Gay By Design?

April 12, 2007 2:23 PM

Gay by Design? : What does your car say about your sexual orientation? Do you drive a lesbaru? Or how about one of the Top Ten Gay Cars of 2007? Are you having a hard time being able to tell if your car is gay or not? Just drive right on over to gaywheels to find out more about cars and the "pink dollar."
posted by grapefruitmoon (79 comments total)

Morons make stupid assumptions based on ignorance fed by media stereotypes. News @ 11.
posted by signal at 2:30 PM on April 12, 2007

"A few years ago, Meghan Daum, an op-ed contributor to The Los Angeles Times, wrote about a promising first date with a man that never led to a second one because, she later learned, the guy saw that she drove a Subaru Outback station wagon and concluded she must be a lesbian."

You know, I read this stuff and it just reinforces my belief that I must be an alien. How do humans make it through life at this level of shallowness?
posted by bitmage at 2:31 PM on April 12, 2007

An '86 Buick Century is dead butch, by the way.
posted by Mister_A at 2:33 PM on April 12, 2007

You know, I read this stuff and it just reinforces my belief that I must be an alien. How do humans make it through life at this level of shallowness?

I'm sure articles like "Top Ten Gay Cars" don't help.
posted by ruthsarian at 2:33 PM on April 12, 2007

If you're a straight man who obsesses enough about lesbians to fret over the kinds of cars some of them drive, perhaps you should rethink dating altogether. Some folks don't need to reproduce.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:34 PM on April 12, 2007

I refuse to take any automotive purchasing advice from a page that also links to an article titled "The Truth About Penis Size."
posted by Dave Faris at 2:39 PM on April 12, 2007

Dan Savage will shit himself blind when this crosses his desk.
posted by boo_radley at 2:41 PM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

BMW ad at a West Hollywood bus stop: "Hard top. Firm bottom. It's so L.A."
posted by ericb at 2:45 PM on April 12, 2007

Man, I asked a car dealer which car model on his lot would be the best for the post-apocalypse and the Subaru Outback was his choice. What is also funny is that Subarus were real popular in Alaska even with some of the burliest men I knew; the car would start in some pretty cold weather and had a block heater option.

Regarding that guy who assumed his date was a lesbian, I thought that would be a major fantasy for a guy (girl on girl action).
posted by jadepearl at 2:46 PM on April 12, 2007

Problem 14: You are on a date with a member of the opposite sex. What is the probability that that person is a homosexual?
posted by DU at 2:47 PM on April 12, 2007 [4 favorites]

oh snap, I don't own any of these cars. I thought I may have an outside chance with the Civic, but alas not to be so, guess my wife will be disappointed as well. Seriously, whenever something like this comes out I have the desire to engage in counter cultural activities. If I was wealthy enough I'd go buy the most fuel economic call on the list, in pink. But, I'm guessing that won't happen for a few years. I'll have to check back when next in the market.
posted by edgeways at 2:47 PM on April 12, 2007

from the second link:

lesbaru:
A man whose masculinity is in doubt after the purchase of a practical, family car such as a Subaru.

Man, Brent is such a lesbaru. Why didn't he get a Durango?

Pretty hilarious. I am a hetero, married male. I own a intercooled, turbocharged (fast as hell) Subaru. Previously, I owned a Durango. My fun factor now is significantly higher, and my gas bill is significantly lower. If that makes me a lesbian, so be it.

(I've always been a closet lesbian, anyway).
posted by Benny Andajetz at 2:48 PM on April 12, 2007

I drive a '98 Saturn SL1. I don't think this identifies me as being gay or straight. I think this identifies me as being poor and frugal.

But when I finish restoring my '65 mustang, that will hopefully tell the world that I am ready for the post-apocalyptic-driving-across-the-desert-with-my-sawed-off-shotgun-and-Australian -cattle-dog part of my life to begin.
posted by quin at 2:49 PM on April 12, 2007

Hummer.

Huh-huh. Huh-huh.
posted by gurple at 2:51 PM on April 12, 2007

That list is so inaccurate. No RAV4, Beetles or a single convertible. Everyone knows how popular convertibles are with the pink crowd. Everyone.
posted by jsavimbi at 2:54 PM on April 12, 2007

I'm disappointed no Saturns made the 2006 list. Here in Detroit all the straight guys who routinely get mistaken for gay drive one. Well, most of us. Compliments, all. Though a friend's ancient landlord of Eastern European descent once did describe his Saturn, derisively through nicotine-stained teeth, as "plastic car for wee-mun." That always cracked me up. I e-mailed the company but they declined to adopt the motto.
posted by joe lisboa at 2:55 PM on April 12, 2007

What is also funny is that Subarus were real popular in Alaska even with some of the burliest men I knew; the car would start in some pretty cold weather and had a block heater option.

Up here in Maine, they're also extremely popular. The simple fact is, they're great in the snow, they have an awesome warranty, and they don't fall apart after 5 years. Really, very good cars.

Not a Subaru owner.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:58 PM on April 12, 2007

Problem 15: they give you oral sex in the gay car but won't marry you, are they gay, or are you?
posted by edgeways at 3:00 PM on April 12, 2007

Subaru Outback, eh? I can't wait to tell my dad how gay he is.

My car tells the world that I'm poor. What does poverty say about my sexuality?
posted by lekvar at 3:00 PM on April 12, 2007

Wait, since when have we been letting gays drive?

Next they'll want to vote!

(My father's lesbian co-workers think it's hilarious that he drives a Subaru station wagon. My mother's gay hairstylist was upset by the idea that some cars connote homosexual stereotype.)
posted by klangklangston at 3:01 PM on April 12, 2007

"Here in Detroit all the straight guys who routinely get mistaken for gay drive one. Well, most of us. Compliments, all."

Well, it's Detroit. Anything more exotic than a K-car is grounds for homo suspicion, or being part of some sort of Japanese Fifth Column.
posted by klangklangston at 3:04 PM on April 12, 2007

What does poverty say about my sexuality

That you're straight, everyone knows TEH gays have money.
posted by Mick at 3:06 PM on April 12, 2007

That top 10 list is bunk - I didn't see a Prius listed anywhere.
posted by Big_B at 3:07 PM on April 12, 2007

My wife has a Subaru Outback. I think I'll invite the local cheer leading squad over and hide under the bed.

(Is there any car that shouts "I'm deeply closeted" more than an Escalade or its ilk?)
posted by maxwelton at 3:10 PM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

That list is so gay, it should, like, be on the 10 Most Gayest Gay Lists List.
posted by MaxVonCretin at 3:11 PM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

All the people I know who drive Subaru wagons are either partnered lesbians or fathers.

Conclusion: Women think people who drive Subaru wagons are highly attractive.
posted by dw at 3:12 PM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

Single dude here with Subaru wagon. It'll take at least one bike and/or several pairs of skis without messing with racks, and get them to the best places for bikes and skis.

ObLesbianTrappedInMansBody joke goes here.
posted by Opposite George at 3:23 PM on April 12, 2007

I take the bus & rail. Guess that means I'm too poor to have a sexual orientation.
posted by treepour at 3:27 PM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

Bad news, Benny Andajetz, at least half the posters so far who own turbocharged, intercooled Subarus are bisexual.

/'05 Legacy GT wagon
posted by jet_silver at 3:40 PM on April 12, 2007

Ooh! Me next! I drive a 2001 Toyota Camry LE V6. What am I?
posted by grubi at 3:40 PM on April 12, 2007

Unless I'm very obtuse, I don't see how that BMW ad in the blog post ericb links to is targeted at a gay audience. Seems more like a joke about the stereotypical LA superficiality and/or plastic surgery than anything gay-related.
posted by chundo at 3:46 PM on April 12, 2007

Subaru has had television advertisements specifically produced for a gay/lesbian audience and which have run on the gay/lesbian cable channel LOGO-TV. Here are two of the ads: 1, 2.
posted by ericb at 3:50 PM on April 12, 2007

Unless I'm very obtuse, I don't see how that BMW ad in the blog post ericb links to is targeted at a gay audience. Seems more like a joke about the stereotypical LA superficiality and/or plastic surgery than anything gay-related.

Ummm...double entendre -- Hard Top/Firm Bottom:

(1) Features of the BMW

(2) Every gay coupling requires a top and a bottom. Hard dick meets tight ass.

A reference well understood in WeHo, the center of gay L.A.
posted by ericb at 3:58 PM on April 12, 2007

“People presume you want to throw off a stereotype,” said Judith Halberstam, a lesbian who is a professor of gender studies at the University of Southern California. She drives a black Mazda 3 hatchback that she considers “butch.”

My car is butch! Funny, I bought it because I thought it was cutesy. Oh well.
posted by misskaz at 4:00 PM on April 12, 2007

Who's On Top? -- "The Internet has helped turn gay cruising into a narrowly focused, hard-target search, but is it realistic to divide the world into tops and bottoms?"
posted by ericb at 4:02 PM on April 12, 2007

Every gay coupling requires a top and a bottom.

Who was first? The gays or the sado-masochists?
posted by Dave Faris at 4:03 PM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

yup, 'fraid you are way obtuse, chundo. sounds pwetty gay to me.
posted by Azaadistani at 4:04 PM on April 12, 2007

Hard dick meets tight ass

Actually that should be: "Hard dick meets muscled bubble butt."
posted by ericb at 4:04 PM on April 12, 2007

"2001 Toyota Camry LE V6. What am I?"

Smart!
posted by vronsky at 4:04 PM on April 12, 2007

Who was first? The gays or the sado-masochists?

My bet -- it was a tie. Jinx. "You owe me a Coke."
posted by ericb at 4:05 PM on April 12, 2007

I worked for a lesbian. She bought an Audi coupe ragtop (ugh), dark green, and her very, very, very butch gf drove an outback. One data point.
posted by vronsky at 4:08 PM on April 12, 2007

I'm sad my New Beetle isn't gay anymore. (It isn't new anymore either, though.)

The Internet has helped turn gay cruising into a narrowly focused, hard-target search

What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, doghouse, and bath house in that area.

posted by kirkaracha at 4:08 PM on April 12, 2007 [3 favorites]

In rural western PA, all the "AI guys" drive Subarus. That's AI for "Artificial Insemination". Of Cows. I'm not exactly sure what that says about the sexual orientation of Subarus...

but it's why I have one. They do a LOT of driving, in the winter, on long and bumpy dirt roads, and swear by Subaru.
posted by Emanuel at 4:11 PM on April 12, 2007

Despite not making the list, my '94 Corolla has in no way helped me to exercise my heterosexuality.
posted by horsewithnoname at 4:22 PM on April 12, 2007

ugh...i hate these NYT pieces.

(that said, there are only lesbian cars and straight boy cars and midlife crisis cars and overcompensating cars) : >
posted by amberglow at 4:29 PM on April 12, 2007

I agree with Emanuel. I just assumed that a Subaru is a good car if you need 4wd but don't want to buy a truck or SUV.

Or if you're just gay.

Me, I usually try to take the bus...The Straight Bus, that is.
posted by gordie at 4:35 PM on April 12, 2007

Cars are just gay. Nevertheless, glad to see the 300C and the BMW5 are on the list, even if the list is bunk. Now, all we gotta get on there is the Camaro (do they still make that thing anymore?) and the Firebird.

On the other two wheels, everyone here knows that the preferred motorcycle of the rainbow set is the Harley. Gotta love this town.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 4:37 PM on April 12, 2007

I take public transportation, which means I practice some hideous perversion like..ovaltine drinking or something.
posted by jonmc at 4:37 PM on April 12, 2007

1) I'm heartbroken that my Miata has dropped off this list.

2) I think it's hilarious that the guy in the story was so anxious about his masculinity that he rented a stupider car to impress a date.

Real Men (...whatever their orientation...) drive whatever the hell they want. If you're concerned that your wheels are sending the wrong message about your orientation, you're not comfortable in your orientation.
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 4:38 PM on April 12, 2007

Dan Savage will shit himself blind when this crosses his desk.

I just imagined this as a scene in a South Park episode and laughed hysterically.

A new website - www.gaywheels.com - has the scoop on which manufacturers accept (and not just tolerate) the pink dollar.

Really though, is there actually a company somewhere that would turn away the "pink dollar", or any dollar for that matter? I can't see a CEO, regardless of his feelings on homosexuality, sitting around saying, "Oh, the gays made us $2 million this quarter. I guess that's okay."
posted by saraswati at 4:42 PM on April 12, 2007

I'm 34 and have never had a driver's license. What does that make me?
posted by Wonderwoman at 4:43 PM on April 12, 2007

What? No Canyonero F-Series?
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:44 PM on April 12, 2007

I'm 34 and have never had a driver's license. What does that make me?

A pedestrian?
posted by quin at 4:51 PM on April 12, 2007 [2 favorites]

1) I would find it flattering (and astonishing) if anyone associated my Honda Accord with, well anything really. Of course my next car will be a Lesbaru, so clearly I'm due for a sex change in the future.

2) The gay-friendliness of car companies seems to reinforce my feelings about them in general. Ford, Subaru? Cool. GM? *gag*
posted by Skorgu at 4:54 PM on April 12, 2007

I don't see the point of owning a car in London.
posted by anthill at 5:03 PM on April 12, 2007

Well. I love the shit out of my black, 2k6 Cobalt coupe and my boyfriend thinks it's cute, so um.

Hm.

Well, one out of every three cars on the road is a Cobalt, so I don't think that says much of a much about anything.
posted by kavasa at 5:17 PM on April 12, 2007

A pedestrian?

Wait, so if I don't drive a car I have to dig on adolescent boys??
posted by dgaicun at 5:18 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Scrubs had a caravan of old gay guys in VW New Beetle convertibles driving to Vegas. I knew that people who drove them were most likely gay, but I didn't realize it was such a cliche.
posted by stavrogin at 5:18 PM on April 12, 2007

I'm 34 and have never had a driver's license. What does that make me?
posted by Wonderwoman at 7:43 PM on April 12

A woman who lives on an island of extremely butch women who like to dress like Greeks and wrestle.
posted by stavrogin at 5:41 PM on April 12, 2007

I'm 42 and have never had a license or a car. (All of us fabulous gay men get driven around anyway.) ; >
posted by amberglow at 6:02 PM on April 12, 2007

My wife told me a number of times that the model Sub aru was bught by lesbians. I thought she was kidding. But what is central here is that some car makers market the cars with gays in mind ...which does not mean that non-gays know this or do not drive the model.

the only place where gayness is concealed is in GOP gay voters in Congress when they support anti-gay measure from the party. I have been told they load up on saltpeter when this stuff comes up for votes.
posted by Postroad at 6:17 PM on April 12, 2007

Okay, the lease is up on our car next year and we've been looking at crossover vehicles because we'll need something that has seven seats.

Whatever will the neighbours think?
posted by Zinger at 6:32 PM on April 12, 2007

Damn! We own a Subie Forester, which is probably gayer than an Outback, and an Nissan NX, which is undoubtedly both greyer and gayer than either of us!

They always have been, and always will be, treated as that which they are: a mere tool for getting from A to B.

When we were car shopping to replace our well-abused NX we were always asked "What colour?" As if we could possibly even give a shit what colour it is, instead of important things like warranties, handling, mileage, comfort. I was quite stunned at the shallow idiocy of the questions we'd be asked. Also stunned that even after looking the salescreep dead in the eye and telling him flat-out that this is my wife's purchase, they'd continue to talk to me.

I hate purchasing cars.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:51 PM on April 12, 2007

Subaru OnOurBack?
posted by bashos_frog at 6:57 PM on April 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Quite bizarre. My parents drive a Subaru Outback. I even nudged them towards the Outback over various other options they were considering. For its purpose, I find it an utterly awesome car. Not only is it practical, but it handles well & the 4WD gives it wonderfully sticky grip on all surfaces. Apparently, it has (almost?) exactly the same drive-train & suspension as the rally-winning WRX, the ram-raiders' favourite (since it can outhandle, and therefore outpace, the local police cars).

What on earth makes it a lesbian cliche I cannot fathom. It's just a solid, well-handling 4WD for those who don't want to take the SUV option.

(Also good value in Oz, due to tax concessions aimed at farmers: Outbacks just make it, in technical spec terms, into the farm vehicle tax category)
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:06 PM on April 12, 2007

I just worked out what had been bugging me about this thread: lesbians don't even drive cars. They ride motorbikes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:20 PM on April 12, 2007

Dammit, I ride motorcycle! Man, am I ever cursed when it comes to vehicle selection.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:40 PM on April 12, 2007

Back in the dawn of time early eightes when I was coming out, I bought "The Butch Manual," a work of humor about then-stereotypical butch gay men. Among other attributes, "Butch" drove a beat-up old Dodge Dart. I'm sure he looked really hot in that, with his Castro Clone 'stache and 501s.... At the time, I drove a beat-up old Ford Maverick, though I had a Valiant sometime before that.

Now this middle-aged gay man drives a paid-for Daewoo. No dents yet. Partner has a Ford Ranger. We're anti-cliche.
posted by Robert Angelo at 8:14 PM on April 12, 2007

You know who else drove a beat-up Dodge Dart? Al Bundy.

who married a woman that looked like one of the B-52s and never had sex with her, and spent an inordinate amount of time around women's shoes...
posted by arto at 8:28 PM on April 12, 2007

ARGH! I had a Valiant, too! I can't be a Butch Gay Man and be a Lesbaru! I don't have enough of the right parts, for starters.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:48 PM on April 12, 2007

AsYouKnow Bob: I'm heartbroken that my Miata has dropped off this list.

Likewise. Somebody must have tipped them off that it's a sports car, in the classic British spirit.

But however will I pick up gay men now? I sure as hell don't dress well enough...
posted by LordSludge at 8:51 PM on April 12, 2007

five fresh fish wrote: Dammit, I ride motorcycle! Man, am I ever cursed when it comes to vehicle selection.

Move on over here to a Vespa -- 'round here they gotta measure your reproductive organs to make sure it's big enough before they'll let you buy one.
posted by Extopalopaketle at 10:00 PM on April 12, 2007

This is advertising -- it has nothing to do with sexual orientation, other than that's the hook used to get you to view a bunch of car ads.
posted by luckypozzo at 11:04 PM on April 12, 2007

PinkBlue!
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:06 PM on April 12, 2007

The toughest man I ever dated drove a Subaru wagon. He wasn't even gay, but a little bi. (He had been Green Beret type dude).

Myself, I select my automobiles for practicality. Drove a Corolla in LA, then traded in for a Bronco in northern Wisconsin. These days, I ride a little Honda scooter and the car (company car) is a Camry. Next up: Prius.
posted by Goofyy at 3:48 AM on April 13, 2007

Wow. My fiance and I just bought new cars a couple weeks ago. I got an Outback and he got an Element.

Maybe we should reconsider our relationship...
posted by thejanna at 5:21 AM on April 13, 2007

It was linked in one of the FPP articles, but for anyone who missed it, here is the Car Talk take on the subject. Anyway, my 73 year old mother just got a Subaru Outback, so maybe I'd better ask her about her social life; of course, I just traded in my Miata (#5 on Tom and Ray's list) for a car suitable for hauling my wife and daughter around in so I guess we must just be one big happily closeted family.
posted by TedW at 6:08 AM on April 13, 2007

I drive a giant throbbing cock, myself.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:24 AM on April 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

I drive a Subaru Baja.
Yes, the truck/car monstrosity.
I call it the Australian El Camino.
I wouldn't trade it for anything (except useful, reliable public transportation).

I have a few lesbian friends that concur with the Lesbaru theory, but they all swear by the Forester. Maybe it's a Texas thing? Who wants to do the demographic breakdowns of lesbaru cars by state?
posted by fnord at 8:02 AM on April 13, 2007