Comments on: Make the Logo Bigger

Make the Logo Bigger

ba — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:31:33 -0800

Make the logo bigger. (mp3) The fine folks at Speak Up provide a bit more explanation. One can only assume that the follow-up hit will be entitled either 'Split the Difference' or 'The Client Loved It, But They're Changing Everything.'

By: potsmokinghippieoverlord

potsmokinghippieoverlord — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 16:44:57 -0800

:waving_lighter:

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:04:21 -0800

I'm holding out for 'Wait (That's Not the Color I Wanted)'.

By: MegoSteve

MegoSteve — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:13:35 -0800

I am crying tears of recognition and, ultimately, of my own powerlessness.

By: Salmonberry

Salmonberry — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:14:21 -0800

Where is the power ballad "Didn't we tell you (we've cancelled that campaign)?"

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:20:58 -0800

Clients are both the bane of the staff artist's day, and the source of much comic relief. I put this together in a moment's inspiration, a few years ago after a particularly bad day in pre-press: The Art Department Triathlon: This is a timed event: At the beginning of each leg, each contestant is handed an 8 oz. styrofoam cup of scalding hot coffee, which must be held in the left hand throughout the event. Any spillage results in a tenth of a second penalty. Spillage directly onto the keyboard or the client's color inkjet proof results in a half second penalty. First Leg: Explain to the nervous administrative assistant why a Powerpoint graphic placed in a Microsoft word.doc cannot be used to print her boss's "mission critical" eight spot color rush order, while simultaneously attempting to open said file in every graphic program available for the Macintosh, while the client looks over your shoulder and offers helpful advice, like "Right click! Right click!" Second Leg: Explain to secretary of nervous administrative assistant why the one-inch by two-inch 72 dpi jpeg that she just downloaded from their website and e-mailed you cannot be printed at twelve by twelve on their t-shirt. Hold for 3 way conference call, and repeat what you just said to an arrogant 23-year-old Webmaster who interrupts you repeatedly with admonitions to "Get into the 21st century!" This stage includes two compulsory moves: 1. Explain CMYK gamut in third grade english. Must include the phrase "The human eye can see millions of colors..." 2. Explain why you cant "just print it in RGB." Third Leg: Recreate from scratch entire $10,000.00 corporate identity package in less than 100.00 dollars worth of billable art time, including three revisions, one each proofed by fax, e-mail and local courier. Print film, and forward to production dept. Winner is first to hand job folder over to next department head.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:35:02 -0800

*rolls on ground holding sides, simultaneously laughing and weeping* Singles from Creeps in the Gutter (the all-prepress band) include Why Does The Color Look Different On My Monitor and It Came From Microsoft Publisher.

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:48:15 -0800

It's funny, because it's true.

By: eriko

eriko — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:52:19 -0800

It's funny, because it's true...actually, no, it's retriggering my PTSD.

By: parhamr

parhamr — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:00:59 -0800

a current client: Make the logo bigger Make the letterhead un-faxable Make the text on the website sit on a distracting background Wants a brochure designed ... within the current contract that doesn't include it etc etc .

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:05:18 -0800

Here's a gem that actually came back from a client as a response to a proof: - Here is the feedback from our marketing team on the first round of designs you are working on for us: "Think of the patterns emerging from the exhaust and hair as a trail of LOVE, spreading upwards and evolving into more abstract, contemporary, filamentous and continuous lines that will soon merge with another world as they detach themselves from the cloth of the shirt and drift off into the ether of the universal. WOW! heavy stuff! Anyway, think of the patterns as more rhythmical and lyrical, as if you can hear a music when you see them. See what evolves from your pen as you visualize the patterns that way. Don't be afraid to hand draw it if you need to. Push yourself, this one is going to be a challenge. Don't be too stuck on photoshop." I shit you not.

By: davebush

davebush — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:08:18 -0800

Gets funnier on repeat. Makes me wish I didn't work alone - what a blast it would be to crank this in an office after a frustrating client consultation.

By: parhamr

parhamr — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:10:49 -0800

Proposed graphic design bands:* The Jaggies, rock Implied Line, boy band The Dithers, indie Saddle Stitch, country Figure/Ground Reversal, female R&B Set Solid, heavy metal

By: lekvar

lekvar — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:16:04 -0800

The Knockouts more female R&B

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 18:50:06 -0800

Why Does The Color Look Different On My Monitor I had an evil harpy of a client who once asked me to scan a page out of a National Geographic because she wanted to use a color that she saw in the picture. With the scanned page on the screen and with her looking over my shoulder, I used the eyedropper tool to select the color, but it wasn't good enough for her. She insisted it wasn't the color that was on the page she was holding. She didn't understand pixels. "You're a graphic designer, right?" she snapped. "I mean, I THOUGHT you were a professional. Shouldn't you KNOW what color that is?" And sundry other things. She was horrible. I refuse to put her name on my portfolio simply because she told me I needed her name in order to succeed.

By: odinsdream

odinsdream — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:17:13 -0800

Make the letterhead un-faxable What the hell?

By: trip and a half

trip and a half — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:29:48 -0800

This is hilarious (and precisely why I am no longer a graphic designer).

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:31:38 -0800

When I worked in Maine, the owner of a motel came in looking for a revision of his rather ghastly logo, which for no apparent reason contained a rather formidable eagle. He wanted us to embed subliminal messages in the wings. Good times.

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:34:44 -0800

I'm holding out for 'Wait (That's Not the Color I Wanted)'. Dear Mr. Cortex, If you want something done right...

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:41:27 -0800

some Production Department porno: Your Wet Trap left Hickeys all over my Spread so now it can't get Laid (finish).

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:50:10 -0800

Wow, it's ad rock. I once had an Art Director from Japan angrily threaten to "make whole thing logo!" It was the only time she ever got mad about anything at work.

By: ODiV

ODiV — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:53:41 -0800

I just commissioned a logo. I like to think I wasn't this hard to deal with.

By: i_am_joe's_spleen

i_am_joe's_spleen — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:01:55 -0800

When the client moans and sighs Make his logo twice the size If the client still proves refractory Show a picture of the factory Only in the gravest cases Should you show the clients' faces (David Ogilvy, I think).

By: revmitcz

revmitcz — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:04:38 -0800

ODiV : I wouldn't worry. "Make the logo bigger" is only used when laying out a document/website/brochure/what-have-you. The logo's design doesn't really have a "size" to "make bigger". Only when it's being used somewhere in relation to other things on a given layout. Hope that made sense.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:21:09 -0800

"I mean, I THOUGHT you were a professional. Shouldn't you KNOW what color that is?" I had a client bring in a piece of rough, worn denim -- about 1000 shades of blue & grey, depending on how you viewed it, and wanted me to mix a spot color to match it. I tried for the darker shade of the un-worn part of the wave that's between the ridges, and it was wrong, wrong, wrong. I tried to lighten it up, and it turned purple, and was still wrong, wrong, wrong. After about 20 minutes of back and forth, and nothing working, she was reduced to just shouting "DENIM! DENIM! I WANT DENIM!" It became a battle cry in production whenever someone screwed something up for the next year or two.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:22:11 -0800

(wave=weave)

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:29:51 -0800

It became a battle cry in production whenever someone screwed something up for the next year or two. HAHAHA. That's awesome. After showing that to a coworker, it may have to become a battle cry over here, too.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:38:53 -0800

Make the smokesmodel sexier.

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:40:58 -0800

When shooting video and after the cut, the DP and I are fond of singing (showtune style): "That was perfect, yes perfect, let's do it again..."

By: eriko

eriko — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 20:54:13 -0800

"DENIM! DENIM! I WANT DENIM!" Jesus God, that's it exactly. DENIM! IT'S NOT DENIM! BWHAHAHAHA!!!!

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 22:59:34 -0800

Message from a freelance client:

Priority wise, item 8 is the highest. We need to have it ready by the end of this week. Item 3 is the following one. Could you finish it by the end of next week? Item 6 and 7 are very quick ones and I am sure you can do them in 10 minutes. Item 2 is more important than item 1 and you can leave item 4 for last. Item 5 should already be done.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 23:03:18 -0800

He wanted us to embed subliminal messages in the wings. Good times. Haaaahhahaahahaha! Right wing: U P G R A D E T O A D O U B L E R O O M Left wing: M I N I B A R

By: hal9k

hal9k — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 23:29:22 -0800

My wife and I both argue about PMS but she just doesn't understand.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 00:35:38 -0800

I am SO in love with this song that I am tempted to put it as the new soundtrack to my saints site. If only they recorded a version of it chanted by nuns...

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 04:54:59 -0800

There is never a final round of revisions.

By: Optimus Chyme

Optimus Chyme — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 06:27:09 -0800

There is never a final round of revisions. posted by Thorzdad at 4:54 AM on April 21 After it's approved by the client: FallCampaignArtwork-FINAL-Spot.eps After his wife sees it: FallCampaignArtwork-ColorChanges-Spot.eps FallCampaignArtwork-TextChangedtoComicSans-Spot.eps FallCampaignArtwork-TextChangedtoBradleyHandandColorofDreamWifeHad-CMYK.eps FallCampaignArtwork-EverythingReplacedWithWifesSketchOfADogOnAMotorcycle.tif

By: hal9k

hal9k — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 06:58:10 -0800

(Wipes blood off pica pole) "Wow. That's some campaign. So what do you call your little design agency?" "The Ultra Bodonis!"

By: Dean King

Dean King — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 08:25:32 -0800

"We'd like it to be woodsy, yet nautical."

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 08:28:32 -0800

Austin had a band for a few years, made up entirely of designers & production artists called Blackie White & the Halftones. It featured the dubious musical talents of my friend Guy Juke.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 08:29:10 -0800

"We'd like it to be woodsy, yet nautical." I had that client, too.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 08:43:01 -0800

Best client direction I've gotten in the last year? I kid you not: "Yeah, so we want this logo for this band. Something kind of earthy and hand rendered but we want it to have 3d dimension and texture in photoshop. We want it to look organic, just use digital textures and shading so it looks hand done. Oh, and we would like to throw in a nymph hanging from one of the letters." A nymph? "Yeah, there's some artist that used to draw them. Here's a link to a website of his stuff. We want the nymph to look kinda like that. They're like fairies. Or sprites or something. You know, just make up a generic supernatural woodland creature. Just throw one in there. That's all we want & we'll be done." Uhhhh. Well, do you want a wood nymph or a water nymph? I'll admit it. I totally flaked out on that guy & never did the project. He made my head hurt.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 08:44:29 -0800

A few years back I was the designated "edgy" person for a campaign aimed at teenagers but funded by the government. I was supposed to know what was hip and cool, and make sure the ads were hip and cool, but, you know, without actually offending the state comptroller. Oh, Lord. Leaving advertising was one of the best moves I ever made. But I miss money.

By: autodidact

autodidact — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 14:24:35 -0800

Can you make everything stand out a bit more? /several clients over the years

By: blag

blag — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 14:19:00 -0800

Bookhouse writes "A few years back I was the designated 'edgy' person for a campaign aimed at teenagers but funded by the government." Last year I worked on a sex-education project which involved some custom diagrams. During the project I received the best client feedback ever: "Tom: that's a *fantastic* vulva."

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 15:38:25 -0800

One of my favorites from my Disney days was when I was presenting a Mattel game featuring character artwork I had pulled directly out of the official Cinderella styleguide. The woman looked at the art, then looked at me, and said, "The dress is wrong. Cindy would never wear that shade of blue."