Curiosity gets some of us in the end

March 23, 2007 9:59 AM

Holy fucking shit. I mean, I've heard of people eating people before, but this is pretty gruesome. recipe
posted by baphomet (56 comments total)

"The folk in the out beyond do not know how to cure heads," old Ngurn explained, as he drew forth from the filthy matting and placed in Bassett's hands an indubitable white man's head.

Ancient it was beyond question; white it was as the blond hair attested. He could have sworn it once belonged to an Englishman, and to an Englishman of long before by token of the heavy gold circlets still threaded in the withered ear-lobes.

"Now your head . . . " the devil-devil doctor began on his favourite topic.

"I'll tell you what," Bassett interrupted, struck by a new idea. "When I die I'll let you have my head to cure, if, first, you take me to look upon the Red One."

"I will have your head anyway when you are dead," Ngurn rejected the proposition. He added, with the brutal frankness of the savage: "Besides, you have not long to live. You are almost a dead man now. You will grow less strong. In not many months I shall have you here turning and turning in the smoke. It is pleasant, through the long afternoons, to turn the head of one you have known as well as I know you. And I shall talk to you and tell you the many secrets you want to know. Which will not matter, for you will be dead."

From "The Red One" by Jack London
posted by baphomet at 10:00 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

This would be more interesting if it were an American. Or if he'd eaten Americans. As it is, I can't really see any connection to America here at all.
posted by DU at 10:10 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

What's the Indian equivalent of fava beans and a nice chianti?
posted by spicynuts at 10:14 AM on March 23, 2007

NSFW? I wanna look, but I'm at my cubicle! Is it safe? Gory?
posted by iamkimiam at 10:17 AM on March 23, 2007

Chickpeas and mango lassi?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:17 AM on March 23, 2007

*clears throat*
*oversings*

"Eat one person
One very special person

A feeling deep in your soul
Says you are half now you're whole

No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who eats people

Peeeeeople, peeeeople who eat peeeeople
Are the hungriest peeeeeople ------in the world."
posted by kosem at 10:20 AM on March 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

Vinda-who?
posted by phaedon at 10:22 AM on March 23, 2007

I'll leave out DU's snark, but I really don't see the distinction of the situation, unless it's the possibility of conspiracy or cover-up on the part of the master of the house. The servant just sounds like your run-of-the-mill serial killer/cannibal to me, and not all that shocking when compared to the likes of, say, Albert Fish.

Either I'm sickeningly jaded or baphomet is sheltered, and honestly I'm not quite sure which.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:24 AM on March 23, 2007

From the first link - "A psychiatrist said he had analysed Mr Koli and found him to be sexually aroused by raping corpses and eating human flesh, adding that he was still mentally fit to stand trial."

Just how nuts do you have to be to be unfit to stand trial?
posted by MrMustard at 10:25 AM on March 23, 2007

This is what they warned us would happen if we legalized gay marriage.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:32 AM on March 23, 2007

This is what they warned us would happen if we legalized gay marriage.

Has there ever been a gay marriage? Every married couple I know is miserable.
posted by spicynuts at 10:35 AM on March 23, 2007 [8 favorites]

In other news, Mr. Koli was also strangely attracted to drink coasters from the Mumbai Traffic Police.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:46 AM on March 23, 2007

Either I'm sickeningly jaded or baphomet is sheltered, and honestly I'm not quite sure which.

I'd go with the first one.

The parts I found to be particularly gruesome were: 19 people in 57 bags (do the math, come on, thats appalling), and the sexual arousal from raping corpses. Most cannibals/sexual murderers rape people while they're still alive.

Suggested listening for this thread: The Black Dahlia Murder - "Thy Horror Cosmic"
posted by baphomet at 10:48 AM on March 23, 2007

Mommy's all right
Daddy's all right
They just taste a little weird
Surender
Surender
Don't give yourself away
posted by scratch at 10:54 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

scratch cannabalized a couple of 'r's up there.
posted by spicynuts at 10:55 AM on March 23, 2007

Holy fucking shit. I mean, I've heard of people eating people before, but this is pretty gruesome. recipe

Why hasn't baphomet been given a gold star already for this utterly divine codicil? Jesus juice-spitting Christ did I laugh at that. I think I'm broken today. Sorry, move along.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 10:57 AM on March 23, 2007

I'd rather be raped when I'm dead than when I'm still alive. I'd rather not be killed or raped, but if I have to do both, I know which order I'd prefer.

Huh. There's an sentence I didn't think I would type when I came into work this morning...
posted by slimepuppy at 10:58 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ever since that Tales from the Crypt episode where the dude served up human steaks in his restaurant and all the customers were raving about how good they were, I have to admit I'm a little curious. I mean, what if we taste just orgasmically good and I'm missing out?
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 10:59 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

"It's virtually impossible to bribe the CBI," he told television news channel, NDTV.
Hahahahahahahaha...
posted by Meatbomb at 11:00 AM on March 23, 2007

But why eat the liver? I mean, it tastes foul when it comes from every other living thing. Bleah. Why not the ribs or something less gross.
posted by GuyZero at 11:02 AM on March 23, 2007

Give a man a fish, and he can feed himself for a day. But give A. Fish a man, and... well, he can feed himself for several.
posted by RokkitNite at 11:02 AM on March 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

Ever since that Tales from the Crypt episode where the dude served up human steaks in his restaurant and all the customers were raving about how good they were, I have to admit I'm a little curious.

My sources tell me that it's like a very sweet, very rich pork. Some cannibals in the South Pacific supposedly used the term "Long Pig" to refer to human meat.
posted by jason's_planet at 11:11 AM on March 23, 2007

No vegan, he. At least he cows, sacred as they are, are left to roam about and go unmolested, dead or alive
posted by Postroad at 11:13 AM on March 23, 2007

Damnit, baphomet. When I was a kid that story scared the crap out of me. Over the years my only consolation was that I had forgotten both the title and the author, and as such was unlikely to ever read it again. You and your god damn internet... (at least now I know and I can read it and go insane).

On the subject of this:

Either I'm sickeningly jaded or baphomet is sheltered, and honestly I'm not quite sure which.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:24 PM on March 23

I'd have to say you were jaded. For those of you playing the Metafilter Home Game, try and follow along.

First, he kills a girl. Happens all the time I guess, but still bad.

Second, he rapes her. Oops, I must have gotten those in the wrong order. No, in fact he has sex with a dead girl. Think about that for a second. Her eyes probably drift open but the eys are pointing in different directions. Maybe her mouth opens. And he's having sex with her. He's sexualizing a dead girl. She was a prostitute, so she likely would have had sex with him when she was alive. Nope no good. This is clearly insane territory.

Third, after he has sex with the body that gazed back at him with lifeless pathetic eyes, he chops her up. So clearly he's working something out in his mind.

Fourth, he cooks her. Now this step has to get subdivided a bit. Did he know which part was going to be cooked in which way before he started chopping? Or is he improvising? Did he try to apply some reasoning to his actions? "Well, the girl's leg is a bit too thick to sautee, so that has to go into the broiler" etc. Again, very fucked up indeed.

Fifth, he eats the thing he had sex with. Now he has sexualized his food.

Sixth, he keeps the rest in bags unrefrigerated for consumption later. The parts are rotting in the bag, but he plans to do something with the rotting parts later anyway. We've officially left behind the explored regions of Insanity and are in uncharted territory. This guy is the Vasco de Gama of lunatics. He's trying to open new trades routes to lunacy.

Seventh, he repeats the above steps another 18 times. Because practice makes perfect.

So, yes, I'd say you were jaded.

And now, something to cleanse the mind.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:16 AM on March 23, 2007 [10 favorites]

Oddly related, dead deer sex
posted by edgeways at 11:23 AM on March 23, 2007

Considering the amount of heavy metals, PCBs and other toxins we're carrying around in our bodies, eating human flesh is pretty dicey. Especially the liver. You'd have to be crazy to eat a human liver.

Or the fat, like this guy served up.
posted by hydrophonic at 11:26 AM on March 23, 2007

One of my oldest bits of schoolwork saved my mom is a first or second grade report on cannibalism, which ended, IIRC, with 'Cannibalism is also a good way to clean up after a battle.'
I got a decent mark and a special session with the counselor!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:38 AM on March 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

This is why we must have cloning. Then we could all safely indulge in the other, other, other white meat.
I bet a BeReasonable sandwich with a touch of salad dressing and a thin slice of tomato is delicious.
posted by BeReasonable at 11:39 AM on March 23, 2007

Did he try to apply some reasoning to his actions?

Good God -- on first read I saw "apply some seasoning to his actions...
posted by Clave at 11:40 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Pastabagel, I flagged your post

...as excellent!
posted by cowbellemoo at 11:40 AM on March 23, 2007

Wow. As hideous as the murders were, the local government's non-reaction struck me as pretty startling:

The apathy and callousness which characterised the State’s response to the Nithari killings is not limited to the Samajwadi Party, which is in power in UP or to the Noida Police. It covers every single arm of the government which was in a position to help the victims. According to documents available with Tehelka, if even one government body had fulfilled its responsibilities, without going out of its way, lives could have been saved.

Also, the few stories I've read about this case implicated both the servant and his employer. It seems seriously fishy to me that the wealthy businessman is getting a full pass now.
posted by maryh at 11:48 AM on March 23, 2007

Upon further reflection, I am horrified that I was not horrified as a child by the cannibalism at the heart of the Christian communion ritual.

"This is the body and blood of Christ. Dig in!"

"Ewww! No. I donwanna eat Jesus's blood."

"He died for your sins. Do you want to be a bad boy and go to Hell? Open your mouth!"

"No no I donwanna eat the baby jesus no"

"DAMN YOU, CHILD, EAT YOUR GOD!"
posted by Pastabagel at 11:50 AM on March 23, 2007 [6 favorites]

why?
no, really why why why why why.......
posted by crackingdes at 11:53 AM on March 23, 2007

Frank McCourt threw up Christ's body after his first communion and greatly upset his grandmother.

Was it Fried Green Tomatoes that served up the great barbecue to the Alabama officer? Heh, best evidence he ever tasted!
posted by nofundy at 12:02 PM on March 23, 2007

The dude's employer had to have known something was up.

I mean, 19 dead people in 57 bags? Wouldn't that, like, smell a bit after a while?

"Oh Jeeves, come here for a bit. Buffy and I just arrived from the summer cottage, and I couldn't help but notice that the place smellls... well... a bit like rotting flesh. I don't mean to imply that your housekeeping skills are subpar, but possibly you have been neglecting your daily chores a bit in my absence?"
posted by Afroblanco at 12:08 PM on March 23, 2007

People who eat people deserve each other.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:11 PM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ah, well. Great analysis, Pastabagel, but I guess I'm so jaded that the bare facts of serial killers' MOs just can't shock me anymore. It's an occupational hazard, I suppose (self-link).
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:46 PM on March 23, 2007

It's an occupational hazard, I suppose (self-link).
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:46 PM on March 23

Small internet! I visit that site regularly!
posted by Pastabagel at 12:54 PM on March 23, 2007

I have a fan! Hooray!
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:07 PM on March 23, 2007

This has been huge news here since December, and I haven't kept track of it lately, but last thing I heard the employer would ask his servant to go out and acquire prostitutes for him, and then would not notice when the servant either killed the prostitutes for whatever reason or picked up neighborhood children as well.

Also, rumors fly in Nithari and Noida that this had been happening for a while, to the point where parents wouldn't let their children out on the street. Also: that the UP police were paid off fairly regularly to ignore all this. Anyone familiar with the UP police, unfortunately, can buy this story.

Also, saying Noida is on the outskirts of Delhi is akin to saying Brooklyn is on the outskirts of New York. It's only about twenty minutes from the center and is a humongous residential suburb. As a result, this has riled up a lot of emotions and has led to a huge amount of new reports of serial killers here in India...
posted by goodglovin77 at 1:07 PM on March 23, 2007

'That saying of the Teacher is a far-famed one, which says, "Except ye eat my flesh and drink my blood, ye have no life in yourselves." Truly this saying is not merely beast-like and absurd, but is more absurd than any absurdity, and more beast-like than any fashion of a beast, that a man should taste human flesh, and drink the blood of members of the same tribe and race, and that by doing this he should have eternal life. For, tell, me, if you do this, what excess of savagery do you introduce into life? Rumor does not record—I do not say, this action, but even the mention of this strange and novel deed of impiety. The phantoms of the Furies never revealed this to those who lived in strange ways, nor would the Potidasans have accepted it unless they had been reduced by a savage hunger. Once the banquet of Thyestes became such, owing to a sister's grief, and the Thracian Tereus took his fill of such food unwillingly. Harpagus was deceived by Astyages when he feasted on the flesh of his dearest, and it was against their desire that all these underwent such a pollution. But no one living in a state of peace prepared such a table in his life; no one learnt from a teacher any knowledge so foul.'

~Porphyry, Fragments from "Against the Christians"
posted by voltairemodern at 1:32 PM on March 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

Metafilter: Opening new trade routes to lunacy.
posted by basicchannel at 1:51 PM on March 23, 2007

Years ago, a relative of mine did an article with the church of euthanasia (he's since moved onto better things)
posted by TheDonF at 2:45 PM on March 23, 2007

And if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order.
posted by spiderwire at 3:17 PM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

No, baphomet is sheltered. He also likes Sci Fi.
posted by davy at 3:37 PM on March 23, 2007

Wow, in India Jeffrey Dahmer is a heterosexual. Something really is wrong with America.
posted by localroger at 4:33 PM on March 23, 2007

ick.
posted by honeyx at 4:52 PM on March 23, 2007

I think it's wonderful that that master stood by his servant and defended him against his enemies. How many of the world's employers treat their employees at least as well as we Americans treat our dogs? Loyalty should be reciprocated. In the America in contrast many people get downsized and their jobs off-shored regardless of their culinary and libidinal habits.

And localroger, Al Fish swung both ways; versatility is a wonderful thing.

And voltairemodern, thank you. I wonder if Xians catch the resemblance? Maybe the Body of Christ should be served up like in this movie. "Try the cock, it's divine!"
posted by davy at 7:47 PM on March 23, 2007

Either I'm sickeningly jaded or baphomet is sheltered.

False dichotomy.
posted by owhydididoit at 1:45 PM on March 24, 2007

Is dead hooker like the cannibal equivalent of cube steak?
Of course, you do have to pound the hell out of cube steak for it to be edible...
posted by jewzilla at 3:35 PM on March 24, 2007

The second link provides some discussion regarding stock selection and cut choices.
posted by baphomet at 4:21 PM on March 24, 2007

What a waste of good meat.
posted by davy at 8:13 AM on March 26, 2007

"Just how nuts do you have to be to be unfit to stand trial?"

Like Quonsar.
posted by davy at 8:18 AM on March 26, 2007

"Surender" sounds like a very good servile sorta name, and I love that Mr. Pandher "has been charged with running a prostitution racket."

This is like something from a Pynchon novel.
posted by Bixby23 at 11:17 AM on March 26, 2007

For the record: I never met quonsar, have no way to really assess his personality and bear him no ill-will whatsoever. It's just sometimes fun to take cheap potshots at a more-established Mefite who is not (as far as I know) actually a homocidal psycho. (Unlike, say, the fearsome languagehat.)
posted by davy at 4:07 PM on March 26, 2007

Please tell me the Church of Euthanasia is a hoax.
posted by etoile at 7:12 AM on March 30, 2007