"I waited but you never came" posted by four panels at 10:40 AM on April 17, 2007
"The world was too much with her" posted by four panels at 10:41 AM on April 17, 2007
This one's been attributed to various people, and I can't track down a reliable source, but I've always liked it: "I Told You I Was Sick!" posted by amyms at 10:43 AM on April 17, 2007
I want mine to read, "Aaaaaarrrrgh". posted by Mister_A at 10:49 AM on April 17, 2007
Just to increase the chances that it would one day end up in a museum, generate some plausible looking fake character set and cover your (massive, stainless steem) tombstone in it. They'll be trying to decrypt it for years. posted by phrontist at 10:52 AM on April 17, 2007 [1 favorite]
If you knew your days were numbered, what would your final wish be?
Adequate quantities of pharmaceuticals.
What would your epitaph say?
Here lieth McDermott: he died without discomfort. posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:54 AM on April 17, 2007
(Interrupting the hilarity for a moment, I'd like to mention that many teachers have gotten into trouble by giving this assignment. We should, instead, teach kids that they will probably live forever.) posted by kozad at 10:55 AM on April 17, 2007
I wanted a heptadecagon inscribed on my tombstone, but the mason told me it would just look like a circle. posted by Plutor at 10:59 AM on April 17, 2007
What would your epitaph say?
"And the lights all went out in Massachusetts" posted by Mayor Curley at 11:01 AM on April 17, 2007
"MetaFilter: Overthought a plate of beans." posted by eriko at 11:03 AM on April 17, 2007
"The world was never meant for one as beautiful as you." posted by sourwookie at 11:04 AM on April 17, 2007
"Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship" posted by voltairemodern at 11:07 AM on April 17, 2007 [3 favorites]
"That guy sure owed me a lot of money." posted by mullingitover at 11:08 AM on April 17, 2007
FOGERRRRTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
Oh, like you didn't see that one coming. Please. I hold onto my grudges against crusty old rocker dudes to the GRAVE, people. posted by miss lynnster at 11:09 AM on April 17, 2007
Christ, What An Asshole posted by iconomy at 11:09 AM on April 17, 2007
My last wish? Probably sit in a field on my folk's farm.
Just sit and wait.
My epitaph? "So long, suckers!"
Farrell met his longtime girlfriend, Connie Ryan, 60, of West Palm Beach, in traffic. It was 1992, a time when Ryan was praying for her life to improve.
"I said, 'Please God, let me meet a truck driver,' " she remembered. "And three days later I met him."
Wow. "Please God, let me meet a truck driver"? That's a new one to me. posted by voltairemodern at 11:14 AM on April 17, 2007
Well, you should include the other paragraphs that make sense of it...
"I loved trucks ever since I was little," Ryan said. "Some are really nice looking, and at night when they have all their lights on, it's really striking."
Ryan's son bought her a CB radio so she could drive and listen to the truckers' chatter. At first, she just listened. But before long, she took her own CB handle, "Cat" and started talking. "'Cat' stands for 'crazy about trucks,' " she said.
Soooo... he was quite obviously her type. posted by miss lynnster at 11:16 AM on April 17, 2007
When I die I just want to be pushed out a plane over Nunavut, let the polar bears gnaw my bones posted by edgeways at 12:07 PM on April 17, 2007 [1 favorite]
"He should never have attempted to convince the DM that he rolled three 18s on one character." posted by Pope Guilty at 12:31 PM on April 17, 2007
"Hey, there's nothing here on the other side!" posted by nofundy at 12:33 PM on April 17, 2007
When I die I just want to be pushed out a plane over Nunavut, let the polar bears gnaw my bones
In pre-invasion Tibet (perhaps still in some areas) corpses would be dispatched in one of four ways depending upon one's astrological signs: 1)Standard burial; 2)Cremation; 3)weighted down and sunk in a body of water; 4)eviscerated and fed to the birds. Now you know. posted by Burhanistan at 12:37 PM on April 17, 2007 [1 favorite]
my epitaph? I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"
nah... how about "Had more than one website make the front page of metafilter"... posted by inthe80s at 12:40 PM on April 17, 2007
This one's been attributed to various people, and I can't track down a reliable source, but I've always liked it: "I Told You I Was Sick!"
The original quote is "I told you I was ill" and it's the epitaph1 of British comedian Spike Milligan (mostly unknown in the US I think).
(1) He had once quipped that he wanted his headstone to bear the words "I told you I was ill." [...] but the Chichester Diocese refused to allow these words on a headstone. A compromise was reached with the Irish language translation, "Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite"[...]
(from wikipedia) posted by atrazine at 12:43 PM on April 17, 2007
Here in Nature's arms I nestle,
Free at last from Georgie Jessel.
(They had a good-natured rivalry that spanned decades.) posted by pax digita at 1:04 PM on April 17, 2007
Here lies lordsludge. I'm here, literally, six feet below you. I'm not in heaven, I'm not in hell, I'm rotting in the dirt. My body, including my brain, no longer works, as it has been damaged beyond repair and largely turned into worm poo by now. (I hope I'm tasty.) Sorry I can't say hello; you seem like a cool person.
I supposed to say something deep here, so here's my best shot: There is no afterlife, only this life. Try to make the most of it, help others do the same, and try to have some fun in the process.
Or one of them really classy russian mafia tombstone jobs, with like a car on it, y’know. Or maybe me holding a cigarette looking like a bad-ass even though I don’t smoke. Yeah, that’d be sweeet. Death is too important to take seriously.
Last wish tho’, I’d like to be shot into space on my motorcycle with a very casual sort of “don’t bother me” look on my face. posted by Smedleyman at 8:56 PM on April 17, 2007
“Please God, let me meet a truck driver,' " she remembered. "And three days later I met him."”
Right up there with “If I didn’t have that horse...I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.” posted by Smedleyman at 9:00 PM on April 17, 2007
"Penny Wise: over the top earnestness is really not a virtue"
Yes, I hear you, Burhanistan, but my comment wasn't meant to be over the top earnest. I was simply stating my view and the reality that all of our days are numbered on this earth. Keep in mind that right above or below the cleverest epitaph on a gravestone is the date of birth and date of death. Some of us get more days than others for sure. But they are all numbered.
So just exactly what do you object to here? (ever so politely, I might add) My break from the pattern that others had begun? I surely hope I misunderstood your "hint" that the only earnest response would be a funny, personal response. That smacks of subtle censoring. posted by Penny Wise at 10:49 PM on April 17, 2007
I just made some a nice batch of Rice Crispies bars.
And I've got some ice-cold milk.
Let's all sit down together and have a snack. posted by Dizzy at 10:58 PM on April 17, 2007
My mother wants "She always said her feet were killing her."
I'd be content with the classic "I'll thank you not to wipe your butt on my grave." posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:58 PM on April 17, 2007
"Here lies dangerousdan
. . . and he's bloody annoyed"
With thanks to Rowan Atkinson. posted by dangerousdan at 2:42 AM on April 18, 2007
miss lynnster -- wow. So the epitaph I'd heard was yet another quip! Every day I learn something new....
Here lie two babies, dead as nits
They died from agonzining fits
They were too good to live with we
So God took them to live with he posted by pax digita at 3:25 AM on April 18, 2007
Well pax, the only reason I knew that wasn't Eddie Cantor's epitaph was because I used to be a tourguide in LA so I've seen a lot of celebrity gravesites. Sorry for bursting bubbles... posted by miss lynnster at 9:34 AM on April 18, 2007
My epitaph? "LFG"
Yes, I'm a WoW nerd. *cry* posted by Verdandi at 2:29 PM on April 18, 2007
posted by phrontist at 10:38 AM on April 17, 2007