The Smell of Virtue

April 15, 2007 6:05 AM

Scents from the Bible The world's first spiritual perfume, "Virtue® was conceived out of our desire to provide a perfume that would allow a person to be reminded of their Spiritual Self, by a simple whiff of it's fragrant essence." Smell the holy! (Post not inspired by previous )
posted by SansPoint (37 comments total)

What a turn off! I'm looking for a woman who is liberally doused in Eau de Slapper, thank you very much.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:08 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Alternatively, Vulva, as mentioned in the previous post, would work just fine.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:10 AM on April 15, 2007

I've tried to grab this FPP and drag it down into nickyskye's so it could live there as a comment, but I think my computer's busted.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:13 AM on April 15, 2007

Funny, she didn't SMELL Jewish.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:16 AM on April 15, 2007

Gotta love that they've trademarked (and they've got their little R in a circle to prove it) the word virtue.

And their ad copy: "Mimics Spiritual Process". Say wha?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:25 AM on April 15, 2007

I wonder if they have little bottles of air for Buddhists.
posted by BostonJake at 6:45 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Let it’s contemporary notes of Apricot (the real forbidden fruit), Fig and Pomegranate transition into a gentle heart of Iris, warming to a golden base of rich exotic woods including Frankincense, Myrrh, and Spikenard, ever so lightly sprinkled with Cinnamon and Cassia... Several of the precious oils found in Virtue® cost up to $4,000/kilogram, making this perfume’s fragrance oil many times more costly to make than most, typical, department store perfumes.

Okay first off... the horrrrrrrible writing and plethora of typ-os on that site PHYSICALLY PAIN ME. ("It's" ≠ "its"... GOT IT? Apparently someone was too busy reading the Bible during school hours to crack open their ENGLISH BOOK.) Dang! It read like one of the unbearably long annual bulk "this is what God has me doing this year" letters I get from my Fundamentalist sister. Who also can't spell. Five paragraphs to say what should've been said in a sentence, mostly just to include as many repeated Christian catch phrases as possible... Lordy. (This year I even got an Easter bulk text message wishing me a "Happy Resurrection Day!")

Secondly, as someone familiar with Egyptian perfumes I definitely call bullshit here. $4,000/kilogram? Puhhhhleease. "Look at us! We use SPIKENARD! Never heard of it? That's because only JESUS knew of it. So it's rare and EXPENSIVE!" Yeah, whatever.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:48 AM on April 15, 2007

The world's first spiritual perfume, "Virtue®"

Coming Soon: Vice®, the Fragrance of the Fallen. With notes of brimstone, bourbon, cigar smoke, and an undertone distilled from genital secretions of Swedish porn stars. get yours today!
posted by jonmc at 6:49 AM on April 15, 2007 [2 favorites]

Hey... anyone notice the similarities between the logos for Vulva® and Virtue®? Hmmm.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:53 AM on April 15, 2007

smells like twee spirit
posted by pyramid termite at 6:56 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

miss lynnster: Yeah, I was about to make the very same observation.

If Virtue and Vulva smelled alike, that might confirm some things I've thought about G-d and the female form, but I wouldn't expect these things to be coming from Capital C Christians.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:58 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Gosh, I hope it doesn't smell like those old lady nuns from my childhood.
posted by R. Mutt at 7:04 AM on April 15, 2007

Be reminded
of the Eternal I AM

"Be still and know that, I am God."

There is something really bizarre about seeing God's name in commercial advertising. I'm pretty sure He would not be amused.
posted by kisch mokusch at 7:10 AM on April 15, 2007

Yup, yet more proof that "Christian" is no longer a religion, just a marketing demographic.

"Be reminded of the Eternal I AM", sheesh....

On preview, what kisch mokusch said
posted by sotonohito at 7:11 AM on April 15, 2007

Coming Soon: Vice®, the Fragrance of the Fallen. With notes of brimstone, bourbon, cigar smoke, and an undertone distilled from genital secretions of Swedish porn stars. get yours today!

Without even Googling, I am willing to bet something close to this actually exists.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:36 AM on April 15, 2007

Well, I seem to recall some perfume containing pheremones actually being marketed, but I don't remember the name. (I personally can't stand 'fregrance,' myself, people shouldn't smell like anything besides people).
posted by jonmc at 7:45 AM on April 15, 2007

Coming Soon: Vice®, the Fragrance of the Fallen. With notes of brimstone, bourbon, cigar smoke, and an undertone distilled from genital secretions of Swedish porn stars. get yours today!
posted by jonmc at 8:49 AM on April 15

I'll take a case.
posted by Ynoxas at 7:54 AM on April 15, 2007

Just promise you won't drink it, dude.
posted by jonmc at 7:55 AM on April 15, 2007

Well, I seem to recall some perfume containing pheremones actually being marketed, but I don't remember the name.

Ads for bone fide human [aphrodisiac] pheromones have been around for donkey's years (I seem to remember them on condom vending machines in the mid-90s).

However, despite claims to the contrary, no defined pheromonal substance has ever been demonstrated to directly influence human behavior in a peer reviewed, published study.

Snake oil, pure and simple.
posted by kisch mokusch at 7:55 AM on April 15, 2007

Snake oil, pure and simple.

I wouldn't recommend wearing that either. and think of the poor snakes.
posted by jonmc at 7:57 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Especially those poor dressage snakes. Why, oh why do people burn them?
posted by miss lynnster at 8:06 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Imagine finding a girl who wear Virtue and subsists entirely on a diet of TestaMints... she'd be so full of holiness that she'd make the BVM look like a common whore, and after you married her, the Marital Affections would be like nailing the burning bush itself.

That'd harden more than Pharaoh's heart, I tell you what.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:06 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Whatever happened to soap and water?
posted by watsondog at 8:51 AM on April 15, 2007

You know, a very good friend of mine wrote a dissertation on scents in the Hebrew Bible. She did a lot of work on reconstructing ancient trade routes and analyzing the different terms for fragrances in the texts. I have fond memories of scouring through the muslim perfume shops in Jerusalem's old city for various fragrances and spices. (Her research was so much more exciting than mine is turning out to be.)

Something tells me they didn't draw on her research...

As an ironic aside, though, the reason we were digging through muslim shops is that in Islam, scent remains a very important part of worship. Not only do you wash yourself before prayer, but you are also obliged to apply fragrant oil, the scent of which is supposed to be conducive for achieving attentiveness to the divine in the course of praying. Accordingly, Arab religious shops are full of vials and decanters containing the most fantastic array of perfumes.

So it's funny that this list of "instructions" is probably closer to Islamic devotional practice than anything currently prevalent in Christianity. The convergence of Islam and American Evangelicalism continues apace!

Spiritual Use of Perfume
• Begin your spiritual practice
(prayer, meditation, contemplation, etc.)
• Establish your desired spiritual state.
• Smell your wrist, maintaining awareness of your spiritual state.
• Keep repeating this association.
• In the course of your day, let it remind you of your spiritual state by smelling your wrist.
• Maintaining contact with the Spiritual Self brings inspirations and insights, only available by spiritual awareness.

posted by felix betachat at 8:54 AM on April 15, 2007 [2 favorites]

this stinks
posted by growabrain at 9:39 AM on April 15, 2007

We in the Spanish Inquisition have one primary type of aftershave lotion: Myrrh, Frankincense --

We in the Spanish Inquisition have two primary types of aftershave lotion...
posted by jiawen at 10:02 AM on April 15, 2007

Especially those poor dressage snakes. Why, oh why do people burn them?

Double Meta Word score!
posted by WetherMan at 10:10 AM on April 15, 2007

Especially those poor dressage snakes. Why, oh why do people burn them?

because they're on our motherfucking plane!
posted by jonmc at 10:43 AM on April 15, 2007

reminds me of this.
as someone who used to be kinda devout, and still has a lot of respect for the tradition and message of Christianity, I find stuff like this and the droves of assholes who lap it up utterly disgusting.
posted by es_de_bah at 10:47 AM on April 15, 2007

Coming Soon: Vice®, the Fragrance of the Fallen.

Both "Vice" and "Fallen," as well as a variety of other perhaps more interesting scents (the seven deadlies, "the great sword of war," "anathema," etc) already exist here. Also check out their love potions, shakespearean collection, and other cool stuff.
posted by gignomai at 11:58 AM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

That belongs here.
posted by The Deej at 1:23 PM on April 15, 2007

I wash my delicates in well-ripened baptismal water and splash a little lambs' blood under my arms before setting off into secular society. I find my Holy Odor affords me a wide birth among the sinners and humanists at the local Vons. But damn, what I wouldn't pay for some of that Spikenard - shit sounds sizzlin' Christrageous!
posted by maryh at 4:43 PM on April 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Remember that girl who constantly judged people all throughout school and then got caught in the locker room with half the football team, subsequently disappearing from sight?

It smells like her.
posted by deusdiabolus at 11:13 PM on April 15, 2007

Yep, spikenard is totally Christalicious. Christacular, even. Wooo hooooo!
posted by miss lynnster at 11:20 PM on April 15, 2007

Spikenard is lavender?? The Sweet Smell of The Lamb is basically my grandma's guest soap?! That's it, I'm switching to Eckankar. I hear thier signature scent is lumberjack armpits and roast muskrat.
posted by maryh at 12:11 AM on April 16, 2007

We are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. - 2 Corinthians 2:15
posted by nofundy at 7:48 AM on April 16, 2007

"We turned to the Bible and let Spirit guide us through the process of picking and choosing the right elements to include in the fragrance."

"Take these things away, stop making my Father's house a place of business" -Jesus
posted by nTeleKy at 1:42 PM on April 16, 2007