Comments on: Ugly Guys Singing About Ugly Shit To Ugly Music

Ugly Guys Singing About Ugly Shit To Ugly Music

jonmc — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 17:58:41 -0800

The 10 Ugliest Men In Heavy Metal History. Well, Metal was never meant for the beautiful people, anyways.

By: number9dream

number9dream — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:02:59 -0800

Only one pic works. And it's not that ugly, even.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:05:38 -0800

it takes a reload or two.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:07:49 -0800

C'mon dude. Vinny Vincent over Lemmy and Mick Mars? Lame.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:09:32 -0800

I mean, the underlying idea is worthy and all, but to get to number one, and it's the replacement for Ace Frehley? Even Ace deserves more respect than that.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:10:15 -0800

When the lawyers representing these 10 people (or their estates) see or hear about this, only two questions will be asked; how is this not libel, and how much money does 'Ruthless Reviews' have for our clients to take?

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:12:52 -0800

Very weird; it looks like they're hotlinking all the pictures off of a wayback machine archive of their own site. That's why they're loading for shit. What a strange thing to do, though. If you bypass archive.org and just enter the straight URLs for the jpgs, they load just fine. For example, here's Vinnie. Effigy2000 writes "how is this not libel" C'mon, this is not libel in any way. Public figures, statements of opinion.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:15:55 -0800

Checking out the comments, seeing all the bullshit about bald = ugly, something came back to me about metal that I hadn't thought about for a long time. It was never the music that I hated; it was the fucking metal fans.

By: edgeways

edgeways — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:18:47 -0800

I'd substitute "funniest looking" for ugly. And yeah, either way you slice it, it's not liable, if it took so little those godawful 10 worst New Yorkers articles would have long ago been put to bed.

By: winks007

winks007 — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:27:39 -0800

I didn't need any pictures of those guys. Seen most of them close and up-front. Really ugly fuckers. The greatest post ever!

By: DU

DU — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:27:48 -0800

Libel? Oh yeah, these guys are going to be out of a job playing their terrible music if people ever found out they were ugly.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:31:05 -0800

DU: I'm actually a big fan of a a few of these bands (Motorhead, Kiss, Maiden, etc), but that dosen't mean I don't recognize the fact that none of these fellas are going to be in People's Next "50 Most beautiful People," which in a perverse way is part of their appeal to their audience.

By: Saucy Intruder

Saucy Intruder — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:34:23 -0800

Umm.. Dee Snider? hello?

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:34:43 -0800

That's why ugly guys get into heavy metal -- so they could get laid anyway.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:34:48 -0800

Steve Grimmett is no Lemmy. Still, he's uglier than a bigmouth bass.

By: mrnutty

mrnutty — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:42:18 -0800

Libel?!

By: biscotti

biscotti — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:50:41 -0800

I'm sorry, any such list which not only doesn't have Ronnie James Dio at #1, but doesn't even have him ON the list, is no list at all. I mean...monkfish scream and swim/flop/ooze away at the mere mention of possibly showing a picture of him!

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:51:35 -0800

They are Ruthless! They laugh at your charges of libel!

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:53:57 -0800

When the lawyers representing these 10 people (or their estates) see or hear about this we're talking about people who are employed in a business that is famous for exploits with swordfish and bats, not your grandmother's canasta club

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:56:40 -0800

any such list which not only doesn't have Ronnie James Dio at #1 Good Lord... where did you find such a flattering photo of him?

By: Smilla's Sense of Snark

Smilla's Sense of Snark — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:58:22 -0800

Well, Metal was never meant for the beautiful people, anyways. It's probably just my dreadful weakness for boys with long hair talking, but I can think of quite a few metal guys who are more than pretty enough to make my panties sweat. (But yeah, there is definitely zero overlap between my list and this one. Quelle surprise.)

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:03:05 -0800

Well, the overwhelming majority of metalhead pals as a teenager were greasy, pimply (and either emaciatedly skinny or morbidly obese) misfits in mullets and tour shirts. Pretty much everybody wrote us all off as fuckups and losers. Great guys, they were. So it was gratifying to see guys who looked like us getting fame, girls etc.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:03:44 -0800

Lemmy would still be at the top of my list even if he had those things removed from his cheek. Good lord.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:05:07 -0800

Effigy2000, next you'll be the stand-in for Captain Copyright (you know, the guy who always shows up in any thread with a posted material not from the original copyright holder, fretting about possible violations). It's a fascinating internet phenomenon, people "worrying" about the lawfulness of other's online actions, especially as those actions don't cause any harm. There are a lot of ugly people in music, period. Makes me think I should have thought about taking up an instrument long ago. I'd be a good stand-in for the Bowling For Soup guitarist if I just put on a few more pounds...

By: CrunchyFrog

CrunchyFrog — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:06:51 -0800

If you're not ugly enough to do metal, you could always hot-glue some cornflakes to your face.

By: amyms

amyms — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:21:59 -0800

The pics take forever to load... It must be because of all the ugliness... I agree with most of the choices, but Vinnie Vincent didn't deserve to be named THE ugliest... Surely Lemmy should have taken that spot.

By: drjimmy11

drjimmy11 — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:24:11 -0800

BUTTHEAD (watching Grim Reaper video) That guy won 3rd place at the pig contest at the state fair. BEAVIS 'Cause he's FAT!!

By: joe lisboa

joe lisboa — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:26:31 -0800

Udo Dirkschneider! Trivia Tidbit / Hard Rock Name-Drop: Many moons ago, my former band spent a couple weeks recording demos with Accept's original guitarist manning the board at a studio housed in a converted three-car garage on this sprawling farm outside of Nashville. The studio is/was owned by Accept lead guitarist Wolf Hoffman, who relocated to the States after Accept splintered. (And yes, the man's given name is Wolf. Intense.) Anyways, there was a photo of Udo in the studio, and I distinctly remember wasting valuable studio time debating over the appropriate German equivalent of the phrase "to beat with an ugly stick." A face only a <danzig>MUH-thurr!</danzig> could love.

By: vronsky

vronsky — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:30:53 -0800

Needs more Leslie West.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:34:46 -0800

Udo Dirkschneider! Udo's collaboration with Raven on a cover of 'Born To be Wild' is one of the freakiest metal moments ever.

By: amyms

amyms — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:41:22 -0800

drjimmy11 mentioned Beavis and Butthead, which made me think of GWAR (NSFW)... They've got to be the ugliest band in show business.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:46:09 -0800

Rock out with your cock out!

By: popechunk

popechunk — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:47:58 -0800

Here are the direct jpg links without that archive.org silliness. Jim Martin
Nicko McBrain
King Diamond
King Diamond
Ian Hill
Mick Mars
Mick Mars
Mick Mars
Billy Milano
Lemmy Kilmister
Steve Grimmet
Udo Dirkschneider
Vinnie Vincent

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:53:50 -0800

Sorry folks but this little Top 10 List pales in comparison to the unadulterated ugliness that is a Devin Townsend. He can sing the fuck out of any music but he's so ugly, tears run down the back of his head.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:55:46 -0800

Oh and here's the ugliness in action.[NSFW - language]

By: popechunk

popechunk — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 19:57:07 -0800

Rock out with your cock out! OMFG that is awesome!

By: psmealey

psmealey — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:04:08 -0800

he's so ugly, tears run down the back of his head. Ok, that's probably an old joke, but that got the biggest laugh out loud moment from me on MeFI all day... And with the shit going on in the Mandingo thread, that's actually saying something.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:06:23 -0800

I know this is limited to metal heroes, but seriously, none of these poseurs have anything on my man, Shane McGowan... Hands down, the ugliest tosser in rock.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:19:37 -0800

Lemmy is not ugly, Lemme is spectacular.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:21:33 -0800

Those are the ugliest goddam blue question marks I have ever seen.

By: Smilla's Sense of Snark

Smilla's Sense of Snark — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:22:15 -0800

Also not metal, and Shane definitely wins on teeth (and blood-alcohol volume), but I do think Midnight Oil's Peter Garrett could give him a run for the money on sheer ungainliness. _{And yet I find him strangely compelling...}

By: fleetmouse

fleetmouse — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:32:53 -0800

Hmmmm, has Peter Garrett done any acting since The Hills Have Eyes?

By: Smilla's Sense of Snark

Smilla's Sense of Snark — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 20:42:52 -0800

That YouTube link does at least show off his gawky dancing, but the video quality isn't good enough to convey PG's astounding SWEATINESS. Being an insane Oils fangirl, I've seen them from right squashed up against the edge of the stage, and let me tell you, there really should have been a clearly marked "SPATTER ZONE". _{(Got sweat-bukkake'd. Caught one of Hirsty's splintered drumsticks. Applauded so hard I bent a couple of rings in half. Yeah, the show was AWESOME.)}

By: VirtualWolf

VirtualWolf — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 21:05:43 -0800

By: edgeways

edgeways — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 21:09:25 -0800

ah Shane, just saw him at the start of the month in Chi-town, it's a fucking miracle the man is still alive.

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 21:18:37 -0800

I'll nominate Rick Rozz.

By: spinifex23

spinifex23 — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 21:19:28 -0800

Sorry folks but this little Top 10 List pales in comparison to the unadulterated ugliness that is a Devin Townsend. Hey! Leave Pickles alone!

By: Listener

Listener — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 21:42:49 -0800

As I understand it, these guys are trying to be ugly. Sadly, the original "previous 10" article no longer links correctly.

By: the luke parker fiasco

the luke parker fiasco — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:05:47 -0800

as an old acquaintance was fond of saying ... "The gift of Death Metal does not smile upon the good-looking."

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 23:12:50 -0800

What, does GWAR not count or something? What's not metal about giant blood-spurting cocks?

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 00:06:43 -0800

Effigy2000 writes "How is this not libel?" Because truth is an absolute defence.

By: stavrogin

stavrogin — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 00:24:55 -0800

Rodney Dangerfield didn't die after all, he just changed his name to Udo. The poor man still can't get any respect.

By: borq

borq — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 03:58:25 -0800

Mick Mars? No way! Its Jeanet!

By: Drexen

Drexen — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 06:40:10 -0800

Is... is King Diamond sporting a Dirty Sanchez?

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 06:43:25 -0800

Shane Embury (pictured on right) not only wins this competition, but is probably the ugliest human being alive.

By: winks007

winks007 — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 07:00:25 -0800

Although not metal, my wife says that Keith Richards ugly face transcends all genres of ugly-ness.

By: spoobnooble

spoobnooble — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 08:59:12 -0800

from the comments section: Dear administrator! Yet again I have to inform you that half of these bands are NOT heavy metal at all. And, yet again, you don't have a goddamn clue. You still are an asshole. Comedy gold! Makes me miss the orthodox punk scene. And in regards to Devin Townsend: he's a married man. If a guy like Devin can get hitched, then by golly there's hope for the rest of us after all...

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 13:41:34 -0800

Yeah, sorry, but Steve Tyler. I know, I know, not really metal. But he so ugly... how ugly? They throw him in the river, they be skimming ugly off for six months. That ugly.

By: parilous

parilous — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 08:12:26 -0800

I think Jim Martin is hot, in a Rick Rubin sort of way. He *so* doesn't deserve to be on that list.

By: stinkycheese

stinkycheese — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 11:00:51 -0800

This post has been bugging me for the last few days and I couldn't figure out why. It just came to me - there's no Mortiis! C'mon now, I'm sure we can all agree - he makes everybody else on this list look like Fabio or something.

By: stinkycheese

stinkycheese — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 11:10:48 -0800

Bonus - discovered while looking for Mortiis pictures - Lies Told About Mortiis On The Internet: * Mortiis lives in a castle in Norway. * Mortiis has had plastic surgery to look the way he does. * Mortiis stabbed his mother to death. * Mortiis is a raving alcoholic and drug-user. * Mortiis died and came back from the dead. * Mortiis is married. * Mortiis can't drink. * Mortiis is not human. * Mortiis and friends sacrifice animals in the forest. * Someone was sadistically murdered in the house he lives in. * Mortiis is a king on the dance floor. * Mortiis OD'ed and had to be resuscitated back to life. * Mortiis eats children. * Mortiis has joined Danny Glover in his quest to stop rascist cab drivers. * Mortiis keeps wolves as pets. * Mortiis has sex with wolves. * Mortiis has been asked to use his nose in a porno movie. * Mortiis has been asked to be in a Disney film. * Mortiis and Sarah Jezebel Deva are the same person. * Mortiis has been involved in inticement to suicide. * Vond sings on The Stargate. * Mortiis' nose falls off during live shows. * Mortiis looks just like Blix from Legend, only taller. * Mortiis' music is bad, because he uses make-up. * Mortiis gave birth to someone's grandmother. * Mortiis is supposed to be a Scandinavian troll. * The Stargate is so bad, everyone displays universal disguist for it. * Mortiis was involved in the Norwegian train crash that took some 30 lives (coincidentally, another passenger was alledgedly saved by aliens). * Mortiis lives in a cave & plays buttmetal . * Mortiis sounds like 80´ies goth ala Bauhaus with bad costumes. * Mortiis is a real no talent moron * Mortiis was voted sexiest man in Norway * Mortiis left Emperor in the end of 91, because his mother wouldn`t let him play in a black metal band (taken from an insanely erroneous Emperor fan-site). * Mortiis´ real name is Bobo Trinkles. * Mortiis has 13 toes. * Mortiis has a cat named Elisabeth Bathory. * Mortiis plays electronic folk music * Mortiis had to leave Emperor because he is a troll. * Mortiis had his ears stolen and had to do the show without them. * Mortiis saw himself dead in a dream and from that dream he recreated the image of himself he saw. * When you say Mortiis five times in front of a mirror, he appears with his army of trolls and slay the living!

By: homunculus

homunculus — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 18:06:19 -0800

Nudist Priest