted by jack_mo at 11:34 AM on March 19, 2007


The Brazilian Wizard of Oz seems a bit catchier though.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:50 AM on March 19, 2007


Here's my review of the first ten seconds.

"What?
What?
What??
What?
What!?
... what.
What?
What?
What!?!
What!?"

Rinse and repeat for the rest of it.
posted by Drexen at 12:16 PM on March 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


What a great post.
God, I love stuff like this.
posted by squidfartz at 12:33 PM on March 19, 2007


Well, at least it is better than Episode 1...
posted by Muddler at 12:33 PM on March 19, 2007 [3 favorites]


"This is a game of death. Losers, when you die our master becomes happy."
posted by kid ichorous at 12:39 PM on March 19, 2007


This is the first internet video that has actually made me vomit...the room is kind of swaying back and forth a bit. I think I need to go take a nap.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 12:51 PM on March 19, 2007


What a badass. He was chopping punching those giant elmos in half!
posted by the other side at 1:19 PM on March 19, 2007


Oh come on. Cüneyt Arkin has made hundreds of movies like this. He is like a Turkish Chuck Norris or perhaps Stephen Segal. He is popular, but he commands the same ammount of actual respect.

Every movie involves him playing a Turk or perhaps Turkish ancestor battling against the foreign forces of evil out to destroy the great Turkish Nation(Ottoman Soldier against Arabs and Anatiolian Tribesman vs. Byzantines are favorites) He is always able to singlehandedly destroy the entire enemy garrison to save the girl. Oh, and you can ALWAYS find one on TV in the middle of the day if you are in the mood.

Quite frankly, this is old and busted. I'm pretty sure this was made and released in the eighties. The new hotness of Turkish Nationalist propaganda is Valley of the Wolves, or Kurtlar Vadisi.

It started out as a hit TV show, sort of like a Turkish Sopranos, about a secret police agent named Polat who gets surgery and goes undercover. His manager is killed, leaving him alone without any contact at the secret police, and in too deep to get out. Its pretty awesome.

The upshot is after five seasons of this they made this movie where he goes to Iraq to avenge the capture of some Turkish soldiers there, and he goes toe to toe with none other than GARY FUCKING BUSEY!!!!!11!! who plays the American army captain who committed the affront to Turkish national honor. Polat of course rocks all of them.

In actuality, the actor who plays Polat went to business school in Boston, and was about to fly back to start work in the US on September 11. He stayed in Turkey, and became the biggest star in Turkey. If only I were so lucky.

But seriously, Kurtlar Vadisi Irak is the movie. Go get it.
posted by OldReliable at 1:27 PM on March 19, 2007


I like this. Yes, I like it.
posted by MarshallPoe at 1:39 PM on March 19, 2007


Good god, did ET defended himself with a venomous fart there? Also, I couldn't help it but find this version looks like a grown up Eraserhead "babycreature", so I'm creeped out though amused.
posted by Iosephus at 1:55 PM on March 19, 2007


I was going to mention that I like this movie a lot, and the sound mixing, or lack thereof, but then jake showed me that I'm a mere amateur in liking this, and should probably just shut up and let the professionals handle things.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 1:59 PM on March 19, 2007


Yeah, you best step off, dude. Nobody can touch my TSW fandom. Okay, you can touch it. ...Gently....
posted by jake at 2:34 PM on March 19, 2007


Better watch out, evildoers, or you will be trampolined to death!
posted by jiawen at 3:07 PM on March 19, 2007


This is what the world will be like if the Creative Commons guys get their way.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 3:32 PM on March 19, 2007 [6 favorites]


Brazilian Star Wars
posted by snez at 3:35 PM on March 19, 2007


Metafilter: A coating which was formed by compressed human brain molecules
posted by WhipSmart at 3:37 PM on March 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


Pain! Pain! Pain!
posted by homodigitalis at 3:42 PM on March 19, 2007


Three years ago, I believe in "I Love Video" in Austin, I saw a single copy of this available for rental for a $200 deposit and the option to break your thumbs. And now here it is free on the webs. If anyone says this is not the greatest age of mankind, I will fight that man. With words.
posted by ormondsacker at 3:50 PM on March 19, 2007


It looks like whoever made this movie has never actually seen a movie, or even a TV show.

Maybe they haven't even read a book, or a comic book. No sense of visual storytelling whatsoever.

Very, very odd!
posted by zoogleplex at 3:59 PM on March 19, 2007


INCREDIBLE. I was gasping for breath just reading the review; I don't know if I can make it through the whole movie.

You've made my week, thirteenkiller.
posted by hippugeek at 4:02 PM on March 19, 2007


Does this movie make sense to Turkish people?

Also, Brazilian Star Wars has a seriously funky soundtrack.
posted by fidgets at 4:19 PM on March 19, 2007


Oh jesus, Turkish Batman is fucking AWESOME. Make sure to watch it.

SPOILER WARNING ALERT BE EXTRA CAREFUL:

So just have Robin and Batman wear the same costumes, and then have a full-on rape scene, and then eventually Batman & Robin arrive (in a Lada?) and do lots of lame kicking and such -- oh, and capes must be removed simultaneously before the fighting -- and then Batman kills the rapist, with his hands, and then more lame fighting, and then ... well sure, Batman just pulls off his mask and gets busy with the gal who was being raped a moment ago.
posted by kenlayne at 4:31 PM on March 19, 2007


That bouncy guy really doesn't like sports mascots.
posted by dirigibleman at 6:03 PM on March 19, 2007


DO NOT WANT
posted by tehloki at 12:54 AM on March 20, 2007 [2 favorites]


Oh jesus, Turkish Batman is fucking AWESOME. Make sure to watch it.


Türkçe'de Duh-nuh nuh-nuh nuh-nuh nuh-nuh Duh-nuh nuh-nuh nuh-nuh nuh-nuh nasıl denir?
posted by jason's_planet at 9:03 AM on March 20, 2007


jake, I completely understand, respect, and admire what you do.
posted by greasepig at 11:11 AM on March 20, 2007


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