Comments on: Drastic action to save a dying planet.

Drastic action to save a dying planet.

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:58:41 -0800

Singer Sheryl Crow: "I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting." She continues: "...only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required". Sheryl also recommends we replace wasteful paper napkins with her ingenious "detachable dining sleeve". Is she pulling our leg? She must be: the BBC fell for it...

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:03:20 -0800

See also: Sheryl Crow argues with rove deleted thread about single-square dispenser in italy.

By: fungible

fungible — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:05:07 -0800

We used to say the same thing to the newbies in Boy Scout camp.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:05:14 -0800

If it's any consolation to Laurie David, I've never heard the phrase "comin' in hot" either (I guess it means like 'starting off with a bang?'.) In other news, Sheryl Crow has a blog, and can write coherently. Rock star diaries! God bless the interweb.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:05:35 -0800

Laffo. This was the kicker story on the WGN-TV news this morning (and by "kicker" I mean I wanted to kick her in her big dumb popstar head).

By: chillmost

chillmost — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:06:10 -0800

I dunno. I'm a scruncher.

By: po

po — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:07:00 -0800

As someone whose two housemates managed to go through two double-rolls of toilet paper in three days, I am in complete agreement with Ms. Crow.

By: DU

DU — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:08:50 -0800

As long as I can hire a buttler to do the actual wiping, I have no problem with this.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:09:54 -0800

Speaking of Celeberty blogs, Alyssa Milano now has a blog. It's about baseball.

_{Secondly, even if all the rumors about my MLB love life were true (which they're not) –- we should really examine the double standard that is in full effect here. I know for a fact, that there are many MLB players (plural) or athletes in general for that matter who have dated many Screen Actors Guild members. I won't name names (cough Derek Jeter cough). And yet, these guys are considered cool and we give them props for getting their high profile starlets. On the other hand, women who have dated more than one guy in any profession are easy targets for ridicule. I am speaking personally of course, but I am sure any woman that reads this entry can relate to this double standard and how it may pertain to their lives relative to their own experience.}

By: Wilder

Wilder — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:10:22 -0800

Lord of the Stool, you mean?

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:13:50 -0800

Sheryl Crow can take my toilet paper when she pries it from my cold. dead ass.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:15:13 -0800

See also: deleted thread about single-square dispenser Oh dear... single-square toilet paper links are being deleted! This one is surely next! But take heed, admins: if this thread is axed, you will be hastening the DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD!!! Humankind must be made aware of the DETACHABLE DINING SLEEVE!!!!

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:16:32 -0800

How lame has your media become when this is a 'story'. Oh wait, 'twas ever thus. Carry on.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:16:36 -0800

So a link to a tongue-in-cheek blog suggestion is the Best of the Web now? Oh, because it's written by a celebrity, it's Best of the Web? Oh, because it's about (titter! doody!) toilet paper, it's Best of the Web?

By: notsnot

notsnot — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:16:38 -0800

I cannot see how the one-square method could possibly work. Three squares is the minumum to prevent the dreaded poke-through. Plus, you have to be eatin' squirrel food if you get by on a single wipe per crap. Hell, I throw a fuckin' party any time I get off the shitter having required less than three wipes!

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:17:15 -0800

It's best of the web because it's not 10 seconds of literal chicken footage.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:18:43 -0800

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:18:53 -0800

Sheryl Crow can take my toilet paper when she pries it from my cold. dead ass. posted by Faint of Butt at 9:13 AM on April 23 Eponysterical? Also, toilet paper is cheap, and it totally disintegrates in sewers/septic systems. And it is created from a renewable resource. As far as total environmental impact, your cell phone you will use for 2 years likely has a larger total impact than all the TP you will use in your entire life. Not seeing the problem. Being able to use as much damn TP as I feel like with little to no thought is one of the benefits of living in a modern society.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:19:17 -0800

This is a great line: How hardened and removed from reality must a person be to refuse to be touched by Sheryl Crow? Maybe Karl was afraid his wife would get jealous.

By: TwelveTwo

TwelveTwo — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:20:12 -0800

But all I come here for is to watch 10 second youtube chicken videos.

By: Postroad

Postroad — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:20:46 -0800

mock on, commenters. she has a cause and that cause involves all of us. So ask not what the world can do for you but etc etc http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-Global-Warming.html?_r=1&oref=slogin does this mean the NY Times also taken in?

By: TwelveTwo

TwelveTwo — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:20:49 -0800

Uh-heh... dang, minutes go by fast don't they?

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:21:01 -0800

That quote was from Delmoi's Rove link.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:23:10 -0800

Lame. Real men wipe with a handfull of gravel and a lit cigar.

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:24:33 -0800

That's it, from now on I won't be wiping my asshole at all, ever again.

By: Postroad

Postroad — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:24:47 -0800

While fighting the good fight, this is what she needs for her tours http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/scrow/scrow1.html

By: hojoki

hojoki — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:29:16 -0800

Who uses toilet paper anymore? They're useless against dingleberries and only serve to spread poop instead of cleaning it away. Babywipes or WetOnes are the only things qualified to clean one's bunghole properly.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:29:16 -0800

A large number of my boyfriends have had love affairs with Sheryl Crow. For that reason alone, I hate her.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:29:26 -0800

Wow, Postroad, that's quite the backstage rider ol' Sheryl's got there. Gal knows what she wants, allright...

By: leapfrog

leapfrog — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:30:44 -0800

Memo to myself: Never shake hands with Sheryl Crow.

By: and hosted from Uranus

and hosted from Uranus — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:31:35 -0800

Hell, I throw a fuckin' party any time I get off the shitter having required less than three wipes! The last enema orgy I attended got shut down by the state health department. No shit.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:31:52 -0800

I think a number of the posters here are forgetting something important here. Sheryl Crow is a woman and therefore probably uses toilet paper every time she pees. I'm pretty sure she would consider taking a crap a "rare three square situation".

By: crackingdes

crackingdes — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:32:31 -0800

Laugh all you want, but I have a (female) friend who claims that she tries to keep it down to 1 square. Obviously, I have no good method by which to assess the veracity of her claim. However, she is a very honest person, so I tend to believe her.

By: Koko

Koko — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:34:39 -0800

I haven't a square to spare.

By: the_bone

the_bone — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:35:05 -0800

Hell, I throw a fuckin' party any time I get off the shitter having required less than three wipes! The last enema orgy I attended got shut down by the state health department. No shit. posted by and hosted from Uranus at 7:31 AM on April 23 [+] [!] Eponysterical!

By: SirOmega

SirOmega — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:36:38 -0800

Forget that, if I want to use a handful I'll use a handful thank you very much. Dont tell me how to wipe my ass.

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:37:01 -0800

Wait, wait, I've got it. I'll just start bung wiping with my handkerchief. Nevermind those brown bits you see in my mustache at the dinner table, that's just organic matter. You go ahead and eat, now.

By: spitbull

spitbull — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:37:09 -0800

Metafilter: the dreaded poke-through

By: PHINC

PHINC — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:38:49 -0800

I'm reminded of that 'Burgundy Loaf' Mr Show skit.

By: dbiedny

dbiedny — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:40:41 -0800

Shit Sandwich. Hold the paper.

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:41:47 -0800

I imagine the PR campaign for this will include a smiling young woman proudly holding up a brown stained poo-finger like she's an Iraqi who just cast her first vote.

By: matteo

matteo — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:46:46 -0800

Sheryl's cool. and really, using up three feet of toilet paper every time one goes to the can is just insanity

By: rhizome23

rhizome23 — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:49:49 -0800

It's best of the web because it's not 10 seconds of literal chicken footage. posted by Firas at 7:17 AM on April 23

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:53:16 -0800

robocop is bleeding writes "Lame. Real men wipe with a handfull of gravel and a lit cigar." Nah. A toilet brush dipped in agent orange is much more effective.

By: ob

ob — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:59:04 -0800

The Vikings used moss. I remember as an eight year old going round the Yorvik Viking museum in York and being fascinated with a bit of moss carefully preserved in a see-through container that had actually been used by a shitty-arsed Viking. I'm not going anywhere with this story, I just wanted to share...

By: smallerdemon

smallerdemon — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:00:27 -0800

Hm. Sufficiently wiped bum, or sitting with shit between my ass cheeks all day? (Oh, or a nice skidmarked set of undies!) Decisions, decisions. I do believe I'm going with the sufficiently wiped bum vote. Sorry Cheryl Cow, er, Craw, er... Crow, Crow, I've got it now. Hey, didn't she sing that song about that thing? Because that's pretty much all I remember of her. (Since everything I've heard subsequently sounds like she's got Elton John bland musician disease.)

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:03:46 -0800

No one has mentioned the elephant in the room: the spouting trunked elephant bidet, that is. Jets of water is the only way to keep fresh, heathens.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:08:16 -0800

A large number of my boyfriends have had love affairs with Sheryl Crow. For that reason alone, I hate her. How many boyfriends do you have, thepinksuperhero?

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:10:57 -0800

A large number of my boyfriends have had love affairs with Sheryl Crow. For that reason alone, I hate her. posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:29 AM on April 23 As long as you continue to date straight men, this will continue to be a problem. It's something I can't quite identify, but, (especially early in her career) she just oozes sexuality. She's pretty, but not THAT pretty. She's got a good body, but not a GREAT body. Really, I think it's just charisma.

By: lupus_yonderboy

lupus_yonderboy — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:13:49 -0800

Astonishing that so many people don't see that this is a spoof: comedy, deliberately written as such, like The Onion.

By: kookywon

kookywon — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:15:02 -0800

I found myself using a lot of toilet paper in the past. That was before I found psyllium husk. Sold as metamucil, but I prefer the generics. Now I'm not gonna be my grandpa and go on and on about my dumps, but it really did change my life. One square is insanity, but I'm down to one wipe. That's good enough for me.

By: Mach5

Mach5 — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:16:12 -0800

All I wanna do, is wipe my bum I gotta feeling, I ain't the only one.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:17:39 -0800

if it makes you crappy, it can't be that bad

By: Fuzzy Monster

Fuzzy Monster — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:20:14 -0800

Ah, Sheryl Crow's 'Stop Global Warming Tour.' From Postroad's link: Additionally, when the global warming warrior hits the road, her touring entourage (and equipment) travels in three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars. Now that's a carbon footprint!

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:23:27 -0800

You know, the whole, "if you want to advocate for the environment you have to be a hermit" line is getting pretty boring.

By: Heminator

Heminator — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:30:08 -0800

Firas, not it's not. I'm suitably entertained by Crow's hypocrisy.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:32:22 -0800

So, Heminator, which part of it is hypocritical? Do you also subscribe to the "Al Gore shouldn't fly around in planes" theory?

By: smallerdemon

smallerdemon — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:33:41 -0800

As long as you continue to date straight men, this will continue to be a problem. Nah, you'll find some that things she's repulsive. Me, for example. She's entirely unattractive to me. She's pretty, but not THAT pretty. She's got a good body, but not a GREAT body. Really, I think it's just charisma. And THAT I don't even get. If I'm going to pine for a skinny bug-eyed musician girl it's gonna be that crazy Fiona Apple gal over the Madonna Of Folk Rock-Pop Cheryl.

By: OhPuhLeez

OhPuhLeez — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:37:30 -0800

All I wanna do, is wipe my bum I gotta feeling, I ain't the only one. Very close, Mach5: All I wanna do is wipe my bum I got a feeling I can't use only one. A collaborative effort.

By: Heminator

Heminator — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:37:32 -0800

Firas, demanding 8 brand new pairs of socks for every gig (could be 5-6 a week) and then telling people that using more than one piece of toilet paper is wasteful for starters.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:45:43 -0800

You know, the whole, "if you want to advocate for the environment you have to be a hermit" line is getting pretty boring. you know, the whole "do as i say, but not as i do, because i'm a celebrity" line is getting pretty boring, too demanding 8 brand new pairs of socks for every gig so that's what she's wiping her ass with

By: rhizome23

rhizome23 — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:46:00 -0800

Metafilter: The inertia of scatology.

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:46:02 -0800

smallerdemon: False dichotomy. Just because I like Sheryl in a halter top and those leather USA flag pants doesn't mean I wouldn't do things that are immoral and possibly illegal with Ms. Apple. But, Sheryl and Fiona are not even in the same realm of "skinny". One is thin, one is transparent. Sometimes I think about her having sex with Lance Armstrong. I mean, the man has among the highest staminas of any man on the planet. He could have sex for upwards of 3 hours before even breaking into a sweat. herminator: I've seen socks requested on other riders before. I'm thinking they are using them for other purposes besides just wearing. What, I have no idea. *shrug*

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:47:00 -0800

Mach5 and OhPuhLeez, the very idea that you're building a road towards a world in which Sheryl Crow refers to her anus as the 'Santa Monica Boulevard' makes me fear for our great nation's future.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:48:59 -0800

Really, I think it's just charisma. That, and the way she curls her lip in the "All I Wanna Do" video. Babywipes or WetOnes are the only things qualified to clean one's bunghole properly. I say we take off and nuke the shite from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

By: pardonyou?

pardonyou? — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:51:11 -0800

The first wipe is the deepest Baby I know The first wipe is the deepest But when it comes to gettin’ clean, he's cursed When it comes to smellin’ good, he's worst...

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:53:45 -0800

Now we know why Lance Armstrong dropped her. (His name wasn't Nosestrong.)

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:55:23 -0800

Now we know why Lance Armstrong dropped her. three words - nude bicycle ride

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:55:24 -0800

pyramid termite, that's not my point. You can't ask a person to stop their outsized livelihood and live Joe Six-Pack's lifestyle just because they're advocating for prudence in ecological choices. Sure, she could probably consider carbon credits, see if she can use more efficient cars, et cetera. But she isn't asking anyone to stop touring! My point is that concern for the environment doesn't necessitate that you need to strap yourself to a tree with a hemp rope and slowly decompose. The point is to be more careful within the context of your current life. The only way she'd be a direct hypocrite for having carloads of entourage is if she was saying: "don't drive cars." It's the only way to be sure. Hmm. Good idea, but nukes are a bit energy intensive.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:59:04 -0800

Also, the more I think about it, the more the argument just seems shockingly retarded to me. It's along the same lines as "if you're concerned about poverty you should give all your money away." Um, no.

By: Fuzzy Monster

Fuzzy Monster — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:00:15 -0800

the whole, "if you want to advocate for the environment you have to be a hermit" line Nice strawman, Firas. Please note that I'm not saying Sheryl Crow has to be a hermit in order to prosthletyze about the environment. I am saying that for the duration of her 'Stop Global Warming Tour,' in order to reduce her own carbon footprint, Ms. Crow might want to cut down to a mere two tractor trailers, three buses, and five cars. On Preview: The point is to be more careful within the context of your current life. I completely agree.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:02:50 -0800

Ms. Crow might want to cut down to a mere two tractor trailers, three buses, and five cars. Rumor has it she's gonna do even better than that: strap herself to a tree with a rope she's fashioned out of all those socks and slowly decompose.

By: rhizome23

rhizome23 — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:03:32 -0800

You deserve this.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:04:35 -0800

You can't ask a person to stop their outsized livelihood and live Joe Six-Pack's lifestyle just because they're advocating for prudence in ecological choices. who's going to stop me? ... she's asking me to wipe my ass with one lousy square of toilet paper and i can't ask her nothing? what uses more resources - a few extra squares of toilet paper or 8 pairs of socks a gig? The only way she'd be a direct hypocrite for having carloads of entourage is if she was saying: "don't drive cars." she's living an extravagant lifestyle ... and by the way, YOU are a direct hypocrite because you're giving her the right to ask us to be hyperconscious of our resource usage, but you won't grant us the right to question her rock star lifestyle 8 pairs of new socks ... is she too fucking precious to wear washed socks?

By: rhizome23

rhizome23 — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:05:49 -0800

Actually, you deserve this.

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:07:12 -0800

is she too fucking precious to wear washed socks? No, no, pyramid, she's gonna use 'em to tie herself to... ah, nevermind.

By: rhizome23

rhizome23 — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:07:12 -0800

I deserve screwing that link up....

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:09:07 -0800

so that's one thing both conservatives and liberals have in common - they want to control what we do with what's in our pants

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:11:07 -0800

"YOU are a direct hypocrite because you're giving her the right to ask us to be hyperconscious of our resource usage, but you won't grant us the right to question her rock star lifestyle" Well, I'm assuming the toilet paper thing isn't a serious policy argument on her part! It's obviously a joke! And yes, I'm not literally arguing on her behalf here. It just seems too similar to nonsense like "the kennedy's can't be serious about poverty" or "al gore can't be serious about global warming", and such random feeble pushbacks to policy advocacy. That's without even getting to the ad-fucking-hominem point.

By: Heminator

Heminator — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:17:24 -0800

Firas, what makes you think it's a joke? I simply can't tell and I've seen enough celebrities in action speaking about political cause to know they're freakin' delusional. Crow might, in fact be making a very un-modest proposal.

By: Fuzzy Monster

Fuzzy Monster — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:18:14 -0800

It just seems too similar to nonsense like "the kennedy's can't be serious about poverty" or "al gore can't be serious about global warming", and such random feeble pushbacks to policy advocacy Firas, I suggest to you that those are battles for another thread. Wait until someone actually says the things you're angry about and then argue with them. Don't put words in people's mouths. The points may be 'similar' but they are not the same.

By: autodidact

autodidact — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:22:42 -0800

I think Will Smith said it best when he said "if you were walking down the street and got some feces on your arm, would you just brush it off with some dry tissue?" I either use a baby wipe, a wet paper towel, or take a shower after taking a poop. Just so y'all know ;)

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:38:05 -0800

Like Steve! McQueen! I don't keep my anus clean!

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:39:12 -0800

Keeping your anus clean is a requirement of the shariat.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:39:15 -0800

a bit of moss carefully preserved in a see-through container that had actually been used by a shitty-arsed Viking How do they know whose poop it is? You can't dust for poop.

By: Foosnark

Foosnark — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:46:52 -0800

This sounds like arguments my late grandma would have with everyone else in the house. She would be absolutely livid about our profligate toilet paper use.

By: the Real Dan

the Real Dan — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:50:58 -0800

It's a joke, although she hasn't done a very good job of setting it up. So I won't do a very good job of finishing it off for her. The punchline can be reached by asking how you can possibly get by with one sheet of toilet paper. It's easy, you say. You tear a little hole in the middle of the toilet paper, put your index finger in it, wipe with your finger, and then with your clean hand you fold the toilet paper on your finger around your finger, and pull it off, wiping the finger off in the same motion. The little piece you tore out is used to clean your fingernail. Here is a reference to the same joke, only done with leaves instead of toilet paper. It's at the very bottom.

By: ob

ob — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:52:23 -0800

How do they know whose poop it is? You can't dust for poop. Two words: Shit Sandwich

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 09:55:31 -0800

...is this thread NSFW? Just wonderin'

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:07:28 -0800

firas: Actually, nukes are rather energy extensive... just not in a very usable form.

By: hydrophonic

hydrophonic — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:12:13 -0800

I never liked Sheryl Crow--I've always thought you could put a blonde wig on a popsicle stick and it'd be just as exciting, musically. But she writes one paragraph in her blog containing a self-depricating poke at environmental crusaders, and it completely sails over the heads of half the people posting in this thread. That makes my day.

By: breezeway

breezeway — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:18:33 -0800

I've been thinking about Sheryl Crow's anus for quite a while now, and I bet she's got a tight little hole and no hair between the cheeks. I, on the other hand, have a relatively huge anus and enough hair back there that I require three separate wipes: the first takes away the largest remnants but mashes some leftovers into the thatch of hair, the second wipes most of the leftovers into a cluster in the hair nearest my perineum, and the third grabs that cluster and dislodges any tenuous clingers from the area. I imagine wiping my ass would be easier and more consistently thorough if I had a nice tight anus and hairless cheeks like Sheryl Crow. I wouldn't mind learning some of her tricks, though I imagine much of it is diet. Does she exfoliate the bunghole? Wax it? Does she do special exercises to keep her rectum tight? I could think about Sheryl Crow's ass all day.

By: grubi

grubi — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:37:35 -0800

Feh. I dug Sheryl Crow back when she was still Sheryl Raven. BEST THREAD EVAR

By: pax digita

pax digita — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:43:54 -0800

Sheryl Crow's probably found out about this MeFi thread by now and her laughing her much thought-about @$$ off right now. (Disclaimer: I mainly think about her face.) I'd been given to understand the origin of the necktie had a lot in common functionally with her concept of a "detachable dining sleeve," although I see it discussed on the Web purely as a fashion accessory. I think I'd rather just carry my own cloth napkins around. (Did any other longtime readers of The Straight Dope think of that Slug Signorino cartoon about toilet paper?)

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:12:57 -0800

pax digita: okay, here is her face and ass in one picture. Choose wisely.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:14:52 -0800

Toilet paper is soooo '97. Ever since my early days on the farm I carry around a sack of old corncobs. Man-- am I green or what? Or what?

By: breezeway

breezeway — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:30:03 -0800

A sack of old corncobs? I've had shits like that.

By: and hosted from Uranus

and hosted from Uranus — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 11:31:37 -0800

I carry around a bucket of old cocks.

By: gfrobe

gfrobe — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:11:26 -0800

Sheryl has obviously never had a vindaloo and a few pints.

By: spitbull

spitbull — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:11:28 -0800

The socks are for mock versions of the sleeve thingy. She's working on a prototype. That takes a lot of socks. Obviously, you need two, one on the right to wipe your face, and one on the left to wipe your ass. Plain cotton works best.

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:16:27 -0800

But she writes one paragraph in her blog containing a self-depricating poke at environmental crusaders, and it completely sails over the heads of half the people posting in this thread. Exactly. Made ever-more-clear by Crow's statement: "When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, 'how bout just washing the one square out.'" MetaFilter: Overthinking a Plate of ~~Beans~~ Poo.

By: bardic

bardic — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 13:46:33 -0800

When the zombies come, I'm happy to give them both our politicians and our celebrities.

By: OhPuhLeez

OhPuhLeez — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:29:53 -0800

I just re-read her blog and noticed that she uses the word "heighth." Now there's even more than her crappy music to hate.

By: joannemerriam

joannemerriam — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 14:58:11 -0800

One year at summer camp, the management no kidding made this same exact suggestion.

By: jfuller

jfuller — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 15:31:22 -0800

> How do they know whose poop it is? You can't dust for poop. It's Viking poop. It rapes your daughters and burns your village, then sails off into the frigid North Sea chanting the Atlakvitha En Grönlenzka.

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 16:23:18 -0800

Flaming Assholes!

By: flapjax at midnite

flapjax at midnite — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 16:33:59 -0800

Flaming Assholes! ericb, where you been, man?

By: ob

ob — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 15:40:55 -0800

It's Viking poop. It rapes your daughters and burns your village, then sails off into the frigid North Sea chanting the Atlakvitha En Grönlenzka. Well it certainly still looked like poo after 1,200 years, so I can see an argument for it being unusually powerful...

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 09:31:32 -0800

ericb writes "But she writes one paragraph in her blog containing a self-depricating poke at environmental crusaders, and it completely sails over the heads of half the people posting in this thread.

"Exactly. Made ever-more-clear by Crow's statement: 'When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgement I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."'

"MetaFilter: Overthinking a Plate of ~~Beans~~ Poo." Oh yeah, it was an obvious put-on but Jesus fuck, it wasn't even close to funny, ironic or humorous. Her brand of humor reminds me of those people who still think saying "I'll buy that for a dollar!" is hilarious.

By: Firas

Firas — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 09:41:26 -0800

Next time I make a facetious statement on my blog, I'm going to make sure it passes Kevin's exacting standards for biting humour.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 10:14:29 -0800

Firas writes "Next time I make a facetious statement on my blog, I'm going to make sure it passes Kevin's exacting standards for biting humour." Throw in some boobies, vomiting and a fart joke or two and you're golden.

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 13:32:58 -0800

Don't forget to include a plate of poo, too.